AN: So hello there :) I've been reading the Merlin Fanfiction for yonks now and I've finally decided to put up one of my many still-in-progress Merlin fics that I have floating around in my laptop :D
To be fair, I'm not a huge fan of Demi Lovato but I heard this song and just thought of Morgana (seeing as I'd just finished re-watching The Crystal Cave). No flames on the song choice, you don't like, you don't read :D I'm sure I've stated enough times in previous stories that if you are a flamer you should know that nobody likes you and you will never get laid ;)
Disclaimer: Oh looky here... I don't own Merlin, what a surprise! :O
Just a note here, this is from Morgana's POV, just so you don't get confused ;)
Four years old with my back to the door
All I could hear was the family war
You're selfish hands always expecting more
Am I your child or just a charity ward?
She was sitting up in her bed, anger seeping from every pore in her body as she watched her 'father' leave the room, leaving her to 'rest'.
How could he say that? How could he toy with her emotions like that? Acting like he cared about her when he wouldn't even acknowledge their true relationship to the public! Morgause was right, he was a hypocrite... a tyrant... and he had to die.
She had nearly died. Was that not enough? Uther hadn't even told her about their real relationship. Did he think she would go on in life, thinking that her real father was dead when he was really sitting only a few feet away every night in the dining hall? Did he think that she would be content to stay in Camelot as his doting ward forever?
She had known for a long time that Uther was a selfish man, that he would twist reality to suit what he wanted. He didn't care who he hurt, didn't care whose lives he destroyed in his quest to rid the so called 'evil' from this land. If anything was evil it was him...
You have a hollowed out heart
But it's heavy in your chest
I try so hard to fight it
But it's hopeless
Hopeless
You're hopeless
Uther may be her parent, but he was NOT her father! He was a cold hearted tyrant with no sense of loyalty to his true family.
SHE was his daughter.
SHE was his first born.
SHE deserved to be recognized as such.
How could he chose Arthur over her? SHE had been born before Arthur had been conceived, before the Great Purge had devastated the land.
Oh father
Please father
I'd love to leave you alone
But I can't let you go
There was a small part of her that wanted to tell him about her magic... just a small part. The part of her that was still just a young girl without a parent figure to look up to. The young girl who, like her half-brother the prince, had strived for his affections and praise.
She wanted him to know her.
She wanted him to accept her.
She wanted him to love her... not just because she was his daughter, but because of who she really was.
Was it really so much to ask?
Oh father
Please father
Put the bottle down
For the love of a daughter
At first, when she had first discovered her powers, she had been certain that Uther would burn her for the powers she had been born with. But that was before he spent months and months sacrificing hundreds of knights in the search after she had been 'kidnapped'.
For a moment Morgana's thoughts turned to Merlin... he had been such a good friend, he wanted to help so much that he had broken the law, committing treason as he did so, and took her to the druids. How he found them and had so much faith in them was still a mystery to her, but he had done it and opened her eyes to the truth of magic, to the truth of the lies Uther had fed her and everyone else in Camelot.
But then he betrayed her, he had poisoned her and then had the nerve to hold her in his arms as she struggled to breath. To whisper "I'm sorry" over and over again as she lay there dying.
Oh
It's been five years
Since we've spoken last
And you can't take back
What we never had
But this wasn't about Merlin's betrayal... no. This was about Uther and how she was no longer sure if he would really execute her if she possessed magic. After all, he had admitted he would go to any length to save her, even if it involved sorcery.
Unfortunately, while it made her think twice about whether or not he would condemn her. He had executed countless healers whose only magical ability was one to save the lives of ill patients. How could he walk around with his head held high in the air everyday, knowing that he had killed harmless men, women and children... leaving behind devastated husbands and wives, sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters...
Hypocritical. That's what Morgause had told her. She was glad they had a word for men like Uther Pendragon.
Did he seriously think that she would dote on his every word?
Did he seriously think that she would forget everything he had done?
Because if he did then he was going to be in for a big surprise... when the time came...
Oh, I can be manipulated
Only so many times
Before even 'I love you'
Starts to sound like a lie
It took all of her effort to spit out those three words that he truly had no right to hear. "I love you". When had they become so hard to say? Was it when she realized that the fatherly love she had felt for her 'guardian' when she had first come to live with him had been more accurate than she liked to admit? Was it when she realized that deep down inside of her she knew that Uther would have her executed the second he knew what she really was? Was it when she realized he didn't deserve it...?
Why should Uther have a loving son and daughter when he would as soon execute people just like his own children should they even be suspected of sorcery?
As a child she had always been headstrong, always letting her opinion be known and people accepted that. Because she was the Lady Morgana.
But she should have been so much more than that, she should be heir to the throne of Camelot... she should have been raised as a princess, not simply a noble... it was her birth right. The Princess Morgana... Rightful heir to the Throne of Camelot...
You have a hollowed out heart
But it's heavy in your chest
I try so hard to fight it
But it's hopeless
Hopeless
You're hopeless
Uther may be the King, but he was also the executioner... he didn't deserve the riches that he was handed on a silver platter. He claimed to have built Camelot on morals, on the knights codes but Morgana knew better.
The kingdom that Uther ruled was built on blood, magical blood... Morgause had told her as much.
The Camelot that was here now was not the same as the one Uther had built all those years ago. This new one was built on an entirely different set of morals...
Oh father
Please father
I'd love to leave you alone
But I can't let you go
Fear and bitterness had already tainted her heart, it had begun back when Uther had condemned Tom, Gwen's father, to death for something he didn't even do. How was he to know the supposed 'scientist' was really a sorcerer, practising dark magic in the very walls of Camelot.
Not that she really blamed them, Uther had taken so much from the magical community, he had hunted them down and slaughtered them like they were animals. Burned them alive to punish them for something that really wasn't even a crime, something that half of them couldn't even help.
Oh father
Please father
Put the bottle down
For the love of a daughter
Would he really be willing to pardon her if he knew about her magic? She really doubted it...
Would he put out the fire on the pyre as the flames licked at her feet?
Would he stop the axe as it swung over in a terrifying arc, ready to behead her?
Would he pull her from the waters as weights held her down, trying to drown her?
Would he prevent those tormented screams of agony that still haunted her from prior victims as the heat melted her skin?
Would he wipe away those tears that streamed down her as she knelt on the ground, her neck on the chopping block?
Would he stop those silent screams, muffled in the water so that no one would hear, slowly choking as her life slipped away before her very eyes?
Every sorcerer... every man, woman and child that had lost at the hands of Uther Pendragon... she could see herself as she stared death right in the eye, she could see as Uther condemned her to a slow and painful death...
Don't you remember
I'm your baby girl
How could you push me out of your world
Lie to your flesh and your blood
Put your hands on the ones that you swore you loved
How could Uther punish her for his own mistake? It wasn't her fault that he had been unfaithful to his wife. It wasn't her fault that he had sired an illegitimate daughter. It wasn't her fault that he wouldn't even acknowledge what was her right by birth.
She was the rightful heir to the Camelot throne.
Uther had sworn a lot of things when he took the knights code. Wasn't one of them something to do with honesty?
Don't you remember
I'm your baby girl
How could you throw me right out of your world
So young when the pain had begun
Now forever afraid of being alone
It was as if the nightmares hadn't been enough to frighten her all through her childhood! No more than a child when her visions had begun to come true.
Then her magic had begun to reveal itself. As if she wasn't isolated enough...
When Uther had chosen his reputation over his daughter she had made her final decision. Any doubts she had, had disappeared in an instant.
If her 'father' was going to turn his back on her, it was the least she could do to do the same...
Oh father
Please father
I'd love to leave you alone
But I can't let you go
Oh father
Oh father
Please father
Put the bottle down
For the love of a daughter
Uther had made his choice. By choosing his precious reputation over his own daughter he had condemned himself.
If he wasn't going to share his sins with the citizens of Camelot she knew that she would have to reveal them when the time came.
All she had to do now was wait...
So... What do you think? Feel free to drop in a review, they're pretty much what keep me going ;)
If you haven't heard the song, you should listen to it! It's actually really good :)