Warnings: Crack! And fluff! Not to be taken seriously. Like, at all.

Author's Note: This is inspired by the song "Rude" by MAGIC! The only excuse I have for this is that every song I hear on the radio lately screams Zutara at me, and…this happened.

Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with Avatar: The Last Airbender, Mike and Bryan, Nickelodeon, MAGIC!, or Sony Music Entertainment. No profit is made from this story.

Zuko wiped his sweaty palms on his coat and took a shaky breath. "You can do this," he told himself, breath frosting over in the South Pole air. "You're the Fire Lord. You've smoothed over international disasters and talked with delegates practically every day. What's the worst he can do? Say no?" Zuko groaned. Great pep-talker he was. "No" would mean all his dreams were over.

Zuko steeled himself and knocked on the door gently. Or at least, he started to, but then he realized the door was actually a canvas hanging in the entryway of the igloo. He gave the canvas a tug. "Hello?" No answer. "Hello? Hey, is anyone home?"

The canvas was abruptly shoved back to reveal Chief Hakoda filling up the entire entryway. Zuko gulped. Had Hakoda always been this big? The man fairly towered over him, and…were those tiger seal teeth on his necklace? They were quite intimidating.

"Yes?" said Hakoda. Zuko reflected that Katara's father had a really deep voice.

"Hel—" Zuko choked on his spit, coughed, and tried again. "Hey, um, Zuko here. I mean, Fire Lord Zuko, but actually you don't have to call me that—"

"I know who you are," said Hakoda.

Zuko nodded. "Yes, well. Good. How are you today, sir?"

Hakoda crossed his arms and frowned. "Is there something I can help you with?"

Okay, straight to the point. Zuko could do that. "Well, sir, yes, actually there is. You see," Zuko chanced a glance at Hakoda's face and saw he was still frowning. "You see, sir, I'minlovewithyourdaughterandIwanttomarryher."

Hakoda's eyebrows slouched down further. "What was that?"

Zuko breathed in deeply and counted to five. "Chief Hakoda, I'm in love with Katara, and I want to ask for her hand in marriage."

Hakoda leaned out of his entryway to look right and left outside. Seeing no one, he straightened. "Did Sokka put you up to this?"

"What? No!" Zuko squeaked. He cleared his throat. "I mean, no, sir. I'm completely serious. I want to spend the rest of my life with Katara."

Hakoda scowled. "So you want to take my daughter to the Fire Nation…permanently."

"Um, yes…"

"And have her be Fire Lady." It ought to have been a question, but Hakoda's voice came out flat.

"Yes? I mean, yes, technically, as my wife, she would be the Fire Lady, because I'm the Fire Lord—"

Hakoda cut him off. "And this isn't a joke." Again with the flat voice.

Zuko shook his head. "No, sir. Not a joke."

Hakoda looked him over, sizing him up. "And how do you think the Fire Nation will react to having a Southern Water Tribe woman as their Fire Lady?"

Zuko realized he was squirming and made himself stand still. "Well, sir, they might not like it in the beginning, but I'm hoping that they'll come to love her like I do… Well, not exactly like I do, but love her like—"

Hakoda was obviously not paying attention to Zuko's ramblings. Zuko was actually kind of glad. He was mortified just listening to himself. "So you want to take my daughter from her family and her people, uproot her to the Fire Nation (which has known hostility toward our tribe), make her Fire Lady, and hope it all goes over well with your people. People whom, I might add, still don't even care much for you, if the past twelve assassination attempts are any indication."

"Erm, yes," said Zuko, "but it's been eight months since the last one—"

Hakoda hummed. "Tell me, Fire Lord Zuko, how do you intend to keep my daughter safe in the Fire Nation?"

"Well, sir, I would assign Katara her own contingent of bodyguards, and she is a master waterbender, so—"

Hakoda held up a hand. "What I am trying to tell you, Fire Lord Zuko, is that my daughter is Southern Water Tribe and belongs in the Southern Water Tribe. I would die before I sent Katara to a place where she would be alone and surrounded by enemies."

"But sir," Zuko protested, "we love each other."

"That may be," said Hakoda, "but you are both young, and you'll get over it. Katara's place is here, and yours is in the Fire Nation."

"But Chief Hakoda—"

"I'm sorry, Zuko, but the answer is no." The canvas was promptly shut in Zuko's face.

That…did not go well. Zuko leaned his forehead on the outside of the igloo. "Just ask him," Katara had said. "He likes you," Katara had said. "It'll go well," Katara had said.

Katara was a liar.

Zuko realized the snow wall was melting under his forehead and pulled back. Yeah, better not add melting down Hakoda's house to the list of things Hakoda had against him.

"So, how did it go?" Katara asked later, bouncing on her toes in excitement.

Zuko swiped a tired hand across his face. "He said no."

"What?!" Katara shrieked. "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" Zuko threw out his hands. "I told him I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and he said no!"

"Did he say why?" she demanded.

Zuko told her. Katara huffed. "He still thinks I'm a little girl and that he has to protect me. Well, I've got news for him! I'm a grown woman and I can make my own decisions!"

Zuko looked up. "I thought the whole point of asking him was that you can't make your own decision."

Katara waved him off. "Phhh. It's a formality."

"So we could get married without your father's permission?" Zuko asked, a smile coming to his face. Things were starting to look up.

Katara looked horrified. "Zuko, no! I would never do that!"

Things came crashing down again. "But you said—"

"I know what I said!" snapped Katara. "Where is he? I'm gonna go talk some sense into him."

"At your house," said Zuko, gesturing vaguely in that direction.

Katara marched off, and came back two hours later, teary-eyed and angry. "You," she said, pointing to Zuko, "are going back there tomorrow and asking him again."

"He said yes?" Zuko asked cautiously, taking in her weepy appearance.

"No," Katara seethed. "But he will, because we are going to wear him down! You're going to go over there every day and ask until he says yes! He'll find out we mean business! 'Get over each other'—yeah right! He's going to find out our love is true!"

Zuko loved his girlfriend, but even he could admit that sometimes she could be scary and illogical. "Katara, I don't think… I mean, he already said no…"

Katara's head snapped in his direction. "You're gonna give up that easily?"

This was a trap, recognized Zuko. The problem was, how to navigate it? "Um…"

She turned to face him fully, fury dawning her eyes. "I thought you wanted to marry me!"

Zuko held his hands up and backed away slowly. "I do!"

Katara advanced after him. "Well, you're sure not acting like it! My father said no once, and you're ready to just give up!"

"I'm not giving up!" protested Zuko. "It's just… It was a pretty adamant no. I just thought we should give it some time."

"Time?" Katara screeched. "Time? It's been five years, Zuko! You waited to ask my father for five years!"

"I told you, I thought we should take the time to prove to him that we had a stable relationship!" Zuko's back hit the wall, and he knew he was in for it. There was nowhere left to go.

Katara reached him and poked him in the chest. Hard. "We." Poke. "Are." Poke. "Not." Poke. "Gonna." Poke poke. "Have." Poke. "A." Poke. "Stable." Poke poke. "Relationship." Poke poke poke poke. She pointed to her house, "If you don't get your Fire Lord butt over there tomorrow and try again!"

"Ow ow ow ow," said Zuko. "Okay! Alright! I'll go tomorrow!"

"Good," said Katara, and threw herself on his chest to cry some more.

Zuko wrapped his arms around her and sighed. When he had started courting Katara, he had known drama was going to come by the bucket load. Well, at least he had managed to get five relatively peaceful years out of it.

So the next day found Zuko and Hakoda acting out a repeat of the day before. And the next day. And the next day. And each time Katara insisted that Zuko go back and try again.

"Katara," Zuko said on the fifth day, "your father seems pretty set against you marrying me."

Katara had that stubborn line to her mouth that meant she wasn't going to listen to any reason. "I don't care! We are going to get married and he is going to approve!"

"Well, just to let you know, we might be dead before we get married," said Zuko.

"That's it! I'm going with you tomorrow!" decided Katara.

"Okay?" Zuko looked over at her. She had her we-shall-be-victorious-and-nothing-can-stop-us-because-we-are-right face on.

"Yes! We'll convince him together!" she said. "Because obviously you aren't doing something right."

Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed in slowly.

At the crack of dawn the next day, Katara dragged Zuko down to her house. "Dad!" she called through the canvas door. "Dad!"

Hakoda appeared, rubbing his eyes. "What is it? What's wrong?" He looked up and saw Zuko standing with Katara. "Zuko? Katara?" He looked between them. "What's this about?"

"Dad," said Katara, "I'm in love with Zuko, and he's in love with me, and we want to get married and have a life together."

Hakoda sighed. "Katara, I already said—"

Katara interrupted. "I'm a big girl now, and if I could help defeat the Fire Nation when I was fourteen, I can definitely help rule it when I'm twenty-four!"

"Sweetheart, I never doubted your abilities, it was just—"

"I'm an adult," continued Katara, "and you can't keep me home forever! I'm never gonna fall in love with one of the guys around here and stick around. I love Zuko, and wherever he is, that's where I'm gonna be!"

"And vice versa!" added Zuko, feeling he should contribute to the conversation.

"Katara," Hakoda said, "I understand that you feel very strongly about this. However, I cannot in good conscience condone something that I feel would be wrong for you, so I still have to say no."

Katara gasped. "Dad, I was hoping it wasn't gonna have to come to this!"

"What?" asked Zuko.

"What?" asked Hakoda.

Katara grabbed Zuko's hand. "Dad, I wanted your blessing, but I don't need it. I'm gonna marry Zuko anyway!"

"But you said we needed—" began Zuko.

Katara shot him a silencing look. "Come on, Zuko, let's go get married."

"Um, okay?"

Katara gave him another glare, and Zuko quickly amended his statement. "I mean, of course! Yes! Let's!" As Katara dragged him away, he looked over his shoulder at Hakoda. "Chief Hakoda, I'm marrying your daughter no matter what you say!"

Hakoda quirked an eyebrow. "So it would seem."

Zuko suddenly remembered that he and Hakoda were heads of their respective peoples and that eloping with Katara could end up being a big international deal. "But please don't let this start a rift between the Southern Water Tribe and the Fire Nation! We hope to continue our good relations—"

"Shut up, Zuko!" said Katara. Then over her shoulder, "Dad! You're invited, you know!"

So they had an on-the-spot wedding at the village center, and Hakoda showed up because, he said, "If my daughter loves you enough to go against me, I guess I'll have to accept you into the family, too."

And that was how Zuko became the son-in-law of the chief of the Southern Water Tribe.