I couldn't believe that I was sending a text to Jay asking, literally, "Can I move back in for a bit?"
I grabbed a few garbage bags and started stuffing them full of my clothes while waiting for his reply. How could she do this to me? Two years! Two years of my life I gave to her and it obviously meant nothing! How could she throw a two year relationship away for a five month fuck? Tears came to my eyes. I will not let myself cry in front of her. I will not give her the pleasure to know she has hurt me. I took a deep breath, calming myself.
She came back in, putting her hand on my shoulder. I shook it off. "I'm sorry, Shan. You weren't there for me. He was and always will be. He's not touring around the world all the time. I don't have to fly to some random country to spend time with him."
"I'm not there for you? I told you from the start how my life, my schedule is, did I not? I told you there were going to be long stretches of time when I would be gone; I told you there was going to be time when this relationship did not come first in my life! You were fine with it for the first year and a half... shit, I bet you were cheating on me throughout this whole relationship." I shook my head, moving away from her to the dressers, making sure all my things were gone from them.
"But I do thank you. Two weeks from today, I was probably going to make what I now consider to be the biggest mistake of my life. I was going to take you to Hawaii; on our own private beach, when it was full moon, I was going to take you out and propose to you. Thanks for saving me a lifetime without a crazy bitch." She gasped.
I quickly double-checked the bedroom, bathroom and living room, making sure I had everything that was mine. Once I was sure, I grabbed the garbage bags and threw them into the back of my car.
"I'll be back within two hours to get my bike." I told her before getting into my car and going to Jay's house. It was weird he didn't reply to my text. My brother's blackberry was practically his third arm.
When I arrived, I noticed Matt and Jared's cars were both parked in the driveway. I got out of my car, praying I wouldn't have to see a naked Matt this time. I knocked three times before I heard my brother running like an elephant to answer the door.
"It's Shannon!" He shouted over his shoulder, opening the door enough to let me step inside. Matt was sitting on the couch with the band's newest guitarist, Tomo Milicevic. I've barely talked to the kid except for band practice. He seemed pretty cool and he amazed me with some of the things he could do on the guitar.
"Shannon!" Tomo exclaimed. This was nothing new. He was always excited and/or hyper when he saw me.
"Hey kiddo…Jay, can I talk to you outside for a bit?" I looked at Matt and smiled before grabbing my baby brother and pulling him outside, shutting the door behind us.
"What's wrong? Your eyes are red." Shit, I forgot my sunglasses in the car!
"Remember what I was going to do in two weeks?" I asked him
"Uh huh." Of course he knew, he helped me pick out the ring.
"Well, it's not going to happen." I looked down, biting my lip as I felt tears come to my eyes. "She been um…cheating on me for the last five months." The tears came rolling down my cheek and I quickly wiped them away. "Can I…Can I move back in here until I can find a place of my own?"
Jared pulled me into a hug. "Shanny, this house isn't all mine. It's half yours. You can come home whenever you want. You don't gotta go find another place to live, silly, stay here with us as long as you want. Once you get settled in, we'll order veggie pizza, some drinks, and a couple movies to celebrate your new single status. How's that sound?" He pulled back and looked at me, wiping the tears that kept running down his cheeks..
"Jay, that's really sweet of you, but I'd rather stay to myself tonight. You know, to process things." I took a deep breath, then turned to my car and started unloading it with Jay's help. I walked into the house, past the kitchen to my old room and dumped them on the floor by the closet.
"Hi Shannon! Do you guys need any help?" Tomo asked. He stood up, and my oh my, was he a sight. If I just didn't get my heart broken maybe I would have appreciated it more. He was wearing a Pink Floyd T-shirt and some tight jeans.
"Naw, I got it kid, but thanks." I told him as I went back outside to grab the rest of my bags.
"What are you doing about your bike?" Jared stood in the doorway of my bedroom with Matt's arms wrapped around him.
I sighed. "I was hoping maybe you could drive me over there so I can get it."
"Of course." Jared smiled. I ripped through the garbage bags, looking for my riding jacket. Once I found it, I went back to the living room, shutting the door behind me.
"It's okay, Shannon. Everyone gets dumped." He smiled. I punched his arm on the way out. "Let just go Jay. I don't wanna talk about it."
"Can't keep it all bottled up, Shan. Maybe you shouldn't drive the bike back... y'know, wait a few days when you're not so emotionally upset. I don't want mom to kill me for you getting in a accident." Jay snickered.
"Knock it off, Jared. I just want to get my bike, come back, unpack and take a small nap. I'm fine." I said and got in the car. Jared sighed.
Two weeks Later….
It's been two whole weeks since she and I broke up. I've been sleeping the days away, only getting up to shower, use the toilet or make myself something to eat before going back to bed.
Jared was getting fed up. He said I was over reacting. For the first three days, he ran into my room, jumping on my bed. Bitching about how I'm always sleeping. On the third day, he told me I needed to grow up and get over it. At this point I was already annoyed with him and his 'advice.'
The fourth day I snapped. He ran in and jumped right on top of me, then rolled right off the bed and stood up.
"This time we are gonna find you a good guy. You always last longer with a guy anyways. Just get up, get over her and let's go to a bar tonight. I mean, we always knew she was a ho... now that I look back at it, she was easy. I mean,…Oof!"
I landed a punch to his gut before I lunged at him. Landing on top of him, I started punching him repeatedly, taking out all my anger. He tried to fight me off, but I'm the stronger one.
"Shan-Stop!" He cried out. I wasn't listening. I kept pounding him over and over.
"Shut up! JUST SHUT UP ABOUT HER!" I screamed the last part in his face.
Next thing I know, I was being carried over to my closet then dropped onto the floor. I looked up, pissed off when I saw Matt hunch over Jared.
"Tell him to leave me alone. Just leave me the fuck alone!" I yelled
Jared sat up, glaring at me. His face was already starting to bruise. His nose was bleeding and he had a cut on his forehead that was also bleeding. The blood, mixed in with his tears, made his face seem worse than it was, not that I really gave a shit. "You're depressed, Shannon Leto! And over a dumb bitch who would let anyone tap her."
I stood up and was trying to get at him, but someone was holding me back, I turned my head to see Tomo. "He's not worth it, Shannon. He's just pissed off that you don't want to hang out anymore... Shannon, don't." Tomo warned me.
"Remember Tim? He was the best thing that ever happened to you! But you were stupid and cheated on him!" Jared was standing up with Matt in front of him. "Now you know how it feels to be thrown aside!"
"Get the fuck out of my room! NOW!" I screamed, my face heating up. Matt grabbed Jared's arm and escorted him out of my room. Jared stopped at the door and looked at me.
"I love you, Shanimal, but you're better off without her. I was worried about you, but now, with your behavior lately…I'm more worried about you now. You're sick." I frowned. I am not sick.
"Get out and leave me be!" I gritted my teeth. I was so angry I was shaking. Jared stood there, studying me. I broke out of Tomo's hold and slammed the door right in his face, the climbed back under the covers.
"Do you guys normally work things out this way?" Tomo finally spoke. He'd been so quiet that I forgot he was still in the room.
I sighed, "No. Since I moved back in, he won't leave me be and respect my privacy. You would think Matt keeps him busy, I guess not anymore." I turned and laid on my stomach, staring at the wall opposite of the door.
Tomo came and stood in front of me. He was wearing faded, tight black jeans that clung in all the right places and a Black Sabbath shirt that showed off his broad shoulders. His hair was short but still had bangs on the right side.
"What do you mean by that?" Tomo asked as he sat down on the floor.
"When those two first got together, you were lucky if you got a hold of one of them for the first two months." I explained. "Only had half of a band practice cause they couldn't keep their hands off each other." I looked over at Tomo, who was smiling. "You can come chill on my bed, dude. I won't bite." Tomo climbed up on my bed and laid on his side facing me.
"First two weeks with the band and you're already seeing us fight. It's not always like this, it's just Jared has been a real dick lately. You would think since I'm the older brother, It wouldn't matter If I wanna sleep. I don't get his drift, man."
"I don't know. I think he misses his big brother spending time with him." Tomo said.
"Psh, and like I didn't miss him when him and Matt started fucking around? I was by myself all the time. Shit, he didn't even call to just talk. It was always 'Band practice: Tuesday 9pm. Don't be late!' click. He never asked if I had plans, how my girl was. Nothing. So he can take that excuse and shove it." Tomo laughed. We laid there and just talked. He listened, and I mean really listened to what I had to say and gave me feedback. At one point Matt poked his head in, glaring at me.
"Before you say anything, Wachter, go ahead and be pissed off. I don't give a flying fuck. You obviously aren't doing your job and keeping that idiot brother of mine busy." I said glaring right back. "I'll kick your ass too."
"Jay's right. You have been moody the last few weeks. I don't appreciate you putting your hands on him." Matt informed me.
"You could always move out. Not like I always beat him…what the fuck did you come up here for?" I asked.
"Me and Jay are going out. If Tomo wants to go home, give him a lift, will you?" he said.
"No, I'm just going to leave him stranded, fucktard. Now leave my room." I said. Matt rolled his eyes and shut my door. I buried my head into my pillow and took some deep breaths. I heard the front door slam shut. I turn my head and looked at Tomo and smiled.
"Hi."
"Are you calm yet?" he asked, smiling.
"A little." and with that we started our conversation back off where we left It. Few hours later, Tomo stops and looks at me.
"You still angry?" he asks.
"Just a little."
"I know how to solve it." he smirked at me.
"How?"
"Let's go jam out. Me on the guitar and you on the drums. Just take your anger out, man." Tomo sat up.
"Alright." I got up, and put on my shirt, socks and sneakers. "Race ya!" We ran all the way down to the studio. I won the race. We practiced a few songs then we really just jammed out. We must have been down there for hours because when I looked out the window in the studio during one of the breaks, it was dark. Another hour went by, before Jared and Matt walked into the studio. Jared stopped and watched me for a few minutes. I stared him down. Matt went and got his bass and started jamming as well. Jared went and sat at the computer in the booth, probably editing something.
We played a few more songs, Jared kept looking at me from time to time. He looked horrible. His face was swollen and he had the beginnings of a black eye. I realized I shouldn't have snapped like that. I sighed and put my sticks down. I was hot and sweaty but I needed to go make things right with my brother.
"What are you doing?" Tomo frowned.
"Keep playing. Matt help him with those last few notes." I went into the booth. Jared's back was to me. I closed the door and sighed to get his attention. When that didn't work, I went over and started to massage his shoulders. That's when he tensed up. He didn't say anything, just kept on typing his e-mail. I kissed his head.
"I'm sorry Jay-Jay." I called him the nickname I had for him when we were little kids. Maybe that will get him to forgive me. "I loved her. You may not see why I did, but that doesn't matter. What matters is how I felt about her. I saw my future with her. I could see me and her having kids and growing old together. Even if she did cheat on me for five months, I can't say anything bad about her because it was also partially my fault. I choose to be with you guys, hanging out all the time, rather than be with her." Tears came to my eyes and I quickly wiped them away. Jared quit typing, put his hands in his lap, and just listened.
"I suspected she was cheating on me, but I never could believe it. I tried to stay with her all the time so she didn't have any time to be with him. The day I came here, that day in the wee hours, I listened to her voicemail… and found out that my suspicions were true. I woke her up by yelling at her to tell me the fucking truth." I started playing with his hair as a distraction, sighing loudly.
"I'm just…going through a lot emotions right now. I'm hurt, I feel betrayed, I'm seriously sad, I'm angry that I wasted two years of my life on her. I'm a wreck right now, Jay, an emotional wreck. What happened earlier, I wasn't thinking. I love you to death. I just needed someone to take my anger out on, and you were the perfect target." I kissed his head again before continuing my massage.
"What I need from you is for you to let me just handle this my way. Let me sleep all day if that's what I choose. If I stay in my room all day and am anti-social, just leave me be. Don't come bug me or come try to wake me up. If you need me just please respect my privacy and knock on my door." I sighed. He was being a brick right now. I wasn't going to be able to get through to him tonight. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I don't know what else to say but I'm sorry. I love you." I waited a few more minutes, hoping he would say something. "I'm going to go take a long ass shower."
And with that I left. After drumming, I liked to take a long shower to relax my muscles and clear my head. Many things were going through my head. Would Jared forgive me in the next day or so? And if not, how am I going to get him to? I thought about the band then about the break up, trying to get my feelings in order. An hour and fifteen minutes later, I got out, dried off and pulled on my Pajama Pants.
I opened the bathroom door to my room, and long and behold, Jared, Matt and Tomo were all in their pajama pants, in my bed. "Uh, hi."
"Are your showers usually that long?" Tomo asked, curiously. I ignored him.
"We decided to have a slumber party in your bed tonight. Mattie got the veggie pizza for us. I got us 'How to lose a guy in 10 days' and Tomo, well, he bought himself and his sense of humor... and his sexiness as well." Jared grinned.
"We're really going to watch 'How to lose a guy in 10 days'?" I asked while throwing my clothes in my laundry basket.
"Yep." Jared smacked his lips, making a loud popping sound.
"That like the gayest movie ever." I told him.
"Well, me and Matt are gay, Your bi…and Tomo, well, we don't know what Tomo is…but there a fifty-fifty chance he is. If he ain't, he'll get some tips. Plus, this is band bonding." Jay smiled. I looked at Tomo, who was blushing. I shrugged and crawled onto my bed between Jared and Tomo, and got under the covers.
"I don't think this bed gonna fit all four of us sleeping comfortably, by the way." I said as I grabbed a slice of veggie pizza. "Oh and I'm sorry to the band for my bad mood I've had for the past few weeks."
"We forgive you, Shannon." When Matt said that, I knew me and him were instantly cool with each other. The movie began and Tomo was the first one of us to pass out. He cuddled against me which I thought was adorable. Once Jared saw that Tomo's head was on my chest and my arm around him, he smirked.
"You two would make a cute couple."
I rolled my eyes at him. "I just got out of a long relationship. I'm staying single for a long while. Plus, he's too young for me. I'd be robbing the cradle." Matt giggled at that. I stared straight at the TV. "Jay, get any idea you have about trying to get me and Tomo together out of your head, because it's not gonna happen. He's out of my age range."
Jared sighed with a pout. "Fine."
When the movie finished, Jared cleaned up while Matt got the movie out. When Jared came back from recycling the pizza box, he asked me if he should wake Tomo up so Tomo can go sleep on the couch.
"Nah, he's fine Jay. He's not going to bother me." I snuggled down into the covers. "Thanks for tonight Jay. I love you."
Jared came over and, while he tucked me in, he kissed my forehead. "I love you too, Shanny. I forgive you and I will give you your space. I just worry about my favorite brother. I don't want you to do anything stupid, ya know?" He looked away when his said the last part. I knew what he meant. Both my hands grabbed his face and made him look at me.
"I will never take myself away from you, ok? I could never do that to you or mom. I love you too much Jared. I'm going through changes right now." I said. Jared nodded and kissed me again before leaving. I rolled over and wrapped my arm around Tomo before drifting off to sleep.