One-shot. I was in a slightly emo mood when I was sick, and I came up with this. We're all allowed to have our emo moments, yes? Anyway, it's the last time we see Axel in the game from his point of view.
Disclaimer: I don't own. Really, I shouldn't even have to say this, since the fact that it's a FANfiction sort of implies that.
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The ground is beneath me suddenly. Even through my gloves, I can feel the cold. Feel? We're not allowed to feel, Xemnas says so. Just concentrate on breathing. One shallow inhale and a rushed exhale to follow. Each rise and fall of my chest hurts, but there is something more aching there…Something that, according to Superior Stick-Up-His-Ass and his fuck buddy of a second, we don't have. I know my time is coming. Every second, I feel more of me slip away into the siren's call of darkness.
But damn it, I'm not ready to go yet! Why does it have to be this way…?
Please, don't stand over me with those eyes. It makes it worse. It makes it all hurt that much more as darkness is slowly stealing the shattered remains of my life.
"You're…fading away…" Always one to point out the obvious, huh kid? At least you tried to put it kindly.
"Well, that's what happens when you put your whole being into an attack. You know what I mean?" Of course you don't. But give a dying thing that was never supposed to exist some credit. At least I'm managing to keep things light, even though I want to blast straight through the entire Organization for this. It sucks, losing that last little bit of yourself when it was all you had left. "Not that Nobodies actually have beings… right?"
You're still looking at me like that. Stop… I'm not your top priority now. Was I ever even close, Roxas? No, no. Sora. That's right, you're Sora now. "Anyway, I digress. Go, find Kiari." Go be happy with her. Have the life that none of us got to. "Oh, almost forgot… Sorry for what I did to her."
And here comes the sympathy. Emotion in those blue eyes. At least I got to see that before nothingness swallowed me. I could, for now, pretend that these were the same blue eyes framed by dirty blonde hair instead of brown, all things considered, right?
"When we find her, you can tell her that yourself." There's reluctance in your voice, kid. But thanks for the offer.
"Think I'll pass. My heart just wouldn't be in it, you know? Haven't got one." Cynical humor? Yes. I chuckled, ignoring the jolts of pain that shot up my body. It would be over, soon, might as well make a lasting impression while I could. I'm fire, right? It's what I do.
You haven't said anything yet, and I didn't even get a smile from you. Oh well. Come on, kid. You can't go silent on me like this for too long, now. I don't have much time left. "Axel, what were you trying to do?"
Such innocent curiosity. I can't help but be honest to that face, Sora. That's not fair. "I wanted to see Roxas." You're killing me even faster with that degree of sympathy, shorty. I knew what I was doing, so don't feel so sorry for me now, of all times. "He…was the only one I liked…" I could put up with Demyx, but that wasn't even close to what I had felt for Roxas. Yes, felt. You can go to hell, Xemnas, I felt something for that little spitfire. "He made me feel… like I had a heart." You hear that, you remaining bastards?! I think you're wrong! These can't just be residue feelings! …Not that it matters anymore. Demyx's gone… After Roxas left, he was the only one I could stomach being around. And then when this whole mess started with you, Keyblade Master, it changed him. He was scared all the time. Or mourning over Zexion. Yeah, working under Xemnas against you and your white-haired little stalker sure was a bad idea. I wonder…would you have helped us obtain hearts if we'd only just asked?
"It's kind of…funny. You make me feel…the same…" Damn, what's with these pauses? Is it just me, or is talking getting a little harder? Shit. I'm not ready. I'm not. I want to see Roxas… I don't care if you're in Sora now, I want to see you. Just once more would be enough. There's something clouding my vision, but it's not dark. I can't be that far along, can I? No…it's…wet. Tears? Nobodies can't cry. Impossible. Shit…I can't let you see.
"Kairi's in the castle dungeon. Now go." It takes almost all I have left, but I lift my arm. Calling the darkness for a portal is second nature, but as I'm becoming one with it on a more intimate level than I ever wanted, my control over it seems to be eroding…There, it's done. My hands shaking, so I let it drop back down quickly. No one but no one is allowed to see me that weak. Gotta die with pride. Closing my eyes, I can hear you move, kid. Go on, save the one you love, like I only wish I could have.
"Axel…" You're still here? Why? …Mmm, must have just heard you move in closer earlier. Don't know why, I'm just a Nobody, you don't have to feel this way about me, you know? Unless Roxas is still awake in there. But you didn't care that much, did you, Rox?
I can't hold out anymore…I'm sorry, Roxas, Sora. I can't do it. Even the sad remains of my body won't listen to me now. I force my lips up into a grin, and as my flesh moves, I can feel the moisture. Those tears actually spilled? Guess my prideful death idea just got all blown to hell. Wrenching my eyes open one last time, I can see my sad attempt at a smile reflected in your gaze. But those eyes are all I can see. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit..
I can feel the breath catch in my throat as those eyes sharpen, giving a look of hurt, of sadness. Roxas? You're still…you're still awake in there? I try to move my lips. Damn it, why won't my body work?! I can just feel more water slip from my eyes. "I did it for you, Roxy. Demyx was right when he told us he still had a heart to love Zexion with. I know. I have one too. I can feel it. And it hurts. Right now, thinking of how close I came to seeing you again, it hurts…" But my mouth won't move, no matter how I try to even just lip those words to you. So instead, I'll tell you with the only thing I can. My tears, and my eyes. "Roxy, I love you."
For an instant, I really do see that blonde there, you know? And a light. You're nearly glowin', Rox. I must be hallucinating. Can I go to heaven? If I can, I'll wait for you there. If I go…someplace else, I guess I won't. I doubt you'd ever go to hell. I can see it from here, you're too pure. Guess that comes from being Sora's other. Don't look guilty, Rox. You didn't do this. It wasn't your choice. If I had gone about things in a different way, made better choices, it wouldn't have ended like this. I know that, now… I can see that with more clarity than I think even Namine could manage. Tell her hi for me, okay, kiddo?
My thoughts won't stay straight now. Has it been five seconds, or five hours since you spoke, Sora? Or was that really you in there making him do it, Roxas? I can't tell. Anyway, I want you to know that I'm sorry. Things should never have been like this. I should have done something to help you back then. Something…
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Ax-Axel…You…You idiot. If you'd only waited…I could have seen you. Sora, through Sora, I could have seen you again, you rash, arrogant…
God, no. You're gone. I can see it. You're dissolving so much faster. Your chest is moving slowly, descending…It's stopped. That sad smile, it'll always be there. And those eyes. Those stupid, wonderful, disgusting, beautiful bright green eyes that tormented me for so long…They're hollow. And dim. Almost hazel. Like all the life just fled right out of you. Even you're hair, what's left of it, is so much dimmer. Damn, the blackness is coming so much faster!
Why won't Sora move?! I want to hold you, what's left before you go. Just raise my hand and…Axel? AXEL!
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.:Whine:. I'm sorry! I just had to do it! This is the first time I'm almost crying at something I've written. Listening to that really sad Nobody song isn't helping matters. I also have a drawing that goes with this far after this happens. It's of Roxas holding Bond of Flames. When it's up on deviantart I'll add the link in my profile. Anyway, reviews are welcome. I didn't plan on going anywhere with this, I just wanted to tell Axel's side of this a little bit and a short Roxas POV poked it's head in, too. Let me know what you think.