The light returns
Sequel to alone among the memories
_____________________________________
Hi peopleses. ^_^ I'm baaack.... this is a sequel to "alone among the memories" (if u didn't already catch that) because every1 was so nice and reviewed it *cries happily* Alrighty, this is dedicated to everyone who ever wrote a nice review to anyone, because heaven knows, it was appreciated. ^_^ But especailly for those who reviewed _my_ stuff, because I thought no one ever would, and then I got such nice ones!!!!! I'm soooo sorry for those who don't like yaoi. This wasn't MEANT to be one, but this just... came out that way. I'm so sorry. *grumbles at Suzume* I don't mean to insult you that like yaoi, but I don't mean to insult those that don't.... *so confused* and since I'm not even sure what I'm saying innyhoo, I'll just say, gomen nasai, minna-sama...
Alrighty, down to business. This is sort of Suzume's idea. Well, not really. But she kept on nudging me till I finally did it. So I'm doing it. Ha! *sticks out tongue* Blah blah blah.... standard disclaimers apply, that sort of thing.... blah blah blah blah.... OK, here goes!
_____
The blood is soft between my toes. Dark red sand shifts beneath me, and I lay in the crimson waves.
A phrase. I associate a phrase with it... that happens a lot, lately. But this one... it's a strong connection. Maybe the name.
LCL. Just a bunch of letters. I don't know what it means, but it is somehow...
Blood. It's this blood. So much blood...
Blood smells, in a way. You'd never notice, until you were surrounded by it. It smells of raw meat and another, second aroma riding beneath that triggers a gag. Maybe the smell is death.
It would make all too much sense.
Settling down to sleep, I rest to the lulluby of an ocean of blood.
_________
Screaming, I awaken. Something is here. I would rather be alone... rather be alone.
Leave me be, Stranger. I know you can't possibly exist. Leave me to wallow in a twisted world of aftermath.
I always wake like that. Screaming, I mean.
Sometimes, I hear the Strangers. The voices of what could have been. The minds holding memories they needed to share. They are warm, crimson blurs here and there, moaning and trying to assemble their dead minds.
Despite their warmth, I find myself shivering. Running. My feet feel a dagger make it's way through their soles, and hiss dissaprovingly as sand fills the wound. Small debris, reminders of people that should be alive...
The Stranger is gone... My head swims, feeling a bit like the tossing waves, my dizzieness a touch of foam... I bind my cut with a soggy, bloodsoaked shirt I borrowed from the nearest corpse.
And there, before me, is another Stranger. I run, but the world tips slightly, wavering and blurred. The heat is closer than I can stand, but I find myself staggering backwards into it.
And trembled as I entered the light.
_________
Warm, warm arms.
-Not... perhaps not a Stranger at all?-
I voice my fears to the surrounding comfort.
"Are... are you a Stranger?"
A dark chuckling is above me, half sad, part in jest.
"No, Shinji. I hope not."
This voice.... My body screams as I reach to try and embrace this that is alive, and niether I, nor God, nor a Stranger.
"Shhh.... It's ok, Shinji. Rest. Be at peace. Would you like... would you like me to sing for you........koi?"
Koi... Perhaps... Perhaps this is a Stranger after all. Maybe this is what they're like, when touched. A Stranger that thinks I'm someone else. Some other Shinji.
Koi... I can feel an importance in this. Something. Another thing I can't remember.
But there is a name for the voice and warmth, I think. One almost...
"Mm...Mother?"
There is delighted laughter above me. It carries joy on soft wings.
"No. No, Shinji. It's me." A soft, pale palm caresses my forehead.
You. Me. You. Me.
"You." I'm trying, trying so hard to remember...
"Awaken, Shinji." Energy washes over me, the same soft aura as the one that holds me now, gentle.
And, at last, I awaken.
___________
Energy is filling every corner of my mind.
"Kaworu?"
My angel twirls me around to face his perfect body.
"Shin-chan? You remember now?" There is a faint tip of relieved joy capping his tone
"How long do you think I could stand to forget?" I reply, burrowing deeper in his arms.
But they push me away.
Push. Me. Away.
"K...Kaworu?" I feel that I must explain, now that he has gotten me back on my feet. I have to tell him, and he has to know, or in my death I shall be yet another wandering Stranger (Ghosts, I now realize. Or something rather like that) trying to find a living sould where I can pour out my sorrows.
"Kaworu..." There is a certain pain, as though my insides were being pulled toward him, and I wasn't allowed to follow. Every moment not spent in his arms, now that I could think again... It would be so...
Empty. Terrible. Lacking. Screaming. Wanting. Craving.
I'm alive enough to be angry, now, too. And I'm torn.
Damn him for making me love him - Love him, love him, I'll do anything, just let me rest in those arms- HATE him - betrayed - love him, want to be held - ....
This could be harder than I anticipated. I took a breath, daring to brush my hand against his own. Perhaps it would make being alone worse... but I needed to assure myself... He needed to be real. And I needed to touch him. It sent shocks through my system. He kept a dead-pan face. Almost flinched.
I shrunk back.
You can't understand this pain.
"Kaworu... You have to understand. I love you. Please? Damn! Sorry... No... No..." My breath reaches a peak speed as I attempt to suck tears back into my eyes, tears that can't help themselves, tears that are trembling, trembling, about to fall... Finally, I must blink, and warm, sweet wetness dribbles down my cheek.
I see him flinch, more visibly, now.
Because... because I'm crying?
"K... K... K...aworu..." I sob, receding into my own arms, though they are of little comfort.
My pain is in his eyes.
"Kaworu..." trying to steady my breath, I close my eyes. Pretending he isn't there to want. The pain abates. Slightly.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to kill you. I love you. I'm sorry I said you betrayed me. That wasn't fair. You saved me. And I still love... still love..." I can't breathe again, and I rock back and forth as more tears streak down my cheeks. So many tears.
I take a breath..."I love you. Ai shite iru, zotto. Koi."
And fall.
Straight into his waiting arms. They curl around me, so tight. I just want to be enveloped in him. Just dressed in him, breathing him...
"I love you too. Forever, Shinji."
And three wet drops land in a circle on my shoulder through a hole in my tattered shirt.
Two lost souls cried, that night.
And were found again.
_________
I rest in the safe circlet of his arms. Sleepy, now. Content, like I have nothing left but this. And that is the most beautiful thought I have ever had.
He shifts, and for a moment, I'm afraid that he's pushing me away again... Fear courses through me like a disease.
His long, graceful fingers, lift my head from where it is buried in his shirt.
And I see those eyes. Those eyes that I half-remembered, even in my half-dead, half-human, half-animal state. Crimson pools. They remind me... of rain. Warm rain, and how it falls on your skin in mid-summer.
And he pulls me closer. My being screams in delight. Any contact is a thrill. And so is this... Soft, pale lips nibble gently on mine, finally ceasing such teasing and closing over my mouth. We pull ourselves together untill not even the smallest ounce of air could fit in the space between us... it is as if we were just one person, exploring something new.
Exploring... Mouths begin to open, and he tastes of... tastes of Kaworu. My tongue darts desparately around his mouth, wanting to know every part of him.
I am enveloped in the sweet fragrance of an untainted ocean.
Two souls loved, that night.
Because they were found again.
*~owari~*
Sequel to alone among the memories
_____________________________________
Hi peopleses. ^_^ I'm baaack.... this is a sequel to "alone among the memories" (if u didn't already catch that) because every1 was so nice and reviewed it *cries happily* Alrighty, this is dedicated to everyone who ever wrote a nice review to anyone, because heaven knows, it was appreciated. ^_^ But especailly for those who reviewed _my_ stuff, because I thought no one ever would, and then I got such nice ones!!!!! I'm soooo sorry for those who don't like yaoi. This wasn't MEANT to be one, but this just... came out that way. I'm so sorry. *grumbles at Suzume* I don't mean to insult you that like yaoi, but I don't mean to insult those that don't.... *so confused* and since I'm not even sure what I'm saying innyhoo, I'll just say, gomen nasai, minna-sama...
Alrighty, down to business. This is sort of Suzume's idea. Well, not really. But she kept on nudging me till I finally did it. So I'm doing it. Ha! *sticks out tongue* Blah blah blah.... standard disclaimers apply, that sort of thing.... blah blah blah blah.... OK, here goes!
_____
The blood is soft between my toes. Dark red sand shifts beneath me, and I lay in the crimson waves.
A phrase. I associate a phrase with it... that happens a lot, lately. But this one... it's a strong connection. Maybe the name.
LCL. Just a bunch of letters. I don't know what it means, but it is somehow...
Blood. It's this blood. So much blood...
Blood smells, in a way. You'd never notice, until you were surrounded by it. It smells of raw meat and another, second aroma riding beneath that triggers a gag. Maybe the smell is death.
It would make all too much sense.
Settling down to sleep, I rest to the lulluby of an ocean of blood.
_________
Screaming, I awaken. Something is here. I would rather be alone... rather be alone.
Leave me be, Stranger. I know you can't possibly exist. Leave me to wallow in a twisted world of aftermath.
I always wake like that. Screaming, I mean.
Sometimes, I hear the Strangers. The voices of what could have been. The minds holding memories they needed to share. They are warm, crimson blurs here and there, moaning and trying to assemble their dead minds.
Despite their warmth, I find myself shivering. Running. My feet feel a dagger make it's way through their soles, and hiss dissaprovingly as sand fills the wound. Small debris, reminders of people that should be alive...
The Stranger is gone... My head swims, feeling a bit like the tossing waves, my dizzieness a touch of foam... I bind my cut with a soggy, bloodsoaked shirt I borrowed from the nearest corpse.
And there, before me, is another Stranger. I run, but the world tips slightly, wavering and blurred. The heat is closer than I can stand, but I find myself staggering backwards into it.
And trembled as I entered the light.
_________
Warm, warm arms.
-Not... perhaps not a Stranger at all?-
I voice my fears to the surrounding comfort.
"Are... are you a Stranger?"
A dark chuckling is above me, half sad, part in jest.
"No, Shinji. I hope not."
This voice.... My body screams as I reach to try and embrace this that is alive, and niether I, nor God, nor a Stranger.
"Shhh.... It's ok, Shinji. Rest. Be at peace. Would you like... would you like me to sing for you........koi?"
Koi... Perhaps... Perhaps this is a Stranger after all. Maybe this is what they're like, when touched. A Stranger that thinks I'm someone else. Some other Shinji.
Koi... I can feel an importance in this. Something. Another thing I can't remember.
But there is a name for the voice and warmth, I think. One almost...
"Mm...Mother?"
There is delighted laughter above me. It carries joy on soft wings.
"No. No, Shinji. It's me." A soft, pale palm caresses my forehead.
You. Me. You. Me.
"You." I'm trying, trying so hard to remember...
"Awaken, Shinji." Energy washes over me, the same soft aura as the one that holds me now, gentle.
And, at last, I awaken.
___________
Energy is filling every corner of my mind.
"Kaworu?"
My angel twirls me around to face his perfect body.
"Shin-chan? You remember now?" There is a faint tip of relieved joy capping his tone
"How long do you think I could stand to forget?" I reply, burrowing deeper in his arms.
But they push me away.
Push. Me. Away.
"K...Kaworu?" I feel that I must explain, now that he has gotten me back on my feet. I have to tell him, and he has to know, or in my death I shall be yet another wandering Stranger (Ghosts, I now realize. Or something rather like that) trying to find a living sould where I can pour out my sorrows.
"Kaworu..." There is a certain pain, as though my insides were being pulled toward him, and I wasn't allowed to follow. Every moment not spent in his arms, now that I could think again... It would be so...
Empty. Terrible. Lacking. Screaming. Wanting. Craving.
I'm alive enough to be angry, now, too. And I'm torn.
Damn him for making me love him - Love him, love him, I'll do anything, just let me rest in those arms- HATE him - betrayed - love him, want to be held - ....
This could be harder than I anticipated. I took a breath, daring to brush my hand against his own. Perhaps it would make being alone worse... but I needed to assure myself... He needed to be real. And I needed to touch him. It sent shocks through my system. He kept a dead-pan face. Almost flinched.
I shrunk back.
You can't understand this pain.
"Kaworu... You have to understand. I love you. Please? Damn! Sorry... No... No..." My breath reaches a peak speed as I attempt to suck tears back into my eyes, tears that can't help themselves, tears that are trembling, trembling, about to fall... Finally, I must blink, and warm, sweet wetness dribbles down my cheek.
I see him flinch, more visibly, now.
Because... because I'm crying?
"K... K... K...aworu..." I sob, receding into my own arms, though they are of little comfort.
My pain is in his eyes.
"Kaworu..." trying to steady my breath, I close my eyes. Pretending he isn't there to want. The pain abates. Slightly.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to kill you. I love you. I'm sorry I said you betrayed me. That wasn't fair. You saved me. And I still love... still love..." I can't breathe again, and I rock back and forth as more tears streak down my cheeks. So many tears.
I take a breath..."I love you. Ai shite iru, zotto. Koi."
And fall.
Straight into his waiting arms. They curl around me, so tight. I just want to be enveloped in him. Just dressed in him, breathing him...
"I love you too. Forever, Shinji."
And three wet drops land in a circle on my shoulder through a hole in my tattered shirt.
Two lost souls cried, that night.
And were found again.
_________
I rest in the safe circlet of his arms. Sleepy, now. Content, like I have nothing left but this. And that is the most beautiful thought I have ever had.
He shifts, and for a moment, I'm afraid that he's pushing me away again... Fear courses through me like a disease.
His long, graceful fingers, lift my head from where it is buried in his shirt.
And I see those eyes. Those eyes that I half-remembered, even in my half-dead, half-human, half-animal state. Crimson pools. They remind me... of rain. Warm rain, and how it falls on your skin in mid-summer.
And he pulls me closer. My being screams in delight. Any contact is a thrill. And so is this... Soft, pale lips nibble gently on mine, finally ceasing such teasing and closing over my mouth. We pull ourselves together untill not even the smallest ounce of air could fit in the space between us... it is as if we were just one person, exploring something new.
Exploring... Mouths begin to open, and he tastes of... tastes of Kaworu. My tongue darts desparately around his mouth, wanting to know every part of him.
I am enveloped in the sweet fragrance of an untainted ocean.
Two souls loved, that night.
Because they were found again.
*~owari~*