Konnichiwa, Minna!
Tis I, Shinigami Goddess!
Characters do not belong to
me.
I'm surprised I wrote this,
and I don't know why I wrote this, but enjoy!
It's weird.
~*~
It was stifling hot in the
room. It was the uncomfortable kind of
heat that made you itch and want to kill the person next to you for touching
you. But that wasn't allowed here. You aren't allowed to kill, I mean.
I sighed and swirled my
drink with my straw, then took a sip.
It was gross and tasted like shit, but I didn't care. You don't drink alcohol to drink, you drink
alcohol to forget, and that was precisely what I was doing. Trying to do.
I was trying to forget him,
the perfect soldier, Heero Yuy. I heard
the man next to me curse and get up to leave, but I ignored him; he wasn't
important anyway. I sighed and took a
gulp of the amber liquid. I gagged, but
somehow managed to keep it down. I
think that was my hint to stop drinking this shit, so I pushed the glass away
and ordered a different drink, "One with more alcohol please?"
I could still remember the
day we split up. It broke my heart,
leaving, and by the time I was in my car I was sobbing full out. I couldn't even start my car and all I could
think of was 'Let this be a dream, a nightmare.'
Of course, it wasn't a
dream.
I drove home in a daze. Everything seemed…unreal. I thought that happiness was mine, that I
finally had everything I've ever wanted and hoped for in my grasp…and then
suddenly, it's ripped away from me. It
was like getting a bucket of ice water thrown on me.
The strangest thing is, that
was so long ago. I know I should be
over it by now, but it's hard to get over the person you believed to be your
soul mate, ya know? And so, here I am,
twenty-two years young and on the road to becoming a manic-depressive. Of course, no one knows, not even my closest
friends. Goes to show you how fucked up
all your other relationships are when you get dumped like a bad habit.
I don't know if he knew how
much that hurt, but I'm willing to bet he did.
But I would never know if he did or not. I would never know because I could never see past those midnight
blue eyes. They were so beautiful, so
entrancing that when I even tried, I would get caught, be stuck and just want
to be held. I would always forget all
arguments and complaints I might've had, just to stare into those eyes…
I should've known something
was wrong when he wouldn't look at me.
It was just…odd for him to act that way, like he didn't want me to get
the wrong idea so he would know I would be alright.
But even I know that's my
romanticized ideas. He probably just
didn't have the courage to face me, right?
Right?
I think I might've cried for
the first week straight; I couldn't even go to work because I looked like
shit. I wasn't alright after he dumped
me, and I don't think I'll ever be alright again.
I've tried to curse
him. Tried to hate him. Tried to pretend he wasn't important, but I
knew I was just fooling no one, not even myself.
I finally took a drink. It was sweet and warm, and I liked it a
lot. I'm not even sure what it was; I
think it was rum, but I can't be sure.
I swirled it around in my glass and just stared at it for a few minutes
before downing it. I knew already that
I would have one helluva hangover tomorrow, but I didn't give a damn. I was still heartbroken after of being
broken up for six years to the date.
How pathetic am I? Very.
I ordered another…one of
those drinks that I just had. Maybe
this would be the last for tonight.
When I finished it, I ordered another one. Guess not.
I could still remember that
day like yesterday: I had come over and went into his apartment for dinner—it
was our 9-month anniversary. The room
was empty. Completely. There was nothing romantic or even remotely
different about the one room flat. I
think I thought he had forgotten until I heard him in the shower.
I convinced myself that he
had lost track of time and was just getting ready for tonight, so I sat on the
couch, prim and proper. I heard the
water stop and then after a few minutes, the bathroom door opened. Heero stood there, wearing a pair of jeans
and nothing else. His hair was
disheveled as usual and drops of water were dripping onto the carpet. He kind of stared at me like was shocked
that I should be here and slammed the bathroom door shut.
I hopped up and jumped into
his arms, smelling his clean skin. He
smelled like that guy soap that most men use and there was a faint scent of
apples and cinnamon. It wasn't until
after we had broken up did I realize that he wasn't holding me; his arms just
kind of hung by his sides.
"What are you doing here?"
his voice was gruff, but I didn't think much of it. That's how Heero was, right?
I reminded him of our nine-month anniversary and how we were going to do
something together. He looked totally,
utterly confused. Then there was that
look of dawning realization. He made
this weird little smile at me and walked passed me into the kitchen. I followed him and took a seat on one of the
two chairs at the table. He got a soda
from the fridge and set it on the glass table without even opening it, then sat
across from me on the other chair. It
was weird, he seemed nervous, out of place, even. The thought alone made me afraid; the most stable, fearless,
person in your life is nervous.
I tilted my head at him and
asked him what was wrong, but he ignored me.
Oddly enough, that made me calmer.
I guess I was so used to it by now, it was my indicator that everything
was going to be okay. I smiled at him,
and he glared at me. That kind of hurt;
he hadn't done that for three months now, and I had already forgotten that
expression on his face.
He placed his hands on the
table, palms down, and spread his fingers out.
I stared at him as intently as he stared at his hands, and a silence
filled the air. Finally, he looked up
and stared me, this funny, unreadable expression that got my hear
pounding. I knew, I just knew
something was wrong.
He looked down again and I
heard myself asking him, "What? What is
it?"
There was another silence,
and this one was so uncomfortable I wished that I hadn't asked. He looked up toward me, but not directly at
me, kind of like he was staring at my cheek…it was like he didn't want me to
look at his eyes, so I didn't. I just
stared at his mouth.
When he started telling me,
I wished I wasn't looking at his perfect pale lips. At first, I refused, refused to believe he didn't love me like I
loved him, but I looked into those eyes and saw he wasn't lying to me. Damn, that hurt.
It still hurts.
Damn, I'm pathetic.
I asked for another one of
those drinks. The barkeep looked at me
like he wasn't sure he should be giving me any more, but I smiled (drunkenly)
at him. He still wouldn't poor me
another, so I dug out a few bills from my pocket and chucked it onto the
bar. The bartender (his tag said
Michael, but I didn't care) still looked conflicted, but finally poured me
another.
It was yummy until it
started to come back up.
I ran to the bathroom, not
caring if I went into the female or male bathroom. All I knew was I needed to pay homage to the porcelain god. I kicked open a stall and puked my guts out
on the floor. Damn. So close.
After two minutes of
chucking up all over the floor, I felt someone hold my hair back; I would've smiled
and thanked whoever it was if I didn't have more bile coming up. Ten minutes later I was done. A few moments of collecting myself together
I stood, though a bit wobbly, and limped out to thank whoever helped me.
When I saw who it was, my
heart stopped. It was Duo Maxwell,
smiling cheerfully. He looked almost
exactly the same, it was amazing.
I think I almost cried. I took another step toward him and collapsed
in his arms. He looked surprised and
let me hold him for a moment before making me stand on my own. I straightened my self out, then wobbled out
to the sinks and looked into my reflection.
A puffy eyed, slightly green girl glared back at me. I rinsed my mouth out in the sink and washed
my face, then turned back to the former pilot; he was still smiling as he
handed me a stick of gum.
I think it might've showed
on my face because he laughed. "I don't
care for 'Winter Fresh' much either, but…"
I looked at him and kept chewing for a minute, almost thoughtfully.
I was still looking at him
when I felt a sudden pang of lust. His
hair was shiny and his eyes were twinkling, and he smelled like soap and
cinnamon and apples.
I think I surprised both of
us when I threw my arms around him. He
pushed me back gently and held me away from him. I know I was crying by now.
I guess he took that as his cue to leave, because when I could see
clearly again, I was alone. Inhaling
shallowly, I left the bathroom.
And stopped dead in my
tracks. Duo was wrapped snuggly in
Heero's arms and they were kissing.
They were kissing. Kissing. I felt my heart break all over again.
I started to cry and began
walking out of the bar, head down, feet dragging. I was defeated and I knew it now. Heero was happy with…Duo.
I had been rejected by both of them, and somehow they found each other,
but just as I was about to go out the door, I heard both of them calling
my name. I didn't stop; instead, I ran
as fast as I could out of that bar and got into my car.
I never saw the other
car. I don't remember the ride in the
ambulance and all I could remember was Duo and Heero kissing. Then there was nothing, and I think I
died. Am dead. Whatever.
Funny, I never expected
things to end like this.
~*~
Owari! Weird, huh!
R&R!
