A/N: Hey, guys! So this one kind of came out of nowhere, while I was working on striking up inspiration for something else, and talking to my fave CaelynAilene who told me to get on with it and write this oneshot already. It took a few different directions before I finally settled on something I was really happy with, and the song All Who Remain by Beware the Darkness for sure helped give some inspiration. As always, I appreciate any and all reviews or feedback, and I do promise to finally get around to updating toujours very soon!
The morning of July 30 had begun as any other ever did. Lily and James Potter were woken by their screaming son just as the sun began to streak the violet and golden hues of morning across the sky outside of their quaint house in Godric's Hollow. From where he was in hiding, inside of the grimy and miserable, emptied House of Black he'd grown to detest, Sirius Black was finishing off yet another bottle of the strongest liquor he'd managed to find-sleep had been eluding him more and more in the months since he too had been sentenced by Dumbledore to go into hiding. In the bleak and decrepit house of his mother and father long since passed, Remus Lupin was sitting on the floor, watching the sun rise. Mary MacDonald was only just waking up, preparing for another day of being constantly on guard as she went out in search of a last minute birthday present to send her friends' way in the hopes of it arriving by the following day.
All across the country, the wizarding community was doing its best to prepare for another inevitable day of sitting in wait as a war continued to loom closer and closer in the future.
Little did anyone know, that on this specific morning, one of the most loyal families in the Order of the Phoenix would never be awakening.
It was supposed to be just another day.
The blood chilling, heart wrenching news of the attack became common knowledge mid afternoon. Aurors who had both arrived at the scene, or had been dispatched by Mad-Eye Moody or Dumbledore themselves had been sent to those closest to the victims to inform them of the devastation before the Prophet could get hold of the news. Kinglsey to Mary, and later to Remus; Mad-Eye sent to Grimmauld Place; Dumbledore himself to the Potters.
Marlene McKinnon is dead.
The whole family is dead.
Nine simple words. Nine haunting, soul shattering words that ran through each and every one of them, leaving their bodies feeling frozen and hollow.
One of their own was dead.
Mary had gripped desperately at her stomach as the news set in. It seemed too surreal to have truth to it. Even with the words echoing louder and louder inside of her mind, even with Kingsley's sympathetic, drawn face watching her every move. There was no way it could possibly be true; how could it be? Marlene had always been the strong one...was always the one who was perfectly capable of taking care of herself…
"How do you do it?" Mary asked, wonder and amusement on her face and laced into her words.
Marlene's face tilted towards her, showing no signs of the attack they'd only just escaped. Laughter was still the most evident feature in her eyes, on her face; no exhaustion, no fear. Nothing that even slightly mirrored any of the things Mary had been fighting with since leaving Hogwarts. She slipped her wand back into her robes, showing no indication of even glancing around to be sure it was no longer needed. Crowds of people, Muggles and hidden witches and wizards alike, shoved past them from all sides as they continued through the busied streets of London towards the Leaky Cauldron where they were to Portkey to the Order's meeting place that week. To Hogsmeade Village itself. None of them showed any indication of being even remotely aware of the run-in Marlene and Mary had just had with Death Eaters.
"How do I do what?" Marlene asked distantly, shaking her head to get blonde strands out of her face and taking hold of Mary's hand to steer her through the streets.
"Stay so collected! Every time we get into a situation like that, you just laugh it off! Even in school, you've always-"
"Mary." Marlene's face was filled with the same laughter that was in her voice as she glanced back towards her friend again, shaking her head. "You've got to. What good does it do to stay terrified if you're still living?"
Mary's mouth opened and shut like a fish several times, but no sound came out of her. From a few paces ahead, Marlene's head was shaking with laughter again.
The magical shimmer that shrouded the Leaky Cauldron from the view of Muggles came into view up ahead, and the sign blew back and forth rapidly in the wind rushing through the busy streets and kept the summer heat from becoming too unbearable. The blonde tugged her friend along throughout the streets and crowds to the pub, pulling her inside and towards the back room, where their Portkey was to be waiting.
Hard as Tom had tried, war had finally begun to reach the Leaky Cauldron. The familiar chatter of the pub was quieter than ever before, patrons choosing to stay together in groups, glancing around nervously before quickly averting their eyes back to their companions. The clattering of glass upon tabletop had remained the same, though and it brought a strange sense of comfort as the witches made their way through the maze of tables towards the back.
The Portkey was easy enough to find; the faded Hogwarts tie had once belonged to Marlene's father before he had given it to the Order for situations such as these. Marlene could feel her face twist up slightly at the fond memories of the man, from before she'd been forced to have her visits to see her family become far and few between.
"Don't worry, Mary," she sighed, her easy expression falling back into place as she gripped the tie and spun around towards her friend. She slipped the neck of it around Mary's wrist and wrapped the rest tightly around her hand, making sure that Mary's grip on it wouldn't waver. "Soon enough this will all be over and you'll stop being so afraid to laugh again." She promised before taking a step away from the woman and the Portkey, which had soon enough began to glow as its time came.
The realization that Marlene would not be coming with her as planned hit suddenly, "Marley-"
"I can't let Sirius think he's better at this godparent thing than I am, can I? Don't worry. I'll be along as soon as I've gotten Harry's present." She said with a wink towards her friend. The tie began to become hot as the last few seconds began to run out.
"Marley-!" Mary's protests were drowned as a hook gripped behind her belly button, dragging her away from London and towards the safe house. Darkness swarmed at all sides, until her vision obscured and Marlene was gone.
That had been two days ago.
Marlene McKinnon is dead.
The words resonated throughout the whole of Remus's body, rooting him to the spot before the truth of it all had even completely set in. Marlene McKinnon was dead… There was nothing about the words that seemed plausible. Marlene had always been, essentially, the female equivalent of James and Sirius combined; nothing could touch her. Nothing she couldn't shake off. Dead.
"Jesus, Moony. You reckon you could look a little older?" The joking tone was easy enough to place, before he'd even had to turn around to see her. He had been bent over the counter, head in his hands, fingers running absentmindedly through hair that was already thinning at twenty one. He hadn't even heard her come in. But she had. She always did.
Never had she left him without a moment of her time if she could help it. Not in school. Not after.
Remus lifted up from the countertop with a quiet sigh and turned around towards the voice. And there she was, looking just as put together and easy going as always. You would never be able to tell from the looks of her that she had been on the run just as long as he had. Not with how bright and sparkly the blue hues of her irises still were; not with how healthy and long her fair hair still was; not with how utterly put together she still seemed to be, even leaning against the doorframe to their friends' kitchen.
The corners of her lips curved up at the sight of him, and he couldn't help it; his curled upwards, too. That was the way of Marlene. Despite having always having been more James and Lily's friend than his, not to mention her...thing with Sirius, she never failed to be his friend as well.
"Give me a few hours. You might get lucky enough to watch a beard grow, right on my face." Remus said, joking despite the undeniably exhaustion in his voice. The few months he'd spent in hiding had not been good for him.
"Oh, but I don't have a few hours." Marlene said, a teasing pout clouding her features for just a moment as she crossed over and embraced him warmly for a fleeting spare seconds. "It could always be worse. You don't quite have the bald spot James has yet."
In another room of the house, the sound of James's protest could be heard, along with Lily's immediate shushing.
"This all certainly seems to be treating you better than it has me." Remus said, the implications clear; she hadn't aged nearly as much as he'd seemed to in the few months since circumstance had led them both to become renegades. "I suppose you'll be seeing Sirius while you're here?"
Marlene's face fell before she could force her typical, joking expression back into place and she shook her head sullenly, "Not this time." She said quietly, trying her best to not let herself regret the visit excluding the one person whom it was possible she'd missed the most.
Three months was a long time to be apart from the people she'd loved.
One person in particular.
"I came to see Harry before my next assignment from Dumbledore has me off again." She admitted, the slight imprint of her typical expression returning. "He's getting big now, eh?"
Remus managed to offer a smile, albeit a tired one, as he nodded. "James and Lily become more and more enamored with him every day."
A smile spread across Marlene's face. "Just a few months until the first year's already come and passed. A bit crazy if you think about it."
"Will you be back again by then?"
Her face fell again slightly as she shook her head, blonde strands sliding from where they rested across her shoulders to rest along the length of her back, "I'm not sure."
The sound of a door opening somewhere within the house, along with the excited squeal of a baby and James alike drew both Remus and Marlene's eyes to turn in the direction of the noise. Blue eyes stung dangerously as Marlene realized who had arrived and caused the excitement, and she looked back towards her friend hurriedly. "Tell Lily and James I say goodbye. That I love them, and Harry." She pleaded.
"You really won't say hello?" Remus asked, concern evident in his voice along with something else; an edge of chastisement. "He's missed you. Being apart like this hasn't been good for him, despite how he'll hide it."
"I can't. It'll be too difficult to go again if I do." She admitted, nearly silently before edging to the door on the other side of the kitchen, leading to the Potters' back door. "I'll see you all soon enough, Moony. One day at a time, remember?"
And then she was gone.
Three months.
That was when he'd last seen his friend alive.
She's dead, boy. Marlene McKinnon. She's dead.
Mad-Eye's words wouldn't register. He could not, would not, believe them. There was no feasible way at all that they could be true. Marlene couldn't be dead. She couldn't be. They had promised to make it through the war.
And Marlene was one of the few people he'd had left who didn't lie.
But she had.
"Boy-"
"Don't call me that!" Sirius shouted. He had turned away from Mad-Eye as soon as he realized that the words were not empty. They were true. She was gone.
And he'd forgotten that Mad-Eye was still in the house. "I am not a boy! And you-you go. Now! Get out of my house!"
Mad-Eye didn't look as if he wanted to move. But Sirius was gripping the grimy windowsill in front of him so tightly his bones were very nearly protruding from his paling flesh. His voice had become cracked and rough, a combination from the alcohol, lack of use, and the incomprehensible news.
Muttering a warning under his breath about being back to check on him later, Mad-Eye finally left, his wooden leg on the floors echoing all the way up to Sirius's bedroom as he did.
Until there was nothing.
Until the only sounds in the house were deep below, as Kreacher puttered around and murmured to Walburga's portrait through her stilled curtain.
Marlene McKinnon. She's dead.
Dead.
Something inside of Sirius snapped. Maybe it was the realization finally hitting him that she wasn't coming back. Or maybe it was that he couldn't go to the one place he needed to be.
He couldn't go to Lily.
He couldn't go to Peter.
He couldn't go to Remus.
He couldn't go to Harry.
He couldn't go to James.
Marlene was dead. She wasn't coming back.
And he was all alone.
A broken scream from a broken man flew throughout the entirety of the house as quickly and as powerfully as it left him. The curtains around his mother's portrait flew open as she began wailing, but he couldn't hear her. He didn't care.
Marlene was dead.
All of the bottles were empty. There was nothing left to numb the blow. There was nothing that would have been able to, anyways. Bottle after bottle gripped in his hands and flew across the room, shattering into thousands of crystallized pieces as the Gryffindor embroidered wall broke them apart. Broke them into pieces just like he was.
His shelves knocked over next, collapsing to the ground with a satisfying thud as they hit the ground.
But even that didn't do anything to ease the pain.
She was gone.
And there was no healing that.
The kitchen of Grimmauld Place had never been more crowded. Order members stood against the walls or sat at the table; everywhere you turned, you could see one.
And there, next to the door, tensed and looking prepared to flee at any moment, stood Marlene. The cascade that was her blonde hair was piled on top of her head, and despite the youth that had stayed intact throughout the few years following their leaving Hogwarts, she looked older somehow. It was faint, that much was true; but it was evident to him in a way that it may not have been to many others.
Her presence had been so sporadic in the few years that had passed since the war had only gotten worse that seeing her was just as rare anymore as was seeing Remus willingly crack a joke.
And Sirius could very nearly feel his heart stop once he realized she was really there.
Arguing sounded from all sides, from Order members both with years on them and those their own age. Everyone had something to say about what they should be doing, what they needed to be doing in order to help.
For a woman who had always had something to say, Marlene stayed completely silent, leaning against the doorway to the home's kitchen, arms crossed in front of her and every muscle in her body tensed more than they ever had been before.
"Awfully quiet, McKinnon." Mad-Eye's voice travelled, glass eye spinning around in its socket. He didn't turn to face her, but he didn't need to; everyone knew she was there as his words filled the space.
"I wasn't aware that my commentary was needed. You've all seemed pretty pleased with your own mindless yelling." Marlene retorted, barely bothering to acknowledge any of the curious glances that came her way. His glances.
But he couldn't help it. This was the first and most he'd truly seen of her since they were eighteen. Nearly three years.
Mad-Eye grunted, but proceeded to go back to what he had been saying before he'd made his remark. Chatter filled the space again as one by one, people realized that Marlene would not be adding her own commentary. She made no move to prove them wrong, choosing to instead stay as still and silent as possible.
It was almost as if she'd rather be anywhere else.
And Sirius couldn't stop staring at her.
Hours seemed to pass by that way; arguing within the home continued, and Marlene stayed stoic and silent in her tiny space of solitude, Sirius keeping his eyes on her while listening to the bickering of the Order. Until, finally, Marlene moved.
Out of the room. Towards the door that would take her back into the world.
Away from him.
Again.
"Going already, are you, girl?" Mad-Eye's voice grunted, his eye whirling around again. The sound of his voice froze Marlene in her tracks. She straightened up again; a soldier preparing for a reprimand from a commander.
"I have a charge to be getting back to." Her voice seemed more hollowed than it ever had before as she spoke. Almost as if there was no life in her at all.
Mad-Eye grunted again. Marlene seemed to take this as a dismissal, as she turned on her heel and quickly fled from the room without so much as a glance in Sirius's direction at all.
But he followed her.
"Marlene." He called, footsteps sounding quickly in the hallway as he walked after her.
She stopped. Stinging prickled dangerously behind her eyes as she heard him speak, but she refused to let her emotions take over. She refused to turn around.
"Marley." His voice was quieter as he repeated her name, and despite her determination to not give in, she did.
She turned around.
And nearly burst into tears.
Because he, too, looked different.
"You're leaving again." It wasn't a question, but the impact behind the words could have destroyed her then and there had she not had at least a shred of her willpower about her still.
"I have to." Marlene said, her voice much quieter than she'd anticipated, but in the silence between them it spoke in volumes. "It's my job."
"It's been years, Marley. No word. And you came here, again without a word, only to-"
"We're in a war, Sirius." Her voice shook as she forced herself to look at him; the oceans in her eyes meeting their storm once again. Finally. "And I have a job. I'm sorry if it isn't more convenient for yo-"
"Come back." The words surprised them both. They were quiet, nearly silent, but Marlene heard them. He couldn't take them back.
If she touched him, she wouldn't leave.
So instead, she only nodded. A silent promise. It was all she could give.
Her hand reached back for the doorknob, and the door came open with ease. She turned to leave, one foot crossing over the threshold before the other hesitated.
"Sirius, I-" She allowed herself, glancing back towards his figure, frozen where he stood. Oh, how the words wanted to escape her. But they wouldn't.
But he knew. This time, it was he who nodded.
And then she was gone.
Marlene McKinnon has been killed.
It was hard to see who was more devastated by the news as the five small words fled Dumbledore, the impact of them far more severe than the words would be separately.
A horrified, heartbroken gasp escaped from Lily, and she was certain that she'd have fallen to the ground in hysterics then and there had she not been holding her infant son in her arms. James, however. He was a different story.
A mistake was made, he insisted. Someone had made a mistake. The McKinnons were fine, perfectly fine. Marlene would be returning tomorrow, for Harry's birthday. She would show up, laughing and joking as she always did.
She was fine.
Except that she wasn't. The sad look in his old headmaster's eyes and the devastation in his wife's only proved as proof to that.
Lily believed.
And Lily would only do that if she knew in her heart it was true.
Shaking his head, tears clouding his vision, James stormed out of the sitting room. He stormed as loudly and as furiously, and as quickly as he could up the stairs and into a spare room, the door slamming shut behind him.
The woman he'd grown up with, dead.
The woman who was like a sister.
Dead.
Lily couldn't contain her tears. They flowed freely down her cheeks, and she could barely form a coherent word as Dumbledore offered to take the baby in her arms. Her son secured, she flew as quickly up the stairs as she could to James. But he wouldn't let her in. Tears continued to cloud her vision and stream down her face as the news continued to sink deeper and deeper: Marlene was gone.
She leaned against the sealed door and slid down until she hit the floor, her head resting against the doorframe. On the other side she could hear James's quiet sobs, and desperately she wished to be on the other side of the door.
But she wasn't.
And Marlene was dead.
"Okay, don't hate me, but I think you've got some grey." Marlene laughed, teasingly tugging at a particularly vibrant strand of Lily's hair. Harry was squirming around on her lap, watching up at the exchange curiously.
"I do not!" Lily exclaimed in horror, a hand flying up to her head.
How tedious to worry about grey hair.
James let out a laugh, which soon dissolved into silence as he watched Marlene turn her speculative eyes onto him. "I dunno, Potter. You might be balding." She said, the joking evident in her voice. Lily laughed at the insinuation, especially as both of James's hands flew up to his head, grasping around desperately to ensure there was no hair loss.
"You're lucky you're blonde, McKinnon," he said, shaking his head with laughter. "Otherwise I'd be over there right now, picking every last one of your aged hairs out of your head."
"You wouldn't touch a hair on my perfect head, thank you very much."
"'Course not. I'd train Harry to do it."
"James!" Lily exclaimed, rolling her eyes in laughter as she looked down to see her son watching them all curiously. "Don't teach him to torment her before he's even had his first birthday."
"He's got to learn how to torment her someday," James said with a shrug. "Think of it this way: I get a head start on him now, Padfoot will have less damage to do teaching him his ways later on."
"You let him teach this precious one any ways of tormenting me, see if I come round anymore." Marlene's voice attempted to be serious, but her nature betrayed her, and soon enough she was grinning again. Harry looked up towards her, green eyes wide with curiosity, and she allowed his tiny fist to curl around her finger.
"Blimey, he really is something." She muttered. James and Lily shared a glance before both turned to stare at her. As Marlene realized this, she looked up at both of them and blinked, "What?"
"He's already taken with you, Marley," Lily said with a smile. She ran a hand lovingly over Harry's already thickening hair. "I suppose this answers the question of whether or not he'd favor his godmother."
"His what?" She couldn't contain the shock in her voice as she eyed both of her friends. Lily and James shared another grin before James shrugged and looked towards her once again, "His godmother." He said easily, as if it was something he dropped onto her every day. "'Course you had to know that was what you'd be, didn't you?"
"No!" Marlene exclaimed, barely noticing the way Harry was watching her as the surprise overtook her, "I didn't!"
Together, Lily and James laughed, and Lily nudged the other with her arm, "You will be, won't you? It would mean so much to us."
Marlene's mouth gaped open, and she stared between both of them for several minutes. Eventually, a smile spread across her face, surprise still evident on her face. "O-Of course." She stammered, "If you're serious."
"Who else would we choose?" James asked through a grin, pushing his glasses back as they began to slide off of his face, "You and Padfoot. The chaotic parental duo when Lils and I are too boring for him."
Lily rolled her eyes at the comment, but Marlene continued to stare between the both of them in awe.
How strange to be worthy of such an honor.
"Just think how much I'll have to teach him once this is all over." Marlene said with a grin of her own, despite the pang of sadness she felt deep inside at the thought of having to hand Harry back over and part ways once again.
Just like she'd had to so many times already.
A secret glance passed between Lily and James again, though neither said anything.
Few more moments were spared before Marlene handed the infant in her arms to his mother and rose from where she'd been seated. "I should be headed off," she said, looking between the both of them. She leaned to press a kiss onto Harry's head before preparing to head towards the door.
"Do you have to?" James asked, "Already?"
Marlene nodded in response, and forced herself to step towards him. To hug him goodbye.
To hug Lily goodbye.
"Don't you two worry," She said, keeping her usual demeanor about her. "I'll be back soon enough. Just as Prongsy here said, I'll need to be around to keep the little one entertained."
Neither James or Lily had time to beg her to stay.
She was gone before they could.
The night of July 30 brought with it a haunting, chilling atmosphere nobody had intended. In their little house in Godric's Hollow, Harry Potter was fast asleep in his bedroom. Lily and James Potter sat on the floor of their hallway, leaning against each other in tears. Attempting to come to terms with the loss. In his emptied and grimy home, Sirius Black sat in the torment of his bedroom, sober and empty, his hands covered in the blood of scars made by shattered glass. Remus Lupin watched old pictures move, of a happier time, when they were all truly allowed to be just kids. Watching as Marlene shoved into the frame and then proceeded to attempt to run when Sirius began chasing her. Mary MacDonald paced her home hollowly, crying as she laid eyes upon things that reminded her of her deceased friend.
Marlene McKinnon was dead.
And they were all changed.
They were, truly, at war.