small warning: old writing. posted on tumblr (march 2014). a giveaway prize for someone. i actually have 0 idea about roxas and kh so im sure this is at least 80% ooc
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"You are So—"
.
It was a dark place. Actually, it was pitch black—he couldn't see anything. He opened and closed his eyes. It hurt his eyes to see nothing, and so he just closed them, his hands rubbing at them lightly. He could feel the flat ground beneath his feet, but it also almost seemed as if he was floating. He couldn't hear anything.
"Hello?" He called out. It sounded a bit muffled, even to him, as if his voice didn't come out of his mouth, but rather from somewhere else. He didn't know where he was, and he didn't know how he got there. It was rather unnerving.
He opened his eyes. He blinked a couple of times before looking at his hand, and it rather surprised him to see that despite the looming darkness that surrounded him, he could actually see his hand. He checked the rest of his body—he could see himself just fine. The black robes he wore, the gloves, and the boots. He didn't seem to glow with light or anything; he was just visible, in the middle of pitch black darkness.
Knowing that just standing there wouldn't do anything, he began to walk. It made him a little curious to feel a floor beneath his feet even though he couldn't see any floors—just darkness all around—but he didn't question it any further. He could feel his heart beating slightly faster than normal at the thought that it was just him in this rather eerie place. He wanted to leave.
He walked faster as he widened his eyes, trying to look around for any signs of light. He continued to walk, unable to find even a speck of light. He was slowly panicking inside; the thought of never being able to see their faces again and being stuck here forever, alone in this dark world, genuinely scared him. He didn't want to be alone. He—
Light.
At the corner of his eye, he saw. A flicker. Quickly turning his head towards the source, possibly his ticket to getting out of this creepy place, his eyes frantically searched the area for that flicker of light. Almost just a second after, they landed on his right hand.
"Wh-Wha—?!"
He stared in horror as he saw his gloved hand slowly disappearing, turning into specks of light that were quickly snuffed out by the stretching darkness over him. He took a step back, panic rising up to his chest as he flicked his hand, as if trying to stop his hand from fading away. It didn't do much though, as he now looked at his fingerless hand as the light continued to slowly envelop the rest of his hand and arm.
He started to run. Trying to shake off the light that was already starting to creep up on his entire body, he could see his feet, his back, and his other hand being engulfed with light. He was shouting—shouting for help. He was trying to run away from the very light that he was trying to find just moments ago.
He didn't want to disappear. He definitely didn't want to disappear. There were still things he wanted to know, things he wanted to experience! Wherever he was, he was going to get out of this place, but there was no way he was just going to disappear like this. He still…
'I still want to be 'me'!'
"There is no 'me'."
A voice suddenly spoke up, startling him as his eyes widened at the sound of another being other than himself in this dark place. He continued running though, as his eyes darted around the darkness for any sign of this voice. It almost seemed as if the voice was in his head, but it also seemed as if it was coming from outside. And coming from multiple directions. Just like his own voice, he couldn't quite pinpoint where exactly the strange voice came from.
It honestly scared him. The unrecognizable but familiar voice, and the words he—it spoke.
"There never was."
He clenched his hands into fists. At least what was left of his hands. His feet continued to run across the plane of darkness, his face contorted into a mix of fear and anger. He was afraid; he was alone and disappearing, without anyone to help him. In the middle of that though, he was also furious. How could this voice tell him that 'he' was not 'himself'? Who had the right to tell him who he was? He knew who he was; and he wasn't anybody else!
"You were not supposed to exist."
He gritted his teeth. His right arm was almost completely gone, and his back was starting to dissipate into orbs of light. The fear was still there, but his anger was slowly starting to dominate. His running didn't stop; instead, he seemed to be running faster, as if it would take him away from that infuriating voice.
"You are 'Him'."
For a moment, his anger vanished, only to be replaced with confusion as he opened his eyes and looked up, not even realizing that he had been looking down with his eyes closed all this time. 'Him'? Who was 'Him'? His feet had gone already—he knew, as he couldn't hear the sounds of running footsteps anymore—but he was still running. He was already being engulfed with light, but he was still moving, trying to escape from the darkness both from the outside and inside of him.
"You are not 'Roxas'."
'That's a lie!'
At that moment, he knew. He recognized. His eyes widened at the thought, his feet—no, he didn't have feet anymore—the rest of his upper body hovering in the darkness, continuing to run away. The familiar voice—he finally knew whose voice it was. And it scared him. He couldn't believe it, that this person would even think that way; he never expected this person to actually have these thoughts.
This person never liked to doubt himself. But this voice—he knew. He was alone in this place, and it didn't take him long to realize.
It was his own.
Somewhere in this heartless body of his, the one with a strong resolve that he was himself and nobody else, there was a part of him that doubted. A part of him that thought maybe he wasn't himself after all. That he really was just a Nobody. And with a name that came from someone else…
"You are So—"
"Shut up!"
Almost as if something inside of him snapped, he started screaming. No words—just a scream that echoed inside his head, and was bouncing off the darkness outside. His chest had gone into the light, but he could still feel the erratic beating of his heart—if he even had one. His left hand, the only limb that was left of him, reached out. To the darkness? To the voice? He didn't know—he just didn't want to disappear. He didn't want Roxas to disappear. He didn't want to be somebody else.
"I am—!"
The light continued to envelop what was left of his body, his hand still reaching out, and soon his vision faded from only the darkness he could see into white bright light. It was dark once again.
His eyes snapped open, and the first thing he could see was darkness. He was lying on his back, a soft cushion underneath him. He could feel that his face was wet with tears. Remembering his dream, he quickly sat up, and then looked at his right hand. Half-expecting it to somewhat glow in the dark like in his dream, he clenched his hand into a fist before letting go, unable to clearly see his own hand from the darkness of his room.
It was just a nightmare. He was still here. He placed his hand on his face, wiping some of his tears, before he began to cry again. Lying on his side back on his bed, he folded his knees up to his chest as his sobs filled the room. He wished there was someone to comfort him right now—maybe Axel would burst into his room after hearing him scream during his sleep. Or maybe Xion, after hearing his cries, with a glass of water to calm him down. Anyone.
A few minutes passed and the sounds of sobbing died, to be replaced with soft ragged breathing as the young one drifted to sleep, his tears left to dry on his face. It was a dark place.