A/N: English is not my mother tongue, so I apologize for any grammar and spelling mistakes.
This fanfic is spoiler free and the relationship between Levi and Hanji is strictly platonic.
xxXxx
Lightning split the sky, illuminating the dark clouds that carried the heavy rain. Followed by thunder, the storm was the only seemingly living thing that kept Hanji company during the late nighthours of writing reports.
The clock struck two and Hanji sighed, "Finally finished." She left the papers on her desk and walked to her bed, glad to finally get wrapped up by her covers. However, as Hanji lay under her sheets, eyes closed, she found herself unable to shut down. It was the storm, raging just behind her windows, that kept her from sleeping. Strictly speaking, it wasn't entirely the storm per se, but the cries she heard in the cracks of thunder, the shower of rain that sounded like blood splattering on her window and the lingering feeling of danger, with each lightning bolt that lit the sky.
War followed her to sleep every now and again, but a part of her was glad that she wasn't spared from the gruesome pictures in her mind. She would remember the sacrifices of the brave soldiers that had died in battle and use any available information she gathered for the sake of humanity. That's how she honored the dead.
Hanji sat up and put on her glasses. She knew sleep would continue to evade her in her restless mind, so she decided on getting herself some coffee. She wandered through the empty dark halls to the kitchen, and when she saw dim light shining through the open door she peered inside. Her eyes fell on Levi, sitting by the table near the window. His left arm was slung over the chairback and his left leg was crossed over the other. Levi's gaze shifted from the window to Hanji, then back to the window, seemingly unaffected by her presence.
"You know, you should do something about that bad sleeping habit of yours. It's not good for your health if you don't sleep enough." She knew very well that Levi suffered from insomnia, but she just couldn't help herself, because she knew it would irritate him when even, on routine check-ups, the doctor would tell him that he was sleep deprived.
"Tsk. Mind your own business."
"Aw you know I was just teasing you." Hanji walked over to the kitchen counter and prepared herself some coffee. The last bit of drowsiness left her, when the aromatic smell filled the air. She took a sip and let out a content sigh. Sometimes she wondered if Levi deliberately avoided sleep, because maybe, just like her, he didn't want to see crushed bodies, hear clangorous screams of agony or feel the life slip through his fingers. The thought of death brought her back to her own fears and she couldn't help but ask, "Ne Levi, have you ever thought of the possibility that Erwin might die? I mean if worst comes to worst, even you won't be able to save him."
Levi knew what Hanji was implying and even though the question came out of nowhere it wasn't a new subject to him. Losing Erwin would mean a great loss to humanity, if not certain obliteration and it was troubling to imagine something like that happening, to say the least. Levi's gaze shifted to Hanji's rigid posture and he didn't hold it against her if she was scared.
Rather out of honesty than an attempt to console her he said, "It went through my mind and it is troubling. But I learned a long time ago, to not let anything get to me, to not let anything hinder me in doing my job. Some things are inevitable and I can only do so much. I can only do my best within my abilities and as squad leaders we have responsibilities. We can't focus our entire energy on what-ifs."
Hanji let the words sink in. "I see," she said, as if reaching a conclusion. A sense of understanding passed between Levi and Hanji. They had known each other for years, had berated each other on several occasions, but they also offered some kind of comfort in their twisted and broken minds.
Levi watched Hanji sip her coffee over the rim of his cup. He wondered what this was all about, when he noticed the slight tremor in her hands and the dangerous glint in her eyes.
"Oi, shitty glass."
Then Hanji started muttering to herself, incomprehensible words Levi couldn't make out. Setting one foot in front of the other, she began pacing up and down, seemingly oblivious that she had moved from her spot.
Levi's sharp gaze caught a hint of a twisted smile on her face. "Oi, four eyes."
"Yes...no...we could..ehm..what if..no..need..more.." Words were thrown into the room and Hanji picked up her pace. Hot steaming coffee spilled on her hand, though she didn't seem mind at all. It appeared that nothing could snap her out of if. Not the clock ticking, the mild rattling of the windows or Levi calling out to her. Her mind had taken her somewhere far away, had plunged itself into an inner battle field.
"Hanji!" The audbile exclamation and the shake to her shoulders brought her back to reality. Her eyes went wide when she focused on him. "Levi!"
Relieved that Hanji was obviously herself again, Levi took a step back and leaned against the table, his eyes intent on every move she made. Her shoulders sagged, as she ran a hand through her hair. A nervous laugh escaped her lips. Her easygoing facade was up again, but shadows distorted her face into a grimace. "Sorry..I was just thinking. Did you say something?"
Tick..tock..tick..tock...Long torturous seconds passed before Levi spoke, "Are you feeling okay?"
Hanji looked at him, wide-eyed. Levi had never inquired about her wellbeing, or anyone else's for that matter. Still a little rattled, she answered, "Eh..yes, I feel fine."
"Then... why are you crying?"
"Huh?" Hanji brought her right hand up to her face and found her cheek wet with tears. Quickly composing herself, she wiped them away. "Sorry, I didn't know I was crying."
"Idiot. Either cry or laugh. Don't do both. It's creepy." Levi didn't mean to be harsh, but Hanji's behavior was uncharacteristic. She was crazy in her own way and sometimes unpredictable, but this was different. Admittely, Levi was concerned. On some occasions he had witnessed how she was slipping further into insanity, out of reach and out of control. There was a line meant to be crossed, but Levi hoped that Hanji would not reach the final mark and retain what little sanity she had left.
It was obvious that each person in the Survey Corps had their own demons to deal with, but Levi found that every soldier had ways to ground themselves when everything became too much to bear. Often even he immersed himself in cleaning, a necessity which also had the function to distract him and provide him with some form of normalcy. Hanji, on the other hand, seemed to let herself get surrounded by research; she barely did anything else. She was always thinking, and while Levi knew Hanji was always planning and processing new information, it wouldn't do her any good if she couldn't shut down and let her mind rest, or else she was bound to go down the path of insanity coupled with obsession with titans.
"I'm sorry," Hanji apologized a second time, again sounding unlike herself. In an instant Levi was in front of Hanji once more and, not in a forceful but gentle manner, grabbed her head and pulled it down to his height, positioning her face in the crook of his neck.
"Cry all you want."
That sentence was all it took and Hanji began to tremble anew. It was in situations like these, where Levi didn't mind her being vulnerable or showing emotions like that, since he believed, unconsciously she was fighting a battle between holding everything inside and letting it out. He was always the person to witness it. Wether it be crying or even screaming, it didn't matter. At least she was venting on him. And sometimes she returned the favor, holding him like he held her. It was a deep connection that allowed them to trust and let their walls down. This night was one of many. Just the two of them, as squad leaders, as comrades and as friends.
xxXxx
This scene was just something that came to my mind. PLEASE review, write down any grammar mistakes I might have made. Constructive criticism is much appreciated. Okay be blunt, but don't be rude. And please keep everything spoiler-free, cause I haven't read the manga.
Have a good day!
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