This story contains several offensive characters. These include Cid, Cid,
Cid, Cid, Cid, Cid, Cid, and Cid. They are from Final Fantasies IV through
X and the movie. I will refer to them as Cid4, Cid5, Cid6, Cid7, Cid8,
Cid9, Cid10, and Dr. Cid. The setting is a dark and dingy cement room.
There is a table in the center with eight chairs around it. There is only
one metal door and it's that annoying kind that closes automatically
whenever you let go of it, kind of like a huge screen door. Anyway, The
Cids want to talk now.
Dr. Cid: This is meeting number one of the Official Cid Club. Before we get things started, it must be decided who the leader, or president, should be. I nominate myself first. Any other nominees shall verbally do battle with me until a leader is decided.
Cid4: I nominate myself.
Dr. Cid: What are your reasons?
Cid4: Well, I'm a pilot for one thing.
Cid7: Me, too!
Cid9: Me, as well!
Cid10: Ja, ed kamm!
Dr. Cid: Nearly all of us are pilots! You're disqualified for underachievement!
Cid4: But I built my OWN ship!
Cid9: So did I!
Cid4: Umm.
Dr. Cid: Ha! The dwarf loses!
Cid4: I can't lose! I even died in my ship!
Dr. Cid: Eh.?
*Awkward silence*
Cid5: Zombie!!!
*Everyone but Cid10 is dashing around the room, clawing at the walls and trying to escape*
Cid8: Why, in the name of the Lord, doesn't this place have a door?!
Dr. Cid: I didn't thing we'd need one!!!
*Cid4 is looking around, confused*
Cid9: *Screams like a five-year-old* He looked at me!!! *He dashes behind a chair*
*Cid10 lies down and falls asleep*
Cid7: That's @#$% enough! *Cid7 harpoons Cid4*
*Everyone stops panicking; Dr. Cid regains control of the debate*
Dr. Cid: Ahem.
*The Cids listen to him*
Dr. Cid: Well then, any other nominees?
Cid8: Me.
Dr. Cid: And your reason?
Cid8: Well, being the headmaster of Balamb Garden, I am a born leader.
Dr. Cid: Have you ever been in politics before?
Cid8: Once, I had huge competition from this fat blob-guy, NORG, for control of the school.
Dr. Cid: Are you a doctor?
Cid8: Well.
Dr. Cid: I'm waiting.
Cid8: I'm a headmaster.
Dr. Cid: Uh-huh, but are you a doctor?
Cid8: A doctor works for me.
Dr. Cid: Answer the question.
Cid8: No.
Dr. Cid: I see. You lose! Cid5: Now, that is hardly fair.
Dr. Cid: What, so you wanna run, too?
Cid5: I believe I may, yes.
Dr. Cid: Why?
Cid5: To beat you.
Dr. Cid: All right, occupation, please.
Cid5: I am a scientist who is renowned for creating and inventing things to vastly improve mankind.
Dr. Cid: Are you a doctor?
Cid5: You could say that.
Dr. Cid: Maybe, but I won't. You, my friend, are a scientist.
Cid5: But-
Dr. Cid: Not a doctor!
Cid5: How can you be so-
Dr. Cid: Shut up, shut up, shut up!!!
Cid5: Scientists ARE doctors!
Dr. Cid: *Puts his hands over his ears* LALALALALALALALA!!!!!
Cid6: This is immature. I move that Dr. Cid be kicked out of the Cid Club.
Dr. Cid: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!! LALALALALALALALALA!!!!!
*The noise wakes up Cid10*
Cid9: I ORDER you to BE QUIET!!!
Dr. Cid: *He quiets down, looks calmly around himself, and lunges at Cid5*
Cid5: What the!?
Dr. Cid: Yaaaah!!! *Lunges again* Cid5: You can't silence me forever!
Dr. Cid: *Lunges once more; tears through Cid5's neck*
Cid10: Jnir cim odmahylq!
*Dr. Cid composes himself*
Dr. Cid: Now, then. Are there any other nominees?
*Trembling, Cid10 raises his hand*
Dr. Cid: You? You can't even talk right.
Cid10: Nik ji fuem, nidkeht.
Dr. Cid: See, I didn't understand that crap. What was that?
Cid7: Yeah, I'd like ta @#$% know what the @#$% that was too, ya @#$% think, @#$%?
*Cid10 hangs his head in shame*
Cid9: Ha, ha! The weird bald guy lost!
Cid10: Aaaagh!!!
*Cid10 picks up a pencil lying on the center table*
Cid6: Whoa, man, don't do anything crazy, all right?
Cid7: C'mon, do it! You @#$% know ya' wanna'!
*Cid10 snaps it in half; Cid9 falls to the ground, writhing in agony*
Cid9: Oh, in the name of all things right!!! Why? Why? WHY?!?!?!
Cid8: You MONSTER!!!!!
*A devious expression appears across Cid10's face*
Dr. Cid: Men, settle down! *Looks at Cid10* Cid, that pencil was a living creature, just like you or me.
Cid10: Nor ekk laftormi jerntorama Bill Nye ubrento plushen.
Cid6: *Filled with murderous rage* Get out of this room.
Cid7: @#$% yeah! Do it again! C'mon, I have a pencil!
Cid10: *Laughs maniacally as he snaps pencils all over the room*
Cid9: No! Whatever will we use to draw maps and write inscriptions!? What!? TELL ME!!!!!
Dr. Cid: STOP THIS INSANITY!!!!!
Cid10: AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
*Dr. Cid pulls out a laser rifle and opens fire on Cid10; Cid10 begins his dramatic death*
Cid10: Nerfenta Keltos mi untumumum mumhe Bill Nye.
Cid6: It's all right; we know you didn't mean it.
Cid10: Korton motty toghaf.
*Cid10 dies*
Dr. Cid: He's in a better place now.
Cid8: What, Hell? If Hell is better than this place, then why are we here?
Dr. Cid: To decide upon a leader.
Cid7: Why should you be our @#$% leader?
Dr. Cid: Because, I am a doctor.
Cid9: *Still on the cement floor, whimpering* Poor, poor pencils.
Cid6: Are.you okay?
Cid9: Cil.
Cid8: Huh?
Cid9: Pen.cil.
Cid7: What the @#$% is his @#$% problem?
Dr. Cid: My diagnosis: herpes. Cid6: Now, that can't be right.
Dr. Cid: No, I'm quite sure it is.
Cid8: Well, we'd better get him out of here.
Dr. Cid: No, no, if we touch him, he'll explode and we'll get it.
Cid6: What?
Dr. Cid: No, it's true. Exploding herpes.
Cid7: *To Cid8* I'll give ya' ten bucks ta touch him.
Cid8: No way, man!
Dr. Cid: *To Cid8* Cid, you got something to say? Are you the doctor now? Huh?
Cid8: Yes, I do. I should be the leader of this group!
Dr. Cid: Now, Cid, we've been through this. You don't meet the qualifications.
Cid8: You're right, I don't. And I don't want to. You murdered the only person who did for winning.
*Silence*
Dr. Cid: You're right, Cid. Only one question remains.
Cid8: Yeah, what's that?
Dr. Cid: But are you a doctor?
Cid7: What kinda @#$% @#$% is that?
Dr. Cid: Guards! Seize him!!!
Cid8: We don't even have guards!
*Four blonde chicks in armor rush through the door*
Cid6: What the-?! You're the Knights of Alexandria!
*They grab Cid7 and drag him away*
Cid8: Explain what that was, would you? Dr. Cid: Make me.
Cid8: Oh, that's it. It is ON!!!
*Cid8 tears off his shirt to reveal.he's too weak to tear cloth!*
Cid8: Gimme a moment, here.
*He finally gives up and lifts it over his head*
Cid8: Now, face the terror of Ninja-Cid!
*Under his shirt are black ninja clothes*
Cid8: Whaaaaah! *You know, that one classic ninja yell*
Dr. Cid: Oh, I'm so afraid of you ninja crap.
*Cid6 hides under the table*
Dr. Cid: What are you so afraid of, wuss?
*Cid8 lifts up a chair and chucks it at Dr. Cid*
Dr. Cid: Holy crap! *He ducks out of the way*
Cid6: Make the madness end!!!
Dr. Cid: I didn't wanna do this.
*He takes off his shirt as well*
Cid8: Hey, I didn't know you were a fellow ninja!
Dr. Cid: Yes, brother, I am.
Cid6: Fight, already!
Cid8: We can't. It's in the Ninja-Cid code of honor.
Dr. Cid: Aren't you a Ninja-Cid?
Cid6: No. Look, since you're all a bunch of retarded chimpanzees, I'll just be on my way.
Dr. Cid: You're not going anywhere.
Cid6: Get away from me. You're gonna get my raincoat dirty.
Cid8: Awww, the Non-Ninja-Cid's gonna cry now, isn't he? Isn't he?
*Dr. Cid sees fun in this and joins in*
Dr. Cid: Yeah, what a baby. Does baby need a diaper change? Huh? Does he?
Cid6: Stop it, go away!
Cid8: Come on, cry. Cry to your mommy, you big baby.
Cid6: Leave me alone!
Dr. Cid: What are you gonna do? Go tell mommy?
*Cid6's eyes water up; he begins bawling*
Cid6: Yes, that's EXACTLY what I'm gonna do!
*Cid6 runs away, water literally pouring out of his eyes in an anime-like style*
Cid6: MOMMY!!!
Cid8: *Looks at Dr. Cid* So, what do you wanna do now?
Dr. Cid: *He has a menacing look in his eyes* Well.
*Four months later.*
*The setting is a sunny beach. The wind is blowing and the day is warm, but not too warm. Cid8 and Dr. Cid are half-naked, lying on beach chairs, and wearing sunglasses*
Cid8: Man, was that a good idea.
Dr. Cid: I told you so.
Cid8: Going off and eloping was the best idea you've ever had.
Dr. Cid: Yeah, wasn't it? There's only one question remaining:
Cid8: What's that?
Dr. Cid: Are you a doctor?
*Cid8 gulps. Dr. Cid glares at him and draws out a knife. Let's leave it at that. The end*
Dr. Cid: This is meeting number one of the Official Cid Club. Before we get things started, it must be decided who the leader, or president, should be. I nominate myself first. Any other nominees shall verbally do battle with me until a leader is decided.
Cid4: I nominate myself.
Dr. Cid: What are your reasons?
Cid4: Well, I'm a pilot for one thing.
Cid7: Me, too!
Cid9: Me, as well!
Cid10: Ja, ed kamm!
Dr. Cid: Nearly all of us are pilots! You're disqualified for underachievement!
Cid4: But I built my OWN ship!
Cid9: So did I!
Cid4: Umm.
Dr. Cid: Ha! The dwarf loses!
Cid4: I can't lose! I even died in my ship!
Dr. Cid: Eh.?
*Awkward silence*
Cid5: Zombie!!!
*Everyone but Cid10 is dashing around the room, clawing at the walls and trying to escape*
Cid8: Why, in the name of the Lord, doesn't this place have a door?!
Dr. Cid: I didn't thing we'd need one!!!
*Cid4 is looking around, confused*
Cid9: *Screams like a five-year-old* He looked at me!!! *He dashes behind a chair*
*Cid10 lies down and falls asleep*
Cid7: That's @#$% enough! *Cid7 harpoons Cid4*
*Everyone stops panicking; Dr. Cid regains control of the debate*
Dr. Cid: Ahem.
*The Cids listen to him*
Dr. Cid: Well then, any other nominees?
Cid8: Me.
Dr. Cid: And your reason?
Cid8: Well, being the headmaster of Balamb Garden, I am a born leader.
Dr. Cid: Have you ever been in politics before?
Cid8: Once, I had huge competition from this fat blob-guy, NORG, for control of the school.
Dr. Cid: Are you a doctor?
Cid8: Well.
Dr. Cid: I'm waiting.
Cid8: I'm a headmaster.
Dr. Cid: Uh-huh, but are you a doctor?
Cid8: A doctor works for me.
Dr. Cid: Answer the question.
Cid8: No.
Dr. Cid: I see. You lose! Cid5: Now, that is hardly fair.
Dr. Cid: What, so you wanna run, too?
Cid5: I believe I may, yes.
Dr. Cid: Why?
Cid5: To beat you.
Dr. Cid: All right, occupation, please.
Cid5: I am a scientist who is renowned for creating and inventing things to vastly improve mankind.
Dr. Cid: Are you a doctor?
Cid5: You could say that.
Dr. Cid: Maybe, but I won't. You, my friend, are a scientist.
Cid5: But-
Dr. Cid: Not a doctor!
Cid5: How can you be so-
Dr. Cid: Shut up, shut up, shut up!!!
Cid5: Scientists ARE doctors!
Dr. Cid: *Puts his hands over his ears* LALALALALALALALA!!!!!
Cid6: This is immature. I move that Dr. Cid be kicked out of the Cid Club.
Dr. Cid: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!! LALALALALALALALALA!!!!!
*The noise wakes up Cid10*
Cid9: I ORDER you to BE QUIET!!!
Dr. Cid: *He quiets down, looks calmly around himself, and lunges at Cid5*
Cid5: What the!?
Dr. Cid: Yaaaah!!! *Lunges again* Cid5: You can't silence me forever!
Dr. Cid: *Lunges once more; tears through Cid5's neck*
Cid10: Jnir cim odmahylq!
*Dr. Cid composes himself*
Dr. Cid: Now, then. Are there any other nominees?
*Trembling, Cid10 raises his hand*
Dr. Cid: You? You can't even talk right.
Cid10: Nik ji fuem, nidkeht.
Dr. Cid: See, I didn't understand that crap. What was that?
Cid7: Yeah, I'd like ta @#$% know what the @#$% that was too, ya @#$% think, @#$%?
*Cid10 hangs his head in shame*
Cid9: Ha, ha! The weird bald guy lost!
Cid10: Aaaagh!!!
*Cid10 picks up a pencil lying on the center table*
Cid6: Whoa, man, don't do anything crazy, all right?
Cid7: C'mon, do it! You @#$% know ya' wanna'!
*Cid10 snaps it in half; Cid9 falls to the ground, writhing in agony*
Cid9: Oh, in the name of all things right!!! Why? Why? WHY?!?!?!
Cid8: You MONSTER!!!!!
*A devious expression appears across Cid10's face*
Dr. Cid: Men, settle down! *Looks at Cid10* Cid, that pencil was a living creature, just like you or me.
Cid10: Nor ekk laftormi jerntorama Bill Nye ubrento plushen.
Cid6: *Filled with murderous rage* Get out of this room.
Cid7: @#$% yeah! Do it again! C'mon, I have a pencil!
Cid10: *Laughs maniacally as he snaps pencils all over the room*
Cid9: No! Whatever will we use to draw maps and write inscriptions!? What!? TELL ME!!!!!
Dr. Cid: STOP THIS INSANITY!!!!!
Cid10: AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
*Dr. Cid pulls out a laser rifle and opens fire on Cid10; Cid10 begins his dramatic death*
Cid10: Nerfenta Keltos mi untumumum mumhe Bill Nye.
Cid6: It's all right; we know you didn't mean it.
Cid10: Korton motty toghaf.
*Cid10 dies*
Dr. Cid: He's in a better place now.
Cid8: What, Hell? If Hell is better than this place, then why are we here?
Dr. Cid: To decide upon a leader.
Cid7: Why should you be our @#$% leader?
Dr. Cid: Because, I am a doctor.
Cid9: *Still on the cement floor, whimpering* Poor, poor pencils.
Cid6: Are.you okay?
Cid9: Cil.
Cid8: Huh?
Cid9: Pen.cil.
Cid7: What the @#$% is his @#$% problem?
Dr. Cid: My diagnosis: herpes. Cid6: Now, that can't be right.
Dr. Cid: No, I'm quite sure it is.
Cid8: Well, we'd better get him out of here.
Dr. Cid: No, no, if we touch him, he'll explode and we'll get it.
Cid6: What?
Dr. Cid: No, it's true. Exploding herpes.
Cid7: *To Cid8* I'll give ya' ten bucks ta touch him.
Cid8: No way, man!
Dr. Cid: *To Cid8* Cid, you got something to say? Are you the doctor now? Huh?
Cid8: Yes, I do. I should be the leader of this group!
Dr. Cid: Now, Cid, we've been through this. You don't meet the qualifications.
Cid8: You're right, I don't. And I don't want to. You murdered the only person who did for winning.
*Silence*
Dr. Cid: You're right, Cid. Only one question remains.
Cid8: Yeah, what's that?
Dr. Cid: But are you a doctor?
Cid7: What kinda @#$% @#$% is that?
Dr. Cid: Guards! Seize him!!!
Cid8: We don't even have guards!
*Four blonde chicks in armor rush through the door*
Cid6: What the-?! You're the Knights of Alexandria!
*They grab Cid7 and drag him away*
Cid8: Explain what that was, would you? Dr. Cid: Make me.
Cid8: Oh, that's it. It is ON!!!
*Cid8 tears off his shirt to reveal.he's too weak to tear cloth!*
Cid8: Gimme a moment, here.
*He finally gives up and lifts it over his head*
Cid8: Now, face the terror of Ninja-Cid!
*Under his shirt are black ninja clothes*
Cid8: Whaaaaah! *You know, that one classic ninja yell*
Dr. Cid: Oh, I'm so afraid of you ninja crap.
*Cid6 hides under the table*
Dr. Cid: What are you so afraid of, wuss?
*Cid8 lifts up a chair and chucks it at Dr. Cid*
Dr. Cid: Holy crap! *He ducks out of the way*
Cid6: Make the madness end!!!
Dr. Cid: I didn't wanna do this.
*He takes off his shirt as well*
Cid8: Hey, I didn't know you were a fellow ninja!
Dr. Cid: Yes, brother, I am.
Cid6: Fight, already!
Cid8: We can't. It's in the Ninja-Cid code of honor.
Dr. Cid: Aren't you a Ninja-Cid?
Cid6: No. Look, since you're all a bunch of retarded chimpanzees, I'll just be on my way.
Dr. Cid: You're not going anywhere.
Cid6: Get away from me. You're gonna get my raincoat dirty.
Cid8: Awww, the Non-Ninja-Cid's gonna cry now, isn't he? Isn't he?
*Dr. Cid sees fun in this and joins in*
Dr. Cid: Yeah, what a baby. Does baby need a diaper change? Huh? Does he?
Cid6: Stop it, go away!
Cid8: Come on, cry. Cry to your mommy, you big baby.
Cid6: Leave me alone!
Dr. Cid: What are you gonna do? Go tell mommy?
*Cid6's eyes water up; he begins bawling*
Cid6: Yes, that's EXACTLY what I'm gonna do!
*Cid6 runs away, water literally pouring out of his eyes in an anime-like style*
Cid6: MOMMY!!!
Cid8: *Looks at Dr. Cid* So, what do you wanna do now?
Dr. Cid: *He has a menacing look in his eyes* Well.
*Four months later.*
*The setting is a sunny beach. The wind is blowing and the day is warm, but not too warm. Cid8 and Dr. Cid are half-naked, lying on beach chairs, and wearing sunglasses*
Cid8: Man, was that a good idea.
Dr. Cid: I told you so.
Cid8: Going off and eloping was the best idea you've ever had.
Dr. Cid: Yeah, wasn't it? There's only one question remaining:
Cid8: What's that?
Dr. Cid: Are you a doctor?
*Cid8 gulps. Dr. Cid glares at him and draws out a knife. Let's leave it at that. The end*