-Authors Notes-
HEY GUYS! Oh god I've missed writing fics. It's like an addiction. First off thank you all so much for the response to my last two glee stories. I'm still getting the odd favorite story alert for both of them which is amazing and wow a lot of you liked the smut. I mean you guys favorited the crap out of that story. I was really touched. My first smut story and it seemed to go down well!
Sorry, sorry. Focus! Right. So this story. It's set after el Christmas episode but before the super bowl one. I needed to get this started before the super bowl episode because if the spoilers are to be believed, well, I'm worried. Oh lordy.
But I digress. This story is a kind of journey for Finchel back to each other. The first few chapters will have some terrible angsty bits for the torn apart lovers. Sigh. I hope you guys like. I've set it kind of differently from my previous story. Each chapter will be set around a week, a new character POV each day. You'll see. Also couples are featured as they were up until the Christmas episode but I'll be exploring the Quinn/Sam/Puck triangle because I love a bit of Quick, although I'm not sure how far I'm going with them yet. Would love to hear what you guys think of this as we go along.
Also this is a T rated story but will include some naughty words. Please don't read it if you can't handle it. I'm talking like nothing worse than but including the F word but just warning yah!
I actually can't stop typing. Gah. In all fairness these chapters are LONG so they need a long introduction.
Oh and finally (I know, I know. Get on with it!) I'm thinking about jumping ship. Well not really. But I am looking to explore my options, I may write some other ship fics just to kind of test my writing and see if I can. It's easy to write Finchel if I ship Finchel but can I write Puckelberry or Bartie or Brittana etc? I dunno it's just something I'd like to play around with. I'm going to maybe hang around the forums a bit and pick up some random challenges. PM me if you would be into reading anything else or if you are so offended at reading the word Puckelberry that you want me to do it under another account ;) or if you know where I can get some interesting challenges or prompts.
Also I set up my new tumblr where I'll be featuring some of the best glee fanfics. I thought I best put all my time on here to good use. Check it out if you're so inclined, it's on my user page. Also feel free to suggest or take part. Let's get this rollin'
Much love. Long live Finchel, may you reunite in a overly dramatic and romantic fashion!
SORRY one last thing. I don't own glee. Sucks I know right?
-X-
-Finn's Saturday-
He loves her.
He hates her.
He kinda hates that he loves her.
But he can never love that he hates her.
Finn wipes away the steam on the mirror as if wiping away his thoughts on the matter, if only for a moment. The bathroom is clouded following his hot shower and the glass steams up once again, almost instantly.
Sighing he dresses all too quickly and wanders back to his bedroom while rubbing his wet hair with a towel.
Thoughts of Rachel already return to his mind by the time he closes the bathroom door and looks over his room.
It's still technically his and Kurt's but with Kurt back at Dalton he tends to consider it his while he's away.
Finn almost wishes he missed Kurt a little more. He feels guilty whenever Kurt visits for not missing his step brother more but Finn just doesn't have time to miss him because it never takes long for his mind to always return to the same tired topic, Rachel.
It's not his fault. It might be a disease.
If love is considered a disease.
And damn it all, right now he thinks maybe it should be.
Like there could be a shot for it or something. Like a flu jab.
Finn would totally be all over that right now.
Instead he's all pissy with everyone because he misses Rachel. Then he's pissy with Rachel because she hurt him. Then he's pissy with himself for being such a doofus and having two girlfriends who cheated on.
Finn hears his phone alert him to a text message. He has no desire to read another apology from Rachel but thankfully she's taken the hint. He hasn't heard from her since before Christmas, except for one short message wishing him a happy holidays.
Somehow that's almost worse. Not hearing from her.
He misses her. He hates missing her. It's a stupid endless cycle of stupidity.
Finn reaches over for the phone. A small part of him hopes it's her even though he knows it won't be.
Yo Finnigan, we're gonna have a COD marathon at Artie's 2. You in or are you still being a whiny pussy? Cause you know I don't play with girls. It'd be even easier to beat you.
He can't help but grin the tiniest bit at the message from Puck.
He shouldn't. Puck is half the reason that he's being a 'whiny pussy' but there's something to be said for guy friendships sometimes.
They may not be cool but they'll sweep it under the rug for video games.
Whatever Puckerman. You know I'll smack you down any day of the week. I'll be there loser!
Finn could never resist smack talking Puck. And maybe a few hours of pumping some video dudes full of video lead will take his mind off of his problems or something.
He knows it won't though.
He's got to be in same room as Puck. They may be sweeping their issues or whatever but it doesn't mean he's not reminded of what they did every time he sees that mohawked man slut.
Sometimes life sucks. He can't remember who said that but someone once told him it like it was a great piece of wisdom. Finn didn't think much of it at the time but it pretty much summed up his life at the minute.
Sitting alone in his bedroom, waiting until 1:40 rolls around so he can drive to Artie's and play video games with the dude that both his (ex) girlfriends cheated on him with.
Then again that's pretty much how he's spent the whole winter break.
The whole time thinking about her or playing video games.
Or thinking about her while he plays video games.
He almost texts her while his phone is in his hand.
His thumb is like, hovering over the button next to her name.
Finn throws the gadget onto his bed where it bounces for a second.
He has to resist, he still hasn't figured himself out. Which is not helpful. School starts again in two days. Somehow it's the Saturday before they go back. He doesn't know how it crept up on him or how he survived the mind numbing boredom that was his winter break but it's here and the only thing that the new school semester promises is seeing her.
Life sucks.
-Rachel's Sunday-
She locks the tripod in place.
Rachel has spent an incredible amount of time over the winter break recording myspace videos.
A small percentile within her is thankful for the free time to catch up on such a crucial task.
And then the rest of her consciousness crushes that part of her as she reminds herself the cost of all this alone time.
Finn.
She almost can't decide what's worse. How badly she's hurting or how badly she knows she hurt Finn.
But Rachel knows that she channels her hurting into her videos. Yesterday she recorded a stirring rendition of 'Love Hurts'.
Today is Air Supply 'Without You'. She knows the song all too well. It was one of the songs she would sing to herself when he was with Quinn. When she sang it then it signified that Rachel and Finn were meant to be. The 'sorrow in his eyes' as she sang it then was his sorrow at being with Quinn, who he didn't love. The inability to live without each other was simply a declaration that they were meant to be.
For Rachel life was simpler then. A little star crossed love story to pour her efforts into.
Now however she sings the words with remorse. With apology. Knowing that the 'sorrow in his eyes' she put there. Knowing that she can't live without him and it's her own fault that she has to.
She feels more hopeless now than she ever did during babygate.
Rachel tries not to blame herself. She's had countless conversations with Kurt regarding the matter, he's been the unexpected friend who has helped her through. He tells her that she's being silly. That as much as her cheating was a incredibly stupid decision (his words but she's agrees) there was also a reason behind it. That maybe Finn wasn't and isn't perfect and he still has issues he needs to man up and take responsibility for.
Each time Kurt tells her this, usually just changing the wording, she sighs. She shakes her head (even if they're talking over the phone) and she almost whispers back to him "I still cheated on him. There was a line and I crossed it".
Kurt then normally gets a little agitated. He loves his step brother after all but he tells her, quite often, that he's sick of her playing the blame game with herself. She can't stop herself so she always ends up listening as he tries to pick her up.
Rachel prefers it when he talks about Blaine. It's nice to hear about a happy ending for Kurt after all of his problems at McKinley and he gets so involved with his little stories about their dinner conversation the previous night that he forgets to chastise Rachel for her pity parties.
She watches the upload bar on her screen numbly as she wonders if it's lucky Kurt won't be calling tonight.
Maybe she should just go to bed.
Then again it's 6pm.
Even last year when she was more of a bullied nobody than she is now, she still never went to bed this early.
She almost wishes she'd never had a taste of the good life with Finn. Of having a boyfriend who wanted to see her. Who wanted to spend time with her.
Then she takes it back because she could never really wish that.
She wouldn't trade her time with Finn for anything, even taking away the hurt.
The beep of her computer snaps her from her memories. Upload complete.
She takes a brief looks through her older videos, ensuring no harmful comments are displayed. She blocks the cheerios as and when they rear their heads but sometimes new screen names pop up, created with the sole purpose of spreading hateful comments about her.
The lengths some people will go to, in order to humiliate her, is almost touching.
Seeing no new insults for today she retreats to google, searching for some new song choices either for regionals or myspace. Either way something to keep her busy.
However Rachel is a old hat at song choices and google. She flies through her searches, making notes, on autopilot. It only frees up her mind to think about him some more.
Because she hasn't done enough of that.
The computer beeps again, alerting her of a new email.
She opens up what is a comment on her latest video.
Rachel Berry if I have to receive a alert from myspace one more time with another heartbroken song that you've sung I will come back to Lima and throttle you to within an inch of your life. Now I am at dinner with Blaine who I haven't seen all winter break and you're ruining it, although he does say hello. I shall be calling you tomorrow after school. Be prepared.
Rachel giggles despite herself as the image of a ranting Kurt enters her mind.
She didn't ask him to subscribe to her myspace videos.
Before she realizes it's somehow 9pm and in her mind a much more socially acceptable time to go to sleep, even if it is still a little early.
She's in a strange limbo between excitement and nervous. She's excited to see Finn, even if he doesn't want to see her. She'd excited to see everyone from glee, even if the majority of them hate her.
What she's dreading is school in general. Her almost guaranteed slushie, the comments about her, everything, even if she's a master at keeping her head held high.
It never gets any easier to handle and she wonders if it will actually be worse now after she became accustomed to having tall, dashing protector.
Rachel curls up into the blanket on her bed. Hugging it close to her body not only for warmth but for comfort she let out a long sigh at the thought of what tomorrow may bring.
Monday was certainly going to be a long day.
-Puck's Monday-
Puck wandered the halls with a certain, added badass-ness that day.
For starters, it's Monday.
What. The. Fuck.
He hates Mondays, well, he hates any day where he's supposed to be at school. He can't ditch because of his stupid probation and to add insult to injury he lost his COD title to Professor X on the weekend because apparently he'd taken a break from Halo to hand Puck his ass.
He did get some awesome shots at the Changster before being taken down. That had relived some of his aggression.
He addressed the rest of that frustration with Satan yesterday day though.
Even after he called her Satan to her face and she flipped out before forgiving him.
Nobody can resist the sweet sweet lovings of the Puckasauras.
"Yo Puck", he turned around to the call of his name to see Sam running up to him.
Great it's Douche McBig Mouth come to brighten my day.
"Sup?", he asks with an eye roll at the blonde.
"Dude, I was just wondering if you can cover for me at practice later, I promised Quinn I'd drop her off somewhere, I'm not gonna miss it, I'll just be late like 10 minutes".
Puck wanted to punch Sam in the face and then face palm himself. This dude had obviously mistaken the Puckzillas grunts at practice as some sorta dude friendship or something, rather than what it really was.
Puck using every ounce of will power not to smack the dude up side the head.
Not that he's jealous or anything.
He guesses, maybe, at times he wishes he had more closure on the Quinn thing. Rather than her breaking his heart and then running off with the great Bieber impersonator while he's in juvie.
Wait heart?
Puck shook his head. He'd been over this, he did not love Quinn Fabray.
He did not love anyone.
He was a badass not some lover boy. Love is what turned Hudson into a whiny wimp anyway.
"Sure, whatever. Bieste will probably still make you run sprints though", Puck eventually replied shrugging his shoulders.
Sam laughed as he smiled and walked off, "yeah probably. Thanks dude, catch you later".
Puck watched him jog away with a scowl, he didn't like that dude and it was in no way anything to do with Quinn.
Anyway he figured Bieste was going to kick his ass for being late either way, what harm could it do to shut the hell up at practice and let him take some extra punishment?
With a added smile on his face Puck carried on walking when he saw Berry getting slushied.
He shuddered inwardly remembering the feeling of a slushie facial but watched as she eyed Karofsky dangerously despite the laughter surrounding her, "in the words of my friend Kurt Hummel, you will be working for me one day" she said with venom before marching off to the girls bathroom.
Puck watched Karofsky turn a deep red with what he could only assume was anger before storming off angrily.
He shrugged at the confrontation thinking nothing of it as he changed his decision and walked straight past his locker to head towards the nurses office.
As expected he slept until lunch and woke up ready to be more badass than ever.
Nothing like a nap to refresh a young mind.
What he didn't expect was to hear a feminine yelp from the dumpsters as he made his way to the parking lot, fully intending to treat himself to a burger for lunch rather than stuff they tried to call food in the cafeteria.
Leaning over the top he couldn't help but smirk as he held out a hand for her, "sup Berry?"
-Finn's Tuesday-
Things weren't going to such a bad start.
Sure it sucked to be back at school but it gave Finn something to focus on, you know?
He actually started listening in his English class because then he didn't look at the back of her head. He was working hard in football because then he didn't try to sack Puck, you know, just accidentally on purpose. He actually tried improving his voice and listening to the assignment in glee, because then he didn't have to listen to her or catch at the looks from his fellow glee clubbers.
"Finn!"
"Yes Mr Schue?", he said realizing he'd made it to another glee practice.
Ok maybe he had his moments of not listening... or looking where he was going.
"How you would feel taking the male lead on for the duet at regionals?", his teacher asked like he was in a rush.
Finn gulped, he almost didn't want to ask but he had to, "with... Rachel?"
Mr. Schues face softened at his tone but he carried on, "if it's a problem we have time to work with someone else, maybe Puck, but you both are still the strongest duet option..."
"It's fine Mr. Schue. I'm sure it'll be fine", despite his words Finn still felt unsure in what he was saying but was grateful Mr. Schue asked before anyone else had turned up.
Wait, why was he first here?
Mr. Schue clapped a hand down on Finns shoulder and smiled at him, "I'm so glad you agreed Finn, I think having the duet may make it easier for Rachel when I tell her about the solo".
Before Finn could even ask what Mr. Schues evil scheme was they were interrupted by the subject of their conversation.
"What is it you need to tell me about the solo", she asked with a hand on her hip from the doorway.
Finn looked at her properly for the first time in weeks, since he had been avoiding her. Her vision was fixed on Mr. Schue like a laser and her slight pout screamed diva-about-to-have-a-meltdown-if-she-isn't-told-what-she-wants-to-hear. Aside form that though Finn noticed the little things about her, like how she was wearing a simple red dress rather than something with a huge pattern or how her eyes looked sad despite the agitation in her face.
He couldn't tear himself to look away as she marched over the the pair of them, still keeping eye contact with Mr. Schue who was apparently scared.
"Rachel! I was just asking Finn how he'd feel about you two having a duet at sectionals"
She didn't bat an eyelid as she replied even though she flustered over a few words, "of course we should have a duet, we are perfect together... our voices I mean. That's not what I heard though, what was the talk about solos?"
Finn almost felt bad for Mr. Schue. He'd seen this Rachel before, that was her crazy ambition meets Mr. Schue standing in her way. Not a good combo. When Finn peeled his eyes away from Rachel his saw their teacher trying to think of something with wide eyes although he eventually gave up.
"I was thinking of having a completely level playing field for our solo, glee solo auditions".
Finn thought for sure that she'd explode at this point. Like her head would explode like a thermometer that got too hot or something and she'd launch herself into a rant somehow, even with a exploded head.
Weirdly enough she didn't.
Instead her eyes flickered to him for like a second. He caught it though. It looked like she'd just remembered he was there. She took a deep breath and looked again at Mr. Schue.
"Mr. Schuester can I please talk to you for a moment, in your office?", her voice was softer but still sounded to him like it was not a question, Mr. Schue was going in that office whatever happened.
Finn decided he'd stood too close to her for too long, any longer and he'd start smelling her shampoo and stuff and he didn't need to go down that road. It took him long enough to get the smell out of his bedroom over winter because he swears the smell, was somehow, everywhere.
"I'm gonna...", he mumbled as he turned towards the seats at the same time that Mr. Schue led her towards his office.
Finn wondered why she couldn't say whatever she wanted to say in front of him. Normally she moaned about solos in front of everyone.
Then he slammed his palm to his forehead as if physical assault would remind his brain to stop thinking about her.
Mercedes and Tina walked in and Finn was grateful for someone, anyone, else to talk to but their hellos were interrupted by conversation from the side office suddenly going up in volume.
"Success at Sectionals? We tied! That's not a success in anyones book. WE TIED! There's no room for ties in regionals and certainly not at Nationals!"
The office went silent again for a few moments before Mr. Schues voice got louder.
"That's fantastic Rachel!"
"Do you finally see my point? Do you see what it means?"
"But Rachel I can't just..."
"I'm simply informing you Mr. Schuester. Do what you will with the news but on your head be it! I would, however, thank you very much if you kept this information to yourself!"
The last sentence was almost shouted but calm at the same time. All three of them were now staring at the door as Rachel stormed through it and forced a smile on her face as she said her hellos to Tina and Mercedes, before taking a seat in the front.
When Mr. Schue returned he looked like somebody had given him a present, which was cool, but then the present turned out to be a punch in the gut.
Finn told himself it wasn't weird that he was obsessing over what could have been said. This was backed up by the fact that as the rest of the glee club arrived he overheard Mercedes and Tina gossiping with some of the others about it and trying to figure out what happened. So everyone wanted to know. He was allowed to care about her news.
Mr. Schue never did make his announcement about solos in that glee meeting.
-Quinn's Wednesday-
Quinn walked down the hallway of McKinley high and smiled to herself at the status she had regained since last year.
People parted for her like the red sea, a feat she and only she, of all the cheerios had perfected.
Out the corner of her eye she saw a small factor in her popularity retention, Sam her bubble pop blonde boyfriend jogged towards her, along the corridor from the opposite direction.
When he reached her he leant in happily for a kiss and she turned ever so slightly so it landed on her cheek. Luckily he didn't notice, he never noticed.
"Hey sweetie, are you feeling any better?"
She smiled sweetly, "much better, I was ok by yesterday evening. Thanks for the ride on Monday".
He grinned at the thanks she had thrown his way, "anytime, anytime".
He grabbed her hand as he walked her to her next class but their conversation didn't continue until she saw Rachel by her locker putting away a pile of sheet music.
"Did anything happen in glee I should know about?", she asked with some interest.
He shrugged, "our assignment is a song that sums up what you want from this year or where you see yourself going. Oh and apparently Rachel had a fight with Schue".
"What?", she asked almost stopping to look at Rachel again and reevaluate her. She didn't look like she'd been reprimanded. She normally looked all angry when she had been.
"No, not like a fight. But you know her usual tantrum. Except apparently she took him into the office instead of doing it in front of everyone, as usual, and at one point he was congratulating her and she was all 'well I've made my point' and left it at that".
Quinn thought about it for a second. She wondered why the change of heart, Rachel normally complained about Schuester's leadership in front of everyone and she never backed away from an argument. Mercedes clearly had the scoop on this because every word from Sam's mouth must have been reiterated from what she'd said, Sam would never have paid that much attention to the 'argument'.
She made a mental note to hit Mercedes up for the gossip later, she found a slight relief in hearing gossip now her and her baby weren't the subject of it.
Sam kissed her once more on the cheek before leaving her at the door to her class, History.
She took her normal seat in the back but was surprised when Puck slumped in the chair next to her.
"Do you even take this class?", she asked raising an eyebrow to him.
He smirked at her, "yeah, course I do. You've just never seen me in here because it's right before Math so I usually get a head start on my nap, you know?"
"So why have you graced us with your presence today?"
"Gotta keep my GPA up since juvie. Plus I found out you were here, couldn't resist that, could I Q?", he waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
She scoffed, "dream on Puckerman".
"Ouch baby, ouch", he feigned hurt as their teacher walked in.
"So class today we'll be covering the subjects in our quiz next week so it's a excellent chance for those of you lacking in notes", she eyed Puck with contempt, "to catch up in time to save your grade".
"Quiz? I've only been in this damn class a week", he said a little too loudly.
Quinn couldn't help laugh at that along with a few other people in the class. He sat back in his chair lazily as he said it, making the statement in general rather than out of shock at having a quiz. She always loved his confidence, even when that confidence was making their middle aged teachers face flush in frustration.
She shook her head, remembering why she wasn't with Puck. It was too much baggage, for both of them.
She couldn't even drink a wine cooler without thinking about him.
Which was incredibly annoying, she loved wine coolers.
"Thinking about me babe?", he asked her bringing her back to reality.
She stopped herself from saying she was actually thinking about wine coolers because she knew that one would come back to bite her in the ass but it seemed her silence did just as much.
"You don't need to confirm it. The look of complete satisfaction on your face said it all. Everyone looks like that when thinking about Puckzilla"
Quinn smirked evilly almost mirroring his usual expression.
"Yeah I see the guys walk out of the locker room with that look all the time", she countered.
He mumbled, "not cool, not cool", before shutting up for the reminder of the period.
She smirked at her victory and ignored the feeling of excitement. The feeling of fun and laughter at her banter with Puck. Just because her and Sam didn't have banter didn't mean anything.
Criminal minds might have banter with her but Sam was... sweet.
Oh and popular.
And... blonde?
The mohawked hooligan sitting next to couldn't even pay attention, half way through the class he was on his phone under the table.
She was almost annoyed until she realized she hadn't really been listening either, however she had turned up to class this year.
And then she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket.
Puckerone Female Services: Satisfaction guaranteed. Call me when you're in need.
Quinn rolled her eyes and typed a quick message back before slipping the phone away and picking up her pen to catch up.
I'm impressed you spelt that all correctly
-Rachel's Thursday-
She paced about her room wondering whether she should call him.
Part of her thought it might seem like gloating, part of her wanted one of her actual friends to know.
She was becoming increasingly aware she didn't have many and although she couldn't quite explain how, or when, they had become friends she knew after he had talked her down post breakup that he was in fact her friend.
That settled it for her, she wouldn't keep one of the few people who cared about her in the dark.
Pressing his speed dial number she waited for him to answer hoping it wasn't too early.
"Good morning Diva", came Kurt's chipper greeting.
"Kurt! I hope I didn't wake you?"
He laughed happily, humoring her question, "you know I'm up early to fulfill my skin care regime, but what can I do for you on this fine Thursday morning? You can't have any drama yet, school doesn't start for an hour".
She bit her lip nervously, "actually there is something I wanted to tell you".
"Speak to me diva, you know I need my gossip fix and there is so so much at McKinley"
"Well this isn't so much gossip. In fact I'd rather it not get back to certain people right now as I will not be announcing it yet, or for a while. I only wanted to discuss it with you first because we've becom..."
She hears him sigh, effectively cutting her off, "as much as I love our little chats I still have to moisturize, can we hurry this up?"
"I was accepted to Juilliard a..."
He cut her off a second time. Not with words but instead a shrill scream and Rachel had to hold the phone away from her ear for a second to save her perfect hearing.
"KURT! Listen to me I haven't finished!", she screamed to get his attention.
He calms himself and mumbles a sorry to a groggy sounding room mate in the background. "I'm sorry Rachel it's just that is incredible news and while I am seething with jealousy I am so very happy for you, once I get in we'll have so much fun together and..."
She cuts him off this time, "I haven't finished Kurt. I was accepted as an accelerated entrant. I start a year early. I'm leaving Ohio after this summer".
There is no scream this time, only silence. Rachel couldn't help but wonder if she broke him.
"Kurt? Say something?"
"Wow. I just wasn't aware you applied early, I didn't know you were even interested in applying early, at the time for applications you were still dating... you were still dating. I never thought. Wow. You leave in September?"
She chuckles at his words, thankful he didn't say his name, "I think I'll have just enough time to pack, don't you think?"
"You realize I can't let you leave with those sweaters? I'll have to supervise your packing over the summer. I'm taking you shopping. It's for your own good".
"I wouldn't expect anything less Kurt. And besides it means when you join me at Juilliard next year you'll already have a friend who knows her way around campus".
"I suppose so", he mutters back.
Rachel catches sight of the pink clock hanging on her yellow walls.
"Oh Kurt I have to go but I just had to tell you first and foremost. I'll text you later? Oh and I'm assuming I can count on you not to tell anyone yet? I'm not planning on announcing it to the glee club", she asks not quite aware on the emphasis she put on the word 'anyone'.
"Of course college girl. I can't have my early bird having a melt down before she even gets to New York. You have my word, which I rarely give out so count your blessings. Have a great day diva!"
"You too", Rachel replied as she ends the call. Relief washes over her at finally telling someone other than her fathers, her glee teacher and her various vocal and dance instructors.
She hadn't told family or teachers, she'd told a friend.
He was happy for her.
Having told Kurt cemented her decision in reality for her. She was going to Juilliard in little over half a year. She only had to survive the halls of McKinley high until summer and then she could pack up and leave.
In some respects it felt like running away. Maybe it was. But Rachel had made up her mind.
And she knew exactly why she didn't want to tell glee club yet. And Kurt knew why which is why he didn't ask.
There was one member she wasn't sure about telling and she couldn't tell the rest without him finding out.
So she would wait, she had already decided. She wasn't quite sure when till, but she would wait to spill the proverbial beans.
But Rachel felt good as she made her way to school in her pink car. For the first time in weeks she was smiling, happily, genuinely.
She had a perfect song picked out for this weeks glee assignment and she was finally excited about going to Juilliard early because she'd come to realize that love had let her down but performing never would. Rachel practically had her old skip in her step as she walked the halls of McKinley high that day.
Then she felt the icy sting of blue raspberry hit her face.
-Finn's Friday-
Finn was unbelievably happy that it was nearly the end of the week. Like over the moon.
He'd been hanging on to the gossip of glee for crying out loud. All in the hopes of hearing Rachel's secret.
At one point he thought about just asking her but then he changed his mind. It would have been too much of a sucker punch if she said no. Because he knew Rachel told things to people she cared about.
And he did not want to find out she didn't care anymore if she wouldn't tell him.
Finn was slowly, very slowly, beginning to think about things. Like seriously.
Because why did it matter if Rachel didn't care? If he was never going to get back with her, if he was going to move on and whatever. Why did it matter?
Did he want her back?
The answer seemed obvious. Yes. Of course.
The only problem being the sick feeling he got looking at her because all he saw was her macking on Puck. Which was only made worse when he saw Puck talking to her yesterday. Just in the hall. But seeing them together...
He almost punched Puck through a wall or something.
Finn came to the conclusion that he needed time. That he needed time to get over it but at the end of that he would be getting her back.
That's not even an issue. He wanted her back eventually. She was Rachel Berry.
His Rachel Berry.
Maybe he was taking it for granted that she'd like wait around for him but that was something Rachel had made clear in her pre Christmas begging.
She loved him and she'd wait.
But that was for down the road, right now he needed time. Time to not want to yell at her and punch him. It happened a little bit less each day and it helped that she was actually giving him space.
And now that it was Friday he only had to get through one more glee today and he'd be fine. Just peachy. One week down.
He sat in the back, as usual, as Mr. Schue talked about the assignment. What the songs that had been sung so far meant.
She was in the front so he saw straight away when her hand shot up.
"Mr. Schuester I think that after a long search I finally found a song that sums up what I believe is on the cards for me this year".
He hadn't heard her sing in weeks now and not a solo. He'd rejected her Christmas present of a solo and... geezz she was gonna sing. She was already at the piano talking to Brad and was...? Artie is playing guitar?
Is Rachel singing something not from Broadway?
The music started up and Finn recognized the song straight away. That was rock. Classic, awesome rock.
Artie strummed at the guitar like it was a part of his body and Finn couldn't believe that a) she was singing this and b) that she was singing this.
Suddenly he couldn't take his eyes off of her as she began.
I want to break free
I want to break free
I want to break free from your lies
You're so self satisfied I don't need you
He couldn't help but smile as she sung that line looking straight into Santana's eyes. It's one of the only lines she did look at someone, singing most of the song to the room and to no one in particular.
I've got to break free.
God knows, God knows I want to break free,
I've fallen in love
I've fallen in love for the first time
And this time I know it's for real
I've fallen in love, yeah
God knows, God knows I've fallen in love
It's strange but it's true, hey
I can't get over the way you love me like you do
But I have to be sure
When I walk out that door
Oh how I want to be free, baby
Oh how I want to break free
Oh how I want to break free
Then while he's memorized and Artie is wailing on the guitar solo, she locks eyes with him for the next lines. He's sure it's the first time they've looked at each other at the same time in, what seems like, forever.
But life still goes on
I can't get used to living without, living without
Living without you by my side
I don't want to live alone, hey
God knows, got to make it on my own
So baby can't you see
I've got to break free
He doesn't know what to think. She breaks eye contact for the last part, which she totally nails and like sings to nobody and everybody at the same time. He doesn't know what to make of the song, the lyrics, of her performance. Was she trying to send him a message? Did she really want to get over him?
I've got the break free
I want to break free
I want, I want, I want, I want to break free
The room breaks out in applause when she finishes. Finn doesn't clap. He's scared to clap. Everyone else seems to have forgotten that the songs are meant to have meanings and instead they are applauding Rachel for rocking out to a Queen song. Schuester is smiling worriedly and suddenly Finn thinks he knows something but he covers it up by praising her for getting out of her shell and sharing something.
At that everything else is lost on Finn, he can see noise being made around him, like seriously. He can see peoples mouths moving and hands clapping and high fives happening (Artie seriously rocked the guitar) and he can't hear it.
He's worried he's gone deaf.
But through it all he hears her say "don't read too much into it" to Mercedes and for a second she looks at him and smiles.
That shy, nervous smile she used to give him all the time.
And Finn calms down a little. He begins to breathe normally again, he tries to stop repeating the lyrics in his head even though 'life still goes on' and 'got to break free' keep looping. He stands up suddenly, like he didn't expect to and his legs are moving on their own.
He walks from the room because... just because. He makes it out quick enough that nobody has time to ask him where he's going. By the time the questions start getting asked and his hearing returns he's gone, but people call after him.
Finn goes home. He needs this week, this weird week, to be over.
I hope you didn't leave glee on my account but I fear you might have. Didn't anyone ever tell you that I do the storm outs around here? Please reply if you want to talk. However if you don't want to, please trust me (I know that is hard to do at the moment) when I say that it's not what it seems. If you don't want to talk then I apologize for bothering you and I hope to return to giving you space. -Rachel*
He stares at the message from her. Smiling slightly at her attempt to lighten the mood about his storm out but frowning when he comes to the last lines.
He doesn't know what's worse, the fact that she asked him to trust her or the fact that his automatic reaction was to trust her regardless. Even after Puck.
The message only eases some of his tension over her performance as he slumps back onto his bed unhappily, undecided as to if he will reply.