It has been two weeks since Lily accepted Bart's proposal, instead of going away with Rufus. Since then, she is persecuted by nightmares and sleepless nights; she lived in a kind of trance and didn't take part in life. Since their engagement, not even Bart was there for her since, as before, he was on a business trip, again. Her children had their own lives, and so she was all alone again.
But also Rufus didn't feel very well since then, however, at least he found solace by taking care of his children, by cooking for them and recently he started flipping through old photo albums of their old time together. He wondered if Lily still had their memories and especially her camera, or had she thrown away everything?

Dan interrupted his thoughts: "Dad, I'm going out with Serena, do not wait for me."

"Okay, you two have fun,"

"Thank you, see you later."

"Bye"!

When he arrived at the Palace hotel, Lily opened the door.

"Oh, hi, Dan. Serena is still in her room for getting ready, she will be ready soon." She tried to put on an indifferent face and smiled.

Dan: "Okay, I'll wait then."

Lily: "Come in", she turned around and led him to the couch. He sat down across from her and looked at her searchingly. She looked tired; despite the make-up you could see the dark circles around her eyes. She also looked unhappy, even if she is able to cover that fact in a classy way.

"It is none of my business but are you okay Mrs Van der Woodsen?"

She looked surprised: "Yes, why not? And you can call me Lily ".

Dan: " You look tired."

"Uh, well ... today was a hard day." At this point, Serena came into the room and greeted her boyfriend with a kiss. Lily, who was instantly reminded of her time with Rufus felt a stab in her heart. She turned away, and when she noticed that tears gathered in her eyes, she stood up quickly and said, "Have fun you two." Then she rushed out of the room. Dan watched her in surprise, and then he and Serena left the hotel and headed to their date.

When Lily reached her bedroom she burst into tears and crouched on her bed. She wondered whether a person could die of a broken heart. Then she fell asleep, but there was again the horrific nightmare that she had just for some time. She saw herself and Rufus at a young age, happy, but then her mother came and suddenly Rufus disappeared, her mother cackled. Lily screamed and cried, but Rufus did not come back. Then there was a cut and she saw herself and Rufus of today, happy, but then came Serena and said: "Please, Mom, Dan is the most important thing in my life, please do not, not this time" And this time Rufus disappeared too and left a desperate Lily. At this point, she mostly woke up. She woke up with a scream. She looked at the clock and noticed that she had only slept for an hour. She stood up and picked up a bottle of red wine, the only consolation remained. She opened it and poured herself a glass. After half a bottle of wine she had an idea. Slightly tumbling, she went to her closet and found a shoebox. She went back to couch and opened it. And now she reminisced about the best time of her life, she was looking at old photos and her old camera with which she had made so many beautiful shots. But with the memories the pain came back, she drank the whole bottle and realized how difficult it was to move her limbs. She stretched out on the couch and fell within a few seconds into a deep sleep.

Since the bar they wanted to go had temporarily closed, they popped to Dans. Rufus was still sitting on the couch and looked up in surprise when he saw who entered the loft. They were in a conversation and did not notice him.

Serena: "And that is your fault, you can't deny it!"

Dan: "Yeah, I give up, you won! Oh what I wanted to ask you, how's your mother, is she all right? She looks kind of sick"

Serena: "You have noticed that?! Well,… I do not know exactly what the matter is, but for two weeks she behaves like that. She stays in bed until noon, does nothing all day, and in the evening she drinks a few glasses of wine or whatever. Slowly I'm worried, but she speaks to no one. And her thoughts are always somewhere else. And at night she cries herself to sleep."

Dan:" Hmm, but you should definitely try to talk to her ... Oh, hi dad. "
"Hello, what are you doing here? Not that I am not amused."

Dan:" All right, the bar was closed. We are in my room." So they both went into Dan's room.

Rufus wondered, if Lily was really that bad going, he should perhaps hook up with her once in a while. But if she wanted to talk, she could have called. He decided to call her. He grabbed his cell phone and when she did not answer, he left her a message on the mailbox: "Hey Lil, I do not know if you want to talk to me, but if you need me ... I'm here for you." Satisfied, he hung up, so she knew that he was there for her, but she still could decide whether she wanted to talk to him.

Two hours later, Dan saw Serena home. They entered the suite and saw Lily lying on the couch, all over the table and on the floor were distributed photos and an empty wine bottle was forgotten under the table.

Serena: "Mom." Lily did not answer, so she went next to her and shook her shoulder. Slowly Lily began to move. She opened her eyes, and looked glass-eyed into her daughters face: "Ahrrm." She moaned.

"Hey Mom, look at me" Serena shook her and shouted at her: "You're ruining yourself if you go on like this. Stop it, I can not take it anymore!"

Lily clutched at her head; she could not think clearly and saw blurry. She tried to say something, "Yes, I have ... yet ... I want to ... I mean ..." She just could not think straight.

Serena yelled, "Mom, please! Listen to me, you have to stop."

Dan grabbed her arm reassuringly: "Let it be, she needs to rest. You can talk to her tomorrow."

Serena stopped for a moment and then she said: "... Okay ... you're right."

They took Lily between them and led her into her room. She moaned softly as they laid her to bed, and murmured, "Thank you." Then they left the room and closed the door went back into the living room.

Dan said, "I never have seen her like this. I thought she was really like she pretends to be. Indestructible, confident and perfect."

"Ha, my mom is anything but that. She is probably the most insecure person I know. She only tries to hide her weakness"

"I feel sorry for her."

Serena: "Well, if you think so... She feels miserable but does not speak about it." Then her eyes fell on the photos. "What is that?" She picked some of them up.

Dan: "Serena, don't do that. I don't think she wants us to look at her photos."

Serena: "Well, bad luck! Then she should have watched out ... Whoa, look." She sat on the couch, Dan sat next to her. "Look, this is my mom and Rufus."

Dan: "Show me. True. Somehow, I have a bad feeling about this "

Serena replied:". Oh come on, don't be a drag! I would love to learn something about the past of my mother, she never even told me." They began to look through the photos; there were a lot of concerts and people they did not know. In the next two photos, you could see Lily and Rufus. In the first picture they kissed and in the second picture they are in a tight embrace and looked at each other fully in love. When Serena looked at the back side of the second photo it suddenly hit her like a blow, there was written: "I will always love you!"

"Dan ..."

Dan: "What? You all right? "

" Oh God, it's my entire fault! I am guilty!"

Dan: "What? What's up?" Serena: "Look how happy they were. Why am I so blind and stupid?! I'm so selfish! No way, how could I do that!"

Dan: "Serena, what's going on? Tell me! "

Serena began to tell: " On the day when Mom accepted Bart's proposal, she actually wanted to go away with your dad."

Dan: "What?"

Serena: "Keep listening! As I found out, I begged her to stay, because I didn't want to put our relationship at risk. So I told her I'd rather be Chuck's stepsister, than yours. You see, I have begged her not to start anything with Rufus. I said that, she could hook up with anyone but him. Because you're the most important thing in my life. Oh what have I done?!"

First, Dan was speechless, and then he embraced his girlfriend and said: "That was not selfish! You were just scared. Do not blame yourself!"

Serena: "But, otherwise they would be happy now."

Dan:" But it's not too late." Serena: "What do you mean?"

Dan: "Lily is not married yet, so there's still hope." "But she is engaged to Bart Bass. And then what about us? Try to imagine the two would come together effectively? How do you imagine that? Cozy family dinner? That would be super funny!"

Dan: "Oh come on, don't exaggerate! We will find a solution! Don't worry. But you could you bear to watch your Mom's unhappiness?"

Serena: "No, of course not. I suppose you're right! I'll talk to her tomorrow."

Dan:" Okay, I'm off now. Kiss!" They kissed passionately and Dan left the hotel.