Hey everyone.
I know I haven't uploaded anything in awhile, but I've had this thing on my computer for about a year. So I figured, why not?
If I'm remembering right, I wrote this right after "Not What He Seems" aired. I'd heard that Hirsh was having a Gravity Falls toy contest, and having seen a lot of the great skits people were making using the toys I wanted to try my hand at it. So I wrote this up pretty quick. I never filmed anything, but I kept this script anyway.
It's not my best work, mind you. There's some skits in here that go on for way too long, and I feel that the best bits are near the beginning. But I'll leave that up to you (the reader) to decide.
This was meant to be in the style of Liankara's "Previously On" segments, so just imagine that Star Trek II music while you're reading this. Or feel free to listen to it while you're reading, I'm not judging.
Anyway, I've rambled on long enough. So enjoy!
Previously, on Gravity Falls…
[Cut to exterior shot of Gideon, standing
on top of a podium, holding a statue]
Gideon: Gravity Falls, it is my honour to announce that I have been named Best Side Show Attraction Host of the Year!
[Suddenly, Stan appears, holding his own statue]
Stan: Oh yeah? Well I've just been awarded the Best Side Show ATTRACTION of the Year! How do ya' like them apples, kid?
[Enraged, Gideon throws his statue to the ground]
Gideon: You bastard!
[Cut to Wendy and Dipper]
Wendy: Look, Dipper, I just thought I should let you know that I broke up with Robbie.
Dipper: Really? (Clears throat) I mean, really? That's great! So…now that you're single-
Wendy: And that I'm going out with Soos, now.
[Soos appears out of nowhere]
Dipper: WHAT!?
[Cut to Mabel]
Mabel: You give Waddles back right now, Gideon!
[Cut to Gideon. He is standing beside the Bottomless Pit, with Waddles dangling just over it]
Gideon: Not unless you agree to marry me, my sweet!
Mabel: What? I can't marry you, I'm like twelve!
Gideon: Then say goodbye to your pig, forever!
[Gideon begins to laugh maniacally as he slowly lets go of Waddles. The pig begins squealing.]
Mabel: WADDLES!
[Cut to Dipper]
Dipper: You're dating Soos, now? But…I don't understand. You barely have anything in common!
Soos: Sorry, dude. But I realized just now, that I've always loved Wendy!
[Wendy turns to Soos]
Wendy: And I've always loved you, Soos!
[They start making out in front of Dipper]
Dipper: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
[Cut to Mabel]
Mabel: Oh, Mermando…If only I were a mermaid, then we could be together, forever.
Bill: Really? Would you do anything to make that happen?
Mabel: Go away, Bill. I'm not that desperate.
Bill: Fine. But you know you'll have to make a deal with me sooner or later, Shooting Star.
[Bill floats away]
Mabel: (chuckles) Yeah, right. Like that'll ever happen.
[Cut to Stan opening the front door to the
Mystery Shack]
Stan: Welcome to a world of Mystery!
Secret Agent: Mr. Pines, you're under house arrest.
Stan: Really? On what charges?
Secret Agent: You know what you've done.
Stan: No, I really have no idea what you're talking about.
[Cut to Bill Cipher hovering in front of
Dipper and Mabel.]
Dipper: I don't get it? You're a successful screenwriter?
Bill: Well everyone's gotta have a hobby. And mine just happens to be tormenting people with shlock. Why
else do you think most of Hollywoods output sucks nowadays?
Mabel: He's right! Movies are getting worse every year.
Dipper: Sorry, Bill. But I'm not convinced. You've got to give me more proof than that.
[Cut to Grunkle Stan]
Stan: Look…Soos; there's something I need to tell you.
Soos: Sure, Mr. Pines. You can tell me anything.
[Cut back to Bill Cipher]
Bill: Okay, Pinetree. Do you remember that cute little film, The Secret of NIMH?
Mabel: (gasps excitedly) I know that one! That's like Dipper's favourite movie of all time!
Bill: And do you remember that OTHER movie they made?
Dipper: Yeah; it was that stupid sequel. What's your point?
Bill: That…[Voice deepens] WAS ME!
[Dipper and Mabel gasp in shock]
[Cut back to Stan and Soos]
Stan: You know how your dad left you when you were a kid, and you never saw him again?
Soos: Yeah, why?
Stan: Well…let's just say he's closer than you think.
Soos: What you mean, Mr. Pines?
Stan: What I mean is that I'M your father!
Soos: WHAT!?
[Cut to Mabel]
Dipper: Have you found anything yet, Mabel?
Mabel: According to my calculations, it appears that Old Man Mcgukkit's killer is…Soos!?
[Dipper and Mabel turn to face Soos]
Soos: That's right, I killed him. And I'd do it again, too.
[Cut to Stan trying to break through a door with an axe.]
Stan: Let me in, you little brats!
[Cut to Dipper and Mabel in the corner of
the room, huddled together.]
Mabel: What are we gonna do, Dipper? He's almost through.
Dipper: I don't know.
[Cut back to Stan continuing to cut
through the door with the axe.]
Dipper: Mabel, if we don't get out of this, I just want you to know that you're my best friend!
Mabel: Me too! And I want you to know something too, Dipper.
Dipper: What is it?
Mabel: I once used the Journal to try and look for a cute vampire boyfriend!
Dipper: Wait, What!?
[Stan finally breaks a small crack
in the door. Dipper and Mabel look
to see their crazed Uncle looking
at them.]
Stan: Here's Stanley!
[Dipper and Mabel scream in unison]
And now, the Conclusion...