Author's Notes:- Thanks to Stonedtoad as always.
Hope you like it and all comments welcome but remember I'm not good at writing Sam.
It's odd.
All this time we've spent fighting the Goa'uld, hating them for what they have done to innocent people like my friends yet now I'm grateful to one for saving my life.
Jolinar.
I feel like I'm suffocating in this small room but I just don't have the energy to leave.
He saved me.
He died for me and now I have no idea what I feel.
x
It didn't hurt.
Having him inside me, I don't remember the pain that Kendra described. It was more like being wrapped in a damp cloth, just something stopping me taking control back. It was like I was a spectator in my own life. He kept whispering to me how sorry he was he had to do this. I wish I'd learned more about these Tok'ra but that isn't possible. Jolinar is dead but I'm not.
x
What I'm really dreading is when Daniel asks me if I know where Sha're is. I know he wants to I could see it in his eyes. Jolinar did know and I begged him not to use it against Daniel but he was desperate. The one thing that could crack Daniel's resolve like an egg was the possibility Jolinar knew where his lost love is.
But he didn't let me know.
By this time Jolinar was just letting me watch and not giving me any information more than I needed to know.
I might get Jack to tell him because I don't think I can look in his eyes and watch hope die. I don't have the strength for that just now.
x
Cassie is asleep next to me.
She came in and hugged me without saying anything else. As I hugged her back I cried slightly comforted by this little girl I love so much. When Cassie fell asleep next to me I tried to sleep myself.
Janet came in to take Cassie away but I held onto her so tight Janet just left her with me.
x
I have my own team of carers though.
Jack, Daniel and Teal'c are all on standby if I need anything. I don't think I realised until now how much I adore all three of them.
My team.
My friends.
My family.