Disclaimer: I don't own Subaru, Seishirou, and X. They're owned by CLAMP.
Misc. Notes: I was rereading X/11 and I got the inspiration for this one. It was good, because I've been dying for inspiration for a while. sweatdrop I'm not sure how to describe it... it's more of a compilation of Subaru-kun's thoughts. Also, some inspiration from the Subaru drama character file thing.
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Are you still looking for Sakurazukamori?
Grandmother.
...Just take care of yourself, please.
Your life has meaning, too...
Does it?
I had become a different person after Hokuto's death. I had lost something inside of me, and that hole was were Hokuto used to be. And instead, because of the emptiness, I filled that cavity with something else. With a whole different person.
I lost my selflessness, my innocence, my naivete. My bright wardrobe and my polite, shy and quiet demeanor. I started wearing all black. I even cut my hair.
I had lost the emotion some call sorrow, sadness...
I had become someone else. But at the same time, I was still me.
He changed me.
I saw him again, the person I was looking for. The Sakurazukamori. Sakurazuka Seishirou. The person I vowed to kill, to avenge my sister's death...
I tried to forget him. I tried to empty out the spot where he was in my heart. But Seishirou wasn't dead like Hokuto. I found it wasn't as easy. In fact... it was impossible.
I tried everything. I didn't want to remember him. I didn't want to remember all the pain he had caused me, the hurt, the heartbreak. Any of it.
But I did.
I started smoking. I started building up my powers. I had thrown away my dreams of becoming a caretaker in a zoo. I just wanted to defeat him. Seishirou-san...
I saw him again.
And... he hadn't changed a bit. The smile, the personality, the attitude. The only small thing that differed was the fact that he was no longer wearing his veterinarian coat ... well, of course, as he wasn't even a real veterinarian like he'd told me...
I hadn't made any difference in his life.
I was just another object.
After all, he had told me so. He'd said that breaking my arm... it was no different from breaking a glass.
"Subaru-kun." He had smiled at me, the same smile he had nine years before.
Nothing. Nothing I could do would make him change. I was nothing to him.
He said he'd kill me. He almost succeeded. I hadn't fought back. But why? Why didn't he kill me? It was the perfect opportunity, and he didn't take it. Was it because... I wasn't worth killing? That he saw me as even less meaningful than an object, than those corpses he'd murdered for his sakura tree?
Nothing.
Only a lost and ailing heart... could dwell on just one person... ...Seishirou-san...