Anime/Manga : Naruto

Pairing : Uchiha Itachi/Haruno Sakura

Chapter : 1

Genre : One-shot / Romance / (Poetry?)

Status: Completed

Words: 1,803

Published: 06-24-2010

Updated : 06-24-2010

Disruption

Sometimes, I wonder if I did the right thing.

I left my village.

I became a missing-nin.

I fought against those who were once my friends.

I healed the man whom I once despised and feared.

I fell in love with this same man.

And all of this...I did it for someone of no real importance.

Uchiha Sasuke.

I remember the day I met him. No, not Sasuke.

Him, the man whom I love.

Him, the man who is nothing but a murderer.

Him, the man who betrayed his village, his family, his friends.

Him, the man who fascinates me.

Uchiha Itachi.

I had been a missing-nin for three months. It was then that I met him.

I had just fought and killed four Sound-nins. I had been hit by a kunai. I was covered with blood. The Sound-nins' blood, of course. I was smeared with dirt and mud. That day, it was raining. The rain felt nice and cool against my skin. It washed away the blood.

When I saw him, he looked as imposing and noble as always. He stood, straight as a ramrod, in his long Akatsuki cloak. His ruby eyes stared at me. For the first time, I felt no fear in front of him, and I dared to look in his eyes. They were pretty.

Sometimes, I wonder if I did the right thing.

I helped her.

I let her stay by my side.

I let her touch me. She could have hurt me.

I let her heal my eyes. She could have make me totally blind.

I let her breathe the same air as me.

I let her fall in love with me.
And I fell in love too.

I remember the day I met her.

Actually, I had seen her before. When she was a Genin.
She had been nothing at that time.
When I really met her, she was eighteen.

She was covered with blood and mud. She was not a pretty sight.

But her ridiculously pink hair still managed to catch one's attention.

In this case, my attention.

I had observed her. She had fought Sound-nins. She had done quite a good job at breaking their bones and crushing their brains. It was brutal. It was disgusting. But it was also beautiful and fascinating. Because she did it all with light and graceful movements. I liked her way of fighting.

When she finally noticed me, she stared at me. It had been a long time since someone actually dared to look in the Sharingan.

My sight was blurry but as her pink hair, her eyes stood out. They were ensnaring.

And a foolish thought flashed in my head. Emerald and Ruby match each other pretty well.

I have spent one year by his side, now.

I still feel inferior compared to him. Even his posture, his steps, his voice...everything seems to be more dignified when it comes to him. After all, I am no one but Haruno Sakura. And he...he is Uchiha Itachi. Murderer or not, he has the noble blood of the Uchiha Clan running in his veins. I am nothing.

But I'm greedy. I've always been greedy. Since I was a child, I've always wanted what I couldn't have. When I was twelve, I was still trying to obtain Sasuke. Now, as I am nineteen, I want to capture Itachi. But it's not the same. Because catching Uchiha Itachi's attention is a much more difficult task. It's like asking for the moon. How ironic, I also love the moon...

And I keep telling Itachi that I love him. Everyday, every hour, every minute, I keep telling him that I love him. I don't necessarily tell him with words. He understands. I can glance at him or just smile, or stare, he knows what I mean. But he acts as if he didn't know. Sometimes, if he's a bit tired, he lets his guard down and acknowledges my feelings. He never returns them.

But once, he actually uttered the word « love ». It was strange, to hear that word coming from his mouth. That time, he only told me : « I cannot love ». Not so strange after all...But I keep hoping that one day, he will let this word slip out of his mouth once again, and that, this very day, he'll actually say : « I can love ». And preferably, I would like for my name to be at the end of this sentence.

I have spent one year by her side, now.

She's still as talkative as before. Loud. Nosey. Annoying.

Sometimes, I wonder how she can be so...bright. Her time spent with me doesn't seem to have affected her personality. It's a pity. She should behave with more dignity. She should be more graceful when walking and talking. She should be more serious. More reserved. More cautious.

But I like this part of her. It's quite entertaining. Because I like seeing her trip on a root. Stumble on a tiny rock. Stagger because she completely depleted her chakra by healing me. It's...endearing. She shows her weaknesses in front of me. It doesn't shame her. It doesn't bother her. She trusts me. I've always wanted for someone to trust me. Sasuke did. But now...now, it is too late to explain everything to him. Missing-nins don't trust each other. Kisame and I had a pretty amicable relationship. But Sakura trusts me. It is different.

Actually, it is far more complicated. It is not that she trusts me because I'm her only friend. It's because she likes me. I say "likes" but ... she would probably say « loves ». But it doesn't matter. There isn't any difference for me between « like » and « love ». Both words mean nothing to me. Everyday she annoys me. She repeatedly tells me that she loves me. But I don't understand what she means by that. I can't understand what feelings she's trying to express. I can't understand how her heart feels. I listen to her. But I don't understand a word of what she's saying. It doesn't matter. She keeps saying it. One day, I used her word « love ». I told her : « I cannot love ». She just stared at me. She was focused on my lips. I turned away. She just said « It doesn't matter. I'll wait until you can ». And that was all.

I know who he is. And I know who I am. But I like deluding myself.

I like thinking that, perhaps...perhaps all of this is nothing but a dream. A big, big dream. And that one day, I'll wake up. And realise that I'm not a kunoichi. And that Itachi is not a shinobi, nor a murderer. And that he loves me.

I like deluding myself, because it's proof that I'm slowly- slowly, very slowly, but surely going mad. And I like this idea. Because I think Itachi is mad too. And perhaps, if I become mad, I'll be able to understand how Itachi thinks. If I become mad, perhaps we'll be able to understand each other. Perhaps, he'll finally understand me. And perhaps I'll be able to make him understand who he is to me. And sometimes, I think I'm already mad.

I think...the first time I realized I was mad was when I realized I had fallen in love with Itachi. At that time, I knew I had become someone else. Because Haruno Sakura loved Uchiha Sasuke. Haruno Sakura couldn't love Uchiha Itachi. So, if someone loved Uchiha Itachi, it was definitely not Haruno Sakura. It was as simple as that. It was like resolving an equation.

Haruno Sakura is A. Uchiha Sasuke is B. Love is C.

A + B = C.

Uchiha Itachi is D.

X + D = C

Who is X ?

I tried hard to resolve the equation. But no one I knew could fit in. No one. But me. And slowly, the equation A + D = C began to replace A + B = C. And soon the equations swirling in my head were all revolving around D.

I am a practical person. Everyone knows that. I've always been the most intelligent in Team7. The brain, if one could say it like that. But since I met Itachi, my brain has been obstructed by this little D that fits in any equation I think about. I feel like a machine that suddenly died. A machine that is now useless.

I know who she is. And I know who I am. But I like deluding myself.

I know I am Uchiha Itachi, missing-nin, murderer.

I know she is Haruno Sakura, missing-nin, Tsunade's apprentice, medic-nin.

I know she likes healing people. I know she likes the sun, even though she keeps saying that she prefers the moon. And I know she would rather die than let me die.
But I also know that I have killed countless people. And that I wouldn't hesitate to kill her if she betrayed me. As for that last thought, I don't know if it's because I'm ruthless or if it's because I care too much. Would I kill her because I don't mind killing someone, or because I would mind her betraying me?

I don't know anymore. Since I've met her, my thoughts keep becoming weirder and weirder. Even I can't understand my own thoughts. It's eerie. It's unsettling. I feel like I've become someone else. It's like my brain doesn't belong to me any longer. I don't like it. I've always been the « genius ». Even Madara says that I've always amazed him. I like thinking that I'm cold and unfeeling, because so far, it is what helped me to become what I am now. One of the best shinobis. I rely on my brain to fight. While people give in their desires, I stand there, watching them lunge at me, and I think. While people are craving for my blood, wanting for me to be dead, I think. I think, and then I strike. It doesn't take much effort. It's much more efficient that way.

But she has disrupted my thoughts. And I don't know how to make it return to the way it was.

But sometimes, as I catch his glance, I find myself smiling.

But, sometimes, as I see her staring at me, I find myself staring back.

And sometimes, when he's tired enough to let his guard back, he smiles back.

And sometimes, when she's fast asleep , I scoot closer and stay by her side until she wakes up.

On those rare occasions, I feel like I've actually caught the moon.

On those rare occasions, I let her head rest on my shoulder and stare at her face.