Exile wrath: shoot. Great, I created another oneshot :/ Implied EveryonexAllen (except Rei) I don't own, and this mainly applies to the Poker Pair and Lucky pairings.

51 Things Tyki Mikk is not allowed to do

Allen

Lenalee

Kanda

Lavi

Rei

1. Tyki is not allowed to pop up in the Order and ask to play strip poker with me.

2. According to a friend, "I'm straight enough that I make poles look bent"

3. And I don't want to play strip poker with a perverted Noah

4. Tyki is not allowed to cheat at cards

5. Because I go into Black Mode and freak everyone out.

6. Tyki is not allowed to use innuendos near me,

7. because, really? That makes you a pedophile

8. Tyki is not allowed to suggest that I'm gay,

9. please reread #2

10. Tyki is not allowed to call me "shounen". Everyone gets the wrong idea TT. TT

11. Tyki is not allowed to go near Moyashi

12. Tyki is not allowed to go near the Baka-Usagi

13. I like MY Moyashi unmolested.

14. And Lavi's already been traumatized enough by your psychopathic brother.

15. Tyki is not allowed to randomly appear nearby and challenge Moyashi to strip poker

16. because Black Mode is scary, and haven't you tried to kill him twice already? -. -

17. and what exactly are you doing in the Order?

18. Tyki is not allowed to kiss Moyashi.

19. He's mine

20. Tyki is not allowed to rape Lavi.

21. Tyki is not allowed to call me "his rabbit".

22. I prefer a serving of Moyashi to a serving of Perverted Noah.

23. Tyki is not allowed to hug Allen

24. because Kanda gets mad.

25. (By the way, how much would it take for you to never go near Allen again? I have money. $. $)

26. Tyki is not allowed to call Allen "Shounen"

27. Mine.

28. Tyki is not allowed to flirt with me

29. Tyki is not allowed to flirt with Allen

30. Scratch that, Tyki is not allowed to flirt with ANY EXORCIST OR FINDER

31. I don't want them to betray my friends

32. Tyki is not allowed to go near Allen-kun

33. Tyki is not allowed to bother Lavi

34. Tyki is not allowed to attempt to kill Allen-kun

35. WE DON'T LIKE PEDOPHILES!

36. Tyki is not allowed to steal any of my manga books

37. Especially the yaoi ones

38. Do you seriously have to redraw all the scenes to Poker Pair?

39. Tyki is not allowed to phase through the Order's walls and attempt to rape Allen in his sleep.

40. Tyki is not allowed to phase through the Order's walls and attempt to rape Lavi in his sleep.

41. Tyki is not allowed to make sexual references to Allen when I'm in the vicinity

42. PG-13 BUBBLE!

43. Tyki is not allowed to mistake me for a girl

44. Tyki is not allowed to mistake KANDA as a girl

45. Unless you have a death wish. If so, go ahead.

46. Tyki is not allowed to put Lavi in provocative positions

47. I LIKE MY SANITY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH

48. Unless I'm allowed to enter Insanity Form and kill you (and everything else in a 300-mile radius)

49. Tyki is not allowed to kiss Lavi. AT ALL

50. YAOI IS DISGUSTING! AND YOU'RE A PEDOPHILE!

"DONE!" Rei exclaimed triumphantly, setting down the pencil and receiving relieved looks from the surrounding Exorcists.

"Hopefully, he'll stop now!" Allen and Lavi chorused. The other three shuddered involuntarily at their respective bad memories.

"I needed to run from Road." Tyki stated matter-of-factly, "And stop what? How are you, Shounen?" Allen and Lavi flinched at the Noah that had suddenly appeared through the wall. "Has your hand gotten any more flexible?" At this, Rei's eyes widened and she curled up into fetal position, hands clamped over her ears. Allewent a bright shade of red, and Kanda, Lenalee, and Lavi's Innocence suddenly activated. "Oh. Shit." Tyki gasped as he fled through the floor.

"HELP!" Allen yelled, a hand pulling his leg through the floor. Mugen was immediately activated and Tyki let go before his hand was cut off. Lavi slammed a hole in the floor, revealing a peeved Noah that was staring lustily at Allen. The younger Exorcist suddenly activated Crown Clown, and white strands bound Tyki as he was brutally beaten up, with helpful kicks towards his private part from Lenalee's Dark Boots. Rei sighed and un-curled himself, picking up the pencil and scribbling something on the page.

51. Tyki is absolutely to stay away from Allen or risk having his genitals rendered useless. And that's for the Noahs, so then the Earl would save him. We don't want the biggest pedophile of time in here as well, thank you very much.

So? Like it? Hate it? Love it? I hope I didn't offend any Poker Pair fans...

Review?