Memories to Forget, Memories to Remember
In their flat, Remus tries to forget. He desperately wants to shut out the memories of Sirius, memories that he thought he would always treasure as times when he was truly loved and accepted. Now he knows the truth behind them. He spend nights lying awake, trying to analyse every conversation, every kiss, every "I love you" to find Sirius' hidden motives. He can't. Maybe Sirius was honest in those times, but if he really loved him, loved them all, why would he betray them?
Remus tries to pinpoint the moment where Sirius changed, but Sirius was always himself. Uncomplicated and open, even in the midst of the war tearing them apart. When their conversations became less and less frequent, Sirius was still himself. Remus thought he saw sadness in the eyes that had still looked longingly at him, but he must have imagined it. Sirius had always been smarter than him, he must have been fooling Remus all that time.
In his cell, Sirius tries to remember. The Dementors rapidly remove his happy memories with Remus and the other Marauders, and even if he had his wand he would not be able to conjure a Patronus. He remembers the silence that passed between them during the outbreak of war, the mistrust and fear. He knows that James, Lily and Peter are dead, and Remus thinks he betrayed them all. He knows that Remus hates him and there is no hope left in him that Remus will ever know of his innocence. Sirius tries to ignore the flood of bad memories, the screams and pain whenever the Dementors pass, and focuses on trying to find out who killed his friends and put him here.
He tries to imagine the members of the Order who may be guilty, shaking his head as each one comes into his mind. He berates himself doing this. He was wrong about Remus, why would he be able to understand now?
* * *
Remus watches his mug of tea, steam curling out in whispering, translucent and lazy coils, caressing the air before disappearing.
He is alone, filled with agonising memories. He is thinking of Sirius.
Sirius can barely see the misty spray of the sea from his cell window. He knows it's there; a vast expanse of water isolating him from everyone.
He is alone, haunted by the memories he wants to forget, and desperately trying to cling to memories he wants to remember. He is thinking of Remus.
Please let me know what you think. I hope I conveyed their feelings alright. Constructive criticism is always welcome.