A/N: Written for the 10shakespeare community on Livejournal.
Nay, faith, let me not play a woman; I have a beard coming.
--Flute, Act I, scene ii
Cinna jabbed the rafters fruitlessly with a broom handle. Zidane had been up there for well over an hour, resisting all efforts to coax him down--up to and including Baku turning purple with rage and literally head butting the wall in an attempt to knock Zidane free from his perch. But that tail of his was wrapped tightly around the rafter, and the boy's arms had proven themselves as capable of clutching wood as they were stealing heaps of treasure.
"Just do it for Ruby," Marcus grumbled from where he was seated on the floor, half-costumed. Their star, and, well only actress had taken ill that morning and her voice could be generously described as being like that of a bullfrog. A bullfrog, of course, could be heard for half a league away, but Ruby's croak scarcely carried past the bed. They could deal with a frog princess for a night, but only if the audience could actually hear her.
And thus, they turned to the only member of the Tantalus who could possibly wear a dress.
"Naw-uh! No way, no how, not gonna happen!" Zidane hissed petulantly.
"Kid, yer gonna get your monkey butt out of that rafter and into this dress right now or you're gonna be seeing stars!" Baku snatched the broom handle from Cinna and swung it as hard as he could at Zidane's fingers. Zidane loosened his grip on the rafter in time for the wooden handle to smash the spot where his hands were. The wooden handle snapped apart with an accompanying flurry of splinters. Unshaken, he stuck his tongue out at his boss and swiftly gripped the rafter again.
"Have Blank do it," he quipped.
Cinna shook his hammer. "His ugly mug is no good to play the princess! We'll be run out of town!"
"What are you talkin'," Blank cut in. "I'm good looking!"
"Yeah," Zidane piped in. "He's a real looker!"
"Damn right I'm a real look--sheez, Zidane!" Blank flicked his headband back and looked at him square in the eye. "I know what you're pulling."
"Almost fell for it," Zidane sighed, resting his chin on the rafter. They were at an impasse. Several long minutes passed while the Tantalus stared down Zidane and he wordlessly refused to budge. No man would make him wear silk and lace today.
"Why won't you do it," Cinna whined. "I thought you liked girls, Zidane!"
"I like girls, I don't dress like them!" he whined back. "Besides, I've decided to grow a goatee."
"A goatee," Baku replied, cocking an eyebrow. "Kiddo, you're thirteen. Yer lucky if you've got a mole with a hair on it!"
"Yeah boss, a goatee! All the chicks dig 'em these days. Once it comes in, I'll head out to the business district and be all 'heyy ladies free--'"
He was cut off by Princess Cornelia's tiara whizzing through the air and hitting him smack in the forehead. Ruby hobbled into the room, her face flushed with sickness and anger. The boys stayed quiet.
"Zidane you stubborn ol' mule!" she croaked. Cinna, Marcus, and Blank backed up against the wall. "Why in tarnation can't you set aside your pride for a couple hours and do this for me an' the boys?"
"But..." he feebly began to retort.
"Git down off that rafter, hon, and let me fix your hair."
Zidane hesitated.
"And as soon as I get better you can take me to that new ice cream place in town," she added.
With that, Zidane unwound his tail and let loose his death grip on the wooden rafter. He leapt to the floor and casually stretched as if he hadn't spent the past hour driving the Tantalus out of their skulls. Baku inarticulately mimed choking the living daylights out of Zidane. Meanwhile, Zidane rubbed the seat of his pants, and offhandedly remarked that his butt had been getting sore. Zidane flashed a grin and a wave at Blank as Ruby led him out of the room by the elbow and toward the dressing room.
Once the door shut, Blank crossed his arms and grunted. "...Shoulda worn the dress after all."