Hee hee hee. I'm going humor again.

Captive crowd: Yay.

Emerald: Thank you. Anyway, Capcom owns all X characters, I own Chaos, and my sister owns Havoc, and Lucas owns Starwars. Finally.

Captive crowd: Yay.

* * * * * * *

(Chaos comes, pouncing into the room)

Chaos: Hiya, everyone!

Zero: (sighs) Hello, Chaos. What kind of drug are you on now?

Chaos: (Pouts) What drug? I have a new idea!

(Room empties, except for X, Zero, Iris, Cain, and Dynamo, along with Signas and Lifesaver).

Dynamo (Shakily): What idea, Chaos?

Chaos: Why, I just finished Star Wars...

Zero: I'm not playing Luke!

Chaos: And I thought that maybe, we could pull it off!

X: Yeah, right. What parts?

Chaos: Well, I asked Sigma...

Cain: And?

Chaos: He fell over laughing. Then he said fine, but he wanted to kill a few humans.

X (shocked): Did you let him?

Chaos (surprised): Yes. They weren't of any importance. Just three really, really rich guys that tried to hit on me, and one bozo who was always drunk.

Cain: Who?

Chaos: Your brother, but then, I switched him for some other dude. (crosses fingers)

Zero: Fine, fine. What are we going to do, then, since everyone else is gone?

Chaos (waves hand, the Hunters no longer see the floor): Let's begin!

Star Wars: Hunter Style

Starring:

X as Luke Skywalker

Zero as Han Solo

Iris as Leia Organa

Cain as Ben Kenobi/Lando

Sigma as Darth Vader

Havoc as Emeror Palpitine

Dynamo as Cewabacca

Signas as R2-D2

Lifesaver as C-3P0

And Chaos as: The annoying chick who seems to pop up everywhere

* * * * *

Scene one: The annoying Title screen

X: Chaos, this is not cool.

Chaos: Hush, X. I'm on.

(Chaos walks up in front of words. Words happily stop. World rejoices).

Chaos: Hello! You are know watching Star Megaman X!

X: Hide me.

Dynamo: Hide me! Look at this hideous outfit! I'm going to kill her!

(Chaos waves hand, a zipper is shut on Dynamo's mouth)

Chaos: Anyway, we know what's wrong... Happy Lukeman has to go and save the princess. So, we decided to skip a bit to the part where Luke, Ben, Han, and Wookie-man have to go and find Death Star. So, let's begin!

(Zero looks around at the Millennium Falcon)

Zero: Nice ship!

Cain: Isn't it supposed to be yours?

Zero: Oh, yeah!

Cain, X, and Dynamo: -_-;;

Dynamo: Yo, Captain Solo!

Signas: Chewie never talks.

Dynamo: *Grunt! Grunt! Growl!* (evil eyes)

Zero: Thanks. What is it, Chewie?

(Looks up at Death Star)

Lifesaver: Oh, wow! Look at the size of that thing!

X: Where's Alderann?

Cain: I don't know. We have to hide. We can't escape the Tractor beam.

Dynamo: ME First! Me first!

Lifesaver: (to Signas, pouting) This is so gay. Why are we here again?

Signas: Because we wanted to?

Cain: Get in the interesting hatches, you two!

(All get inside)

Cain: Is there any beer on this trip? OWW! JEEZ, Dynamo!

(Inside ship)

Bizzard Buffalo: Sir! There is an unexpected Shipment arriving!

Sigma: Ah, yes. That would be my refugees from Alderann. May we kill them with joy.

BB: No, sir. This looks like a smuggler's ship. The Aldrann refugees are coming later.

Sigma: Oh, sorry. I want that ship searched. I think Ben Kenobi is on it.

BB: Why?

Sigma: BECAUSE I DO!! DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A PROBLEM???

(Mavericks work busily).

Sigma: GOOD! Send a search party. I need to find the Hunter base.

(Sigma walks off. Blizzard Buffalo and Neon Tiger enter ship)

SFX: Boom! POW!!!

(X and Zero walk out in the empty shells)

Zero: Come on, where are the storm troopers?

X: I don't know. Hey, Dynamo!

(Dynamo comes out, growling)

Dynamo: Yes?

Zero: Go outside and ask where the stormtroopers are. And growl!

Dynamo: -_-;; Yes, master...

(There's a big *poof* and happy Chaos appears)

Chaos: Do you really want the stormtroopers?

Lifesavor: If you want to be true to the story, yes.

Signas: They kinda are a major part in the story.

Chaos: (Rolls eyes). Joy. Have it your way, then!

(Chaos disappears, leaving behind a huge swarm of Stormtroopers, surrounding our heroes)

Signas: CHAOS!

X: NO! I DON'T WANT THEM!!

Zero: To heck with this. (Grabs beamsaber, it's not there)

Signas: It would be with X, wouldn't it? you're the pilot.

Lifesavor: And now it's a lightsaber.

Cain: Oh joy. So we defeat the big bad base, right?

X: No, we have to rescue Iris from Sigma, and then we blow up the base.

Zero: This is the worst day of my life. -_-

Chaos: And so, our happy little heroes, outnumbered, make their way to Darth Vader.

(Walking like captives, upset)

X: This isn't in the script!

Zero: This is Chaos. When is the last time she used a script? She throws them out he window.

Stormtrooper: Hush, you! (Blasts them)

X: Oww.

(Finally meet Darth Vader)

Sigma: Ah, yes! My little captives!

Zero: (in a mocking tone) Ah, yes! The bigheaded egoist!

Sigma: You'll pay for that! I'll blow up Alderann!

Signas: Didn't you already do that?

Simga: .... oh yeah.... nevermind. Gaurds, take them to the prison! This is fun!

(Now they happily walk to the prison cells).

SFX: BOOOOOMMMM!

(Chaos appears, with five guns and shooting guns)

Chaos: Hi, guys!

Cain: Why are you here?

Chaos: I felt like helping, yes?

Signas: You're a loser.

Dynamo: I'll kill you!

Chaos (holds thermal detinator): Why don't we all calm down? The moive is almost over. But, Iris is still captive. Zero, go free her.

Zero: Fine. But I'm going to kill you anyway.

Chaos: I'm immortal! Cain!

Cain: Yes, Chaos?

Chaos: Go to the tractor beam, turn it off. Use the Goddamned force if you have to.

Cain: Right away!

Iris (now rescued): Is he going to die? (shakes head)

Chaos: Yup.

Narrorator (who took over Chaos's job): Now, our happy little troops go back to the rebel base, in attempts to destroy the Empire!

Mon Motha (The 30-40 year-old-woman in white): We have discovered the weakness in the base. Go now.

X: That's really direct.

Signas: Get used to it. Let's get in the *&%$ing ship. (Walks to ship)

X: Fine, fine. Where's Zero?

Lifesavor: He's kissing Iris. Don't ask.

Signas: Wasn't Iris dead?

Chaos: I fixed her up.

Signas: What about her brother?

(Everyone stares at Signas)

Chaos: Nevermind. Just go. Be free.

(Zero walks in)

Zero: Hi, gang! What do I miss?

Chaos: Well, you missed Mon's happy speech. Go kick butt, my friend.

Lifesavor: Why am I the winny droid, again?

Chaos: 'Cause you are. Be thankful that you get to skip a scene.

Iris: (Waves to Zero) Bye, Zero! Bye!

Chaos (waves): If you die, YOU'LL MESS UP THE MOVIE! DON'T DIE!!!!

X (cringes): Thank God I don't have to put up with her anymore.

Zero (over microphone): What do you mean? She follows us anywhere.

X: I can't shake him! He's on my tail!

Sigma: I got you now!

(Zero fires)

(Sigma is thrown into deep space)

Sigma: Blast! Now I can't do anything! The force was stong in that one, too!

X: Thanks, Zero.

Zero: Just doing my job. Now, you haveta fire and then the deathstar will explode!

X: Where?

Zero: I don't know. Just fire!

(X fires at a TIE fighter. Death Star explodes)

X: Yes!

Zero: Go X!

Signas: Lucky shot.

(Go home, have a beer, throw a party, wonder why Movie-land isn't over.)

Zero: Chaos, why aren't we home?

Chaos: There are three happy parts to the movie.

Zero: Aren't there four?

X: And there are going to be nine?

Chaos: Do you want to make it longer? Be my guest. Say the word.

X, Zero: *silence*

Chaos: Good. Now, we go onto Movie Two.

Lucas: No! Not my beatiful Moive! I won't let you ruin it!

Chaos: (snickers) Too late.

Movie two: The Empire-dudes stiketh Backeth.

(The happy credits roll in. Then they stop. There is much rejoicing.)

(Our happy heroes are in the frozen wasteland of hoth. X and Zero are riding those weird creatures).

X: This is fun! Let's take some home, Zero!

Zero: X, we have to play out the enitre movie.

X: So then the next scene will be in cloud city? Who plays Lando?

Iris: I think it's Cain again.

Zero: Leia wasn't supposed to be on this trip.

X: No kidding. Let's get back.

(Go back home, but in the middle, they encounter a Wampa Ice creature)

(Creature attacks X)

X: AHHHHHH!!!

Iris: X, Shoot it! Or-

(Zero cuts it in half with the beamsaber he claimed from X)

Iris: -Have Zero do something about it. Can't you use the force?

X (closes eyes): Sure. I see...I see... A city in the clouds.

Iris: No, seriously.

X: I am serious.

Zero: Of coure *cough* you are *cough* buddy!

X: No, I really am serious!

Zero: What does it mean?

X: I don't know. I suppose I have to find Yoda for that.

Zero: Who plays Yoda?

Iris: I don't think that part was covered.

(X goes with Signas to fly to Yoda's place, while Iris and Zero are left to defend the base from the Empire).

Zero: We're under attack!

Some general: No, duh! I thought the Empire was bringing us flowers!

Another General: He's not?

Zero: AHHHHHHH!!! (Hits the "Another General" and kills him)

Zero: OKAY! GET TO YOUR FREAKN' SHIPS NOW!! AND IDJOTS THAT WOULD LIKE TO STAY, DO SO PLEASE AT THIS TIME, SO THOSE THAT ARE SMART WILL GO AWAY! (Runs with Iris to the Falcon, it takes off)

Idjots who stayed to fight: YAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!

(Focus to Falcon)

Dynamo: Okay, I thought this thing couldn't fly, and I was right. It can't.

Zero: Whad'ya mean?

Lifesaver: Uh, hello? This heap of junk doesn't have lightspeed until the very end.

Iris: Isn't X's hand going to get cut off, too?

Zero (face paling): I hope not.

Iris: But then it wouldn't be true to the story.

Lifesaver: Yes, yes, that's dandy. Something else to fix.

Iris: Stop griping. You're a loser.

Lifesaver: You're the loser.

Chaos (who magically appears): Stop fighting, children! Zero, go to the city in the clouds. You have five minutes.

Zero: Waitaminute! The hyperdirve moter isn't working!

Chaos: Right. Put it as fast as it will go, stupid.

Everyone: AHHHHHH!!!!!

AH, yes, stupid people. Again. Hello. Listen to me type. Type, type, type....

(X crash-lands on Yoda's planet).

Signas: Great driving, X!

X: Thanks. I think Luke-

Signas: (interupting) Didn't have his ship burn up in entry to the planet's atmosphere. You did.

X: Shut up. What's left?

(Signas holds up a ball of tin)

Signas: That. My lunchbox.

X: (winces) Opps.

Chaos (Who was sitting in a tree the entire time): Hello, my children!

Signas: We aren't your children.

Chaos: I knows that. Duh. Look, I want you to be as happy as possible, so I want to tell you- there is no Yoda. X! (Tosses X something)

(X catches it)

Chaos: It's a lightsaber. Zero took his from you again. Now, you go join your happy people-dudes in Cloud City. Cain is drunk and waiting for you.

X: How are we supposed to get back, o foolish wanderer of worlds?

Chaos: Watch it. Luke can die in this story. Use the force. DUH! WHAT IS THE MOIVE ABOUT?!?!?! IT TEACHES LITTLE CHILDREN TO USE THE FORCE!

(Half the planet is barren wasteland from Chaos's yelling. The ship is put back together also).

X: Thanks!

Signas: O.O I want home. Now.

(X and Signas sneak into Cloud City)

(Sigma is having problems with "Han" getting frozen in Carbonite).

Zero: NOOOO!!!! I AIN'T GOIN'!!!!
Sigma: Yes, you will, fool. (Grabbs Iris)

Iris: Ahh!

Sigma: Or she's dead.

Iris: Unhand me, you creep! (Unleashes energy, Sigma is knocked backward)

Zero: Sweet.

Iris: I got my hands on X's G-crusher. It was fun.

Lifesaver: Yes, yes, I love this little lovefest, but may I suggest that we go home now?

Dynamo: Before Siggy-man starts attacking?

Iris: Of course. But we can't go without X, carpet-man.

Dynamo: Watch it, woman.

Chaos (who magically appears): What is so wrong with being a woman?

Dynamo: Uhh... Grunt! Growl!

Chaos: I speak Wookie-ese. That wasn't very nice.

Dynamo: Live with it. (looks around) Where did everyone- hey, wait for me! (Runs to catch up with groups, several meters (yards) ahead).

(Chaos fades away).

(X and Signas make their way into the "Happy-Carbonite-Freezing-Room" according to the sign Chaos made).

X: We go in there.

Signas: You go in there. I stay here, away from lightsaber dueling and happy Carbon Freezing.

X: Please?

Signas: (Rolls eyes) fine.

Cain: HELLO, X! (wobbles around from being druken)

X: _;; Cain, what were you doing?

Cain: *hiccups* Sigma gave me a few drinks.

Chaos: 18 Liters!

Cain: No, actually it was 27!

X: Where's Chaos?

Cain: Around. I don't know. She fades, that's no lie. Anyway, Sigma is...

Sigma: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!

(X rushes in to find Signas has wandered into the Carbon Freezing Chamber, and got Frozen in Carbotite. What happy fun).

X: No!

Sigma: YES!!! I got a trophy that doesn't exclude the the body!

Signas (very, very muffled): NOOOOO!

X: You'll pay for this, Sigma!

(Trade lightsaber hits, go out to the waste platform)

Sigma: Luke, there was something I always wanted to tell you...

(Another round of traded hits and stops in middle)

Sigma: I am your father!!!

X: (looks at Sigma) I thought Dr. Light was my father.

Sigma: (Stops duel) He was.

X: Then how could you be my father?

Sigma: uhh.... I helped him build you?

X: Then wouldn't you be my stepfather?

Sigma: Yes, X! I am your Stepfather!

X: NOOOO!!!! (Falls off the platform, onto the millenium flacon underneath).

Zero (who happened to be on top): Great timing!

X (Darkly): Sigma has Signas.

Zero: Oh. Do you have all your body parts?

X (Suspicious): Yes.

Zero (to Lifesaver): HE's okay! Put your tools away!

Lifesaver: Why bother bringing them out? You suck! I'm going on strike!

Iris: Shut up, you winning fool. Movie's over.

Dynamo: Where's Signas?

X (after being hauled in): He's frozen in Carbonite.

Zero: Any idea where?

X: No.

Moive Three: Return of the Jedi (who should not walk out in public from the shame this story has brought to them). (We see Lucas crying over his beautiful movie. We see ourselves laughing at him).

Choas: We've figured out that Sigma has Signas in the Deathstar. So, we decieded to go blow it up. But there's a force feild. So, our heroes naturally volunteer for the job!

X: Acutally, you volounteered us.

Zero: And when we get to the base I'm going to start a petition for premission to kill you.

Dynamo: And I'm signing.

Chaos (nervous smile): Uh, yeah. Well, let's foucus in on the DeathStar.

(Foucus in on the Deathstar)

Sigma (to commanding Maverick): I hope everything is ready. The emporer is coming.

Commanding Maverick: Yes, Mylord. It is reading.

Sigma: I hope so. ....He is not as.... kind.... as I am.

(Shuttle comes in. Door opens with hissing steam. Two Gaurds In Red (the GIR) appear, bowing before the emporer).

(The Emperor walks down the steps in a cloak, and we know from the title screen (which we probably fastforwarded through), it is Havoc, Chaos's younger sister, just as annoying).

Havoc (throws off cape): Honey, I'm home!!!!

(every Maverick bows before her).

Stormtrooper: Hey, babe.

(Havoc blasts off stormtrooper's head)

Havoc: How are the plans coming?

Sigma: Well.

Havoc: So are we going to convert X? Or kill him?

Sigma: How about if he doesn't convert, we kill him.

Havoc: Good plans. He's on the forest moon of Endor.

Sigma: How do you know?

Havoc: Because he's not going to be floating around in space!!! GIA!!! SIEZE HIM!!!

Sigma: Wait! You can't sieze me!

Havoc: You're right. But I know the perfect form for you until you're needed: A mouse.

Sigma: A mouse?

(Havoc waves hand and Sigma is a mouse).

Sigma: (in a tiny mouse voice): No! Why a mouse?!?

And so, the heroes are split in half. X and Lifesaver go to the Deathstar, and Cain stays, and the rest go to ENDOR!!!

Captive crowd: Yay.

Liven up people!

Captive crowd: Yay.

I curse youto Heckland, Kentucky!

Captive Crowd: YESSS!!!! AWAY!!! (rejoice)

I take it back.

Dynamo: Can I go home? Home is nice.

Zero: Not until we finish the movie.

Iris: I'm with Dynamo. Screw the movie. Let's go help X and blow up the Deathstar by ourselves.

Haovc (Magically appearing): HA! YOU FOOLS! YOU WILL NEVER DEAFEAT THE POWER OF THE DARK SIDE!!

Dynamo: Could you keep it (looks inside lounge) 0.0 - down?

Havoc: Fine, be that way. (dissapears).

Zero: I'm bored. Where's X?

Iris: He's in the Deathstar. I think he's being held captive.

Zero: I wanna destroy something!!! I want some action!

Dynamo: (shuts his mouth, but barely containing laughter)

Zero: What's so funny?

Dynamo: Look, just shoot the Deathstar.

Zero: I wanna know what's so goddamned funny!

(Chaos slowly removes Iris from the room, so she will not hear anything that happens next.)

Dynamo: Well, you said "I want some action", and that just struck me the wrong way, okay?

Zero: What way?

Dynamo: The sick, preverted way.

Zero: O.O WHAT?!?

Dynamo: Told you. Then I wondered why Iris was brought back to life...

Zero: Keep your mouth shut. (pouts)

Dynamo: Keep yours shut and we won't have communication problems.

(Iris is let back in)

Iris: What happened?

Dynamo: A few misconseptions. Nothing big.

Iris: Oh. Chaos had to tell me a few things about sick, preverted people looking for imortality.

Dynamo: (blushes) Who could that be?

Iris: She said something about a guy in black... But that was it. Man, he was really, really, disgusting.

Zero: ....

X: NO!! LET ME GO!!! I DON'T WANNA BATTLE NO EMPORER!!!!

GIR: No can do, dude. She wants to... play or something. I can't remember.

GIR #2: Yeah, the only thing I can remember, dude, is the surfing part of Starwars.

X: (slowly) There was no surfing part.

(X is thrown into a big, dark empty space with a light focused on the back of a chair. The GIR dissapear. X gulps).

X: Hello?

(Deep Bass Voice (not the character)): Hello, X. It's been a while.

X: All the people I knew had really, really sucky voices.

DBV: Oh. Do you have any questions before you die?

X: Yeah. Two.

DBV: Say them.

X: Why was Lifesavor allowed to leave with Signas?

DBV: Because I don't care abotu two whinny driods. Anything else?

X: Who are you?

(Chair spins around, and we see a brown-haired girl in a flowery dress and flowers, as non-meancing as you can be. She carries a rabbit in one hand).

Havoc: ME!!! Now, let's play tea! (Tea table appears. X now has a floppy hat and Sigma wears an apron. Havoc hugs the bunny, and bunny begs X for mercy).

Havoc: Your friends will never destroy the base, X.

X: Says you.

Havoc: No, says the film. They don't destroy the base.

Sigma: Then who does?

Havoc: If I remember correctly, it was the emporer...(Voice fades)...getting thrown... into a deep... ...shit (gulps).

Sigma: (grins) X, care to do the honors?

X: After you, Sigma.

(Sigma throws Havoc of of the balcony. She doesn't fall).

Havoc: Oh, yeah! I can fly! And I get to kill X!

X: That's not cool.

(Deathstar begins to explode).

Sigma: Amazing! The mere action of me throwing her made the Deathstar collapse!

X: (Sarcastically) Amazing. Also, you go down with it.

Sigma: Why?

X: 'Cause I'm teleporting off. Bye! (teleports off).

(Back on Falcon, with everybody but the enemy and Chaos)

X: We're done, right?

Zero: Fat chance. (takes a swig of beer).

Iris: I thought you didn't drink beer.

Dynamo: He didn't. I told him it would help his mood.

X: No! Zero! You can't be acoholic!

Zero: Watch me.

(Iris takes bottle away)

Iris: No, no, Zero.

(Zero grabs it back)

Zero: Give it to me.

(The two fight. Finally, Zero trips over Iris and they fall and accidently kiss).

(Everyone turns around).

Chaos: I got that on tape. America's funniest home videos, here I come! Thanks everyone!

Dynamo: The movie's over?

(Everyone ends up in Hunter lounge. Zero and Iris are still kissing).

Chaos: Yup.

Dynamo: Thank God. So, you know what that means, everyone?

Lifesavor: We get to kill her?

Signas: YESS!!!! THANK THE MAKER!!!!

Chaos: (uneasily) Thanks, guys, but... (runs off)

So ends our story. One question we are left with:

What kind of pie do you like?

Zero: What sort of question is that? That's &*%$ing gay! I couldn't care less about pie!

Iris: I like cherry.

Dynamo: (more preverted thoughts)... Can't answer. Chocolate?

Signas: .... That's a stupid question.

Lifesavor: I refuse to answer such a meaningless question.

X: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. (Asleep)

Cain: I like acloholic pie.

Chaos: You would, wouldn't you?

Answer the question, Chaos.

Chaos: I like... ice cream pie.

Havoc: I like tea.

Sigma: I refuse to answer a human-like question.

Go suck on a prune. Okay then! You're free to go!

Captive audience: (Runs away and never comes back). YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!