(A/N: So I discovered HIMYM about two months ago, and am completely obsessed with it. Especially Barney and Robin. So this story is how I think Barney and Robin's relationship is going to develop after 7x12, specifically, how she tells him she can't have kids and how he reacts. But that's all soon to come - this is just the first chapter! Hope you enjoy it, and tell me what you think please!)
"…And then I gave her some butterscotch and sent her to bed." Ted grinned around the table in a satisfied manner, folding his hands behind his head. He looked the very picture of a man content with his role in life. "Score one for Best Friend Ted."
Barney hid his frown behind a gulp of scotch. The burn of the liquid traveling down his throat provided a grateful distraction from the mental image forming – the image of Robin Scherbatsky, one of the strongest people he knew, breaking down in Ted's arms. It was quite a frightening picture – in fact, it was making Barney rather queasy. He took another gulp of scotch to fight down the nausea.
"Oh, I'm so glad she's feeling better," Lily sighed gratefully. "She's been acting so weird lately, and I have no idea what's wrong with her." Her bottom lip started quivering before, all of a sudden, her face crumpled up and she burst into tears. "I'm such a bad friend!"
And predictably, the next few minutes saw Ted and Marshall valiantly trying to comfort her. None of them noticed how perfunctory Barney's soothing murmurs were, or how his fingers drummed impatiently on his scotch glass, as they always did whenever he was worried.
What was wrong with Robin? Could this whole pole vaulting business really be the cause of Robin's tears? Or was there more?
With an unpleasant jolt in his stomach, Barney realized he couldn't tell. And the thought frightened him.
For years now, he had been able to read Robin Scherbatsky like a preschool picture book. From one glance at her face, he could tell what she was thinking, or what kind of mood she was in. He hadn't realized what a comfort it had been to have someone whose thoughts were so in sync with his own, until Robin's strange behavior began, and he couldn't figure out any real explanation for it. In an odd way, it felt like she had abandoned him.
She'd seemed fine just yesterday morning. She'd happy-danced with him, for crying out loud! And then she'd bummed a cigar off of him and gone to buy a new bottle of scotch to celebrate her not-pregnancy. All perfectly normal, Robin-esque things to do.
Robin acting weird had nothing to do with that whole cheating-on-Kevin-and-then-having-a-pregnancy-scare mess, he tried to convince himself. It was closed and over. And yet…
"Did you find out why she was so upset?" The question popped out of Barney's mouth before he could swallow the urge. He quickly stopped his fingers from drumming on his glass, and tried to look as though he was only vaguely interested in Robin's strange behavior.
Ted shook his head regretfully for a moment, but then brightened up almost instantly. "Hey but she's definitely cheered up. She's up there watching a hockey game right now. And that's all that matters, right, that she's fine now?"
Ted was looking at Lily as he said this, and therefore missed the disgusted look Barney shot in his direction at his words. Was Ted serious?
"Oh, I don't know, Ted," Marshall spoke up before Barney could correct Ted. "I mean, we are her friends, it's natural to want to know what's going on with her."
"Yeah, but she won't tell us," Ted pointed out. "You know how secretive Robin can be."
Lily snorted. "Since when has that stopped us? Remember that whole Robin Sparkles thing?"
Everybody nodded their heads in recollection. Lily banged her fist on the table. "She's got to learn sometime that it's not healthy to keep stuff bottled up inside. I mean, if Robin Sparkles hasn't scared us off, nothing will. Am I right?"
Marshall nodded, but Ted still looked unconvinced. "I don't know, you guys. Robin claims that it's not homesickness. And even though this Mosby Boy still thinks she's lying, there's no way to force Robin to admit to being homesick for Canada."
Homesick for Canada! Barney thought contemptuously. Canadian Robin might be, but there is no way she was homesick for Canada. She'd lived in New York for seven years now - she loved New York!
Apparently, Marshall agreed. "Ted, whatever this is, it's pretty big. It can't just be homesickness," Marshall insisted. "I think there's something bigger going on, and as Robin's friends, it is our duty to find out what."
"Maybe it's more than one thing," Lily wondered aloud. "Maybe it's the pole vaulting thing and something else." Her large anime-sized eyes widened. "I bet it's something to do with Kevin – she's been really quiet about him lately. We should ask him what's going on!"
Barney shifted uncomfortably in his seat at Kevin's name. How much did Kevin know about what had happened that night? Barney wasn't sure he wanted Kevin involved - that would definitely lead to the entire gang learning about all the things that had transpired over the past few weeks.
But Marshall was enthusiastically in agreement with Lily. "And Kevin's a shrink, so even if he doesn't know, I bet he can help us figure it out. He probably knows Robin better than anyone else!"
Barney's head snapped up at Marshall's ridiculous words. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Marshall, the guy's only known Robin for like, two months. We've known Robin for years. We're her best friends, for crying out loud, we don't need Kevin for this!" He couldn't keep his upper lip from curling contemptuously as he said Kevin's name.
Lily looked surprised, and more than a little suspicious, at Barney's words, but before she could comment, Ted spoke up.
"I totally agree. And come on, guys, are you really suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" Ted looked around at his friends exasperatedly. "You want to go behind Robin's back and ask her boyfriend to misuse his knowledge as her former shrink to snitch on her, just so you can get confirmation of what I already know has to be homesickness?"
Lily thought about it for a moment. "Everything except the homesickness part, yeah, basically," she nodded brightly, and Marshall nodded along.
"Guys," Ted had on his 'I'm really exasperated and I'm going to show you why you're wrong by giving you a long speech' face. "That's insane." And then, maybe it was the three or four scotches Barney had already consumed, but Ted's voice suddenly blurred into one incessant unintelligible rumble. Barney could only catch a few phrases, like 'respect privacy' and 'violation of trust' and 'client-patient confidentiality' and 'she loves Canada!" but it was enough for Barney to catch the gist, nodding and murmuring where it seemed appropriate.
When Ted finally stopped to draw breath, Marshall grabbed his opportunity. "Yeah, we know all that stuff, Ted. But come on, we're only thinking of Robin's good here. We just want to help with whatever's wrong." Lily nodded angelically beside her husband.
The sight was enough to make Barney snort. "Please. You're just saying that because the curiosity is killing you. You gots to know!" he pointed at Lily with one accusing forefinger.
Lily rose to the bait instantly. "And you don't?" she fired back, eyes blazing. "You can pretend to be all cool and calm, sipping away at your scotch, but we all know that secretly, that curiosity is eating away at your insides. Gnawing away at your gut." Barney's hand tightened around his scotch glass, and the corner of Lily's mouth curled in triumph. "Pretend all you want, we all know nothing's going to make it stop until you find out what's going on with Robin." She sat back in satisfaction to observe the effect her words had on Barney.
Barney stared at her triumphant expression for a second, his shoulders tensed. It isn'tjust curiosity, he wanted to admit for a brief second. It's something else too. But he had enough presence of mind to recognize the challenge in her eyes, and he accepted it out of sheer force of habit.
He compelled himself to look away, compose his expression, calmly drain his fourth (or was it fifth?) glass of scotch, and then reply smoothly, "And that, my dear Lily, is where you are grievously wrong. I'm not at all curious about what's going on with Robin, because I already know what it is," he lied easily.
Lily's face went from smug to suspicious to shocked to excited in the space of a millisecond. It was quite entertaining to watch, and he managed a conceited little grin in her direction before continuing. "Frankly, I'm surprised at you people. Robin herself told us what was wrong only yesterday afternoon."
The entire gang was listening with rapt attention now, he noted with some satisfaction. "Robin can never become a pole vaulter. It's as simple as that." He spread his hands out wide in a gesture of helplessness. "Quite a tragedy for a proud young Canadian woman like Robin. What more explanation can there be?"
All three of them – Lily, Marshall and Ted – wore identical masks of incredulity at Barney's statement. "Barney," Ted said slowly, "do you seriously believe that pole vaulting is the only thing upsetting Robin right now?"
No. "Yes," Barney replied firmly, both to his friends and to himself. "I am not one of those people who go around mistrusting and disbelieving everything a friend says to me. If Robin says she's upset about pole vaulting, I believe her." It was working. He had nearly convinced himself that nothing was wrong – just a few more words needed. "This has come as a great shock to Robin, and at such a tumultuous time in her life, it is my job - nay, my duty, as a friend, to be the rock she can lie on." What up. "And rocks don't doubt the people lying on them."
Everybody was still staring at him in puzzlement. "It's in the Bro Code," he added helpfully. And if it wasn't, it was soon going to be.
Marshall wrinkled his forehead in thought. "I don't remember that being in the Bro Code."
"It's an addendum," Barney told him tersely.
Ted rolled his eyes. "The point is, guys, we can't go snooping around in Robin's life if she doesn't want us to. Now, let's all just agree to drop it. Robin's back to normal, let's just pretend nothing really happened. And no snooping!" he glared sternly at Lily and Marshall.
They whined for a while, but Ted won out eventually. No snooping in Robin's life. "Swear on it. All of you," Ted ordered bossily.
Marshall sighed. "I swear on my unborn son that I won't snoop in Robin's life. Happy?"
"I swear on my credit cards that I won't snoop in Robin's life," Lily grudgingly muttered.
Ted's accusing finger swung around to point at Barney.
Barney sighed. "I swear on my suits that I won't snoop in Robin's life." Because there's nothing to snoop about. She's just upset over pole vaulting. Nothing else. Especially nothing to do with a pregnancy scare.
Ted grinned. "And I swear on Luke and Leia that I won't snoop in Robin's life. Now let's drink to it!"
Barney gratefully raised his glass to his lips, only to find it empty. He lurched to his feet, a little unsteady. "Hold on. Need more scotch."
Need a lot more scotch.
(A/N: I wish I knew how to be more humorous - one of my favorite things about HIMYM is how it manages to mix comedy into serious discussions. But I can't do that properly. But I tried to stay true to the characters - Barney in particular. Next chapter will be all Barney - it's basically how he tries to figure out what's wrong with Robin, and it leads to some tough questions for himself. Hope you enjoyed! Leave a review if you did!)