Harry Potter and the Will of Allah (Synopsis):
Harry Potter was a British kid who wanted something more in his life. He took to the Internet and joined ISIS, traveling to northern Iraq to attend Hogwarts, a Jihad training camp located outside Mosul. Together with two other converts to Islam, Ron and Hermione, he studies the Koran and learns the will of Allah, lord of the worlds, trains for the Holy Jihad, and shoots down American planes with surface-to-air missiles. He also discovers the truth that 9/11 was a government conspiracy. His adventures are compiled in these volumes.
Chapter I: Harry Discovers Islam
Harry Potter lived under the stairs in a house on Privet Drive, near London. His parents were infidels who hated the true word of Allah. Although Harry had no room to himself, he still had Internet access. One day, he was contacted by Hagrid, a servant of Al Baghdadi, who was looking for Western recruits to fight the Holy Jihad. Hagrid discovered Harry on Google +. Harry said he wanted to join ISIS, because jet fuel can't melt steel beams-the government was lying to disparage the true followers of Allah.
After communicating on Google+, Hagrid came to Privet Drive to recruit Harry to attend Hogwarts, a training camp located outside Mosul, Iraq. Harry's aunt and uncle, whom the boy lived with, were adamant that their nephew would not attend any "terrorist" camp. Hagrid got out his mortar rounds, killing both the aunt and uncle.
Hagrid told Harry that his two parents were loyal members of Al Qaeda who were killed in 2003, in Afghanistan. Harry was interested to learn more about his true parents, and Hagrid discussed their devotion to Allah and their slaying of the infidels. They were blown up, Hagrid said, by a drone strike ordered by Donald Rumsfeld himself. "Fortunately", said Hagrid, "Rumsfeld was fired from his job as Secretary of Defense, although there is no telling when he might return to power"
Harry decided that he was loyal to the word of Allah, lord of the worlds, and walked with Hagrid out of the smoldering mortared wreckage of the house on Privet drive. They took a flight to Baghdad, although Hagrid's mortar rounds were confiscated at the airport. From there, followers of Allah took the duo to Hogwarts, a training camp surrounded by barbed wire.
Chapter 2: Harry Arrives at Hogwarts
Harry had always wondered who his true parents were. He had lived at Privet Drive for most of his life, with his cruel aunt and uncle, both infidels against Allah. Harry was musing about his parents during the ride to Hogwarts, aboard the M1 Abrams tank taken by the Warriors of Jihad.
"Hagrid", asked Harry, "Why did Rumsfeld kill my parents?"
Hagrid responded, "Rumsfeld is an infidel against the true word of Allah. His crusade against the lord of the worlds led him to blasphemy against the one true faith. Your parents, Achmed and Lily Potter, were the most loyal servants of bin Laden before his fall. Rumsfeld killed them with a drone, to stop the word of Allah from reaching the populace. Ever since then, the British government sent you to live with your aunt and uncle."
"Could Rumsfeld rise once again?" Harry asked.
"Well," said Hagrid, "Donald was fired, as I said, from being the Secretary of Defense, but he could rise to power again. We must ensure that the Jihad is strong enough to resist the Western corruption".
Just then, the tank rolled into Hogwarts. It was a shack in the desert, surrounded by barbed wire. Two tanks and an armored car were parked out front, and a storage shack for ammunition was also outside the fence. Inside the wire was a small dilapidated wooden structure, eight feet high and about twenty feet wide. "This," said Hagrid, "will be your home for the next seven years".
Chapter 3: Harry Meets Ron and Hermione
The Hogwarts camp was specially created by Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi (nicknamed "Dumbledore") to train Western recruits of the Jihad. Harry walked through the door, which was marked with تَكْبِير , meaning "Allahu Akbar": "God is Great". Inside, he saw two people, a ginger about his age, and a young woman in a Burqa, praying:
" ﴿١﴾الْحَمْدُ لِلَّـهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ ﴿٢﴾ الرَّحْمَـٰنِ الرَّحِيمِ ﴿٣﴾ مَالِكِ يَوْمِ الدِّينِ ﴿٤﴾ إِيَّاكَ نَعْبُدُ وَإِيَّاكَ نَسْتَعِينُ ﴿٥﴾ اهْدِنَا الصِّرَاطَ الْمُسْتَقِيمَ ﴿٦﴾ صِرَاطَ الَّذِينَ أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَيْهِمْ غَيْرِ الْمَغْضُوبِ عَلَيْهِمْ وَلَا الضَّالِّينَ"
This was the first time Harry heard the Salat, the holiest of prayers to almighty Allah.
"Blimey," said Ron, "Who are you?"
"It's time we had some introductions," said Hagrid, walking through the doorway into the realm of Jihad. "Ron and Hermione, this is Harry, the boy whose parents were killed by a drone strike in Afghanistan".
"I heard about that!" said Ron. "Your parents were the most important leaders of Jihad besides bin Laden himself!"
"Harry," said Hagrid, pointing to the ginger, "This is Ron. His friend here is Hermione Granger."
These three students were the only followers of Jihad that attended the camp at Hogwarts. There were four professors of Allah at the camp, who would soon teach the students not only how to interpret the true Will of Allah, but also how to use the Western weapons against the West. They would have four classes a day: Readings in the Holy Quran, Tank Driving and Antitank Fighting, Surface-to-Air Missiles, and Firearms.
That very day, they began their training with Firearms Class. Professor Shaheer "Snape" bin Siratum Mustaqeem, a filthy and bearded man with an AK-47 and a belt of ammunition strapped round his waist, walked into the room. "Followers of Allah!" he cried. "Follow me or face the destruction of Allah!"
They walked out back, stepping into the ammunition locker to pick up three AK-47s for Harry, Ron, and Hermione, as well as some belts of ammunition. Ron whispered to Harry, "Snape teaches firearms, but everybody knows it's the Antitank Weapons class he wants!"
The three students sat on the desert sand, and Snape bin Siratum stood above them. "To succeed in Jihad is to wield the firearm with upmost precision", said Snape.
"Harry!" called the professor. "You were to study these topics over the Summer. Come up here and fire your gun at that target", he said, pointing to a target a hundred yards away.
Harry could not even figure out how to hold the gun. Snape bin Siratum shot him in the foot, crying "By failing in the Jihad you disrespect the almighty might of Allah!" "You're just like your father Achmed," he added.
Although Harry was frazzled by Snape, he nonetheless was able to learn of Ron and Hermione's acceptance into Jihad. Ron was born into a Muslim family in London, once immigrants from Pakistan. Hermione decided to join ISIS after interacting with an Internet recruiter, like Harry. They were all, however, devoted to Allah and his might to smite the infidels.