Chapter 1: Two Minds

Forgive me…

The word rang in his mind louder every minute. For the first time in what… Ten years now? It had returned. Or rather, she had.

Forgive me…

Her eyes were all he could see through the silky darkness of the dream world. Eyes that had once gleamed with a self-sustaining light. It made him sick to see them now, their luster absent.

Those eyes were empty now, their brilliant blue reduced to a pitiful, watery grey. There had always been sadness in those eyes, but now it was unbearable.

Will you come back?

A single tear formed, glinting as it fell. The last of the light.

I am dying.

Those eyes had been so strong before, so bright. Howl had never bothered to answer the calls in those days. The only problems he dealt with back then were his own. Besides, she had seemed strong enough to take care of herself.

Then, at least.

But now, after seeing how hopeless and weak those same eyes had become…

It made him sick knowing he could have stopped it.

"Howl?"

Sophie appeared at the top of the stairs, looking at down at him with concern. He stopped pacing, quickly hiding his unrest to regard her.

"Go back to bed, Sophie."

"What's wrong?" She asked, ignoring him. She crept down the stairs to join him in front of the hearth. "Why are you up at this time?"

"Just thinking." He replied. "You should go back to sleep."

She shook her head stubbornly. "Not until you tell me what's wrong. And don't say it's nothing, I can see it in your eyes."

Howl glanced away. Figures. Eyes had been the cause of this, now his own had betrayed him, revealing his distress to Sophie. The last person he wanted to be caught up in it all.

"I'll explain in the morning." He told her, hoping that would satisfy her. "Now, go back to bed."

For a long time, Sophie was silent, giving him that look. That look she gave him when she knew he was trying to keep the matter from her. Though she knew better than to argue with him at such an early hour.

"Fine." She reluctantly agreed. "... But you will tell me what's wrong."

She paused, sighing. "I haven't seen you like this since the war."

Howl watched as she went back upstairs, waiting to hear the soft click of the door behind her.

Oh, Sophie. He thought. The war was only the beginning of our troubles.

xxx

I was about thirteen when I was Chosen. For what, exactly, I still cannot explain. That was why my parents kept me hidden. People didn't understand the Chosen. My parents were afraid that I would be rejected, so they kept me away from civilization.

I knew something about me was different. In a good way or a bad way I could not tell. It came naturally to me, and I embraced it. Being Chosen felt good, but my parents seemed to think otherwise. They thought my being Chosen would make me an outcast to the world.

I was lucky my parents cared for me enough to keep me around. There were countless tales of Chosen being thrown out of their own homes and banished to the Wastes, never to be seen again. Many people hated the Chosen and their strange ways, though I couldn't see why. What could possibly be so threatening about a girl my age? Why couldn't they understand?

I was desperate to know, I wanted them to see. I wanted to show them this new feeling that made my heart soar.

But my parents held me back, warning me that the people wouldn't listen. Telling me I should ignore the feeling, and perhaps I wouldn't do anything rash. They meant well, I knew, but I simply couldn't allow myself to be shut up.

Before I could convince my parents of this, disaster struck. A terrible storm that tore the village apart. The nearby river flooded higher than ever before, causing unbearable destruction.

In about three days' time, it passed, leaving the dark shadow of ruin in its wake. I was sent away with my little brother to live with our aunt and uncle in the valley.

"You'll be safer there," My father told me. "We'll come to get you in a few weeks, alright? After we help clean up the town."

I nodded solemnly.

"Now, where is your brother?" My mother asked, adding a few more things to my bag. "You two need to get going."

"Coming!" He cried, hurrying from the hall with his overstuffed pack.

"You can't take all that!" I told him. "You won't last an hour carrying so much. And I'm sure not going to carry it for you."

"I'm afraid your sister's right." My father told him. Instantly, he fell into a fit. Typical.

I waited aside as my parents fussed over him, eventually persuading him to leave behind a few of his precious trinkets.

"They'll be here when you get back." Mother told him calmly, situating the lightened bag on his back. He only pouted, refusing to change his attitude.

"Oh, come now," I say. "We have to get going. If you don't pick up your feet, I'll have to leave you behind!"

"Be nice, Jamais." My father chided. I apologized.

In a few minutes, we were starting down the path leading away from our house. Brother in tow, I looked back to wave for the hundredth time, calling out a final goodbye before we went out of earshot.

"This'll be fun." I told my brother, ruffling his short black hair. "You'll see." He only huffed in reply. I smiled. He would come out of it soon enough. I knew my brother well, and was determined to keep him safe, even if he was hard to deal with sometimes.

To shorten the story, We arrived at our aunt and uncle's house, staying there for the expected few weeks until our parents returned. Weeks turned to months. They didn't come.

Finally, we were forced to assume something terrible had happened to them. It felt horrible. I suddenly became cold inside. A piece of my heart had gone missing, a part that could not be replaced.

I forgot about being Chosen. I forgot about the world. I forgot about my brother. As time passed, I turned icy. There was no feeling in me. I was empty. A mere shell of a girl with no warmth of life to speak of.

I refused to eat, and it affected me more than physically. I began to go mad, rambling incessant nonsense that seemed to put even my uncle on edge. He himself was quite unusual, being a wizard and all, but even he still had his sanity.

I have to get out of here… I thought one night. It was the first logical thing my insane mind had come up with in weeks. I'm scaring them…

It was true. My brother was terrified of me, and it broke my heart. My uncle couldn't figure out what was wrong for the life of him, trying countless potions and elixirs to revive my sanity. Or at least interpret some of my ranting notions. My aunt, who was a timid woman, kept her distance. I was afraid of myself. What had I become? Where was the feeling that had been so comforting before? Where was that power that made me want to sprout wings and fly?

I had forgotten all about being Chosen, but I clearly remembered the feeling it brought. And it tortured me not knowing how to get it back. To have at least some substance in my empty soul.

I felt more pieces of my heart drop from my chest as I gathered what few belongings I was going to take with me. I listened to them hit the floor, one by one. Wincing when a large one shattered.

The one that held my brother.

I stifled a sob, biting my lip to silence it. I had to get out quickly.

It was night, so I didn't have to worry about being seen. I left a note, though it was doubtful they would be able to decipher it.

"Jamais?"

My brother stood in the doorway, looking groggy. He must have heard me pass his room. The boy had the most uncanny hearing.

I didn't reply, barely regarding him. The last thing I needed was something to make me want to stay. I had already caused enough terror.

"Why are you crying?"

He took a hesitant step towards me, looking genuinely concerned, but still somewhat afraid to come near me. My hands stopped moving. Dropping the bowl I held with a soft clatter into my sack.

"Go back to bed." I told him. I couldn't keep my voice from cracking. He shook his head, stubborn as ever. "What's wrong?"

I didn't reply. Knowing if I did, he would only pry further. Why? Why? Why? That would be the end of me. His curious innocence, only wanting his sister to stay.

But I couldn't stay. I knew that well enough. The decision was made.

Unable to hold myself back, I hugged him. The last show of affection I could give. He flinched with shock, and I pulled away. He, still oblivious to what was going on, watched as I went to the door.

"I'm sorry." I said as I paused at the threshold. More tears brimmed in my eyes. "... Forgive me, if you can."

Without staying to hear his response, I hurried out. Closing the door silently behind me before sprinting into the dark countryside. It was a new moon that night, and I was well into the cover of the shadows before my brother could come out after me. Not that he would chase me down anyway. Why peruse something that terrifies you so?

Tears streamed down my face as I ran farther and farther away from the last pieces of my shattered heart.

I was empty, but at least my brother could grow up without having to fear his own sister.

I apologize ahead of time for any delay in updates! Please review & tell me what you think! (This is my second story, the first few chapters are pre-written, but later ones might take me a while!) Thank you so much for reading! X3

-Wonder