A/N: This is my first time treading the A-Team waters, and I'm very excited! I was challenged to write this by my sister and it's purely for fun. If the following situation seems ridiculous, then good, because it was meant to be! I was curious to see if I could take the "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better" song and write a fic around it. Face/ Amy seemed like the best characters to use because the song is basically them!
Thanks so much for taking the time!
I Can Do Anything Better Than You
"Face you're doing it wrong." Amy stood over him as he knelt on the floor, his head under the enclosed desk belonging to the slime-ball they were after.
"Tapping a line is not that hard." Face sighed, pinching the clips he held around the phone cord.
Crouching down next to him, Amy squeezed in against his shoulder and the underside of the desk. "See, the way you're doing it," She said, reaching for the clip he'd just placed. "It will fall off." As of to confirm her words, the bug wiggled free and fell on the floor.
"Well if you touch it like that, of course it will!" Face growled, snatching the clip back from her. Amy smirked. He rolled his eyes in return. For some reason, she'd been on his case all day. Everything from morning coffee to driving the car had become an introductory course in the Amy Allen Guide of How Toos.
"Here," Amy produced an extra clip she'd been carrying in her pocket. Leaning in, she placed the tiny jaws around the wire and pressed, hard. After a moment she let go and nodded to Face, challenging him.
"Go ahead, shake it free."
Face cast her a confident sneer, grabbing the telephone wire intent on proving her wrong. Unfortunately, after three tries he still couldn't get the damn bug to fall off.
"See?" Amy said proudly. "Anything you can do, I can do better." With shrug she backed up and climbed to her feet, smoothing down the work overalls she wore. The rest of her ensemble also included a white shirt with the name Bert & Co. Telephone printed across the back.
Face gritted his teeth, remaining under the desk for one last exasperated sigh. Grabbing his tool box, he soon followed. Standing up he gave Amy a scathing look from beneath the green brim of the red cap on his head.
"What did you just say?"
Fixing her hair, Amy re-swept her tresses back into a fresh ponytail. "I can do anything better than you." She reiterated for him, mumbling around the elastic hair band hanging between her teeth.
Face frowned, setting his tool box down on the chair behind him. "No you can't." He half laughed at the idea.
"Yes, I can." Amy objected.
"No, you can't." He retorted.
"Yes, I can."
"No, you can't." He was starting to sound defensive.
"Yes, I can. Yes, I can." Amy said twice before he could work in another 'no'. Oh how much fun it was to aggravate Face's ego from time to time. Tying off her hair, she decided to provoke him further.
Face could see by her mischievous expression, Amy wasn't ready to give up the conversation quite yet. Well, in that case, two could play he decided. Picking up a magazine from the desktop, he glanced at the cover. A downtown view of Wall Street stared back at him.
"Anything you can be, I can be greater." Face said. Improvising, he flashed the image at Amy and gave her a winning smile. "Sooner or later, I'm greater than you." With a flourish he tossed the magazine over his shoulder.
Hands on her hips Amy lifted an eyebrow, amused. "No, you're not."
"Yes, I am." He said, hooking his thumbs in his overall straps.
"No, you're not." Her amusement was fading.
"Yes, I am."
"No, you're not!"
"Yes, I am. Yes, I am!" Face's grin broadened, he liked watching her fume. Holding up his thumb and forefinger like a gun he aimed it at her, pretending to fire. "Ha. I can shoot a partridge with a single cartridge."
Amy could see where this game was headed. Moving to the nearby couch she stepped up on the seat to look down on her opponent. "Well, I can get a sparrow with a bow and arrow." She said matter-of-factly, drawing an invisible bow. Face side-stepped the unseen arrow she loosed on him, letting it hit the wall instead.
"I can live on bread and cheese." He said walking toward a plate of drying food left on the coffee table in front of the couch.
"And only on that?" Amy asked, studying the cheddar and crumbled biscuit. She wondered if their mark liked wine too, and then spotted an empty glass on the desk.
"Yes." Face smirked.
Now it was Amy's turn to roll her eyes. "Well so can a—"
"—rat!" She yelped suddenly, pointing in disgust as a rodent scurried out from under the couch to run across the floor. It was obviously disturbed by their bantering. That's what their mark got for leaving out half eaten food.
Without a second thought, Amy jumped into Face's unsuspecting arms. He caught her, supporting her back and holding her knees firmly in his grasp. She wrapped both arms tightly about his neck and the two watched the creature dive out of sight behind a floor-to-ceiling bookshelf.
"Ha, your voice," Face laughed, referencing her surprised squeak. He lowered her to her feet again and tapped her nose with a forefinger. "Any note you can reach, I can go higher."
Amy shook her head; she'd been in a choir once. "I doubt it. I can sing anything higher than you."
"No, you can't." Face said in a sing-song fashion.
"Yes, I can." Amy almost giggled at the sound of him.
"No, you can't," His voice rose an octave –a lousy one.
"Yes, I can." She did the same, matching his pitch and then straining a little higher. It was a good thing no one was home.
"No, you can't."
"Yes, I can."
"No, you can't!" Face gave one last hurrah, his voice barely audible now. Amy saw her chance.
"Yes, I CAN!" She sang as high as she could, scrunching her eyes closed. She only stopped at the sound of glass breaking. Turning around in surprise, Amy found Face standing behind her. He was holding a broken stem from what had been the empty wineglass. Glittering shards lay all over the desktop. By the innocent look on his face, she could tell he'd broken it on purpose to get her to desist. The brat.
Sticking her hand into her pocket, Amy fished around for some change. "Anything you can buy, I can buy cheaper." She said, broaching a subject close to his heart. "I can buy anything cheaper than you." She rattled her fistful of coins at him.
"Fifty cents?" Face asked, putting the stem down on the desk.
"Forty cents!" Amy shot back.
"Thirty cents?" He goaded her.
"Twenty cents!" This time she threw two dimes his way. Face made no move to catch them, letting the coins bounce off his chest and clatter on the hardwood floor.
"No, you really can't." He stated simply, pulling out his wallet and displaying all his con cards. Amy had to admit, no one could get anything cheaper than Face could. Still, she'd never say it out loud.
"Yes, I can." She snapped, folding her arms across her front in protest of his patronizing grin. Face loved it when she was angry. The flush coloring her cheeks, and the spunk in her eyes, made her even prettier to look at, which gave him the edge...and an idea.
Walking slowly forward, Face took off his hat and tossed it on the coffee table before running a hand through his hair in a quick-check. Too bad he was dressed a crew worker, but then again it wasn't the cover so much as the book. Amy was warily watching his approach, never moving from her spot in the middle of the office. He could tell she was already rejecting whatever she thought he was selling. Well, at least he loved a challenge.
Face smiled his most attractive smile, closing in on her. Slipping an arm around her waist, he pulled Amy into him despite her rigidity. She refused to voluntarily unfold her arms, which he had to do for her, almost ruining the moment.
Holding her close, Face reached up with his free hand and brushed a stray tendril of hair off her neck. It was something he did with almost every girl he'd ever charmed. "You know," He began, placing his cheek against hers in an effort to speak in her ear, "Anything you can say, I can say softer."
Unfortunately, Amy caught on faster than he'd have liked. Slipping both her arms around his waist in return, she copied tactics, "I can say anything softer than you."
"No, you can't." Face lowered his voice, swaying her gently in place.
"Yes, I can." Amy whispered back.
"No, you can't." Face said even softer.
"Yes, I can." She mumbled softer still, nuzzling his cheek.
"No, you can't." He breathed, smiling at her initiative.
"Yes, I can. YES, I CAN!" Amy abruptly shouted the last phrase directly in his ear. Using their embrace to her advantage, she yanked on the back of his overalls and dropped her handful of change down his pants. Face jerked away from her, scattering falling coins everywhere as he held his ringing ear.
"I deserved that." He grunted.
"Yes, you did." She replied smartly.
Not wanting to lose the game, Face recalled seeing a bottle of whisky sitting on one of the shelves in the bookcase against the far wall. It seemed their mark had a variety of tastes. Trotting over, he grabbed the bottle off the shelf and searched for some companion glasses behind a protruding book.
"What are you doing?" Amy asked, watching Face fill two shot glasses with the amber liquid.
"Ha! Winning," He said confidently. Picking one of the glasses off the desk, he knocked it back brazenly and swallowed the whisky in one gulp. Amy cocked her head knowingly and counted to three. The moment the liquid actually passed his tonsils Face started coughing –a lot.
"I can drink my liquor faster than a flicker." He gasped out, his voice hoarse. "Cheap stuff," He added looking at the label on the bottle. Amy swore his eyes were watering.
"Well, I can drink it quicker and get even sicker." She said, waving him off when he tried to offer her the remaining shot, "So no thank you."
Clearing his throat, Face nodded to the combination safe he'd uncovered while looking for the glasses.
"I can open any safe."
"Without being caught?" Amy asked incredulously.
"Sure." Face shrugged.
"That's what I thought. Ya crook." She stuck her tongue out, baiting him. Face lunged for her, but Amy was quicker. Laughing, she backed out of his way, only to trip over a corner of the Oriental rug lying on the floor. Still laughing, she lost her balance and collapsed down on the couch.
Snatching his discarded hat off the coffee table, Amy put it on her head not ready to give up her lead. "Anything you can wear, I can wear better. In what you wear I'd look better than you." Face pointed at her, indicating they were already wearing the same clothing.
"In my coat?" He asked for the heck of it.
"In your vest!" Amy said. Lifting her feet up, she rested them on the wood tabletop crossing her ankles leisurely.
"In my shoes?" Face scowled disapprovingly at her actions. Coming over, he bent to push her feet off the furniture.
"In your hat!" Amy grinned taking the red cap off and clapping it onto his head where it belonged.
"No, you can't!" He half dared, leaning forward into her space, one hand on the armrest for support.
"Yes, I can. Yes, I can!" She tweaked his brim in emphasis, pulling it down over his eyes before pushing him away so she could stand.
Righting his hat, Face grabbed Amy's arm as she began to walk back to the desk. Spinning her around, he brought the two of them face to face. They weren't done yet.
"Anything you say, I can say faster." He boasted, still holding her wrist.
Amy wrinkled her nose, disbelieving. "I can say anything faster than you."
"No, you can't." Face said quickly.
"Yes, I can." She replied faster.
"Noyoucan't."He slurred.
"YesIcan!" Amy practically tripped over her own tongue.
Unable to compete, Face switched subjects. "I can jump a hurdle."
Amy chuckled at that image. "I can wear a girdle." She tipped Face's chin back up when he looked down at her figure with interest.
"I can knit a sweater." He offered, tugging her sleeve.
"Well, I can fill it better." Amy said slyly pushing out her chest slightly. This time, Face was more discrete with his appreciative glance.
"Yes you could," he agreed, giving her that much, "But, I can do most anything."
"I bet." Amy smirked, running a hand up his front to straighten his collar. "Hey, can you bake a pie?"
Face's smug expression dissipated at the question.
"No." He said at last, looking up from watching her fingers play with his shirt.
Amy sighed. "Neither can I—"
"Murdock."
Murdock paused, mid-sentence, as Face interrupted his regaling.
"What?" He asked, still holding his hands in the air. He'd been talking with them again.
"Tell me we kiss already. I don't how much more of this I can sit through." Face slipped a side glance at Amy, who was reclining in the seat across from him huddled under a flannel blanket. Normally she would have punched his arm for a comment like that, but the look on her face said she was more preoccupied with trying to understand what she'd just been told, than with making sure he behaved.
The three of them were sitting in the back of the van. It was almost midnight, and the highway they traveled was nearly devoid of any other vehicles. B.A. was at the wheel, and by the many sighs Face had heard coming from that direction, he could tell the man was also beginning to grow tired of Murdock's storytelling. Hannibal on the other hand, was sound asleep in the front passenger seat.
"Just wait Face, I'm almost done. I promise." Murdock took a deep breath, intent on continuing. He'd spent the last five minutes explaining, in impeccable detail, a dream he'd had the night before.
"You're done now sucker." B.A. growled. "I don't like you dragging Faceman and Amy into your craziness."
Murdock closed his eyes and shook his head in exasperation. "Big Guy I wish I could make you understand how important this is. Dreams are the result of our subconscious desires—"
"So subconsciously you want me to make-out with Amy?" Face asked, this time receiving a hard smack in the shoulder.
"He never said anything about kissing." Amy scowled crankily, resituating her blanket. Face leaned back against the headrest and gave her a shrewd smile.
"Trust me kid, he was leading up to it."
"—and they're also a, a, a reflection of what we see and hear during the day." Murdock continued, unimpeded by his companion's interjections. "It's a way for our brains to sort out, everything our optic and auditory systems have experienced—"
"Murdock? How many times did you watch Annie Get Your Gun last night?" Amy interrupted him once again –more than a little bothered by the idea she'd been in his dream.
"Yeah, and how many Pixy Stix did you eat?" Face asked sarcastically.
"Three times," Murdock answered Amy without missing a beat. "They were having a Betty Hutton marathon on TV. Oh and Face," He turned his attention to the next question. "I finished off that package you snuck into the VA. I'm gonna need another one."
"Peachy, he was on sugar high last night." Face groaned, resting his eyes. He was starting to feel sleepy. The heat was on in the van, making him drowsy.
"Why were we in your dream Murdock?" Amy asked flipping her thumb back and forth indicating herself and Face.
Murdock shrugged. "Oh that's not the first time you two have been there."
"Ha ha," Face erupted in a stream of nasally laughter. "Well that's something I didn't need to know." His eyelids were still closed and he missed Amy's glare. "Hey, I'm confused," He continued, "Were we singing in your dream, or not?"
Murdock shifted his position on the floor, stretching his long legs out between the back seats, "No, no, not yet if I remember correctly –except for the 'higher than you' bit."
"Oh good," Face yawned as he talked. "Then I'm glad we ended before we reached that part, because I can't sing."
"Ha." Amy closed her eyes too, made even more tired by their discussion. "And I was never in a choir."
Murdock was beginning to sense he was losing his audience. "Well, if you guys would just listen then, then—!"
"Goodnight Murdock." Both Face and Amy said together.
"Shut up fool." B.A. added.
"I can do anything better than you…" Hannibal muttered in his sleep.
Face opened his eyes long enough to catch a glimpse of his commander's serene expression in the rearview mirror. "I bet he's singing that to Decker." He snickered.
Murdock sighed, realizing he'd lost. Pushing his hat forward he settled in, his back against that of the driver's seat for support. "All you try to do is share and they drive a bus over you." He made a sound equivalent to tires screeching, before folding his arms over his chest indignantly. "Well next time I just won't tell you. Ha, how do you like them apples?"
"Shut up Murdock!" Came the collective reply.
The End