Halloween
A/N: For the last week, there's been this buzzing thing in the back of my mind wanting me to write an L/J story. I wanted to wait until I finished Learning to Live, but the buzzing is growing increasingly more incessant, especially because I'm re-reading Book 3 for the 8th time right now; I've always felt so compassionate toward Lily and the Marauders. So I'm going to see if I can get their characters to my liking, as a little experiment. And because this is my first attempt at this type of story, I'm not going to try to invent a plot. If I get positive feedback from this, I'll try something more original. Here goes nothing.
*****
Lily sighed with exasperation as she turned to see her husband staring out of the window, gazing out at the dark, calm street. There was something eerie in the tranquility of the night, she inwardly admitted, but she nevertheless wished that he could relax a little.
"James?" she said quietly. He didn't move at first. Lily was just opening her mouth to ask him - well, she didn't know what to say - when he turned his blue eyes on her.
"Lily," he began, ready to offer a futile apology, but she shook her head lightly and walked over to him. She wrapped her thin arms around his waist and stood on tiptoe in order to place a soft kiss just under his chin.
"Let's go upstairs," she said, "sitting down here worrying won't do anything. We have to accept that we've done all we can, and we just need to wait."
"I know. But you know how much I hate waiting."
"I do know. And I know how you feel." She looked up at him, waiting for him to resign himself to a night of unrest and waiting. Most likely, this would be only the first of many. Lily could see James's acceptance the second it happened. She had learned to read his eyes so precisely. "Let's go upstairs."
James nodded and kissed her on the forehead before moving away to pick up young Harry from his playpen, where he had been sitting quietly, just watching his parents.
It's almost as if he knows, James thought as he lifted his son, who made no sounds of complaint at being picked up and held closely.
"Are you ready for bed, young man?"
Harry responded by reaching up with one chubby hand and grabbing his father's glasses. Lily laughed slightly as she lovingly surveyed this exchange between her husband and son. Then she took James by the hand and led him up to their bedroom.
Once Harry was settled into his crib, James undressed and sat on the edge of the bed he shared with Lily, clad only in a thin white T-shirt and Lily's favorite black boxers. Lily inwardly marveled at her self. With everything that was going on, and all the worries that currently swirled through her mind, she could still find room in her brain to note how sexy her husband was. Even though they had been married for several years, she still felt a thrill of infatuation run through her when she looked at him, as though her schoolgirl crush on him had never been appeased, even after marrying him and giving birth to his child.
She sat next to him on the bed, kissing his cheek tenderly before asking him "Are you scared, James?"
"No," he said. She reached up and put her hands on either side of his face, turning his head so that he had no choice but to look directly into her eyes. He could see his reflection in each of her emerald green eyes, and he knew that she knew the truth, regardless of what he actually told her. "Yes," he said. "I'm terrified. I'm scared to death."
"I am, too," confessed Lily, "but I don't understand it. Do you think we made a bad decision?"
"No! I mean - I don't know. Maybe. The idea that someone close to us has turned against us is so frightening. And the possibility that it's one of the Marauders -" James choked on that last word.
"Do you really think it is?" asked Lily, the fear evident in the quavering of her voice.
"No, I don't. But I think Sirius thinks it might be Remus. After all, he wanted to change to Peter. But maybe that's not it, after all."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, Sirius said he wanted to change as a bluff. But I think he was scared?"
"Sirius? Really?"
"Yeah. I think -" James swallowed hard, "I think he was afraid that he might tell, if Voldemort got to him.." His voice trailed away before he found the words he was looking for. "But he wouldn't. Never. Sirius underestimates his own strength. And he would never betray us. Never." James sounded incredibly certain, but Lily knew that his certainty was not unprecedented.
"He's your best friend," she stated. James nodded. "I've even been jealous of him on occasion," Lily mused, "I'm supposed to be your best friend. But you and Sirius have a bond that no one can tamper with, and I wouldn't want to mess with it, even if I could."
When James looked toward her, Lily thought she saw something like guilt in his eyes.
"I love you, Lily. Nothing can change that. I'm meant for you. I belong to you. You know that, don't you?" James waited for Lily to nod before continuing, "but you're right about Sirius. And I think I would feel a little bit better if we hadn't changed."
"Do you have any reason not to trust Peter?"
"I don't know. Should I?" At this, Lily smiled wryly.
"Peter? No. He's not brave enough to change sides by himself. And he idolizes you and Sirius. The only way Peter would join forces with Voldemort is if you and Sirius did first."
"I guess you're right."
"I am right. As always. And James?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you, too."
"I know," was the last thing James said before Lily's lips came crashing down on his.
*****
As Lily and James lay in the aftermath of the act, James thought that that was the best it had ever been between them. Their mutual worries and anxieties had provided them with an understanding of each other that was like none they had experienced before. It was just ironic, and heartbreaking, that an experience like that one had to fall in the midst of such unease. James's restlessness was increased by the thought that he was simultaneously experiencing the best and worst nights of his life. He turned to Lily and laid a hand on her flat stomach.
"That was incredible."
"Yeah," she said lovingly. "Did it make you feel any better?"
"It did for a while."
"James, everything is going to be alright."
"Promise?"
"No James, I can't promise anything. Just right now."
He looked again into her green eyes. He could lose himself in those eyes. He had, on countless occasions, and he wanted to more than ever right now. She was so brave. He didn't know where he would be without her. A guiltly pang in his stomach reminded him that it was his fault that she was involved in this mess.
"Lily, do you ever wish you hadn't been born magical? After all, you would be safe. You would never have met me, and you wouldn't have been dragged into this." James had been keeping his gaze somewhere around Lily's navel as he said all of this, afraid that he might see something like regret or longing in her face if he looked at it. When he did look up to meet her gaze, he was startled to see how bright her eyes had become as a result of the tears gathering in her lower eyelids.
"I don't know how you can say that. I've never thought that. This is where I belong. And now that you've mentioned it -" James cringed, afraid of what she was about to say. "And now that you've mentioned it, I can't imagine not being here with you, not being part of the magical world. This is where I belong, James. I can't believe you would be afraid that I could regret this." She paused, silently asking her husband to look up at her. He did, and she continued. "I've made many difficult choices over the past 10 years, James, all of which have set me on a path to this very moment. And I'm scared. I am. But I don't regret anything. This is who I am."
Without thinking, James leaned forward and put his arms around her. When he pulled away, the tears in her eyes had begun to fall. He watched as a tear slid over her lower lid and clung momentarily to her bottom eyelashes. She blinked and it fell. With his eyes he followed its path down the edge of her nose and around the creases of her mouth. When it reached her chin, he reached up and brushed it away.
"Lily?"
"We have to survive this, James. We just have to!" Lily was beginning to sound desperate. "We've got such wonderful things ahead of us. Like watching Harry grow up and go to Hogwarts, and maybe having another baby. We can't let him beat us."
James tried valiantly to come up with a characteristic confident joke, something that would lighten the mood and make them both feel a little bit better, but he couldn't. The situation was so bleak.
"I know," was all he could say.
Lily shifted and moved toward him, securing herself in his arms. She knew it was stupid and childish, but when she settled that way into his embrace, she felt safe. And in the haven of James's arms, she relaxed and a few timid waves of sleep washed over her.
James looked lovingly at his wife for a long moment, nestled in his arms and breathing evenly, before closing his own eyes. He doubted that he would be able to sleep much, but if he had to be awake all night, worrying, this was certainly the way to do it.
*****
James had managed to drift into a kind of half-sleep trance when he heard the footsteps. They were impossibly quiet, especially considering that they were coming from outside while he was upstairs in his bedroom, but they pounded deafeningly in his head. He sat up abruptly, heart beating painfully hard, and listened, barely daring to breathe.
The footsteps stopped and still James did not move. It felt like hours that he sat there, simply waiting, afraid to move. Lily made an irritated noise in her sleep and turned toward him, opening her eyes.
"James?" He silenced her by putting a finger to his lips and she looked into his eyes, her face registering confusion, anxiety, and terror.
Harry was awake, too. They heard him make a few incoherent noises, then the rustling of blankets that meant he was sitting up.
Please don't cry, James begged silently, please be quiet. Harry seemed to understand. He used the bars on his crib to pull himself into a standing position to look questioningly at his parents. Even in the dim light, James could make out his bright green eyes that were so like Lily's.
"Lily," said James suddenly, "Take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off -"
Then came the crash. The ominous banging as the front door was slammed off of its hinges practically shook the house. James briefly registered the look on Lily's face. It was one of absolute fear, a fear so deep that even screaming was impossible. She looked rather like he felt.
When the crashing ceased, silence fell for a split-second before the high, cold, laughter, capable of freezing the heart, echoed through their home. The walls shook with it.
Lily sprinted to Harry's crib and picked him up rather roughly, trying to think and see through her tears. James grabbed his wand from his bedside table and turned to look at his wife.
They looked into each other eyes for an eternity and for less than a second, having a silent argument. James insisted that Lily run away and try to save herself and Harry, while Lily insisted upon staying with her husband. In the end, they reached the agreement that she was to wait in this room and let James see what he could do. Then, just before breaking that silent and omnipotent connection, James allowed his eyes to say goodbye.
Adrenaline and hate coursed through his veins in mass quantities as he rushed down the stairs, holding his wand in a death grip.
Voldemort waited for James to reach the bottom of the staircase and reach for his wand before sending the Cruciatus Curse at him. The pain seared the James's body as he gripped the banister, determined to stay on his feet. Voldemort's red eyes glowed maliciously.
"So like a Gryffindor," James heard him say, "which makes my purpose all the more clear. Go on, straighten up and face me, the way your ancestor would have done."
And James did. He was standing, straight-backed and proud, brave to the very end, with his wand out in futility, when the green light hit him.
Lily appeared on the landing as Voldemort began thundering up the stairs, laughing madly. She was holding Harry close to her, his face hidden in her bosom. For a moment, her eyes lingered at the bottom of the stairs on her husband's motionless form, but she couldn't think about that now. She had to focus on her own survival, while she still had Harry.
"Give me the baby, girl, and you won't get hurt."
"No!" She shrieked. "Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!"
"Stand aside, you silly girl." Lily clung tighter to her baby than ever. "Stand aside, now."
"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead!"
Voldemort raised his wand.
"If you don't release him, I'll have to kill you both. Don't be stupid!"
"Not Harry! Please - Have Mercy! Have Mercy -"
Lily barely heard the incantation through the pounding in her ears. But something strange was happening. As the terrifying, fatal green light floated toward her in slow motion, Lily felt her heart begin to settle and her mind begin to clear. Even as the involuntary scream wrenched itself from her throat and echoed through the night, she felt inexplicably calm. Somehow she knew that Harry would be alright, that he would survive. He had a bright future ahead of him. Her knees gave way as her eyes grazed over James's still body, and she was comforted by the thought that they wouldn't have to be separated. Even in death, they belonged together. She almost wished she could take Harry with her, too. But it wasn't his time yet, and she and James would have to be appeased by watching him grow up from a distance. But she would always be watching over him. Always. She silently promised him that, hoping that he could understand.
Her muscles tightened as the green light finally hit her, and her last thought was that the worrying and the waiting was over.
The End.
*****
Normally I don't like to beg for reviews; that really annoys me. But I would like some reviews on this because this is the first time I've ever written Lily and James, and I would like to know if it's worth it to pursue other short stories about the Marauders. Thanks for reading, and please let me know what you think. Constructive criticism would be most appreciated.
A/N: For the last week, there's been this buzzing thing in the back of my mind wanting me to write an L/J story. I wanted to wait until I finished Learning to Live, but the buzzing is growing increasingly more incessant, especially because I'm re-reading Book 3 for the 8th time right now; I've always felt so compassionate toward Lily and the Marauders. So I'm going to see if I can get their characters to my liking, as a little experiment. And because this is my first attempt at this type of story, I'm not going to try to invent a plot. If I get positive feedback from this, I'll try something more original. Here goes nothing.
*****
Lily sighed with exasperation as she turned to see her husband staring out of the window, gazing out at the dark, calm street. There was something eerie in the tranquility of the night, she inwardly admitted, but she nevertheless wished that he could relax a little.
"James?" she said quietly. He didn't move at first. Lily was just opening her mouth to ask him - well, she didn't know what to say - when he turned his blue eyes on her.
"Lily," he began, ready to offer a futile apology, but she shook her head lightly and walked over to him. She wrapped her thin arms around his waist and stood on tiptoe in order to place a soft kiss just under his chin.
"Let's go upstairs," she said, "sitting down here worrying won't do anything. We have to accept that we've done all we can, and we just need to wait."
"I know. But you know how much I hate waiting."
"I do know. And I know how you feel." She looked up at him, waiting for him to resign himself to a night of unrest and waiting. Most likely, this would be only the first of many. Lily could see James's acceptance the second it happened. She had learned to read his eyes so precisely. "Let's go upstairs."
James nodded and kissed her on the forehead before moving away to pick up young Harry from his playpen, where he had been sitting quietly, just watching his parents.
It's almost as if he knows, James thought as he lifted his son, who made no sounds of complaint at being picked up and held closely.
"Are you ready for bed, young man?"
Harry responded by reaching up with one chubby hand and grabbing his father's glasses. Lily laughed slightly as she lovingly surveyed this exchange between her husband and son. Then she took James by the hand and led him up to their bedroom.
Once Harry was settled into his crib, James undressed and sat on the edge of the bed he shared with Lily, clad only in a thin white T-shirt and Lily's favorite black boxers. Lily inwardly marveled at her self. With everything that was going on, and all the worries that currently swirled through her mind, she could still find room in her brain to note how sexy her husband was. Even though they had been married for several years, she still felt a thrill of infatuation run through her when she looked at him, as though her schoolgirl crush on him had never been appeased, even after marrying him and giving birth to his child.
She sat next to him on the bed, kissing his cheek tenderly before asking him "Are you scared, James?"
"No," he said. She reached up and put her hands on either side of his face, turning his head so that he had no choice but to look directly into her eyes. He could see his reflection in each of her emerald green eyes, and he knew that she knew the truth, regardless of what he actually told her. "Yes," he said. "I'm terrified. I'm scared to death."
"I am, too," confessed Lily, "but I don't understand it. Do you think we made a bad decision?"
"No! I mean - I don't know. Maybe. The idea that someone close to us has turned against us is so frightening. And the possibility that it's one of the Marauders -" James choked on that last word.
"Do you really think it is?" asked Lily, the fear evident in the quavering of her voice.
"No, I don't. But I think Sirius thinks it might be Remus. After all, he wanted to change to Peter. But maybe that's not it, after all."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, Sirius said he wanted to change as a bluff. But I think he was scared?"
"Sirius? Really?"
"Yeah. I think -" James swallowed hard, "I think he was afraid that he might tell, if Voldemort got to him.." His voice trailed away before he found the words he was looking for. "But he wouldn't. Never. Sirius underestimates his own strength. And he would never betray us. Never." James sounded incredibly certain, but Lily knew that his certainty was not unprecedented.
"He's your best friend," she stated. James nodded. "I've even been jealous of him on occasion," Lily mused, "I'm supposed to be your best friend. But you and Sirius have a bond that no one can tamper with, and I wouldn't want to mess with it, even if I could."
When James looked toward her, Lily thought she saw something like guilt in his eyes.
"I love you, Lily. Nothing can change that. I'm meant for you. I belong to you. You know that, don't you?" James waited for Lily to nod before continuing, "but you're right about Sirius. And I think I would feel a little bit better if we hadn't changed."
"Do you have any reason not to trust Peter?"
"I don't know. Should I?" At this, Lily smiled wryly.
"Peter? No. He's not brave enough to change sides by himself. And he idolizes you and Sirius. The only way Peter would join forces with Voldemort is if you and Sirius did first."
"I guess you're right."
"I am right. As always. And James?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you, too."
"I know," was the last thing James said before Lily's lips came crashing down on his.
*****
As Lily and James lay in the aftermath of the act, James thought that that was the best it had ever been between them. Their mutual worries and anxieties had provided them with an understanding of each other that was like none they had experienced before. It was just ironic, and heartbreaking, that an experience like that one had to fall in the midst of such unease. James's restlessness was increased by the thought that he was simultaneously experiencing the best and worst nights of his life. He turned to Lily and laid a hand on her flat stomach.
"That was incredible."
"Yeah," she said lovingly. "Did it make you feel any better?"
"It did for a while."
"James, everything is going to be alright."
"Promise?"
"No James, I can't promise anything. Just right now."
He looked again into her green eyes. He could lose himself in those eyes. He had, on countless occasions, and he wanted to more than ever right now. She was so brave. He didn't know where he would be without her. A guiltly pang in his stomach reminded him that it was his fault that she was involved in this mess.
"Lily, do you ever wish you hadn't been born magical? After all, you would be safe. You would never have met me, and you wouldn't have been dragged into this." James had been keeping his gaze somewhere around Lily's navel as he said all of this, afraid that he might see something like regret or longing in her face if he looked at it. When he did look up to meet her gaze, he was startled to see how bright her eyes had become as a result of the tears gathering in her lower eyelids.
"I don't know how you can say that. I've never thought that. This is where I belong. And now that you've mentioned it -" James cringed, afraid of what she was about to say. "And now that you've mentioned it, I can't imagine not being here with you, not being part of the magical world. This is where I belong, James. I can't believe you would be afraid that I could regret this." She paused, silently asking her husband to look up at her. He did, and she continued. "I've made many difficult choices over the past 10 years, James, all of which have set me on a path to this very moment. And I'm scared. I am. But I don't regret anything. This is who I am."
Without thinking, James leaned forward and put his arms around her. When he pulled away, the tears in her eyes had begun to fall. He watched as a tear slid over her lower lid and clung momentarily to her bottom eyelashes. She blinked and it fell. With his eyes he followed its path down the edge of her nose and around the creases of her mouth. When it reached her chin, he reached up and brushed it away.
"Lily?"
"We have to survive this, James. We just have to!" Lily was beginning to sound desperate. "We've got such wonderful things ahead of us. Like watching Harry grow up and go to Hogwarts, and maybe having another baby. We can't let him beat us."
James tried valiantly to come up with a characteristic confident joke, something that would lighten the mood and make them both feel a little bit better, but he couldn't. The situation was so bleak.
"I know," was all he could say.
Lily shifted and moved toward him, securing herself in his arms. She knew it was stupid and childish, but when she settled that way into his embrace, she felt safe. And in the haven of James's arms, she relaxed and a few timid waves of sleep washed over her.
James looked lovingly at his wife for a long moment, nestled in his arms and breathing evenly, before closing his own eyes. He doubted that he would be able to sleep much, but if he had to be awake all night, worrying, this was certainly the way to do it.
*****
James had managed to drift into a kind of half-sleep trance when he heard the footsteps. They were impossibly quiet, especially considering that they were coming from outside while he was upstairs in his bedroom, but they pounded deafeningly in his head. He sat up abruptly, heart beating painfully hard, and listened, barely daring to breathe.
The footsteps stopped and still James did not move. It felt like hours that he sat there, simply waiting, afraid to move. Lily made an irritated noise in her sleep and turned toward him, opening her eyes.
"James?" He silenced her by putting a finger to his lips and she looked into his eyes, her face registering confusion, anxiety, and terror.
Harry was awake, too. They heard him make a few incoherent noises, then the rustling of blankets that meant he was sitting up.
Please don't cry, James begged silently, please be quiet. Harry seemed to understand. He used the bars on his crib to pull himself into a standing position to look questioningly at his parents. Even in the dim light, James could make out his bright green eyes that were so like Lily's.
"Lily," said James suddenly, "Take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off -"
Then came the crash. The ominous banging as the front door was slammed off of its hinges practically shook the house. James briefly registered the look on Lily's face. It was one of absolute fear, a fear so deep that even screaming was impossible. She looked rather like he felt.
When the crashing ceased, silence fell for a split-second before the high, cold, laughter, capable of freezing the heart, echoed through their home. The walls shook with it.
Lily sprinted to Harry's crib and picked him up rather roughly, trying to think and see through her tears. James grabbed his wand from his bedside table and turned to look at his wife.
They looked into each other eyes for an eternity and for less than a second, having a silent argument. James insisted that Lily run away and try to save herself and Harry, while Lily insisted upon staying with her husband. In the end, they reached the agreement that she was to wait in this room and let James see what he could do. Then, just before breaking that silent and omnipotent connection, James allowed his eyes to say goodbye.
Adrenaline and hate coursed through his veins in mass quantities as he rushed down the stairs, holding his wand in a death grip.
Voldemort waited for James to reach the bottom of the staircase and reach for his wand before sending the Cruciatus Curse at him. The pain seared the James's body as he gripped the banister, determined to stay on his feet. Voldemort's red eyes glowed maliciously.
"So like a Gryffindor," James heard him say, "which makes my purpose all the more clear. Go on, straighten up and face me, the way your ancestor would have done."
And James did. He was standing, straight-backed and proud, brave to the very end, with his wand out in futility, when the green light hit him.
Lily appeared on the landing as Voldemort began thundering up the stairs, laughing madly. She was holding Harry close to her, his face hidden in her bosom. For a moment, her eyes lingered at the bottom of the stairs on her husband's motionless form, but she couldn't think about that now. She had to focus on her own survival, while she still had Harry.
"Give me the baby, girl, and you won't get hurt."
"No!" She shrieked. "Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!"
"Stand aside, you silly girl." Lily clung tighter to her baby than ever. "Stand aside, now."
"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead!"
Voldemort raised his wand.
"If you don't release him, I'll have to kill you both. Don't be stupid!"
"Not Harry! Please - Have Mercy! Have Mercy -"
Lily barely heard the incantation through the pounding in her ears. But something strange was happening. As the terrifying, fatal green light floated toward her in slow motion, Lily felt her heart begin to settle and her mind begin to clear. Even as the involuntary scream wrenched itself from her throat and echoed through the night, she felt inexplicably calm. Somehow she knew that Harry would be alright, that he would survive. He had a bright future ahead of him. Her knees gave way as her eyes grazed over James's still body, and she was comforted by the thought that they wouldn't have to be separated. Even in death, they belonged together. She almost wished she could take Harry with her, too. But it wasn't his time yet, and she and James would have to be appeased by watching him grow up from a distance. But she would always be watching over him. Always. She silently promised him that, hoping that he could understand.
Her muscles tightened as the green light finally hit her, and her last thought was that the worrying and the waiting was over.
The End.
*****
Normally I don't like to beg for reviews; that really annoys me. But I would like some reviews on this because this is the first time I've ever written Lily and James, and I would like to know if it's worth it to pursue other short stories about the Marauders. Thanks for reading, and please let me know what you think. Constructive criticism would be most appreciated.