"Why do you ask, Sirius?" James tilts his head to the side interested.
"No reason." Sirius mutters and pouts, feeling the uneasy feeling in his gut intensify.
Truthfully there is a reason.
"I don't really wanna tell you about that." James hums and his ears turn bright red.
Sirius raises his eyebrows. Other two fifteen year olds that are also in the room raise their heads to look at the Potter boy.
Sirius nods solemnly.
"You, Peter?" He tries, ignoring the weird response he got from James.
"Really?" Peter's answer is borderline sarcastic and the boy turns his head back to the Potions' essay he is writing.
James and Sirius exchange humorous looks, while Remus frowns disapprovingly at them.
"Moony?" Sirius asks finally getting to the real purpose of this conversation. His voice sounds almost fearful to him and he is hoping that the others don't catch on.
"Heh." Remus chuckles. "James, it was James."
Sirius' eyes almost drop out of their sockets. He turns quickly to James, who's now all red as a tomato.
"We agreed not to tell anyone!" The tomato boy exclaims indignantly.
"It's just Sirius, who is he going to tell?" Remus shrugs calmly and turns his attention back to the book in his lap.
"Wait!" Sirius almost growls. "What do you mean?!"
Remus meets his friend's stare and quirks one eyebrow at his reaction.
"Last Christmas' holiday. James accidentally bumped into me in the dark." Remus explains shortly.
"And?" Sirius all but yells, utterly terrified.
"And we apparently had the luck of bumping into each other under a mistletoe." Remus laughs easily.
"Moony, how can you be so nonchalant about this?" James whines and hides his face in his hands.
"I'm guessing it was your first kiss too, then." Peter interjects with a mocking glint in his eyes.
James mumbles something that none of them can make out.
"It was an enchanted mistletoe, Padfoot, it was either that or being stuck there until morning and possibly being covered in measles or something." Remus explains further upon seeing Sirius stare at him disbelievingly.
"You're…you're… you're-" Sirius mutters disoriented, the understanding of what he's hearing finally dawning on him.
"James is completely horrible at that by the way." Moony teases grinning widely.
"I'm not! And what can you tell, anyways! It was only a peck!" James says outraged and completely embarrassed at the same time.
"Exactly. And yet I somehow ended up with your saliva all over my face." Remus muses.
"Gross." Peter says monotonously.
Sirius shuts them out.
He watches as the werewolf boy laughs animatedly and bickers with the other two, taking in his slightly scrawny frame and bright golden eyes.
Sirius had overheard a conversation about this girl in their D.A.D.A. class getting her first boyfriend. And he started thinking about firsts. About how there were many that were still left to him in that field.
Then his thoughts had at one point somehow jumped to Moony. He didn't know how, but they did. And then he suddenly wanted to know about Moony's firsts. And how much of them were still left. And if not all of them, then where he had left them. With whom. When. Why.
And then he just had to ask.
Though at this particular moment he somehow wishes he didn't.
For he feels something is stolen from him and it makes his skin crawl with this uncomfortable feeling.
He doesn't want any other firsts of Moony's to be given away.
The following week Sirius kisses a girl. A nameless ravenclaw for all he cares. He almost skips back to the dorm where he knows Remus would be and smiles at the boy.
He boasts in the loudest, proudest, most stuck up and annoying manner he can pull off about the deed done and watches the boy's reaction carefully.
"Congrats, Padfoot. What's her name?" Remus smiles calmly, putting the book down and looking at Sirius.
"What do you mean, 'what's her name'?" Sirius replies completely appalled.
"Uh…" Remus scratches the back of his head, confused.
"What kind of a reaction is that?" Sirius spits out resentfully.
What the hell does Moony mean with his 'congrats'?
Does he think Sirius kissed that stupid bird to… to…
"I'm not quite sure I know what you want me to say." Remus shifts under angry grey eyes uncomfortably, at a loss as to how he is supposed to react.
"Are you an idiot?!" Sirius huffs impatiently and from the look he is given, he suddenly knows that the art of jealousy is completely beyond his limits, while the art of pissing Moony off he has mastered without even noticing.
"Sirius, what do you expect me to say?" Remus repeats and raises one eyebrow frowning.
Sirius thinks about the response he expected to get and decides that he's probably better off not saying it out loud.
"I don't know."He murmurs quietly instead and takes one more glance at the amber eyes which are looking at him with a mixture of annoyance and confusion.
He then leaves the room with his head down and feeling like he just left something important unsaid.
That's the first time Sirius is truly aware of what it is he wants from Moony.
It's also the first time he begins to suspect that it might just be out of his reach.