I can't believe I've written this since I haven't read or written any fanfic in five years. But here goes. My take on how Lindsay and Danny celebrate their 10 year anniversary, based on a story I wrote about their wedding night called Wedding Bells & Bullet Holes. Unbeta'd.
"When will you be home?"
Danny's text chirped on Lindsay's phone just as she was unlocking their front door. She dropped the bags of groceries she'd been carrying by the entrance and didn't notice the complete darkness until she tripped over the shoes left by the door.
Not only was it dark, it was abnormally quiet. Normally their house was bright and bustling with the energy of two kids and all the trappings that came along with them. Before Lindsay could flick the light switches and call for Danny, music started playing from their sound system.
It took a moment for Lindsay to recognize the chords of the song, Sway by The Perishers, and another slow moment to connect to its importance. It was the same song she and Danny had danced to the night of their courthouse wedding. She smiled at the memory of that day, of this song, but she was confused about what was going on. Their ten year anniversary was tomorrow and they had plans to go into the city for dinner, the kids would stay with Danny's mom. So what was happening now?
"Hey, Mrs. Messer," Danny spoke quietly as he emerged from the shadows.
"Hey," She wanted to ask him what this was all about but before she could say anything Danny pulled her into the circle of his arms. He felt like he always did - warm and solid and like he was made just for her.
Resting her head on his shoulder, she immediately relaxed into a languid dance with Danny. Through the darkness, she noticed an ice bucket on the living room table that held a bottle of sparking cider. The same cider they'd had at their wedding when she'd been pregnant and unable to partake in a traditional champagne toast. Next to it was a single cupcake from her favorite bakery in the city, the same one they'd eaten instead of a wedding cake all those years ago.
From their place in the middle of the room, surrounded by rare quiet and the intoxicating warmth of Danny, Lindsay let the music take her back to that day. How overwhelmed she'd been at being pregnant, becoming a mother, packing for Montana. How surprised she'd been at Danny's proposal at in the small City Hall hallway, seeing Mac and Stella waiting in the room. How undeniably certain she was that Danny was the man for her.
As she and Danny slowly swayed to the music, her eyes wandered to the large family photo above their fireplace from a trip to Montauk they'd gone on with Mac and Christine. After a day of hiking and BBQ, they'd settled at the beach to watch the sunset. Lindsay was curled next to Danny with a child alongside each of them. They looked like the Hallmark version of family perfection. Mac had snapped the photo without them realizing and then given them the framed photo as a Christmas gift later that year.
That was a couple of years ago. Lucy was a full-blown teenager now, and getting her to snuggle next to anyone let alone sit down for picture was practically impossible, seemingly always on the phone or texting or FaceTiming one friend or another. As much as Lindsay would tell her to put the phone down, she didn't bother her too much about it. She remembered what it was like to be a teenager. She also knew how precious – and sometimes how delicate – young friendships could be.
Louie still had a few years before he hit that stage and they still enjoyed childish, tender moments with him. They'd named him after Danny's brother and he appropriately had a lot of the Messer spirit – stubborn, strong, loyal. When the doctor handed him to her in the delivery room, wrapped in a bundle, she was overwhelmed with emotion. The love that burst open inside her that day - for a second time – was indescribable. He'd grown handsomely into his oval face, shock of black curly hair, his father's narrow lips, and her big brown eyes.
Lindsay's gaze shifted to the loveseat across from the fireplace that she and Danny often sat in when they had a moment alone and caught up on life - how Lucy would start driving soon, the boy she'd spending a lot of time with, carpool plans for the weekend.
That was their life now since they moved out of the city just before Louie's first birthday. Lindsay sometimes missed the fastness of the city, the energy, so much life packed into one place. Especially in the Spring. Nothing changed the mood of the city like the weather - with just a little bit of sun people poured out of their tiny apartments. But Lindsay loved the rhythm of their life now. They'd settled into the grooves of their marriage and could communicate with a silent shorthand that came only with years of familiarity. The chaos of breakfast in the morning, getting the kids off to school and themselves to work. Between the two of them they managed to go to every baseball game, dance class, field trip and everything in between.
They no longer worked together though. Danny was now the Director of the Westchester CSI Department. Lindsay often saw shades of Mac Taylor in him. The way he was equally compassionate and stern, how he seemed to know how to say the right thing at the right time. There had been some concerns about his temper when he was being considered for the role but Danny had calmed with age and time and children – though she still saw his undeniable edge – the flare in his eyes and terseness of his mouth when he was struggling with a case.
Mac was still a big part of their life and they saw him several times a year. He'd come by for dinner and visit with the kids or sometimes they'd meet up in the city and reminisce about the old days at the lab. He was happy with Christine, who he'd married in a quiet ceremony. Everyone from the lab was doing well. Adam finally found a woman who was his perfect match – who loved all his quirks - and followed her to San Francisco. The west coast seemed to suit him. Sheldon was now a professor at NYU and Lindsay could think of no better person to teach others about crime. Flack also got married and had twin boys. He and Jamie made the quintessential blue blood family. Lindsay had bawled when Sid lost his battle with cancer but he'd lived life to its fullest to the end.
Lindsay herself decided to be a crime victim counselor. It was not anything she had considered before but was drawn to it when she saw the job posting pop up in her email. Losing her friends the way she did, witnessing their deaths, continued to impact her life and was just as driven to make a difference for them now as she was when she decided to move to New York. Plus it was a more manageable schedule that gave her flexibility to be with her family.
Lindsay winced at how fast time moved. The years were flying by. In just a few years Lucy would be off to college and then not too long after that she and Danny would have an empty nest.
She'd been the best mother she knew how to be. She enjoyed her children so much that sometimes it overwhelmed her. A thirteen-year-old daughter in middle school had proven to be challenging. A son not too far from being a teenager himself meant a lot of change that was sometimes dizzying. They survived by enjoying the good moments and trying not to dwell on the bad.
She didn't know how, but she somehow had raised a fashionista. Lucy had so much more style and fashion sense than Lindsay ever had. They had some battles over makeup, and Danny refused to let her partake in the latest crop top trend, but as long as she contributed part of her allowance to her wardrobe Lindsay let her indulge. Lucy thought her father hung the moon for the most part and she saw the best parts of them mirrored in each other. Louie took more after – quietly determined, curious and even drawn to the outdoors and nature. He loved hearing stories about her childhood in Montana and they tried to visit every year.
Sometimes Lindsay worried about superficial things. Like how on some days no amount of makeup or moisturizer seemed to make a difference. How the lines around her mouth could no longer be classified as a laugh lines but more grooves. How it took more time than she'd like to lose the last ten pounds of weight she gained after Louie. But Danny only ever told her she was beautiful. No wonder she loved him so much.
Ten years in, Lindsay wouldn't call herself a marriage expert, far from it.
There was that one year – year number seven – where Lindsay questioned if they were going to make it. When the ebbs and flow of life and a relationship landed them in a distinct, dark valley. Overworked, overtired and overextended, they had worn themselves thin – not giving their relationship the time and attention it deserved. Plus divorce surrounded them that year. Every month one seemingly solid marriage crumbled – the neighbors, a coworker, even the mailman.
During that year, there were moments when she'd remember the way he'd been with Rikki. A small, shadowy version of herself worried that sometimes she'd been his second choice somehow, chosen her only because she'd gotten pregnant. But those thoughts were milliseconds in life. She'd studied his body language, looked for the signs of his retreat that she'd suffered all those years ago after Ruben died. But they never came. As bad as that year was, she fought - they'd fought – to keep their family together and became as strong as they'd ever been before.
"Lindsay? Lindsay?"
She had been so lost in her thoughts it took her a moment to realize Danny was talking to her. She smiled.
"Sorry. What did you say?"
"I've done some stupid things in my life but I want you to know that you're the one thing I did right."
Lindsay's throat tightened with emotion.
"You know how much I love you, right?" he whispered.
"I love you, too."
Sometimes Lindsay wished she loved Danny less. It would be less dangerous. But Danny was her best friend. The thing about friends is that they could piss you off and break your heart and everything in between, but at the darkest hours they were there holding you up, making you laugh. Everything felt so right in her world and she knew that whatever happened, whatever was in store for them next she would always have her best friend by her side making her feel like her world was wide open, like anything was possible.