Have you ever heard the expression "if only you knew back then what you know now"? Does this mean a person would change every step they took? Would they really want the past to have never happened? For some life situations that expression would be a dream come true. For me I do not think I would change any aspect of my life. Not just for the lessons learned, but also for the love and passion I felt with him. Would I have wanted to have gone from this world a different way? Would I have loved to have children and live a happy long life? My answers would most likely be yes but then I look back at my few years with him and realize I would not change a single thing.

Living in a small town right outside of Memphis Tennessee, Saccato was known for everyone knowing everyone else. There was not much happenings going on in these parts of town. It was very quiet place to raise a family. The roads were mostly gravel stone, and the only paved street in this town was the main road going into the city. The old style Baptist religion was a major part of Sundays, along with a town barbeque held every third Sunday of the month. This was an event held right in the center of town. An event for everyone to attend was the highlight of this town.

Jesus our Savior high school graduating class of 2001 held a total of twelve students. One of which was me and the others were all of my friends. Like I had said before everyone knew everyone and their business. This school was not a normal high school with lockers and computers. It had one hallway with four different teachers. Every class had a total of ten to fourteen students and not every student in the class was from the same grade. The teachers were not your average college graduate from the top universities but instead they were hired student assistants or substitute teachers from other schools in Memphis.

Becoming a 4.0 student in my high school was not an accomplishment that most people bragged about. With grades of that standard from my school was basically getting a 2.5 in other schools. High academics were not what the town I grew up focused on. Instead religious beliefs and family customs was the basis of foundation in Saccato.

"Boys and girls I would like to take a moment and thank the lord for the blessing of bringing a new family to our community." Reverend Jones had started preaching one Sunday afternoon. "Mr. Brandon Shire has moved his family here to construct the new renovations of our Town Hall. Along with him I would like to welcome his wife Victoria who will be the new school principle and their son Jason who will be graduating this year from high school." Applause filled the church and then silence drew upon everyone as me and the choir started to sing church hymns.

As Brenda Marshall started on her solo I could not help but to feel as though someone was staring at me from the pews of the congregation. This was a different feeling like nothing I had felt before. I felt the hair on the back of neck stand up as chills ran up and down my spine. Looking around the room Jason Shire had caught my eye. His stare made me uncomfortable and yet I could not resist but to intriguingly gaze back. His piercing golden brown eyes stared right into mine and I felt a wave of cool air brush over my face. His pink lips halfway open almost as though he were trying to smile and I felt like every breath he took I took one as well. For a small moment I felt as though we were conversing without words and I felt as though he could read my inner thoughts.

"Mrs. Thomson?" Reverend Jones annoyingly called my name. "Rachel?" He whispered my name again. I looked at him blushing and embarrassed. "It's time to read this week's passage." I set down my music and walked over to the wooden podium while I looked back at Jason I noticed that he had was mouthing something under his breath as he was still gazing at me.
"Corinthians says: If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge and if I have faith that can move mountains but have not love I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but not love, I gain nothing." Looking from my paper I caught the eye of Jason still ongoing. I felt numbness and tingling running right through my body this was a new sensation that was nearly satisfying. I quickly blinked out of my stare and continued, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self –seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always, always, hopes, always perseveres." I felt my head lift itself up from the page again almost as though it was a natural reaction. I kept feeling drawn to the same dead stare but now his eyes seemed tightly shut. He kept mumbling the words to the scripture then I felt all those feelings disappear out into the world through the window of the church. Still looking up from the page and staring at Jason he looked and mumbled along with me saying "Love never fails….And now these three remain:" He still mumbled along with the words that were coming out of my mouth "faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

"As Rachel had read in the scriptures does what the lord is trying to say about us love is to one another?" The reverend started preaching and I walked away down to the seats next to my parents. As I sat down I brushed my fingers across my lips and felt the damp warmness. I felt those same feelings as I did at the podium and looked directly across the aisle way and noticed Jason looking and taking in everything the Reverend was saying. Looking back up to the stage I continued all through service trying to pay attention to the study but my mind kept fluttering and I felt slightly nauseated.

As service ended, everyone assembled by the Shires to welcome them to our town. As my parents made their way over to the family I felt a wave of energy stopping me from following them. I could feel my cheeks start to lose color and my mouth filled with saliva. I felt like running to the bathroom but my body for some reason could not move but an inch at a time.

"Rachel, are you ok?" My father worriedly asked.

"No dad I am not feeling all that well. You go ahead and greet the Shires I am going to go into the car and wait. Can I have the keys to turn on the air?" I explained.

"Sure," He reached into his pocket and grabbed the keys. "Are you getting sick or something?"

"I think I just need to go home and get some rest, I will feel better soon I just need some cool air." I grabbed the keys from my dad, exited the pew and walked out of the church as my parents stood around the Shires and welcomed them to the town. I did not look back at them even though I had the feeling that someone was watching me yet again.

I made my way into the car and turned the key so I could have the air blow right at my face. Sitting in the front seat of our Toyota Camry I watched everyone exit the church including my parents who were walking out with the Shires. My parents pointed over to the car then the Shires looked over smiling, they waved. As the air in the car continued to blow on my face, all the nauseating feelings I felt promptly left. I smiled and waved back.

Jason continued to look at me smiling and then his attention was then turned to Brenda Marshall who came out of the church to introduce herself. Brenda. Saccatto's own beauty queen circa 1999 was one of the most outgoing people I had ever met. She was the type of girl that you could envy. She had gorgeous southern bell looks with the curves that could almost kill you. She was graduating at the top of her class, even though that wasn't something to boast about in our town, Memphis has schools of choice and Brenda's choice was to attend a private school in the city. Most parents could not afford such tuition but Brenda's father, Martin Marshall, was CEO and founder of four companies in the city. Always wanting to live in the country to have land and a farm, Brenda's mother Christina Marshall, was a debutante and the towns counsel president. Money was no object to the Marshall's. Mr. Marshall was the ones who encouraged the Shire's to move to our town and try to expand it to modern age architecture.

As I watched Brenda flaunt herself around Jason, Jason was studying her up and down. I felt bothered by the innocent flirting and then felt bothered because I couldn't point out why I felt this way. Then it became apparent, I was jealous of the two of them talking. I have not even met Jason but all I could think about at the moment was what it would be like if I were to be the one talking to him right now. Why out of anyone in the town did Brenda have to be the one to flirt with him? I know she was my best friend, but the emotion I was experiencing was almost heart-breaking.

I am not sure how I knew this but I think Jason could sense how I was feeling. He looked over at me and smiled, and my body temperature began to cool. The glance he gave me was reassuring, I felt the need to go and talk to him. I opened my door in hurry mode, and then vibrations from the door indicating I had just hit something hard. Before I looked up I heard my mother swear under her breath as her teeth clenched. "Mom I am so sorry are you ok?" I asked trying to hold back laughter.

"I am fine what were you doing?" She annoyingly asked me. I could tell she was trying to cover up that she was still in pain.

"I started to feel better so I was going to talk to the Shires."

"You can talk to them Friday because we invited them to dinner, in the mean time Jason will be in your school so you can talk to him there." My dad explained as we all sat in the car.

We drove home and all that night I kept dreaming of the ecstasy I felt when looking at Jason. Touching every section possible of my skin, I gave myself goose bumps. I explored different parts of my body as Jason's eyes, mouth, hair, and body kept running through my mind.

That Monday after seeing Jason I walked into my school with mixed emotions. How could I face the boy who I pleasured myself to not even 12 hours ago? Then I heard an unfamiliar but comforting voice say something behind me, "Rachel?" I stopped walking but I did not turn around. My breathing became even with my heartbeat, which started to beat gradually. "Rachel?" The voice was closer and I just stood there unable to move. Jason walked in front of me and smiled.

I smiled back, "Hi, I'm Rachel." I felt embarrassed because he obviously knew it already.

A small laugh came from his mouth; he looked up and down examining me like he had done with Brenda yesterday. "Your parents told me that you weren't feeling all that well but it seems to me that you look like you are feeling better."

"Yeah I think it was a 24 hour bug or something," I nervously clarified.

"Well I am glad you are feeling better. Being student council president I was wondering if you were showing me around school today."

I started to feel more comfortable and annoyed because knowing my parents as well as I did, I would not be surprised if they shared to the Shires every aspect of my life. It was rare in the town that I lived in for a family to have but only one child; even two children was a low number. My parents always explained to people how proud they were of their only child and everyone knew everything about my life so far. "Ah let me guess, you also know that I started walking at 9 months and won Tennessee Little Darling Spelling bee at the age of 8?"

"Don't forget that you also used to read the newspaper while sitting on your potty chair." Jason looked at me and lifted a brow sarcastically.

"Yeah, I cannot even get embarrassed anymore about it because it obviously is not a shocker they said those things. So you want me to show you the school?" I pointed to the one story building with only six windows across the entire building. "This is school. It has two hallways total with about 8 classrooms with kids from every grade. This building was built and approved for the town 22 years ago so the parents wouldn't have drive 30 miles a day to take their kids to a public school in Memphis."

"Oh well then, I guess I could find my own way around then." Jason lifted his backpack up and put it on top of his shoulders. "See ya later." He walked away as I stood still watching him go. He turned around and asked me "Well, are you coming? Isn't school starting in like five minutes?"

"Uh yeah I just had to…uh…tie my shoe first." I bent down and noticed that I was not wearing lace shoes. "Never mind." I walked over to Jason and all he did was smile at me. "Well good luck if you need anything I will be around I am sure you will be able to find me around."

"Thanks Rachel." The way he said my name was just the way I had dreamt about. He nodded at me and I made my way to the bathroom.

I entered Mrs. Thompson's class and looked over to my empty seat by the window and the empty seat that sat next to me every day. Only this time it was not empty. Occupied by the person who made me feel things I have never encountered before. Jason Shire sitting in the empty desk rattled through his backpack taking out his books and paper. He was getting ready for class to start and then he looked up and smiled as though he had just been shocked and relieved at the same time. I was making my way over to my desk not looking away from Jason who was concentrating on me as well.

"Hey Rachel are you coming over tonight with Brenda?" Tiffany Chisolm asked me. Still looking at Jason I felt confused. "Rachel?" she tried to get my attention. "Rachel you ok?"
I blinked twice slowly and then again but faster. Getting out of my daze I looked at Tiffany. She was one of the chubbier girls but very well liked because of her bubbly personality. She always wore clothing that she thought was in style but our town was not so fashion forward. Her big dreams of leaving for New York City to become a fashion designer were always put down by other members of the town except for me. I always encouraged her dreams and thought her style was definitely that of unique but tasteful. "Yeah Tiffany I can't wait to see that dress that you have been working on for me."

"I know it's done, and I think we should go out to the city Friday with Brenda. You can wear it out. What do you think about that?" She was extremely excited.

"Yeah that sounds amazing," I smiled and looked back at Jason and I remembered my dad telling me about Friday night dinner. "Wait Tiff my parents invited the Shires over for dinner that night I can't go."

Even though she looked a little disappointed she suddenly became excited again. "You can wear it for the dinner, and we can go out after."

"I guess that would be ok. Do you want to come over for dinner also?" I asked her.

Tiffany looked at me and half way rolled her eyes. I could tell by her expression that she had planned to be there whether I asked or not. "I might have to clear a few things first," she said sarcastically, "I mean how else do you think I was going to get my creation to you?" We laughed for a second and then I made my way over to my seat next to Jason.

When I sat down I had the butterfly effect inside my stomach. I started to feel nauseated but excited at the same time. I looked over at Jason who was thumbing through some of the textbooks. "So Tiffany seems like fun, she's very excited about Friday." He said just out of the blue, he didn't even pick his head up from the textbook.
"You heard us talking?" I asked him. It seemed like we were a little further away from where he was sitting so unless a person was intentivly listening there would be no way he could of heard us.
"You look confused." He looked into my eyes like he was reading my thoughts. "Yes I heard you talking I only got about half though. Usually when my first or last name is spoken I tend to want to listen better."

"Yeah I was just explain…" I began to explain myself and then I was interrupted by Mrs. Thompson.

"Class I would like to welcome Jason Shire. He moved here and I hope everyone will welcome him on your own time however, this is class so lets get started. Brian what can you tell us about Romeo's feelings for Juliet the first time he saw her?"

I looked at Jason and whispered not paying attention to anything that was going on in the classroom. I felt as though I could not pay attention to anything when Jason was around. I knew that it might be obvious but I did not care. I was very much smitten with him. "I hope you don't mind…"

"No offense Rachel but I kind of want to pay attention we can talk after school if you want to." Jason looked at me and smiled as I nodded.
Thoughts and eccentric feelings kept running through my mind. I looked out the window and gazed at the small courtyard filled with wild flowers and a small bench surrounded the small fountain. The huge weeping willow provided shade to almost the entire courtyard. My eyes became very heavy as I continued to gaze. My teeth clinched my bottom lip and a strand of sweat fell from my forehead to my neck. Anxiety ran through my entire stomach and then I closed my eyes breathing erratically.

"Rachel Do you know how you make me feel? Everyday all I think about is you and I can't get you out of my mind. Even my body feels things for you. If only I can touch you…" Jason put his hand on my hand moving it slowly to the top of my shoulder. "If only I could feel you…" Jason stroked my right cheek and moved down to my neck with two fingers. My eyes closed very lightly and that same pleasurable feeling struck into my body. I could feel my heartbeat pounding passionately my breathing was becoming strident. "Your lips upon mine," He paused putting is face close to mine then he whispered, "breathing the same air…" He pressed very lightly against my lips; I could feel his breath going into my mouth the taste was exhilarating almost like a drug I wanted to take every day. My body started to become weak almost as if I were falling from the heavens.

The dream made me jump from my chair. Everyone looked over at me as sweat and embarrassment fell from my face. I did not even look over at Jason but I knew he was looking straight at me trying to see my face. Why is this boy getting into my head like this? Why is it that every time I see or think of him my body cannot stop trembling? Even though the dreams were not a normalcy for me I did not want all those feelings to leave. A part of me knew that in order for the dreams and thoughts to keep going I needed to have him. I needed him to talk to and touch me. I wanted his breath inside my mouth and his hands caressing parts of my body that only I had touched. As the blushing wore from my cheeks I turned toward Jason.

"Rachel," He started to whisper, "It's ok, I feel it at the same time as you do."

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