Nobody's Home- a songfic
"I couldn't tell you
Why she felt that way
She felt it everyday
And I couldn't help her
I just watched her make
The same mistakes again"
When the girl, Yuna, was in my songstress dress sphere, she could feel my feelings. And unbeknownst to her, I could feel hers. I learned of her from her conversations with her friends, her thoughts, and her feelings. She missed a young man, Tidus, who looked similar to my Shuyin. She had sent the entity that summoners one-thousand years before her time fought to its final resting grave. You would think that would be enough for a woman of barely nineteen. But then she vowed to help Shuyin, and then to indirectly help me. She wanted to help Spira and destroy the Vegnagun Colossus. In my own mind, I vetoed the idea. She needed the time for herself, but instead her own problems became second best to Spira's problems. She watched out for herself in physical battles, but watched out for others in their mental battles. It would have done her better to let her teammates, not to mention Spira's three official leaders, deal with Spira's problems. She had her own to worry about.
"What's wrong, what's wrong now
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs"
Even though it may sound harsh, the ex-summoner Yuna needs to get a life. Her life no consists of panic over things she cannot fix. The world is like her inner self, it's all that she can help. If she had grown up a little girl in Besaid that spent her days making sand castles at the beach, would she be the same? And maybe she doesn't belong where she is now. She does good for the world, and then she ignores herself. The world of Spira bows at her feet and does her bidding. Anything for the High Summoner Yuna. Her people thank her, and they bestow gifts upon her. But still she remains modest and shy. Always she thinks about how to help Spira. I hope that she'll soon realize that her strategy is ruining her body and soul on the inside.
"She wants to go come
But nobody's home
That's where she lies
Broken inside"
Summoner Yuna has no place that she can call home. Besaid was where she lived for her childhood- it is the best thing she has. But she left her only home to search for a man that she loves. And then she lost Besaid. To her, a home would be a place that she was comfortable in, a place where she can be happy and content. Traveling Spira on her pilgrimage to defeat Sin, Yuna was home. She had her friends beside her as her guardians. The good times trumped the bad times. She was happy. But now, two years later, Yuna has been deprived of that home. Her former guardians are no longer beside her. The man she loves has disappeared into the darkness. She upset more than she is happy. Yuna has lost her security blanket, and she's lost the home she once had.
"With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside"
As a former summoner myself, I know how it goes. Spira's summoners are placed on a raised pedestal, so to speak. Since the summoners are Spira's only hope, the people think that summoners can do no wrong. But the people don't realize that we are not perfect. We make mistakes and we are insecure, like everyone else. But we try never to let our façade of strength falter. High Summoner Yuna plays her part, she puts on the act that she had no worries, that she can take whatever is thrown at her. Yuna's façade has gone on far too long, people assume that she can handle the weight and the pressure that is put on her without a complaint. And it's true, her strength is admirable, but the part she plays is deriving her from who she truly is inside.
"Open your eyes
And look inside
Find the reasons why
You've been rejected
Now you can't find
What you left behind"
She needs a break. It's as simple as that. For the later part of her young life, Yuna has saved the world, helped the world recover, stop the fiends, and she must be worn out by now. Inside, she's screaming, but she won't listen. She needs to let people deal with their own problems instead of dealing with the people's problems. She's been rejected from having a normal life. Her father died when she was young, and since then her life has been a whirlwind of training, trials, helping, and therefore ignoring herself. She's lost herself. Being a summoner was her dream, and after many hard years her dream came true. Those years weren't a waste. The lives she's saved weren't a waste. The only thing that Yuna's wasted is her very own soul.
"Her feelings she hides
Her dreams she can't find
She's losing her mind
She's falling behind
She can't find her place
She's losing her faith
She's fallen from grace
She's all over the place"
When Yuna has the strength that she does, she won't get what she needs. People assume that she doesn't need a comforting hand to hold, but I think otherwise. A summoner is the worst place to be emotionally. Pleasing the people gets tiring, your strength is always wavering. Being with Yuna, I know her heart is full of frustration. She can't let loose, or people would accuse the High Summoner of being a spoiled brat. She holds her frustration inside, where it gives her pain. She wants to help people, and she wants to help herself. But High Summoner Yuna can't figure out how to do both.
"She's lost inside
Lost inside"