Afternoon Adventures: Remus and Sirius explore the castle one lazy afternoon during fifth year to help map the Map. Hilarity ensues. Possible RLSB at the very end, but mostly just friendship and silliness. Dedicated to Joker'sOnlyFear for being my 200th reviewer.
DEDICATED TO: Joker'sOnlyFear, for being my 200th reviewer on my MWPP fic 9 Years with the Marauders. Congrats!
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"Er... Moony, you're sinking."
"Oh my."
Remus Lupin was indeed sinking. And, in fact, as he looked back over at his friend Sirius Black, he realized something else. They were both sinking! Sirius seemed to realize this as well, and immediately yanked his feet up out of the wooden floorboards that seemed to have gained the consistency of tar or molasses. He scrambled for the door, while Remus had to drag his feet out of the floor.
Sirius reached back and grabbed Remus' arm, using the door to pull both himself and his exploring companion out of the room. They flew into the hallway as the floor released them with a loud sucking sound. Remus made a groaning noise as he felt his shoulder pop out of its socket.
"Galloping gorgons!" Sirius said, sounding so much like Hagrid that Remus choked down a laugh. "What the hell was that?"
"Seemed like a room with a sinking floor." Remus staggered to his feet, gripping his upper arm.
"Bollocks. Moony, are you hurt?"
"Just a bit, hang on..." Remus scrunched up his face and yanked his arm hard, and with a snap his joints popped back in place. He bit down on his lip and blinked several times to prevent his eyes from watering up at the pain. "Ouch."
"Blimey, that was impressive."
"Er... well I've done that a couple times before, there's a trick to it." Remus said, brushing the dust off his jumper and moving his arm carefully to make sure nothing was broken. "Only dislocated it. Could be a lot worse."
"Alrighty then. Let's make sure to mark that on the map." Sirius commented, as Remus pulled out a notepad and ballpoint pen, and scribbled some notes about the room.
"Yeah. 'Room with floor that tried to eat us'. Noted." Remus said, before tucking the notepad away in his robes.
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"Trippy."
"I think I'm going to puke."
Remus covered his eyes with his hands, trying to keep his brain from spinning in his skull. Sirius however, was far more fascinated by the room.
There were stairs. Everywhere. Upside-down, sideways, going into archways, bridges and stairways that kept moving. It was a nauseating and confusing mess. Sirius started to walk forward, despite the fact that the set of stairs in front of them spiraled sideways. Instead of falling off as the stairs turned to the left, he simply kept walking.
"Whoa." He said flatly, looking up at Remus, who was still hovering on the edge. "This is... awesome!"
He sprinted forward, vanishing through an archway. About a minute later he reappeared on the other side of the room, walking over a bridge on the ceiling, upside-down.
"Hey Moony, you're upside-down!"
"I'm not the one upside-down, you are!" Remus yelled back. "Would you just come back here?"
"Hang on..." Sirius turned around and went back through the archway he came through, only to reappear several feet below Remus and sideways. "What?"
"Oh great." Remus muttered to himself.
Sirius wandered around for a good fifteen minutes before finally he appeared out of a doorway above and perpendicular to Remus. "Okay, you'll have to pull me."
He stretched out his arms, and Remus stretched out his, and grasped Sirius' wrist. He yanked, hard, and abruptly Sirius came crashing down on top of him for the second time in an hour. Remus grunted.
"Can we go now?"
"Yes, I think that's a good idea." Sirius said calmly, leaving the creepy room behind them.
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"You know... you're my... my best mate, Moony. I mean... not as wonderful as James. Boy, James is wonderful, isn't he? He's just... brave and strong and smart... Wow, do you think this is how Peter feels all the time? I love James."
Remus looked at Sirius blearily, unsteadily slumping onto an upside-down bucket in the middle of the room. "So this room... induces a drug-like stupor?"
"Stu...por... heh, funny word, that..." Sirius said. He had collapsed on the ground on his back, and was waving his arms around over his head. It looked like he was pawing at something.
Remus felt lightheaded and a bit dizzy. "What are you doing?"
"Trying to catch the fireflies!" Sirius said happily, clapping his hands together in the empty space above his head.
"Fireflies..." Remus repeated. The word sounded funny. "Fireflies..."
He giggled. Sirius looked at him with his head tilted to the side. "Moooony, are you laughing?"
"What does that mean? I laugh all the time..."
Sirius fell into a fit of chuckles and rolled over. "You do not laugh!"
Remus felt too happy to be annoyed. "I laugh... laugh... why is it spelled with a gh? If I was inventing the English language everything would be spelled just how it sounds. L-a-f-f. That's a laugh. Or maybe necessary. I hate necessary. It would be all s's if I had a say in the matter."
"Blimey Moony. Half-cocked you're still a brainiac."
"Brain. B-r-a-y-n."
Sirius rolled his eyes, and suddenly jerked his head to the side. "Squirrel!"
"Squirrel." Remus ignored Sirius who was now sprinting around the room on all fours, attempting to catch a small creature that the sandy-haired boy could not see. "S-q-u-e-r-l."
It was three "squerls" later that they managed to drag themselves out of the bewildering room and continued their adventure.
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Remus blinked several times. For what he was seeing in front of him surely could not be real. Sirius was dressed in a trim charcoal grey suit, and a red tie. The suit looked like it was made for him and him alone, tailored to every muscle and every curve. In the crook of his arms, held preciously like an infant, was a bouquet of at least two-dozen roses.
"For you, my love." Sirius said, getting down on one knee to hand over the roses. Remus took them, staring.
Sirius looked up at Remus, who suddenly said, without knowing why, "Thank you, my darling."
His voice was extraordinarily high-pitched for a sixteen-year-old boy. That was about the same time he realized that he was also wearing a sky-blue dress. Sky-blue was not even his color. He was really more of an Autumn...
Wait, what?
"What?" He said out loud, again in the voice of a woman.
"I asked, my love, if you would marry me and make me the happiest man alive." Sirius said, still on one knee.
"Okay, time to leave."
Outside of the room Sirius stared at a tapestry for about ten minutes before finally speaking. "Well... let's not... even put that one on the map, shall we?"
It took another hour after that for Remus to stop flushing red as a tomato every time he looked at his friend.
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Author's Notes: So this is basically just a retarded story about Remus and Sirius doing some research for the Marauder's Map, and what weird stuff they find in the bowels of Hogwarts. It's not meant to be slash or anything in particular, although I do love RLSB with an uncontrollable and somewhat creepy passion. If you like this story and are interested in RLSB or James/Lily or anything like that, please feel free to read my epic novel of a Marauder-fic, 9 Years.