Chapter 1 (Waking)

-Reilly-

I could hear noises, voices around me. I wanted to open my eyes but my head felt like it had been hit by a freight train and there was another coming at me. It hurt to even move my head but I wanted, needed to see where I was. I had no idea. The last thing I remembered was hitting the floor outside the ring and then picturing John in my mind before everything went dark.

I clenched my fists tight, bracing myself for the next wave of pain and slowly worked my eyes open. The pain intensified as the light hit my eyes and I quickly closed them again, taking a sharp breath in.

"Take your time, you're going to be a little sore," I heard a voice next to me say. I didn't recognize it at all but shook it off, focusing on letting the light in again.

I grabbed hold of what felt like a blanket covering me and squeezed tight, forcing my eyes open as slowly as possible. I got them partially opened and waited, letting them slowly adjust to the light. When I felt I could handle it, I opened them a little more, step by step, until my eyes were fully open. The pain was a little more bearable once I got myself used to the light and I blinked a few times, trying to look around without too much movement of my head. My eyes scanned the room and I realized I was in a hospital bed, with a nurse standing next to me smiling. She must have been the voice I had heard.

"How are you feeling?" She asked me, glancing at some machines I was hooked up to and making some notes on my chart.

"Sore." I whispered. My mouth was dry and I reached over and picked up a glass of water sitting on the bedside table next to me. The movement was slow but as my muscles readjusted it wasn't quite as painful anymore. I took a few sips as the nurse smiled at me again.

"Well, that's expected." She started. "Your motor movements look nice, which is a good sign. Most likely you ended up with a major concussion. You should consider yourself pretty lucky after taking a shot like that."I closed my eyes and leaned back against the pillows at the memory of what had happened. My first Wrestlemania and I had totally screwed it up. I just hoped my boss Vince wasn't going to kill me for it.

"Oh my god I'm so glad your finally awake!" I heard a worried voice and recognized this one right away. My eyes opened to see Kelly standing there, a terrified expression on her face.

"Kel, I'm fine I swear. The nurse said it's just a concussion, that's it." I pushed myself to a sitting position in the bed, wincing a little at the pounding in the back of my head.

"Yeah, well you say that because you didn't have to just sit and watch it from the back like we did. Your mom was so worried...she said she'll be back in a few minutes by the way. She just had to run to the store and..." Kelly always rambled when she was flustered.

"Ok, breath for a minute. Slow down Kel. My parents are here?" I questioned. I hadn't wanted to worry them and hoped they wouldn't feel the need to fly out just to make sure I was ok.

"Of course they're here. They got in yesterday morning. You've been out for two days hun." Kelly breathed, calming herself down and pulling up a chair next to me.

"Feels like it. How mad is Vince?" I questioned, unsure if I really wanted the answer.

"He's not. He doesn't blame you Reilly so quit worrying already. He gave me a few days off when I told him I wanted to stay here with you. He just wants you back healthy and said to take your time. Your job is still going to be there when you get back." Kelly stated matter-of-factly.

I laid my head back against the pillow closing my eyes again. I could picture the whole thing in my mind,could almost feel the instantaneous pain all over again. I saw myself falling over the ropes, hitting the floor and then staring at the lights of the arena before my eyes went dark, but I couldn't for the life of me remember anything between then and waking up here in the hospital. It was either all a blank or I really was out cold.

"It's so weird, Kel. I don't remember anything after hitting the floor. My eyes closed and then...it's all a big blank. I don't even remember getting to thehospital." I looked over at Kelly, who was staring back at me with a very odd expression. "I'm serious, I remember seeing the doctor standing over me and then the last thing I pictured in my head was..." I hesitated, unsure if I should even mention it.

"It was him wasn't it Reilly? It was John..." Kelly's voice was not much more than a whisper and she stared out the window when she said it. A glimpse of what I thought was recognition made her forehead crease for a split second before it was gone and her face was smooth again.
I sighed, knowing I couldn't get anything past her. "Yes, it was John and I know what you're going to say Kel but I can't help it. I know it's better for him and his marriage this way but I miss him. I'm going to tell you something but you have to swear you won't say anything to anyone."

She looked intently at me again, leaning in with serious eyes. "You know you can tell me anything. You're my best friend and I am here for you no matter what."

I took a deep breath, knowing that saying the words out loud for the first time was going to hurt like hell considering how separate John and I had become. "Kel, I love him...I don't even know how or when it happened but I realized it when I fell that night and I wasn't sure if I'd ever see him you have to swear, SWEAR you will never say anything. He can't find out, I don't want him to ever know how I really feel. I can't risk it messing up his marriage."

She looked at me with eyes that flickered with an emotion I didn't see out of Kelly very looked away from me, down at the floor as if she didn't want me to see the changed expression that crossed her face. She was hiding something from me and that worried me. Kelly never hid anything from me, she was always first to tell me anything.

I pushed myself forward in the bed, the throbbing in my head the farthest thought from my mind. "What's going on Kelly? You're hiding something from me and you know I can always tell when something is up. What are you not telling me?"

She shifted in her chair, like a nervous child who was about to get scolded. "Ok, but you have to promise if I show you that you won't kill me." She stood and I watched as she walked over to her purse on the table across the room. She rummaged through it for a minute before walking back to me with what looked like a dvd in her hands.

Kelly walked over to the tv, popped the dvd into the player and hit play, then turned back to me with a worried look on her face. "Just remember," she started, "you wanted to know what I was hiding."

I watched the screen as the beginning of my match popped up and I grimaced. I wasn't ready to watch my huge screw up yet. "Kelly, I'm not ready for this. I can't sit here and watch myself screw up..."

"I know it's not easy but there's a reason you need to see this." Kelly cut me off. She had the remote in her hand and fast-forwarded the dvd to right where the chair connected with the back of my head. I shivered as I watched, felt the immediate pain all over again and I couldn't help but let a few tears out. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do watching myself on video as I tumbled forward off the ropes and hit the ground below. The thing about pay-per view events like Wrestlemania is that there are no commercials so the cameras don't stop rolling. I shivered again. It felt strange watching this all unfold from someone else's point of view. The cameraman was focused on the ring doctor trying to get me to respond to him when the camera shook hard and lost focus as if someone had pushed the operator out of the way. I heard a voice yell "Let me see her. We need to get her to the back..." and I didn't want to believe what my mind was instantly telling me. I recognized the voice instantly and my heart fluttered in spite of myself.

The cameraman refocused and zoomed out and my thoughts were instantly confirmed. It was John's voice I had heard. He had pushed the cameraman out of the way to get through and was now hovering over me, conversing worriedly with the ring doctor.

"I know that but I don't want to waste any time. We need to get her to the back NOW and get her checked out." John yelled as the doctor tried to convince him to wait for the back board to get me to the back. The camera was focused on John's face as he argued with the doctor and I swallowed hard when I saw the frustration and worry cross it. I had seen John worried quite a few times in the six years I had known him but it was never this intense.

The camera panned to the doctor who gave in, more worried about waiting any longer than doing things the practical way. "Ok let's get her back there. Just make sure you keep her as still as possible," The doctor instructed John who was already reaching for me.
It felt surreal as I sat there and watched as John scooped me up into his arms. For as big a guy as he was, he was unbelievably careful. I stared at the tv, watching as he effortlessly carried me back up the ramp toward the back. His forehead was creased again with worry but he walked without ever taking his eyes off of me. I was completely out in his arms, and I realized, sitting there in the hospital, just how lucky I was that all I ended up with was a concussion.

The video cut out and Kelly shut the tv off as I shook my head in disbelief. "Kelly, please tell me something and tell me the truth. How did he know what had happened? Was he watching in back?"
Kelly hesitated slightly, glancing at the floor again and fiddling with her fingers before answering me. "Ok, you deserve to know the truth. Reilly I know you two haven't been talking or anything like you used to but that doesn't mean he has stopped caring about you. John begged me to never tell you this but you deserve to know the truth and I hope he won't hate me for it but he and I have been watching all of your matches together. He waits until you leave the locker room to head to the ring and then he'll come sit with me and watch your match. It's his chance to ask me how you've been and what you've been up to. He cares about you more now I think then ever before but he didn't want you to know. John wanted to keep you at arms length as much as possible to avoid hurting you. He was afraid to get any closer to you Reilly, afraid that you would walk away because you worried about his marriage to Liz. Just please don't be mad at me for not telling you. You're both my friends and I love both of you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." Kelly took a deep breath and took hold of my hand, squeezing it softly.

"He really came to you to find out things about what I've been up to?" My voice was cracking as I tried to fight back the tears. I had missed him terribly and convinced myself that he had let me go and now I was finding out that he never gave up on me.

"Reilly, he misses you so much but he told himself it was better for you this way so you'd never have to feel bad. I kept trying to convince him to talk to you but all he would say is 'she can't find out'. Please don't hate me." Kelly begged, squeezing my hand again.

"You know I could never hate you Kel. I just...this was something I wasn't expecting. I mean, you know how I feel about him..How am I supposed to go back and possibly face him again?" I blinked my eyes, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall. At that moment, I realized how relieved I was that I had time before I had to be back at work. It was going to take everything in me to be able to face him again and I would need every day I could get to figure out what I was going to do. Things were more complicated than ever between us and we hadn't even seen each other...