Retreating to the Gilbert Lake House had been Elena's idea, unsurprisingly. When she suggested we should help Jeremy fight his inner demon, I was reluctant. I was still fighting the inner demon of my own, and on top of that, the one that told me I had to set Elena free. I couldn't say the words. I loved her too much, and even though I knew it was selfish to keep her to myself, I knew she loved me back, and somehow, we were not wrong together. We were the complete opposite, we were the same. We were one.
I relaxed on the bed that had been allocated for our usage as soon as we reached the Lake House. My thoughts were everywhere, and I was unable to think straight, and I was far from helping Jeremy. He could get by on his own, he was no real threat to us yet, and it couldn't be that hard to control. I'd once had the urge to kill every living thing I saw, but I got past that, as did Stefan, as had Elena. That had been my dark place, when my obscurity had overwhelmed me. I was still not as in control as Stefan, but no vampire would ever be as perfect as my younger brother. It was literally impossible to be at his level of flawlessness.
But, then I met Elena, and I fell in love. Even though Katherine hadn't compelled me, I knew that what I had felt for her had only been infatuation, obsession, and not love. Elena however, she was gradually illuminating my once dimly lit soul with each day I spent around her. The fact I was now with her, chosen by her, made what used to be gradual, become instant instead.
I looked back to the time I had met Elena. The time I tried to compel her to kiss me. The time I kissed her, but didn't. When I compelled her to forget that I loved her, and when I told her I couldn't be selfish with her. Was I being selfish with her now? Knowing there was a sire bond between the two of us, did that make me unforgivable if I didn't let Elena go?
When she had asked me if we felt right together, I couldn't argue with that at all. We were perfect for each other, with us both being as flawed as the other. She wanted me and I wanted her, and no one could get in the way of that. My thoughts were once again in a whirl. I didn't have to decide what to do right now, did I? After all, we were far away from Mystic Falls, and there was no harm in just having a few days to ourselves. Just a few days for me to be happy, was that so unreasonable to ask for?
I didn't used to be like this. Being happy was not one of my emotions. I was limited to only two, and they were pain, and hunger. Those were all I knew, but now… I had experienced love, happiness, heartbreak, and passion, and they were all results of being with Elena. Surely that meant something, something important?
"The difference is, Damon doesn't care." Caroline's words rang through my body and mind, as I remembered how I used to be, before I was the way I was now. I would rip stranger's throats out, and chug down their blood until I was satisfied, not caring about anyone. Coming to Mystic Falls had changed me for good, and that change was for the better. People just needed to see that I was incapable of any more change. I had done all I could.
Elena quietly strolled into the room, and found me lounging on the bed. She smiled softly, which she had begun to do more often in the past few days. I brought out the best in her. She gazed at me curiously, and I stood up, and came close to her, until we were only a few inches apart. She bit her lip.
"I just want to throw you back in my bed and never let you leave."
"So do it."
This was a challenge, if you looked past the words, deeper and deeper into the true meaning behind them. She was challenging me to enjoy the little precious time we had. I was going to take this opportunity, if I were the last thing I'd do.