14
The Saint Patty's Day Party
Beverly and Deanna entered in Ten-Forward and were in awe of Guinan's decorations for Saint Patrick's Day. Irish music was playing, green ale was served, and shamrocks were everywhere.
That night Data assisted Guinan at the bar and asked the two women, "What can I get for you ladies?"
"I guess I'll live dangerously for once and try one of those green ales," Beverly replied.
"And you, Counselor?"
"Hum. What else do you have that's in keeping with tradition?"
"Well, there's this," Data pulled out a vial of green liquid. "I recall Captain Scotty said it tasted like Irish whiskey and packed a real kick."
"Ugh! Looks worse than the green ale," Deanna commented. "Data, could you just make me one of your Sumerian Sunsets, please."
"I do not think that is in keeping with the Human tradition called Saint Patrick's Day."
"Data," Guinan suddenly scolded. "If a customer desires a Sunset, accommodate her. There's nothing wrong with drinking whatever you want even for this celebration."
"Not everyone likes green eggs and ham, Data," Beverly commented.
"Green eggs and ham?" Data asked puzzled. "That would imply the eggs are cover with mold."
"No, Data," Beverly informed. "I was making a reference to a story."
"I remember that story," Deanna stated. "My father used to read it to me when I was a girl. It was written by a doctor I believe."
"Suess," Beverly informed them. "That's who wrote it. Data check your databanks under Doctor Suess. I believe you will find a reference to him there."
Data scanned his memory quickly. "Ah! Doctor Suess, children's author of the mid to late twentieth century. He wrote many books some of which include "Sam I am", "Green Eggs and Ham", "I Can Say My A, B, C's Can You?", "What's In A Peo…"
"Yes, Data," Beverly interrupted. "They are all very good children's books, but can we please have our drinks?"
"Oh yes, of course."
"I thought he would never stop," Deanna said with relief as they turned away from the bar. "Beverly, when did Vash come aboard?"
"I'm not sure," Beverly replied confused.
"Well, I bet she's up to no good as usual."
"She had better not be," Beverly implied threateningly.
"Hello, ladies," Geordi said as he approached them.
"Hello, Geordi," they said in unison.
Data returned with Beverly and Deanna's drinks. He sat them on the bar in front of them then addressed Geordi, "What will it be Commander?"
"I'll have the House drink tonight, Data," Geordi replied.
"One green ale, coming up, Sir!" Data said enthusiastically.
"I'll have my usual celebration dessert, also, Data," Deanna ordered.
"Do you desire a lot of chocolate sauce?" Data asked, knowing her taste for chocolate.
"Of course, Data," Deanna replied teasingly. "You know I've never would dream of a chocolate sundae without a lot of chocolate sauce. It's what makes a sundae a sundae."
"In keeping with tradition of the green, would you like some mint chocolate chip ice cream," Data suggested.
"Oh, that sounds good!" Deanna exclaimed. "I'll have some of that with chocolate sauce."
"Make that two, Data," Beverly added, and then noticed the captain in Ten-Forward. "Jean-Luc is going over to her. She had better keep her claws out of him."
"Beverly," Deanna said, "I do believe you're jealous!"
"I am not!"
"Sure you're not." Deanna smiled at her doubtfully. "Eat your ice cream before the chocolate sauce mixes with melted mint chocolate chip."
Beverly frowned not liking the thought of Vash being aboard. She began to eat her ice cream, but continued to stare at Jean-Luc and Vash, and wondering why Vash was on the Enterprise.
-------------------
"So, how is life treating you lately, Vash?"
"Wonderful, Jean-Luc! I've been on several expeditions and barely missed dodging death. Q saved me, but almost let me die later. We ended our alliance, though. I couldn't stand his constantly breathing down my neck!"
"Well, you're here and I'm glad to see you again."
"Thank you, Jean-Luc," Vash replied. Then she said, "This green ale is really good. Compliments to your bartender."
"You can thank Guinan for that. Or at least it was her idea to serve green ale tonight."
"I'll have too," she smiled. Suddenly, people began dancing and she commented excitedly, "Oh, I had no idea people still did the Irish jig anymore!"
Jean-Luc turned to see O'Brien dancing, "Yes, O'Brien has talent."
As people continued to watch the people dancing, the doors to Ten-Forward opened and a little girl ran up to O'Brien. There was a teenager girl of about sixteen following her and insisting that she not be in Ten-Forward that time of night.
"Daddy, Mommy!" Molly cried as she ran from the teenagers grasp.
"Honey, you are supposed to be in bed asleep," Kieko informed the little girl.
"I can't sleep," Molly insisted. "There's a little man in my room."
"There are no little men," Miles stated emphatically.
"That's what you said about Rumpelstiltskin, Daddy!"
"Molly, I assure you," Miles began, but suddenly stopped when a short man, dressed in Irish like clothing appeared. Everyone in the room suddenly got quiet when they saw the strangely dressed man.
"I'm looking for a wee human," he angrily told everyone. "She attacked me and I want my revenge!"
"She should have grabbed his pot o' gold," Vash commented with a mischievous grin. "Guinan, I need a stiff drink please."
Noticing Vash's behaviour towards the little man, Picard turned to her and asked, "You know this man?"
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
"Try me," Picard insisted as he crossed his arms.
"Would you believe he is a leprechaun from the past?"
"No, they were nothing but fairy tales."
"Well, there's your fairy tale," Vash exclaimed as she gestured towards the elfish man. "Let's just say he's a relic I picked up on one of my expeditions."
"Really?" Picard asked doubtfully.
The leprechaun saw Molly and ran over to her. "How dare ye hit and kick me, wee human! Me thinks me should turn ye into a nymph!"
"Mommy!" Molly cried as she clung to Keiko.
"Just for that, I'm going to put a wee bit of a curse on you! Ye be cute as grasshopper larva!"
"NO!" Molly screamed as she clung tighter to her mother.
"Oh, Molly there's no such thing as curses," Miles insisted.
"Really?" the leprechaun asked. "If ye believes that, then how's about I turn you into a donkey?"
"Mister, um…" Picard stammered, "What is you're name?"
"The name's McGillicutty and I'd be a wee little leprechaun."
"I'm sure you are just enjoying the fun we are having today," Picard replied. "Now, tell me, where are you really from?"
"Why I be from Ireland, me boy!"
Picard was not too accustomed to being called boy and was taken aback for a moment. He was not sure if the man was legitimate or not, but decided to play along with his game and finally replied, "Ireland? It's a lovely country."
"That it be!"
"Guinan, I'll have that stiff drink now," Vash reminded her as she also observed the situation in Ten-Forward.
"Green ale?"
"No, how about the green stuff I heard Scotty fondly talked about."
"Yes, Ma'am."
"And just bring the bottle," She called after her. "I'm going to need it."
"Ah, there's the lovely lady who caught me. She a fast one that she is," McGillacutty informed everyone. "I do believe I still owe you three wishes."
"I'd rather be subjected a Cardy tyrant," Vash ruefully retorted.
"Is that your first wish, me lady?"
"Are you a runt?" She sneered as she snatched his pipe from him.
"Hey, give me back me pipe! I can't believe she treats me like that and after I promised 'er three wishes, too! I'm insulted and humiliated!" He waved his hands and a Cardassian appeared suddenly.
"How? What? When?" He straightened himself to his full height and asked, "What kind of trickery is this?"
"I assure ye, it's no trickery me boy," McGillacutty insisted. "Twas me lady's wish."
"What is this little man?" The Cardassian asked as he gestured at his new surroundings. "Is he from one of your munchkin stories?"
"Just the luck o' the Irish, I'd say that ye arrived 'ere," the sprite stated. "And I'm not munchkin; I'm a wee little leprechaun that I be."
Vash was now on her third shot of the green stuff. She downed it very quickly, just as she had the two glasses before and poured herself another.
"If I weren't the captain, I'd join her," Picard thought. "I can't believe this is happening. I half expect Q to board my ship any minute too."
"Jean-Luc," Beverly began to report, "From my readings, this man is thousands of years old."
"She's right, Sir," Geordi concurred as he also scanned the little man.
"Mommy, this little man scares me," cried a frightened Molly. "I don't like his pointy ears or his scary size. He reminds me of Rumplestiltskin."
"Well, she is just a child," the leprechaun said more gently. "Truth be told, I would not wish to be associated with that dreadful little creature. Here's a little symbol of me forgiveness for ye kicking me, me darlin'."
"Mister McGillicutty, obviously you don't belong here and if I knew how, I would send you back to your own time," Picard stated.
"Oh me boy, ye can't send me back," the leprechaun informed Picard as he suddenly produced a shamrock and gave it to Molly. "De dear laudy 'as to wish it."
"Look Mommy!" Molly said with a smile. "He gave me a four leaf clover!"
"Not only is there a wonderful story behind the clover, but that one will bring ye luck, me dear," he informed her. "Sorry I scared de willies out of ye, me darlin'."
"This is rubbish!" Miles exclaimed suddenly. "Don't be fillin' my daughter's mind with yesterday's worthless nonsense!"
"I agree," Worf boomed.
"I believe me ears, a fellow Irish man calling what I say rubbish! See if this is rubbish!" The Leprechaun exclaimed as he raised his hands.
Worf growled at the little guy, and then suddenly he popped out of Ten-Forward. Quiet murmurs came from people in Ten-Forward as they wondered where Worf had disappeared to and if he was alright.
"I wish to be returned immediately!" The Cardassian demanded. "I don't know how you beamed me off my ship, but I insist you return me now!"
"Ah, Sire. I can not," McGillicutty stated. "Me mistress hasn't wished it."
"Well, your mistress had better wish it before I kill you, you deformed Human."
"Ah, but Sire, I'm not yer average Human," McGillicutty insisted.
"I see that, you little midget!" The Cardassian growled.
Vash stumbled out of Ten-Forward with the bottle of green liquid as she muttered, "I can't stand much more of this."
"Midget? Well, me thinks it's time for the demons to strike and mame ye!"
"OW!" The Cardassian screamed as he grabbed his leg in pain. "The little troll didn't even touch, but yet he hurt my leg!"
"Sir," Will inquired of the captain, "Shall I try to find Worf or just have security escort these two gentlemen out of Ten-Forward?"
"No, I'd like to see what happens next, but let's keep a close watch on them both," then Picard turned to the Cardassian. "Until we get this mess straightened out, why don't you enjoy our hospitality here in Ten-Forward."
"Got any Kanar?" The Cardassian requested finally.
"Well, no, but I'm sure Guinan can find something to your liking," Picard offered.
"Let us hope so," The Cardassian replied irritated as he took a seat.
"Counselor, stay with the two of them and keep them calm."
"Yes, Captain."
"Oh, and you might want to help keep an eye on Molly," Picard warned.
"What for, Sir?" She asked in confusion.
"Oh, just rumours I have heard about leprechauns playing pranks on those they think they can teach a lesson to."
Deanna was puzzled, "Rumours? I'm not sure I've heard of them."
Beverly stepped up beside Deanna and addressed Picard, "Myths, I'm sure, Captain."
"Maybe so, but just in case… Right now, I have to find one of our guests. It appears she has left the room. In the meantime, Will, make arrangements to beam our Cardassian guest back to whatever ship he came from," Picard stated as Will nodded. When he had exited Ten-Forward he inquired, "Computer, can you give me the location of Vash. She's a Human guest aboard the ship."
Picard realized he did not have to say the last and felt a little silly. "Seems silliness is the order of the day," He thought to himself. "How does a leprechaun make people appear and disappear? I don't remember any of that in what I've read about them."
"She is in the Captain's quarters."
Picard was shocked, "How the bloody hell did she get into my quarters?"
"Unknown," the computer replied flatly.
He recomposed himself and headed to his quarters. The doors slid open and Vash was still drinking the green drink when he entered the room.
That did not come as a shock to him. What did come to a shock to him was Vash completely naked and lying on his bed.
"Oh, Jean-Luc, I knew you would come!" She slurred happily.
"Vash what the hell are you doing?"
She sat up drunkenly as she asked, "How long has it been since we've had a little fun, Jean-Luc?"
"Vash, I don't think this is the time," he stepped into his sleeping area as he spoke.
"Oh, Jean-Luc, after all the stress I've been through lately, I need some fun. I'd love to have some fun with you."
She ran a hand over his chest, but he quickly pushed it aside, "Vash, this is not the time..."
"Why not, Jean-Luc?" She asked drunkenly. "It's a day of celebration and who better to celebrate with and take my mind off of all the strange things that are happening than you?" Then she pulled him close to her and kissed him lustfully.
He could smell and taste the green alcoholic drink on her breath. He pushed her away as he said, "Really Vash, now is not the time."
She stroked his face passionately. Then she grabbed is collar and jerked him back to herself. "Yes, it is, my dear sweet Jean-Luc."
The chime rung to his relief and he turned towards the door. "Who could that be?"
It rung again and Vash released him as she fell backwards onto his bed with a drunken sigh, "Better go check it out. They don't seem to be going away."
"Put your clothes back on," he ordered as he strolled over to the door and to his surprise he saw it was Beverly at his door.
"Jean-Luc, is everything alright?" Beverly asked as she entered his quarters.
"Um… Yes, it's quite alright," he replied nervously.
"You seem uncomfortable."
"I'm fine, Beverly."
"Jean-Luc, Jaime' te," Vash purred.
Her attempt at French was terrible and Jean-Luc cringed at the words she spoke because he knew Beverly had to know their meaning.
"Jean-Luc, did I hear Vash?" Beverly asked curiously.
"Well, um…"
Beverly headed in the direction she thought she had heard the voice coming from a second ago.
"Jean-Luc!"
"Beverly, it's not what you're thinking."
"She's drunk, in your bed, and naked," Beverly observed with her arms crossed in front of her. "What am I suppose to think?"
"Honestly, Beverly, she was here before I got here."
"Yes and I'm wondering if the truth is she is actually nak-kid and you are both up to something," she told him with a hint of jealous accusation. "What am I suppose to think?"
"Oh, God!" Vash suddenly moaned. "I think I'm going to be sick!"
"I'm trying to get her out of here, Beverly."
"Really? Then why is she nakkid?"
"Will you stop that?" Picard almost shouted.
"Stop what?" Beverly inquired coyly.
"Inferring that we're up to something," Picard insisted.
Vash ran to the bathroom and the contents of her stomach rushed out of her.
"Beverly, could you please help her and then get her out of here for me?"
Vash stumbled back to Jean-Luc's bed. Once there she unceremoniously fell unconscious onto his bed.
"Well, it doesn't look like there's much I can do," Beverly stated as she watched Vash.
Jean-Luc saw Vash prostrated on his bed and insisted, "She can't stay here all night!"
"Looks like you're stuck with her, Jean-Luc," Beverly stated invidiously.
Just then the leprechaun popped into the captain's quarters and Jean-Luc jumped with a start.
"What the devil are you doing here?" Picard asked angrily.
"The Cardy was about to kill me! I had to go some where," the little man insisted. "For safety reasons ye know."
"He's not here even for an hour and he's already calling Cardassians by a slang name," Beverly whispered. Then she started for the door.
"Beverly," Jean-Luc quickly called after her, "Please, don't go."
"I really don't have time to deal with this," Beverly insisted.
"And I'd rather deal with this?"
"That's not what I meant, Jean-Luc!"
"I'd rather have her and this dwarf out of here!"
"Dwarf! When will ye humans stop insulting me?" The leprechaun asked angrily. "Surely de O'Brien's will hopefully be more hospitable to me and most likely have some good whisky. Especially once they realize I am not a myth! I'm out of here!"
"Even better," Beverly stated with a smile when the sprite vanished. "Now I really must go. I can't stay here."
"Beverly, honestly, it was not what it looked like."
"Oh really?"
"Really."
"Now why don't I believe that?"
"Beverly, I don't know how I can prove to you that nothing happened here."
She looked into his eyes and could tell he was hurt that she thought he had been up to something with Vash, but now she knew she was wrong. "Oh Jean-Luc, I'm sorry. If there is one thing you are not, it's a liar, but I know that you and she…" She paused for a moment. "I know you are in love with her."
"At one time I may have been, but my thoughts keep going back to one person," he paused because he was not sure he should tell her how he felt. "Beverly, I can't tell you how I feel, but I can tell you that nothing was going on better Vash and me. At least I wasn't going to let anything happen."
Somehow she just knew he was referring to her, but he was not going to say it. He was hiding behind his command again, instead of revealing his true feeling for her. She knew he loved her ever since they had a mental attachment to each other a few years ago and his feelings for her had not changed.
"Oh, Jean-Luc, I'm so sorry!" She did not know what had possessed her, but she suddenly kissed him.
"I told you de luck o' the Irish be with ye!" The leprechaun stated when he suddenly popped back into Picard's quarters and saw the two of them kissing.
"Mister McGillicutty…" Picard said with a stern voice.
"Yes sir?"
"Get out!"
"Oh be that way!" Then he popped back out of Picard's quarters.
"He's as bad as Q!" Picard noted.
"Yes, but in a strange sort of way, he is sort of cute," Beverly stated. "For a little elf."
"What do you say we get some clothes on Vash and take her to her quarters?" Picard asked.
"Agreed," Beverly smiled. "But I have a better idea."
"What's that?" Jean-Luc asked.
"Why don't we leave the leprechaun and Vash here?" She asked with a playful smile.
"Where do you propose we go that Mister McGillicutty will not appear?" He inquired as he smiling back at her.
"We could go to my quarters for the night," she said coyly.
"Yes, but that still leaves the noisy, but rather spirited, sprite."
"And the Cardassian," Beverly added as she brushed her lips across his.
"Yes," Picard agreed thoughtfully as he returned some of her attention. "I could have Will take care of the Cardassian as soon as he finds the man's ship. I'm sure he can handle beaming the Cardassian over and all."
"Sounds like a plan," Beverly agreed. "Now let's go before one of us changes our minds."
"Agreed."
Beverly and Jean-Luc left his quarters. Vash was still out cold on Jean-Luc's bed and the leprechaun continued to hide in the captain's quarters.
"He, he, he, he," Mister McGillicutty laughed as he popped back into Picard's quarters. "Leave it to a wee little leprechaun to get two people who love each other together. Now to see about me mistress and grant her the last two wishes I owe her, so that I can go home."