"She left you to die."
Who?
"She's a mutt."
Katniss?
"She'll kill you unless you kill her first."
No. She wouldn't... Would she?
These are some of the many things my captors say about Katniss.
Yet are they true? Do I love Katniss? Despise her? Fear her? I have no idea. I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out what's real or not real. It's a little game I play with myself.
Katniss is a girl.
Real. At least that's what I've been told.
I'm Peeta.
Real.
I'm a victor.
Not real.
I'm no victor. Victors are killers. Born and bred killers. Does that make Katniss a true victor? I have no idea.
They say Katniss killed my family but random memories of her float to the surface. Kindhearted memories. She looks happy and sweet. Not at all the killer these people say she is.
At times I find myself sketching things randomly, large mutated wolves, Katniss, hands holding each other in the darkness, that sort of thing. They don't allow me much to do but this keeps my hands occupied. If I didn't use my hands to draw or make card houses I'd probably use them to kill myself. To put an end to the torture and lies.
Every few days I'm taken from my room, or should I say prison as I'm not allowed out at any time except the time for these propos, and led my armed peacekeepers to a studio room. Today I'm going to talk with Caesar. It's been a few days since my last talk for propos and the torture has gotten worse. I wonder if Katniss will be watching. She'll see my state and know something is wrong. My hands shake as I take my seat beside Caesar and they start filming.
"So Peeta how are you doing today?"
I know better than to tell the truth.
"I'm doing great Caesar" I say emptily.
"Well lets begin with the rumors going around that Katniss is taping propos for the rebellion. What do you think?"
"They're using her, obviously," I tell him. "To whip up the rebels. I doubt she even knows what's going on in the war." My hands tremble. "What's at stake." I add.
Caesar leans back in his chair.
"Is there anything you'd like to tell her?" Caesar says.
I think for a moment.
"There is." I turn directly to the camera as if I were staring directly into her eyes, I can only hope she sees this. "Don't be a fool Katniss. Think for yourself. They've turned you into a weapon that could be instrumental in the destruction of humanity. If you've got any REAL influence use it to put the brakes on this thing. Use it to stop the war before it's too late. Ask yourself do you really trust the people you're working with? Do you really know what's going on? If you don't..." I pause a bit to remember where I was taking this conversation. "Find out."
The red light I was fixated on goes out and people start filing out of the room. I stand and my guards come to lead me back to my room.
Two days of pain and sleepless nights later I'm taken back into the room and placed on a stool. The fact I didn't sleep shows. My prosthetic foot taps a strange beat and I sweat and tremble. I can only imagine what everyone is seeing. President Snow stands a bit off at a podium and motions for me to start. I struggle to find the words I need.
"W-we need to stop this. If we don't... The world, our w-world will be destroyed." Pictures of the current destruction shows up on the large screen behind me. Suddenly on the play back screen I see not myself, but Katniss, I do a double take but I'm back there I try and continue my speech but I again can't find the words. I begin to tell about a water purification plant being destroyed when suddenly Finnick is on, talking about Rue. The studio falls into utter and complete chaos as they try to regain control. Snow tells what the rebels are doing then asks if I have anything to say to Katniss. I do. I choke out, "Katniss. How do you think this will end? What will be left? No one is safe. Not in the Capitol, the districts. And you in Thirteen." I take a deep, sharp breath as my face becomes even more frantic.
"Dead by morning!" I yell.
The President scrambles and yells, "END IT!"
The wholes thing implodes into chaos when a flashing shot of Katniss appears. I try to continue speaking but I know it's useless. The camera falls to the ground then someone hits me from behind and the last thing i see is my blood spilt out onto the tiles.