About "The Money Maker in the Merry-Go-Round".
THE HARD WAY
"It's not easy, Aubrey. But nothing of value is."
That's what she had said, and as she walked the short distance to her car, crossing the parking lot under the starless sky, Brennan thought about her own words and the long truth therein.
It felt like a hundred years ago, that other life. The life before love, before Booth, before Christine.
I'm a scientist. I can't change. I don't know how...
It wasn't as if she hadn't wanted Booth. Wanting him had never been the problem. And she did trust him, oh boy, how did she trust him! The problem was... she didn't trust herself. Brennan simply didn't know how to love him. It wasn't as if she hadn't tried.
Booth was the man with the lion heart, the brave one, the kind one. He had gone through hell, had emerged and still (despite of it) had so much to give. How could she ever give enough right back?
When he was standing in front of her on the steps of the Hoover Building, offering himself to her, it took every ounce of willpower to break his kiss.
I don't have your kind of an open heart.
Brennan had thought that saying no to him was the hardest part.
She had been wrong. (And she was so very rarely really wrong.)
Hannah...
By the time she made it out of that damn jungle, Brennan had realized some things. But as she came home, his heart was no longer available.
30, 40, 50 years...
He had given her a fair warning, but still, it didn't feel fair. She missed his hugs, missed his laughter, missed his warmth. Temperance Brennan knew a thing or two about missing, had learned it at the age of 15, but missing Booth hit her with unexpected force. Despite seeing him almost every day, he was gone.
She thought about that evening on the steps of the Hoover Building a lot. In hindsight, it felt like a crossroad. And Brennan had chosen the wrong direction.
Giving this a shot.
It had seemed so impossible back then, but seeing him with the blonde woman, the easy one, Brennan felt a shift inside of her.
Kissing him back... Could it really be harder than watching him move on? Away from her?
But then again, it was about more than kissing him back, wasn't it? Kissing him had never been the problem.
And while Booth started to bloom in his new relationship, Brennan stopped sleeping. Stopped eating as well. She was fine, except that she wasn't. For the first time in her adult life, Temperance Brennan simply couldn't adjust.
People assume that when you're alone, you must be lonely...
Something had to change – and something did.
A case. Another dark-haired woman, another dolphin ring. More crushed hopes and hearts. It was too late for the doctor and her helicopter pilot, but she – Brennan – was still alive, was still breathing.
I got the signal, Booth.
Three days of upside-down and, finally, it was as if she was seeing the world for the very first time. The crossroad... Brennan was there again. But this time, she was alone. (Wasn't she?)
I don't wanna have any regrets.
Her tears were heavy and bitter, but nonetheless, she felt better somehow. She felt something. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, and embracing the truth about her own feelings gave her an unfamiliar sense of peace. Missing Booth didn't stop, but she allowed herself to move past the regret.
And then something else happened. The phone call took her by surprise, and Brennan's heart was beating wildly as she found him in the bar. He was angry, so angry and hurt. Booth was barely looking at her, but his defeated posture reminded her of that star-crossed evening in front of the Hoover Building once more.
Those are my only choices?
She took that drink, took a second and a third one.
Standing at a crossroad once again. This time, she stayed put.
From a very short distance, Brennan watched him lick his wounds. Saw him heal.
Spring came, and when that blizzard hit the town, Booth finally walked past her crossroad. And found her there.
You know what we're talking about here, right?
For once, she knew. She and him. Happiness, love and fate. (She still didn't believe in fate. But she believed in giving this a shot.)
It wasn't as if it had gotten easy after that, as if years of struggling could simply vanish into thin air. But they had set a date and released it into the universe. Their wish was bound to come true. However, in the end it wasn't fate that brought them into each other's arms, it was pain; pain so sharp and breathtaking. Vincent.
What kind of person am I?
Her heart had been heavy, so heavy, and in this darkest moment, Booth had caught her. She had cried, as he had taken her into his arms; his strong arms, finally, again. Hadn't stopped crying as his scent (so familiar yet so knew) had enveloped her. Brennan had cried for a long time, mourning Vincent and so much more.
After so many wasted chances and missed moments, there was finally one that they didn't miss.
Everything happens eventually...
When she stopped crying, he was kissing her. Her cheeks, her eyes, her brow. At last, her lips. And then even more.
It wasn't easy. Nothing of value ever is. Brennan had learned; had learned it the hard way.
-BONES-
The house greeted her with warmth and soft lights.
"There she is!"
Her husband. Barefooted, wearing jeans, a well-worn shirt and a smile.
And her little girl. Four years old, as smart as they come. What had he called her? Little Miss Potty Mouth? Brennan smiled inwardly.
Christine smelled like sunshine, toothpaste and pie, as she hugged her.
"Goodnight, Sweetheart."
"Goodnight, Jackass."
Brennan's eyebrows arched up, and her gaze darted towards her husband.
"Don't look at me. You told me not to say anything."
"Why did you call Mommy a jackass?"
"Because you said I could. I called my teacher a jackass, too."
"You can't do that, Christine."
"But you said I could."
"Not your teacher, Honey."
The girl looked at her mother in puzzlement.
"Why not?"
"Yeah, why not, Mom?"
Booth's voice sounded more than just a little bit smug.
"You're not helping, Booth."
"Come on, Christine, Mommy's gonna talk to us."
He scooped his daughter up in his arms, very obviously enjoying the show.
"We are gonna sit here and we are gonna listen to Mom explain to us why not."
Brennan regarded him incredulously.
"Really?"
A big, fat grin was her answer.
"Yup."
Her lips pursed as she vowed to make him pay for that. Later.
"Well, Christine, Booth... While it's true that profanity can be quite beneficial when used in moderation, you can't just walk around calling everybody a jackass. It's not a nice word and it makes me sad when you call me a jackass. I bet your teacher was sad, too."
Christine gnawed her lips, processing her mother's words.
"You're not a jackass, Mommy. But Mrs. Hanson is. She made me share my toys."
"But sharing isn't a bad thing. You were happy the other day when Emma shared her toys with you, weren't you? The point is, Christine, the world is so much nicer with kindness in it."
"But you said I could say jackass."
"I'm sorry, Christine. I adjusted my opinion."
"Are you saying you were wrong?" Booth wasn't even hiding his amusement. Oh yes, she would definitely make him pay later.
Brennan opened her mouth and closed it again before gracefully admitting defeat.
"Yes, I was wrong. I'm sorry for confusing you, Honey."
Christine nodded, accepting her mother's wisdom.
"Okay."
"Give me a hug."
Brennan opened her arms, and the girl jumped into her embrace.
"Goodnight, Mommy. I love you."
"I love you, too, Christine. Sweet dreams."
-BONES-
Love... it came so easily these days. It was Booth putting their daughter to bed, shared musings in the evening and his warm body next to hers in the night. It was dancing in the kitchen, trips to the grocery store and pie for dinner.
A smile played around her lips, and Brennan decided to change clothes while Booth was busy with Christine. Rummaging through her closet, she could hear them talking in the other room, just the sound of an ordinary day coming to an end.
All the good stuff... it had gotten so ordinary in the best way ever.
Five minutes later, she was ready, clad in black yoga pants and a cozy pale blue robe. Face scrubbed clean, her hair in a high ponytail.
Booth was already waiting for her in the living room, his face wearing a mask of mock seriousness.
"Thanks for explaining the jackass thing again, Mommy."
Brennan stuck her tongue out, and he grabbed his chest dramatically.
"Ouch. That hurt."
"Thanks for your support."
Irony couldn't hurt him.
"Anytime, Bones. Scotch? Wine? Beer?"
Tilting her head, she looked at him.
"I have what you're having."
"A beer it is, then."
He walked past her to the kitchen, stealing a quick kiss.
"Aubrey is a good guy."
She nodded.
"I know. I believe I told you so."
"Was it tough for you, Bones? You know, talking to him?"
She pondered his words, thanking him for the beer.
"No. It just made me think about tough things."
He plopped down on the couch next to her, tugging her into his side. Bottles clanked.
"Cheers."
"Cheers."
They drank in silence, then:
"Wanna talk about it?"
Turning her head, she took him all in. Calm eyes, nine o'clock stubble, his face radiating peace. He was so unlike the man whose heart she had broken and yet he was the very same person. Raising her hand, she caressed his scratchy cheek, and his smile turned even warmer.
"I was thinking about that evening in front of the Hoover Building a few years ago. When you asked me to give us a chance."
The warmth left his face, as he too remembered. Remembered Sweets, the curls in her hair, the gut-wrenching feeling of going all in and losing.
"I should have said yes, Booth. Even back then."
He rubbed his cheek against her palm.
"Hmm. You weren't ready. Besides, I messed up. I know that now."
"What? How?"
"I never said 'I love you'. And I never said 'I don't want you to change'. I just heard 'no' and stopped listening."
Brennan took another sip, processing his words.
"We're here now," she finally said.
"Yeah, we are."
Taking his bottle, she put it on the table next to hers. One swift move later, she was sitting in his lap, hugging him with her whole body. She could feel his deep sigh, as his arms closed around her, holding her tight.
Usually, they didn't dwell on the old memories. Could haves, should haves, would haves don't keep you warm at night, and the past was nobody's fault. It had shaped their path, but it didn't define them. Not anymore. Booth and Brennan were more than the parts in the sum of the whole, they were husband and wife. They were parents and partners.
Booth didn't know what had triggered her sudden wistfulness, but he sensed a kind of vulnerability which was rarely found in their home anymore.
"You know," he murmured into her nape, "it was worth it. Every twist and turn that brought us right here was worth it."
"I love you, Booth."
"Yeah, I know. I love you, too."
Her lips brushed his neck, kissing softly.
"Even though you were quite a j-a-c-k-a-s-s earlier," she felt the need to add.
He gasped audibly.
"Hey! What happened to 'kindness makes the world a better place'?"
"I lied for the benefit of the child. Payback makes the world a better place."
Booth chuckled, and his palm slipped under her robe, caressing her back.
"Alright, I accept the verdict. What's my punishment?"
"Hmm..."
She caught his earlobe with her teeth, biting gently, and he rocked into her from below. Sudden heat stirred low in her belly, and Brennan sighed.
Without warning, his hand curled around her nape, pulling her down for a hard kiss, tongues and teeth and everything. When he released her, she was gasping for air, and his hot breath caressed her ear.
"You know, Bones, there's nothing you can do to me in the bedroom department that would be a punishment. I'm all yours."
To emphasize his words, he rocked into her anew, hitting her in all the right places. Her eyes closed on a moan, and when they opened again, they were shiny somehow. Her fingers tangled in his hair, stroking his scalp, and she looked at him with so much adoration that he suddenly found it hard to swallow.
"I changed my mind, Booth. Your punishment is postponed. Just make love to me, please."
He looked at her curiously.
"Is everything okay?"
It was. More than okay. Nodding, she lowered her head, closing the distance between their lips, closing the distance between then and now. He tasted like pie and beer, sweet and tart. It should be a contradiction, but it was just perfect. He was everything that was familiar, everything that was comfortable, and he responded to her kiss like he always had and always would. Tongues met each other in the most intimate caress, breaths mingled.
This is that time. This is that place.
The time and place for love, laughter, purpose and a dance. The time to be silly and love like a fool. The place to belong to.
There was a throaty chuckle, as he licked the ticklish spot behind her ear; there was a sharp hiss, as she slid down from his lap, kneeling right between his spread thighs. There was no mistaking, as she undid the buttons of his pants with nimble fingers. And there was no room for the Holy Spirit, as she took him into her mouth.
Booth inhaled deeply, senses awash in arousal, longing and her. She was kissing and tasting him so intimately, and even though the sensation wasn't new anymore, something was different tonight. The way she held his gaze, the way her lips were loving him – it felt almost reverent.
"Bones..."
Her name was an urgent plea, as his breathing got labored, and she released him with a final kiss to the tip, a last gentle squeeze.
Her voice was husky, when she asked, "Do you still recite saints, when I do that?"
"Hockey stats. I ran out of saints. Come here..."
Lowering himself to the floor and taking her into his arms happened in the blink of a moment, and before she knew it, he was kissing her senseless. His hands were everywhere, but it was only when the carpet touched the uncovered skin of her back that she realized that he was undressing her.
Then she was bare in front of him, and he broke the kiss to look at her. Seeley Booth had seen her like this a million times over. He had loved her in beds and tubs, against walls and shower tiles. He had loved her in glee and despair and under the influence.
She was still the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on. He had long ran out of words to tell her how stunning she was, but he tried it anyways, every single time.
Her skin was the milkiest white, the softest velvet. She was graceful and curvy and warm, and when he took her in his arms, it was a perfect fit. Her scent called out to him like a drug, and he would recognize her with eyes closed everywhere.
Booth had once told her that she was the standard, but she was even more than that. She was his life.
Tilting her head, she smiled at him, and her knees fell apart, exposing her so intimately.
"Come here."
Her voice was soft and rough at the same time, like silk, only better. And he came to her.
Long legs cradled his big frame while her hands shed his clothes, piece by piece. Lips and tongues were caressing each other until there was nothing left to reveal. Her head fell back to the carpet, and he followed her with his whole body.
She urged him on with her palm on the small of his back, and his narrow hips nestled between her legs, giving them one more moment of anticipation... before finally joining them.
And it was heaven.
Why? Because every once in a while, two people meet and there's that spark, and yes, Bones, he's handsome and she's beautiful, and maybe that's all they see at first, but making love, making love... that's when two people become one.
Five years of sharing a bed with him, and it was still so damn good. Every single time. Her eyes closed, as he pushed into her, inch by sweet inch, until he was filling her completely.
Her vision was blurry somehow, as the sensations overwhelmed her, and his mouth found hers for a sweet kiss.
"Talk to me, Babe."
She laughed that husky kind of laughter that he loved so much.
"I... can't talk. More... please."
And he gave her more. Just a nudge with his pelvis, but she gasped, arching her back beneath him. Her fingernails whispered over his skin, and Booth felt alive, so alive. He looked at her flushed cheeks, her slightly parted lips, took her all in. Then he started to move in earnest.
She was soft, so soft and tight all around him, and stroke by stroke, thrust by thrust, he was losing it. Loving her was heaven in a heartbeat, had always been, and she was encouraging him with sweet moans and breathless gasps.
"I love when you do that... Yes... More..."
And he gave her even more. Gave her everything he had to give, gave her himself and then some. He moved with her and inside of her, caressed her until her fingernails dug into his shoulders and she cried out, until her body shivered almost violently in his embrace.
"Booth..."
"I've got you..."
With a deep groan, he followed her into the sweetest oblivion, chasing her and catching her.
-BONES-
The first thing his foggy mind registered afterwards was her fingers drawing lazy patterns over his back. His pulse was slowly returning to normal, and between her thighs, he was softening. She was holding him tight to her chest, her lips pressed to his temple, and Booth let go of a content sigh.
"My Bones..."
"You are happy."
"That's because you make me happy."
He couldn't see her smile, but he knew it was there.
Loving him... it was so easy. And just like Brennan couldn't stop breathing, she couldn't deprive herself of his love anymore. Only a fool would choose loneliness over the sound of his laughter and the warmth of his embrace.
She had to learn it the hard way, but Temperance Brennan wasn't a fool anymore.
She was brainy and scary smart.
The End.