Colette's P.O.V
Lloyd...why can't I get him off my mind. Every time I look at him my heart starts throbbing, I wish I knew what to do. I lie here in my bed contemplating. I wish I could tell him how I feel but I know he probably doesn't feel the same way about me. I can tell that he has feelings for Sheena. When they are together he's always smiling, but when he's with me he never has that same smile. It pains me to think that he prefers her to me. I want to stop thinking about him but I just can't. The more I think about him the more it hurts, but when I stop thinking about him it hurts even more.
I'm not supposed to feel this way because I am an angel. I lost my humanity when I became an angel, but if I had known that it would have brought me this much pain I would have never agreed to be the Chosen. I want to cry so badly but I am unable to do so. I can't even feel his presence when I'm around him. I want to be close to him having him hold me ever so tightly. But I would not be able to feel the comfort of his warm body. What is the point of wanting him if I can't feel him? I am so confused.
I love him so much but I can't tell him or show him. Maybe it's better that I do not tell him. But I do not know how much longer I can keep this inside myself. I want him to be with me but at the same time I want him to be happy with Sheena and because of that I cannot destroy his relationship with Sheena. I wish I could go into a deep sleep and wake up after this nightmare is over but I can't even do that. This pain never goes away and it just keeps getting worse and worse.
My heart never seems to be at peace. It's full of raging emotions that never seem to die down. This isn't fair, I should be with him. If only that little bitch...no I must not think of such evil thoughts. My anger seems to be getting the better of me lately. I must control this anger, if I don't I may do something I will end up regretting.
Damn him, why does he do this to me. Is he that stupid can't he see that what he's doing is causing me pain. How could he lead me on and then suddenly go off with Sheena. All those things he said to me, could they have all been lies. No, I won't believe it. He wouldn't do such a thing. Maybe I'm not cute enough for him; maybe I'm not good enough for him. Could he really be that shallow, that he would leave me for Sheena because she's prettier? No he wouldn't do that to me. He can't, he just can't.
I decide to get some fresh air so I step out of my room. I walk towards the exit of the inn and hear someone laughing. I poke my head outside and see them together...again. Theyare sitting under a tree and they aresmiling at each other. Suddenly my heart starts to throb. Ican feel my heart pounding against my chest. I place my hand over my heart to see if I can stop the pain but it doesn't work. I can't bear it so I run back to my room. I can still see them smiling at each other like it is etched in my mind. I slam the door behind me and run to my bed. I cover my head with my pillow but the image is still fresh in my mind. My heart starts pounding even harder. I want cry but I just can't. I suddenly start to feel dizzy and feel my body collapse onto the floor. I don't know what is going on but I can still hear my heart beating and the pain that was inside of it.