Will's POV
As I lay in my bed, I continued to ponder my mixed emotions. I had never felt anything like what had surged through me on this day. Ever since I met Tessa Grey, five months ago, I had thought myself to be madly in love with her. I had no desire for anyone else, anyone at all. I barely even had the urge to speak to anyone that was not her or my parabatai, James Carstairs; but now Jem himself is the cause of my troubled feelings.
For five years, Jem had been, not only my best, but also my only friend. When I ran away from home, I sought refuge in the London Institute; I had nowhere else to go and Institutes are where the Nephilim naturally reside anyhow. Charlotte and Henry had welcomed me with open arms, as had Jem, a boy my age, my height, my intelligence… Jem was practically me with a few minor differences.
At first, I had been unsure of what to think of the silver hair, silver eyes, friendly, pacifistic boy; but I gave him a chance and that resulted in being the greatest decision of my entire existence. Instantly, the Asian child befriended me and I accepted his love, to a point where a short year later, I asked him to be my parabatai -that was the greatest honor for any two Shadowhunters.
Over the course of the years, James and I grew closer. Very close. I had always thought of him as my brother, my equal, although he was a few months older than me. Then, just a few months ago, Tessa came around. We rescued her and I fell in love. Or so I thought I did and I think I still am in love with her. I also know that Jem is in love with her also.
But the feeling, this recent, confusing feeling that I can't seem to shake is about something I had never thought of before. An idea so terrible that society is disgusted by it, so heinous that the Clave shuns whoever is this way… I was considering that I might be gay; and that scared me.
Earlier in the afternoon, I had been in the music room with Tessa, Henry, Charlotte, and Jem. Even if Jessamine were still alive, she most likely wouldn't have been caught near us. I had been lounging on the couch, Tessa on one side of me, as we all listened to Jem play his violin. When that boy touches that instrument, all that comes out is pure perfection. If Heaven had a sound, it would play that of James' violin work.
For a good hour, we remained silent, lost in wonder as James played and played the sweet sounds of the violin. This time he did not play for one specific person but rather he played a general song so that we all may be able to picture what scene he was trying to project. It was that of his home in Shanghai, China. I listened intently to the sweet music as I watched with curiosity the essence of what was his childhood before his parents were murdered.
Once he was finished with his musical painting, he left his instrument and came to sit by my other side. As soon as he sat down, I adjusted my position on the couch so that my head rested on his lap, my feet nearly on top of Tessa. I could tell that Charlotte didn't care for that behavior, as she began to scold me to sit upright, but Jem intervened, soothing her with his words of acceptance. I smiled smugly to myself as Jem had begun to gently caress my hair, brushing it away from my forehead, as he chatted with Tessa.
For a long while, we remained that way until eventually Tessa grew tired. She retreated to her chambers, claiming she was going to catch up on some much needed sleep. However, I did not move an inch from my comfortable position, not budging even when Jem nudged me to get up.
"Please Will, I would like to go get something to eat. I'm awfully hungry and cannot go anywhere unless you move." He had said to me, ceasing his caress and instead flicking my forehead.
"But Jem, I am so comfortable." I had whined playfully, pouting as I looked up at him. "Can't you send for Cyril or Bridget?"
"No, Will. I will not ask our servants and friends for more than what is required of them. Thankfully, I have two feet and am able to walk myself downstairs to prepare myself something. So, get up."
I had been reluctant to do so, shaking my head in a negative fashion, causing my parabatai to sigh hopelessly.
"You are forcing my hand, William. You have left me with no choice." He had stated dramatically, rolling up his sleeves. I had looked at him questioningly and warily, wondering what he was up to. Just as I had been about to inquire what he was planning on doing to me, he began to tickle my ribs mercilessly.
"James! No! Please… stop!" I yelled between giggles and laughter, but not once did Jem relent. He wouldn't stop tickling me, alternating between my sides and stomach.
"I warned you, William Owen Herondale! You should have gotten up when I asked you to. Now you must face the repercussions of your rebellious behavior!" He had chuckled, continuing to tickle me, his fingers working rapidly over my abdomen.
"Please!" I cried desperately, tears welling up in my eyes from how strongly I was laughing. I was sure my cackles could be heard all throughout the Institute but Jem continued torturing me for several more minutes. Charlotte and Henry had proved useless to me as all they did was chortle watching Jem's and I display.
Eventually, the agony of being tickled had come to an end and I tried my hardest to catch my breath, though it had proven a tad difficult. Jem, Henry, Charlotte had continued to laugh at my defenseless against Jem's 'punishment' for me.
"Are you willing to get up now, young man?" Jem had questioned, attempting to sound like a stern father of some sort. I shook my head, refusing to move even after what I had suffered at the hands of my parabatai.
"You are one hard-headed little boy, Will." He had attempted to tickle me again, but I was ready that time. I threw my legs up, pushing my knees against my chest so that he wouldn't be able to reach around me enough to tickle me. After a few moments of trying to find a loophole through my defense, Jem had concluded that he'd rather just push me off. So he did.
As I had tumbled onto the carpet, Jem took hold of my arm, trying to steady me as he stood. I had gazed up at him, pouting, from my kneeling position on the floor. All James had done was merely smile at me and bend down to kiss my forehead before walking out of the room, placing a gentle smack on my bum as he did so.
The slight arousal I had felt as I felt the playful sting of the swat is what scared me the most. The way I missed the lingering feel of his lips pressed against my forehead; the way his body radiated a type of warmth, an air of kindness. I missed Jem already and he was only downstairs.
Charlotte and Henry had only gazed at me, smiling in pure joy at seeing the way Jem and I treated each other. But they had no idea how I was feeling at that moment. They could never know that I was beginning to have possible feelings for the boy, the man, that I had loved as my own brother for five years. So I had excused myself to my bedroom, which is where I lay now, contemplating what should my next course of action be.
I determined quickly that I could not tell Jem about my newly developed feelings; he would not despise me if I were gay, for we had a friend, a warlock called Magnus Bane who was openly bisexual -but I did not know how he would react to me… desiring him. I myself was unable to comprehend what was going on inside of me, but I knew I no longer wanted Tessa as I had a mere two hours ago. I wanted James Carstairs and I wanted him at this very moment.
A/N: Hello there, lovely people! I know I've been away for a while and my stories haven't been updated in MONTHS. I assure you all that I'm working on that so the new chapters should be updated fairly quickly. I hope.
I don't know how into Slash some of you might be but… this one is Slash. Between Jem and Will if you couldn't already tell, so any of you TID fans who don't like Heronstairs… well then you're not a real Nephilim. Don't even bother reading this fic.
Most likely, I will not go into utter detail if I were to include an actual sex scene. Still contemplating that. But anyhow, I hope you guys enjoy this. My sincerest apologies for making this first chapter so short. As I've said before, I hate short chapters so I hate it when I myself do them. But it's the best I could do. I'll try my best to make the next ones longer.
Don't forget to review! Love you guys. Until next time…