Title: Karma

Rating: T for sexual references and coarse language

Summary: Crack!fic. Jack finally comes between Gwen and Rhys.

Pairings: Um...

Disclaimer: Torchwood belongs to the BBC.

Author's Note (Peter Garret style): The following fic is SHORT and JOCULAR. Its SHORT and JOCULAR nature indicates that it is not to be taken seriously. Please do not interpret it as character bashing, as it is JOCULAR.

Karma

Gwen Cooper had asked her fiancé never to visit her while she was at work, so she was more than a little annoyed when he popped in one day to visit. Gwen had been slowly tiring of Rhys' behaviour, while meanwhile her lust for Jack had been growing almost uncontrollable. As such, she decided to use this opportunity to end her relationship with Rhys. Once they were alone in the board room, Gwen began to speak.

"Rhys, we need to talk," she said. "I know you've been so accepting of the things I've done, like this job, and I'm really grateful for that."

"Thank you," said Rhys softly.

"But," continued Gwen, "with everything that's been going on, and the stress of the wedding coming up, I think we should ... uh ... take a break." Gwen looked at Rhys, who was fiddling nervously in his chair. Clearly, thought Gwen, her words were having an effect on him.

"Rhys," she said, "I'm sorry, but it's..."

"I'm leaving you for Jack."

Gwen sat still, not quite sure of what she had just heard.

"I'm sorry, what?" she said.

"I'm leaving you for Jack," repeated Rhys. "I'm sorry Gwen, but Jack gives me something that I can't find with you or anyone else." As if on cue, Jack walked into the room, followed by the rest of the team. Rhys stood up and strode over to Jack's side.

"I told her," he said to Jack.

"Well done," said Jack, smiling.

"How is this happening?!" cried Gwen. "Rhys, you're straight!"

"Or so I thought," replied Rhys. "But after meeting Jack, and falling for him, I realised who I truly was. I may not be the fittest man in the world, or the tidiest, but I am gay." He turned to Jack. "And I love Jack. He makes me feel alive, and he's so fucking hot!"

"I love you, too," responded Jack, pressing a kiss to Rhys' lips.

"But what about Ianto?!" exclaimed Gwen, knowing very well that Jack had been with the tea-boy for months.

"It's okay, I'm with Tosh now," said Ianto, taking the hand of the woman in question.

"We're both loners with no life and very little self-esteem, so it's a good match really," added Toshiko.

"But what about Owen?" questioned Gwen.

"Hey, I'm dead, remember?" said Owen, his arms casually crossed. "I wouldn't get any satisfaction from Tosh, and she certainly wouldn't get any from me. We're a lost cause." Noticing that everyone else was paired up, Owen approached Gwen. "If it's any consolation I'd happily fuck you now like back in the old days, but given the circumstances I'm afraid I can't help you out." Rhys' eyes suddenly widened.

"You slept with him?" he said.

"Rhys, please, I can explain..." began Gwen.

"You slept with him?!" repeated Rhys, pointing a finger at Owen. "A guy who doesn't seem to have finished evolving from the apes?"

"Oi!" defended Owen. Rhys was going to say more, but he stopped.

"Oh well," he said. "I've got Jack now, so I'm happy." He turned to the other couple. "What do you say we all go off and shag?" Ianto and Tosh nodded and grinned at this idea, so both couples headed off to different parts of the Hub to carry out their business. Meanwhile, a bewildered Gwen was left standing in shock, and Owen had taken a seat.

"Fancy a game of cards?" suggested Owen.

The End

You may be wondering where I got this idea from. In fact, I was flossing at the time. However, that doesn't really explain much...

I've got a belated Christmas fic in the works, so keep an eye out for it.

Please review! (remembering the JOCULAR nature of this fic)