The high noon sun bore down upon the earth with great intensity. The green of summer leaves rippled in the breeze that blew through the trees. Other than that little whisper or air that had no effect on the high temperatures, the world was silent. Everything had it's place and all things were where they ought to be. The breeze blew a little harder for the slightest second, causing a wave effect on the grass behind the small house that sat comfortably next to a large barn where a few livestock were kept. To north of the miniature grass field, a small woods could be seen. It didn't go on for long, the woods. And hardly anyone stumbled upon the field or disturbed the livestock. Hardly anyone came up here any more, there was no need.
The owner of the small barn knew few people and of the few he did know, only one truly cared for him enough to hardily ever visit. Ennis del Mar's life had led him to where he was now. Sat in the kitchen of the small one bedroomed house and what he liked to think of as his own private world. There was barely any profit made from the life he lead. Sure, he'd sell a pig or two to a butcher's or he would sell the eggs that he didn't need. Small things like this allowed him to keep the lights on and the water running. He didn't like the fact that he had to sell what he worked hard to care for but he had to live. Groceries were also bought with the money. He had considered expanding his land but he knew he wouldn't be able to work it all himself. If he did something to his back, he would be in no fit state to look after himself. And Ennis didn't want to be around workers. He preferred the quiet.
Ennis inhaled deeply and held his breath for a moment, listening to his heart beat in his ears. The breaking of the deafening silence proved he was still alive. He wasn't dead, not yet.
The hours blended together as Ennis spent the rest of the day feeding the animals in his care and cleaning the stables and pens. His life had become a little monotonous but Ennis didn't care much for excitement. He was okay with being okay. Men like him didn't deserve to be happy. He had had a taste of that honey-sweet life and it was all taken from him. Ennis' eyes began to sting when he thought of the past and all that he had lost. It had been over a year and a half since he had lost him but the pain still felt fresh as a knife to the chest whenever Jack Twist entered his thoughts.
Unfortunately for Ennis, Jack appeared behind his eyelids and in his dreams far too often.
He shook his head and freed his mind and eyes of any trace of emotion. No one should see him like this. Then again, no one ever would.
The night was creeping into the sky and the warmth of the summer day was being replaced with the cold of the summer night. Ennis returned to his bedroom. There was little in the mediocre sized room: a double bed for only one to sleep in, a desk with a chair pushed against the wall that never was used, a small cupboard where Ennis kept his clothes and shoes, a photo on a night stand beside the bed and a lamp behind the photo. There was no light in the room other than the lamp. It wasn't as though the house hadn't been built with lights, it was just that this room's lighting had stopped working and Ennis didn't think it a matter of dire importance to fix the light of a room he hardly spent time in.
Turning on the lamp ignited the room. The blazing glow shone through the lampshade with powerful intensity. Sliding his jacket off his body and onto the back of his chair, Ennis sighed quietly. He unbuttoned his shirt slowly, in no rush to visit his past in his sleep. Once that was placed over the chair on top of the jacket, Ennis kicked off his boots and slid out of his jeans. After removing his socks, he placed them in a small basket next to the desk where the clothes too dirty to re-worn would go. Ennis, feeling the cold air on his skin, crawled into bed. Resting his head on the pillow, taking up only one half of the space available, Ennis studied the photograph in the frame. It was of the place he most wanted to be in the whole entire world and the place he knew he would never revisit.
Ennis clicked the light out and leaned back in bed on his back, facing the ceiling. He closed his eyes and pictured the perfect place to which he knew his subconscious would take him. He thought of Jack and of the grass and the water and of the sweet air. The memory made him smile slightly but with the smile came a tear. Only small but with it came all of the pain that Ennis wouldn't let see the light of day.
So here, alone in the darkness, Ennis del Mar allowed himself to be taken to a place where bluebirds sing and there's a whiskey spring...
The light of the setting sun warmed Ennis' skin as he rested, eyes closed. He opened them the smallest fraction to see a pink mixing with a deep blue in the heavens. His lips pulled into a wide, bright smile and he allowed his lids to open all the way. Out of the corner of his eye, Ennis spotted a silent Jack looking up at him with something like wonder. Ennis turned on his side so that he was face to face with the other man, his already wide smile becoming a brilliant grin. His happiness was reflected in Jack's eyes threefold.
Something swelled in Ennis' chest. It was like a balloon that was set to burst free any second. It was almost as though he wanted to tell Jack something but never could. His lips wouldn't open. And even if they did he was sure that no sound would come out. Instead Ennis settled for silent happiness. Words would just sour the moment anyway.
Jack moved in closer to Ennis. Burying his head in Ennis' chest, he made a sound like a content sigh. No. Although it seemed as though it was more than content. It was happy, blissful, relaxed. Everything was perfect. Utopian. Heavenly.
Ennis pressed his lips to the top of Jack's head and held them there for a long moment, not wanting to stop his loving connection to the other man. He closed his eyes, trying to make the moment last an eternity. Trying to force this instant, this feeling, this...everything to last forever. But the man's wishful thinking was halted by a damp sensation on his chest. His first though was that Jack was crying. He quickly yet carefully moved to make sure he was okay. Ennis was going to protect Jack and everything they had together no matter what. But what he saw was a sigh that made every part of him churn in pain and with sickness.
Jack lay there, what skin visible through the crimson ocean was pale. Many wounds made his face misshapen. There were bruises too. Up and down both his forearms. The skin on his knuckles was split and red, bleeding in places. He'd fought of his attacker but they had been to great in strength or number, or both, for one man to handle. And he, Jack fucking Twist, fought them alone.
All of Ennis' entire being screamed to turn away from the sight. To run, screaming. To hunt down those responsible and make them pay for what they did. Make them feel just a fraction of what he knew Jack had felt, what he was feeling now. The man's eyes returned once more to the bloody sight before him. He noticed something he hadn't before: a blue orb was looking up at him, still a spark of life held within, intent on hanging on to what delusion of hope that existed in the man's mind.
There was something else too, something that made Ennis unbelievably uneasy. Jack was begging. He was pleading for Ennis to help him, to hold him, to love him. When Ennis tried to voice shaky reassurance, nothing came. He tried again, panic rising up within him.
It seemed that the more Ennis struggled with the sudden silence that he found impossible to break the darker the sky became. All that he could feel was his own heart in his throat. He couldn't see anything. Not even Jack who was, only a moment ago, right before him. The darkness surrounded him. It took away the air and the sky and the stream and the ground.
Ennis was falling.
Falling so very far.
That's when he awoke, his breath coming in fast and heavy. His face wet, eyes still running.
Ennis pulled his knees up to he chest, not caring that the room's temperature wasn't right for just sitting in underwear. Because Ennis wasn't just sitting. No. He was searching. Searching his head and his heart. Searching all that he could think of. All of it. Everywhere. For a reason. A reason to continue when the sun rose in the east in a few hours. A reason to live.
There was no real answer, no real reason for him to carry on with this ache in his very being, his every move an echo, a memory of what once was. He tried to think that he lived for his daughters but visits from anyone were few and far between.
So there he sat, crying into his closely held knees. His sobs echoed around he emptiness of the room reminded him of just how alone he was. How desperate for love. For Jack.
The moon slowly made it's way into the darkness where it would hide until Ennis woke from another nightmare in which he was helpless, silent and alone. Ennis rested on his side, still in a foetal position. He lay there complete darkness for hours, unable to work up the energy to even attempt to stop the flowing from his eyes or wipe what they had caused yet unable to sleep. There would be no sleep this night. Or the next night. Or the night after that. There would be no sleep for Ennis del Mar until the final rest.
It was a few hours time until the sun broke through the window pane and light the room, dimly at first. But as the light become more intense, and the air warmer, Ennis realised that he had been shaking all night long. I wasn't surprising, the cold could do that to an almost naked man.
Ennis heaved a great sigh as he began to unwrap his arms from his other limbs.
Another day of work. Another day of living. Another day of trying to pretend that the pain didn't hurt.
Another day.