Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or associated characters.
AN: I am not a doctor. This is a work of fiction. I only researched the mental illnesses/brain disorders briefly. If you have a family member or friend who suffers from one of the diseases/disorders mentioned below, I understand and I'm not intentionally portraying the illness incorrectly. Once again, this is a work of fiction. Suicide is not a lightly taken subject, so please, if you are considering suicide, seek professional help.
On a lighter note, I was inspired to this idea watching the movie Choke. Just the mental hospital part. Everything else just came to me as I started writing. Please let me know if you guys like it or not.
Chapter 1: Meet the Girls
Serenity opened her eyes to darkness. It seemed like it was dark every time she was awake, lately. Nor did she remember the room she was in. Looking around, she took in a side table with a lamp on it. A wooden closet sat in the corner by a window. The window had bars up and down it. The walls were white, very boring. The bed she was in was a twin size, frame was stainless steel with four posts and arches for headboard and footboard.
Wait, bars? She took another look at the window.
Where am I? She franticly pushed the sheets and blankets off and hopped to the floor.
"Ahhh!" a small scream escaped her lips and jumped right back onto the bed. The floor was hard and freezing. Looking around the moonlit room, she just discerned a pair of slippers near the foot of the bed. Serenity let out a giggle of triumph, then scrambled to the end of the bed to collect her prize.
Thud. Thud. Thud.
She paused as she was putting the slippers on. The noise had come from the wall near the closet.
"Hello?" her voice came out weak and broken. She waited a moment.
Nothing.
She ignored the noise and put both slippers on. She hopped to the floor, turning about to look for a door. Straight across the room from the window was the door. A heavy, metal monstrosity that had its own little square window in it. A type of door one would find in, say, a mental hospital.
Where the hell am I? She wondered as she slowly moved her way around the bed.
Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. THUD!
Serenity jumped out of her skin, or so it felt like. The thudding wasn't coming from the wall, but the closet in the corner.
"Please.. stop. I don't like it, go away now," she tried to reason with the noise.
THUD! THUD! THUD!
It was getting angrier now. What if she didn't open it for whatever was making the noise? What if someone needed help? She just couldn't ignore that. Even more slowly than before, she moved towards the wooden closet. Her breath came in short gasps, her hands trembled, and her feet shuffled forward little bit by little bit. She placed a hand on the handle of the closet, but paused having doubts.
THUUDD!!!
She bit back a sudden sob. Taking a deep breath, she swung open the door.
A black, decayed hand shot out, reaching for her face. Screaming, Serenity jumped back, causing the terrifying hand to miss by an inch. She slipped and landed hard on her butt. Instantly she scooted back towards the corner by the door, screaming the whole way.
The hand touched the floor outside the closet as another one joined it. A bald, charcoal black head slowly peered around the opened closet door. Skin was peeling off in random places. The eye orbits had no orbs in them, just shadowed, empty graves. Even without eyes, she felt an evil gaze fall upon her. The nose, or what was left of it, was mutilated beyond recognition. The lips were missing, leaving a horrifying grimace. As the dead man pulled the rest of its decrepit body from the closet, Serenity's screams took on a hysterical tone.
The heavy metal door exploded open, flooded the room with three nurses. A light switch was thrown on.
"She's lost it! Get me some Haldol! Stat!" an elderly nurse seemed to be directing the chaos the invaded her room.
"Usagi! Usagi! Calm down!" another nurse that was trying to get a hold on her arms. She had a pretty face.
Usagi? Oh, that's my name I gave them.
She pointed towards the closet, still uttering skull fracturing shrieks. Everyone looked to where she pointed. Looking at the open closet door, and.. nothing. Her scream just stopped abruptly, clearing confused at the missing terror.
"Usagi, are you ok? Where you having a nightmare?" the elderly woman asked her.
"I… It was right there! It was real!" she pleaded, looking at the other two nurses faces, looking for belief. All she saw was boredom and some sympathy.
"They can seem real, Usagi. But I assure you, there is nothing there. It's all in your mind," the head nurse took on a motherly tone.
"Ms. Setsuna, did you still want the Haldol?" the pretty faced nursed asked, lightly holding Usagi's arms.
Ms. Setsuna looked to Usagi, "Do you think you need it?"
Usagi's hands trembled still. Her mind not yet grasping what had happened.
"Where am I?" she asked instead of answering.
"Where you've been for the last year. Juuban Mental Institute. Now, do you think you're calm enough to go back to sleep without help?"
She nodded her head weakly, still trying to figure out everything around her. The short, homely nurse helped her up and back to the unimpressive bed.
"Good night, Usagi. No more nightmares, okay?" the homely nurse said to her, patted her head and walked out. Ms. Setsuna flicked the lights off as she closed the door.
***
She was pacing back and forth, as much as the small room would allow. Anger coursed through her for no other reason than she was here.
"Makoto, why don't you have a seat?" a graying gentleman in a white coat asked. He was sitting in one of the three bright orange plastic chairs by the window. They were the only furniture in the room.
"Why? So they can give me a shot again? Hell, no. You can keep your needles to yourself, you quack," Makoto responded, angrily.
"We are not going to give you a shot, Makoto, unless you get unruly. Just stay calm and you'll be fine. What is it about the shots that anger you?" the gentleman asked, while scribbling on a medical chart.
She gave a huff and continued to pace without answering him. If she had a tail, she'd be sure that it would be lashing back and forth at the moment.
Knock, knock.
Freezing, she turned towards the door. Unnatural fear ran up her spine. A dark memory told hints of horrors that knocked.
"Don't answer it!" she shouted.
The graying man just looked up, expectantly.
The door opened slowly. Makoto started to freak out, taking deep heavy breaths and flexing her fists.
Un-expectantly, a man's handsome face appeared around the edge. He had black hair and dark blue eyes. As more of him came through the doorway, she saw that he also wore a doctor's coat.
"Umm, gomen. I'm looking for a patient, she's suppose to be in therapy now. A miss Tsuk,""Enough! She's not here. What's your name?" the gray man interrupted the nice looking man.
"Gomen. I'm Dr. Chiba, intern for the moment," he seemed a bit miffed at being interrupted.
"Well, Dr. Chiba, I'm Dr. Flemming. This is Makoto. Would you like to sit in?" Dr. Flemming asked.
"Sure," Dr. Chiba answered uncertainly. He closed the door and walked over to one of the plastic chairs. What had Makoto's eyes bugging out was the midget clown waddling behind him. It had everything a regular clown would; a funny, colorful hat, white painted face with eyes and mouth extended with red, and a frilly clown costume. All in miniature size.
"What's with the midget clown, Dr. Chiba," she asked.
He looked around himself, confused for a moment before sitting down. "Oh! Yeah, he goes everywhere with me," he replied.
"Dr. Chiba, I don't think that is wise…" Flemming whispered to him.
"Don't you get in trouble with him following you around?" she asked, genuinely intrigued.
"Not all at!" he answered happily.
"How's that?" she asked.
"Easy, he's not there. He doesn't exist," he stated as if it were the simplest explanation ever.
Makoto stood contemplating what he said for a moment. His words didn't make sense. Suddenly, it hit her, then the clown started to slowly fade from sight.
"How'd you do that?" she asked, amazed.
"Easy, since he was never there," he smiled at her.
Dr. Flemming was scribbling furiously on his chart during their exchange. Now that he had finished, he put down his pen and looked up at Makoto. "It's play time now. So I would like you to go with Nurse Umino and Jadeite to the play room. Umino!"
The door opened and a nerdy looking man with big glasses poked his head in.
"Yes, doctor?" Umino asked.
"Please take Makoto to the play room. Ami is next, I think," Dr. Flemming gave a knowing look to him at the last statement.
Umino opened the door more so Makoto could exit. "Let's go then, Makoto."
Other people had to open the doors for her because if she got too close to them when they were closed, they'd automatically locked.
Makoto, still in pensive thought about the clown incident, walked out of the room without causing any trouble. Before the door closed, she caught part of a sentence for Dr. Flemming to Dr. Chiba. "…is Tsukino Usagi. She has…" She didn't hear anymore as the door closed. What did her friend have to do with any of this?
***
Ami sat on the cold floor in the hospital's clothing. It looked like scrubs, but was slightly warmer. She chose blue today, but then again, she always had blue on. Nobody understood the color blue the way she did. The gentle calming effect blue can have on a person. The actual wave length of blue, how it looked like a wave of the ocean. She couldn't see the wave length, but she knew it was there.
That led to thoughts of the ocean, another calming topic. The way the top could be either soft and rhythmic, or turbulent and unpredictable. Underneath, though, currents always on the move, always somewhere to go. Unlike her. She was stuck in this place.
Wooden blocks were carefully arrayed before her, having been arranged while she drifted in her thoughts. There was a single layer, six blocks wide by eight blocks long. Every other row was two blocks high. She had tried to make waves, but felt brutally defeated. The edges of the blocks were too hard, not soft enough.
This doesn't work! The edges aren't soft. Make them soft, like the sea. Gentle waves, with a perfect rhythm. So blue…
A door opened then shut, bringing her attention to the present. She didn't look up, though. That could be disastrous, making eye contact was bad.
"This is stupid. I have better things to do then watch her play with blocks. I'm not a damn baby sitter. Fucking stupid," a male voice complained.
Ami heard him despite the comment being whispered. It hurt, them talking about her like that, they probably thought that she couldn't hear them, or if she did, that she wouldn't care. She fought back the tears. Tears would only cause an incident of fake 'are you okays' and 'what's wrongs'. There! A tear escaped.
Damn!
She couldn't take the attention. Hoping that they hadn't noticed, she turn her back towards the nurses more. There had been two of them in the room before, but now there were three or more.
"Excuse me, I don't think you should talk like that in front of her," a new male voice said, stiffly.
"And you are…?" the owner of the rude comment asked.
"Dr. Chiba. Your name?" the nicer man asked.
"Um. Nurse Umino. Look, she probably didn't even hear me, nor care. She's autistic," Umino hurriedly explained.
"I assure you, Umino, that she did hear you and cares a lot. I think you should apologize to her," Dr. Chiba said, sharply.
"I doubt it," Umino was being stubborn.
"Excuse me, miss. Did you hear Nurse Umino's comment and were you hurt by it?" Dr Chiba asked her.
She stiffened, not wanting to answer. Uneasiness flowed though her. Thoughts of blue and the ocean did nothing to calm her now. She picked up a block and threw it at the wall. She froze in astonishment at what she did.
"I think you owe her an apology," Dr. Chiba said, smugly.
"Ah, geez. I'm sorry Ami. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," Umino said. To her surprise, it sounded like he meant it.
A figure walked into her view, heading to the thrown block.
"Good job, nerd. Way to make an impression," the other nurse whispered to Umino.
"Shut up! I said I was sorry, what else can I do," Umino replied.
That made the one picking up the block Dr. Chiba. After picking it up, he came and kneeled right beside her, holding out his hand with the block on it.
"I think you dropped this, Ami," Dr. Chiba told her gently.
She glanced at the block, then quickly looked away. Looking at the block too long might enticed him to interact with her more, she couldn't handle that! Her eyes were drawn back to the wooden sea. There! It was broken, a block was missing. Now the water was in even worse shape. Tears of frustration welled up and fell silently to her lap.
"Hey, it's okay. Here, I'll help you fix the waves," he said as he put the block back into its place, "There you go, as good as before."
Ami was stunned. He knew what it was! No one has ever seen what she saw. Before she knew it, her eyes met his. So dark and blue, like the ocean on a perfect day. Calm claimed her mind and her body relaxed. A moment later, she came back to herself, looking away quickly with red coloring her cheeks.
Dr. Chiba stayed with her for a while, just talking to her about stuff she thought only she noticed. Never once did he try to get her to talk back to him. He seemed to really enjoy her company. A few times during his conversation, she caught herself looking up into his eyes again.
After listening to him talk for a while, Nurse Umino said it was time for lunch. As she was led from the room, she turned back to Dr. Chiba and said very softly, "Arigato gozaimasu."
***
Rei sat at a table drawing a picture. They didn't let her have a fire pit here, so prayer was out the window. She could do it without the fire, but it just wasn't the same. So to make herself feel better today, she was drawing her temple, complete with a door open showing the fire pit.
"Hello, miss. What are you up to?" a smooth masculine voice intruded on her solitude.
Startled, her head snapped up to bite the head off of any nurse daring to interrupt her. Instead, she found herself with mouth open, staring at a gorgeous guy in a doctors coat.
Lucky! She thought.
Suddenly, his eyes weren't the handsome, dark blues that held warmth. Now they took on a judging tone, accusing her of everything she was doing wrong. They told her that she was holding the pencil wrong, she slouched too much, her hair wasn't brushed enough, her smile was lopsided…
"AHHH! Stop judging me!" she screamed at him.
She was puffing a little as he was taken aback for a moment. Eyebrows raised and surprise plastered on his face. Then his features smoothed out and he took the chair across from her.
"You know, before the screaming, you had a very good first impression. Beautiful smile. First impressions are rather important, whether or not anyone admits it," he smiled at her.
"But then I screamed and now you're thinking I'm a rag," she said, rather upset. Her nerves were getting frayed over how poorly this hot guy thought of her.
"Not so. My first impression was of a beautiful, charming girl with a nice smile. The screaming came after that, lucky you," he winked at her.
Something clicked inside of her, suddenly his presence didn't make her nervous anymore. He became non-threatening. She flashed her biggest smile at him and folded her hands on the table.
"What can I do for you, doc?" she asked, sweetly.
"Well, actually I'm just here to introduce myself. I'm Dr. Chiba. An intern who will be working with Dr. Flemming. You must be… Rei?" he asked.
"The one and only! Why, are there more girls in here that look like me?" she replied then shot back a question of her own.
"Quite a few, actually," he answered with a weird look.
"Who are they?" she dug deeper, interested in the other girls she never saw.
"Oh, sorry. Can't tell you. Patient-doctor privilege. You understand, yeah?" he didn't wait for her reply. He got up, nodded to Nurse Umino in the corner and headed for the door.
"Wait! Umm… Have you seen my friend, Usagi? I haven't seen her in forever and I'm just hoping she's alright," she pleaded with her eyes.
He stopped and turned back towards her. "I think I've seen her a few times, now. She's doing okay, I believe," with that, he left the room, leaving Rei slightly confused with his answer.
***
Minako sat alone at a small round table, pushing some meatloaf around her plate. Her utensils consisted of plastic silverware, due to chopsticks being too dangerous for her. Although that didn't keep her from eying the plastic knife. Nurse Umino was too close, he always watched her like a hawk.
"What's with this… I don't even know what it is," Minako spoke up, trying to start up a conversation with the nerdy man.
"It's called meatloaf, we're expanding our menu to include favorite American dishes. Don't you feel worldly now?" he asked sarcastically.
Asshole, she thought.
Again her eyes fell upon the plastic knife. Tilting her wrist, she saw the reason she was in this place. A long, white scar ran from her wrist down her forearm a few inches. She missed that time, but the next opportunity she wouldn't. She smiled sweetly at Umino, hiding her pain from the fact that nobody cared about her. She took a bite of the meatloaf, then forced herself to swallow.
If they made dog food for humans, it would probably taste like this, she thought.
She pushed her plate away, but carefully set the plastic utensils aside, hoping Umino wouldn't notice.
A gorgeous man in a doctors coat walked into the small dining room. Minako's palms began to sweat, she couldn't be this lucky to get such a handsome doctor like him.
He spotted Nurse Umino and walked over to speak with him. Their voices were too low for her to pick up anything. Just like she thought, he wasn't here for her. All the good feelings she might have been feeling, disappeared. The whole world didn't care about her, even fate turned its back on her. Nothing good ever happened for her.
Now was her chance, Umino was distracted by the handsome doctor. She grabbed the plastic knife, but paused, fingering it. Tears fell to the table. How she wished that the doctor would just talk to her, look at her. Just notice her. She raised the knife high, needing to get enough force to break the skin with plastic.
Goodbye fucked up world, she thought as her hand started to fall.
It stopped in midair. Confused, she tried again. This time her hand didn't move in any direction. Ah, there was a large hand holding her wrist. Damn, caught again.
"I think a lot of people would miss such a beautiful girl such as you, Minako," the male voice said. It wasn't Umino, so that meant it was the doctor. A sob escaped her throat.
"You don't know, how could you? No one cares," she cried out.
He gently pried the knife from her hand, unlike one of the nurses who would just rip it from her grasp. He was behind her chair and bent over slightly to whisper into her ear.
"I care," his voice was filled with warmth and sincerity. Not the faked caring she had gotten from past doctors. A damn burst inside of her. A torrent of feelings clamored to be felt, all shoving and pushing to be first. She couldn't cry fast enough nor hard enough to alleviate the burden she felt. Violent sobs had her fall from her chair, but she didn't meet the ground as she thought she would. Strong arms caught her and pulled her close, into an embrace.
"Don't worry, Minako. I'm here for you," he cooed to her.
With the promise of a life line, she let herself fall into agony that ripped at her heart.