Reflection
Helga stood in front of the mirror. A twin image stared back. Helga was so tired of it all. There was really nothing to her. She was just a simple schoolgirl. There were no features on her face that distinguished her from any other girl. Why, if you were to walk out the door, among the sidewalk, you would find millions of girls just like her. When she walked among them she felt lost. She suddenly became a nameless, faceless body. Just one more to add to the millions.
She desperately wished for a uniqueness that would set her apart. Something that would make other's eyes linger on her face for just one more second. Just a second. Maybe slightly exotic eyes, a different mouth... but no, here she was, not beautiful, not plain. Maybe somewhere in between?
Perhaps Helga would have felt better if she had possessed a skill. An amazing, never-ending skill. She was not feminine, rather tomboyish, in fact. She really didn't bother with fashion, nor anything "feminine." Well, no, that wasn't true. She had tried, she just hadn't succeeded. Her cooking (although hard to admit) was poisonous, her sewing and embroidery was on the floors in tatters. The house was better of dirty and dusty than cleaned by Helga's hand. She was not meant for the life of a housewife. And what an unimaginative life that was, too, but it could have been a direction. Could have, not anymore. A housewife who could not cook, clean, and mend? Ludicrous.
She was tomboyish, yes, but not a tomboy, if that could ever be. She could successfully try any sport and be satisfied with the results, but she would not be offered a scholarship, no. That was not to be. She had joined teams, only to be bitterly disappointed. Rejection after rejection. She was good, but not great. It seemed like they just wanted great. So Helga had turned away.
The arts, you say? well, yes, of course she had tried. Helga's voice was sweet and clear, but not by any means beautiful. Music had come and gone. Helga was not to be a singer. Drawing and painting? Well, slightly better there, her pictures being decipherable, but I'm afraid she could not accomplish more, being short on originality, imagination, and creativeness. . Literature and poetry were not too good, I believe. Helga could write, but again, that originality that she lacked. Ever since she had let go of her obsession for that little blond boy, when she had convinced herself to move on... He had been her one source of inspiration, and without him she was lacking a muse. Who could succeed with no ideas, no encouragement? Sadly, not Helga. So Helga saw the arts pass her by. She felt no real regret, for she could not offer much. It seemed that she was also unnoticed by the muses.
So what now?
To give up and be a failure?
To stand proud and face the storm unprotected?
To be a failure... to grow old in the same city, knowing you had achieved nothing? To see your children grow like you did, and know you can't offer more? To look back all those years, and wonder where they have gone, and why you ended in the same bleak beginning?
No. Helga would rather stand and face a thousand storms. To die fighting the battle, dying an untainted death, with her honor and conscience intact. A voice whispering softly in her ear that she had not died in vain, that her death, if not important, was a glorious one. A glorious death following a proud life that had known failure, but not cowardice, never cowardice.
Helga would fight, and if she died, she would see the endless blue of the sky stretching across the horizon, knowing that she had fought for herself, for that horizon that she could not see, but feel.
And if she died, she would remember to smile.....
~0~
I was thinking of how everyone always has Helga grow from an ugly duckling into a beautiful white swan, and I wanted to give something else a try. An older Helga that was neither beautiful nor ugly, that didn't excel or fail, but something in between. I wanted her to grown into another real life girl that didn't get all of the cookies in the platter, but who still fought on to make a place for herself. I hope I succeeded in my attempt, but only u can tell me that.
So..... what did you think? What did you like? What could be better? I really want to know. Please take a minute to review this. It would make me feel oh-so-very happy.