Hello!.

I have been struggling to write this for sometime now.. First off this story, talks about abuse. It's mentions rape and sex, nothing graphic.. It just mentions it..

I wanted to write this because well, it's basically a personal story. And I'm so proud of my aunt for finally getting the courage to say "no more!"

So, if you are not comfortable with this kind of work, I'm sorry. ..

and if you or anyone you know, is involved in an abusive relationship, please find someone you trust and get out! Before its too late...

Anyways, I hoe you all like this. It's going to be in a somewhat memory form, because Rose refused to talk to her psychiatrist.. Please let me know what you all think..

Also. Scorpius is mentioned. A lot by Rose...

Oh, also the name of the story comes from the red jumpsuit apparatus's song .." Face down"...

Ok, I think thats it. Let me know how I did.. Please. Also, Harry Potter is not mine. Disclaimer on my profile..

-DracoRocks

My psychiatrist, had been trying to get me to talk to him for days now…

He finally gave up, and handed me this little black book.

Told me to write everything I needed to in this book. It's supposed to help me. Somehow I don't know if it will.

I guess I should start of by saying.

Abuse it's never something anyone should have to endure.

Wether it is verbal, mental, especially physical.

It's not right.

No one should ever raise their hand at you..

I often wonder what would of happened if I had just told Scorpius Malfoy, that I was in love with him.. Would he of told me he loved me too?...

Would we be happily married?..

Would we have kids?.

Would I of been happy?.

I asked myself these questions for years..

It's what got me through that dark period of my life.

Imagining a life away from the pain, and darkness I was thrown into.

But, anyways. I guess it all started when I was young. Even before I started Hogwarts, I knew I wanted to be different. I didn't want to be simply just Rose Weasley, only daughter of Ron and Hermione Weasley, war heroes. I knew from an early age, that I was a great manipulator. And my cunning and ability to lie, saved me from much trouble at a young age. I knew what I was. And I embraced it. I was never particularly close with any of the girls in my family. They were either too old of too young. Only Roxy and Dominique were both my age. I didn't get along with them, because Dom had always from and early age, wanted to be like Victoire.. And Roxy tried to be like her dad. A prankster. Who knew, that those two girls would later on cost me so much pain..

Once my Hogwarts letter had arrived, dad had drilled into me that I needed to be big brave Gryffindor. I knew I was brave, but not to the extent of being able to be sorted into that particular house. I was also smart, too smart, if I do say so myself. But I didn't want to become my mother. Or my father for that matter. So, while Albus was worried about being in Slytherin. I was fully embracing it. No one would of thought that, shy, sweet Rose Weasley. Would ever be a sorted in with the Snakes.

But, I did. And while the Great Hall had gone completely silent. I smiled brightly and made my way over to my new family..

I still remember my fathers words.

"How could I disgrace the family, by being a snake.!" Those are words no 11 year old should ever have to hear.. They stayed with me for years. So I made myself vow, that I would make the best damn Slytherin, anyone had ever seen.

I became friends with the only person my dad would of hated more in the world, and the boy he told me to stay away from.

Scorpius Malfoy..

I remember going up to him, and offering him my hand. He looked a bit perplexed and confused, but nonetheless agreed.

So, thus began, Scorpius and Rose. Rose and Scorpius. Always together. We became the top students in our year. Being smart had its perks.. Most of the time..

Everything was going great, until fifth year.

We came back from summer break, and noticed that Scorpius had changed. Gone was the scrawny little pale faced boy. In his place was a tall broad, muscular man. His skin was tanned from the resent holiday he and his family had spent in Italy. I didn't recognised him, and he didn't recognised me.

I had also grown or blossomed if you will..

My hair was no longer frizzy and untamed like it had been in previous years. It was falling soft and straight, with slight curls at the ends. I had grown a couple of inches as well, but I was still relatively short. Even though My baby fat was gone, I was still stuck at that awkward stage

Between being a girl, and a women..

But, that's not important.

It was towards the end of fifth year, Scorpius and I had been exceptionally close that year, that was also around the time I found out I had actually fallen in love with him..

But, so did everyone else in Hogwarts..

Then she came in. Her, and her long silky strawberry blonde hair.. Big bright blue eyes. Yes, she was beautiful and every guy in school wanted her. She also knew damn well how I felt about Scorpius. Hell, I'm sure all of Hogwarts knew about it, it's not like I was hiding it..

It was during potions, we had been brewing an extremely boring potion. Scorpius and I, had been laughing and being well, just as we always were, when she came over to our table.

I saw the stupid look on his face, and how he faintly blushed when she said his name..

Five minutes later, and a red faced Scorpius Malfoy, Dominique Weasley, had successfully snatched him from me.

That was the day everything went down hill for me. I felt like my heart was being torn from my body. I guess I was pretty dramatic as a teenager.. Now that I think about it..

But, the final nail in the coffin for my friendship with Scorpius, was when he came up to me, and handed me back the friendship bracelet I had bought him in third year. After that day, I had transformed into a new Rose. By my sixth year, I had earned myself a reputation, and while Malfoy and Dominique were living happy ever, I was doing things that would make even my Nana blush.

You know, how we all have this Vision of what our first time would be?.

Yeah, well mine was with Scorpius. Obviously that didn't happen… I can't even remember it. It was the summer before seventh year. I remember my mothers disappointed face, when I didn't make Head Girl. I knew I was not going to make it. My grades fell considerably during sixth year. Anyway, I snuck out, and ended up at a Rave with my then boyfriend Alex Nott. Dating him, is what gave me my reputation in the first place.. He was the bad boy to my good girl gone bad routine..

After a few questionable amounts of Alcohol, he led me to the restrooms, and the rest is history. Shameless, I know. But, I didn't care at the time.. Nothing mattered anymore.

How I even graduated Hogwarts, I don't even know. Honestly. Thankfully I had inherited my mothers brains, which allowed me to be able to retain information well..

Especially, when most nights, I would just fly around the Quidditch pitch..

After graduation, I broke up with Alex, and moved on to other boys. I knew I was good looking, and I enjoyed watching men fight for my affection and attention.. Especially, after signing a very large contract with the HolyHead Harpies.. I was the star Seeker. Shocking, I know.. During my time on the team, I lead them to win many matches, and by the time I was 20, I was a championship winning player.. I was famous, rich, and young..

Do you see know, where I went wrong…

Then I met him…

Him, and his dark hair, his eyes as dark as coal.. His rich aristocratic looks.. He looked like an Angel.. Little did I know, at that time, that he was a fallen angel..

Falling in love with him, caught me by surprise..

He told me about his family, an how he was the only one left.. His dad had died in Azkaban and his mother was a good as dead.. I think it was the fact that I somewhat pitied him. I mean, here was a man, an extremely good looking man, who was just as broken as I was…

We were just two lonely bad broke souls..

After only dating for two months, he asked me to move in with him.. I was surprised, but at the same time excited.. My parents were not happy, but then again. They never really approved of my choices regardless… Now, I wish I had listened to my mother…

Everything was going great. Life was great.. I fell hard for Adrian .. I often found myself daydreaming on my broom, about being the new Mrs. Adrian Warrington…

I found that I no longer daydreamed about Scorpius Malfoy. In fact, if you had asked me if I knew what he was doing at the age of 20. I would probably of said, I didn't know.. I completely left that part of my life behind once I met Adrian…

By the time I turned 21, Adrian had asked me to marry him. I was so happy, that nothing could of ruined my mood. I instantly went home to my parents and told them the news. Like I expected, they had not been happy. But I didn't care. I had finally found someone, that loved me, and only me.. Who treated me like Rose. And not Rose Weasley…

Boy, was I so wrong and stupid…

Naïve of you will. In my desperation to be loved and accepted, I didn't even realised the changes in Adrian's behaviour towards me…

He became extremely short tempered. It started of with little things, like how he didn't like that I was not home very much, and how my career took time away from him.. He would comment on how my clothing was bit too short, or too proactive.. Accusing me of trying to seduce other men..

Perplexed with his behaviour and wanting to please him, I changed my style of clothing. I would try and be home more. But, with the season almost over, the coach was working us even harder, and later than usual..

I still remember the conversation we had before he lifted his hand to me the fist time….

I was walking into the sitting room, when I noticed him. He had a letter in his hand. His hair looked like he had been running his hand through it in desperation.. He looked up, and I noticed the angry look in his dark eyes..

I slowly, and warily made my way over to him.. I knew I was still in my dirty uniform, and he would probably not like for me to get too close to him. But, I still did..

Before I could even touch him, he jerked away from me.. His face screwed up in the most terrifying expression I had ever seen..

"I don't like your family.!" He snarled at me.. "I don't want them at our wedding, in fact, I don't want to ever see or hear from them again. You can't see them anymore Rose.."

I felt anger, swell up in me. Who did he think he was, too deny me the right to see my family..

"I can't do that Adrian, they are my family. What happened? Why are you angry love?" I asked, trying very hard to stay calm…

Instead of responding, he lifted his hand, and brought it against my face. The sound of the slap, sounded across the room.. I was too stunned to even say anything, and I just held my face in my hands.. I felt the trickle of

Tears, slowly making their way down my face..

He instantly made to hug me, but I shrunk back against the wall.. I flinched when he once again lifted his hand.. I felt him slowly prying my hands from my throbbing check.. He gently caressed it. And spoke to me in a soft caring voice..

"I'm so sorry Rosie. Merlin, you just drive me so crazy sometimes, and your family doesn't like me.. I'm so sorry I let my anger get the best of me. Merlin, I love you Rosie.. Please forgive me.. I promise to better control myself next time ok.. Forget what I said.."

He looked into my eyes with so much love and affection, that I instantly forgave him.. I truly believed him..

It's funny really, my whole life, I was the sly, cunning manipulator. Yet, there I was walking full well into a life I knew would not end well for me..

Merlin, did he have me completely submissive to him…

Long story short, we got married. My whole family was there. Minus Dominique and Roxanne. Not that it matter anyway.. I was happy and that's all that mattered..

Adrian did keep his promise.. For about three months anyway.. It all changed during our honeymoon..

My parents had paid for us to stay in Paris for a month.. It was supposed to be magical.. Myself, and my new loving and adoring husband. In a city know for its romance…

Boy, was I pathetic.

It all started with a fight..

We had been strolling around he little cafes and shops in Paris.. When I saw Scorpius..

He hadn't changed much. He was still good looking as hell.. And my heart did somewhat of a small skip, when he came over to say hello to us..

Adrian, apparently didn't like how Scorpius had hugged me longer that was necessary.. Nor, did he like how I invited Scorpius to dinner with us that night…

Dinner had been extremely awkward at best.. We didn't speak for most of it.. In the end we left the dinner table early, because Adrian said he didn't feel so good.. I knew he was angry, but I didn't pay any attention to his behaviour.. Once we arrived at the hotel room though, all hell broke loose.. Before I could end open my mouth to ask him, why he had been so rude.. I felt his hand go across my face once more.. I didn't even get to recover, when he threw me against the wall, and kneed me in the stomach.. I doubled over in

Pain, gasping for air.. When he roughly graved me and threw me on the bed..

"You stupid whore!.. You don't think

I don't know why you invited him to dinner?.. What did you want to do fuck him?!. You're a worthless piece of trash.."

Each word was accompanied by either a slap or a punch to any part of my body. He was so much stronger than me. And the fact that he was straddling my hips didn't help me at all, in my fight to defend myself..

All I could do was scream at him to please stop!.. That I was sorry, I never meant anything by inviting Scorpius to eat with us..

After a particularly hard blow to my head, I stated to feel a bit faint..

I still remember his cold emotionless voice telling me..

"Your worthless Rose Weasley. No one, no one will ever love you.. You aren't anything but a worthless whore, who will be treated as such. I own you know. You will answer to me.. Don't ever forget that.."

And so started the cycle..

Shortly after, I quit the team.

And focused on trying to stay alive..

Self preservation became my number one goal..

I memorised his scheduled. I had dinner on the table before he even sat down. I dressed like he told me too.

I cut my hair short, because he wanted me too..

He basically moulded me into a new person..

I cut all ties with my family.. It was hard, and I cried. Until, Adrian found me and told me, that if I didn't shut up, he would give me something to cry about..

I made it my personal mission to be as submissive as I could.. My stubbornness earned me many beatings..

The mental and verbal abuse, was just as bad, if not worse than the physical..

Not a day went bad, where I didn't have to hide a bruise, or heal a broken bone or rib..

My life become a living hell..

After two years of marriage.. He decided, that I needed to serve my purpose and give him an heir..

Putting up a fight , only earned me a beating so bad, that I wished I had died at that point…

Hell, by this point. I wish I was dead.. I wished a mad man would come into the house and kill me…

I would daydream of different ways and things I could do to end my suffering..

I even wished that he would one day beat me to the point, that after I blacked out, I wouldn't awaken…

After six months of trying every day and night, to have his heir, I finally got a positive result.. Part of me felt happy, but the other part prayed it was wrong..

Bringing a child into this hell, was not right..

Having a child with that monster was not right. ..

Eventually, I couldn't hide it from him any longer, and I told him.. I so nervous and scared..

He looked at me for a few seconds can be for leaping onto the bed, and hugging me tight..

For the first time in years, I had seen the man I had fallen in love with.. He was truly happy..

That night, he promised to always be there for our son..

I desperately prayed it would be a boy. I didn't want to imagine, what would of happened of it was a girl..

As my belly grew and grew, things slowly got better.. He didn't hurt me anymore, and my bruises started to heal.. I felt happy, and relieved..

I fell in love with me swollen belly.. I loved it so much… I was fiercely protective over it..

But, it all changed one day..

I was five months along by this point, and I was so excited to find out what my little peanut was going to be..

I had spent the last five months praying for it to be a boy..

Adrian and I made our way towards the Maternity ward, and were quickly escorted inside a room. Our healer came in shortly after, and asked for me to lift up my shirt..

I saw how Adrian's face light up, after seeing my bump…

The healer asked me questions, and after finding me in good health, he proceeded to do the ultrasound..

Luck was not on my side..

The healers words hunt me to this Day, Adrian's face, still appears in my dreams at night..

"Congratulations, Mr. And Mrs. Warrington, it's a girl.."

I stopped breathing.

A girl.

I was terrified. I had seen how Adrian's face went from excited to furious.. He quickly left the room, as soon as the healer had gone..

He didn't speak to me for a month…

I didn't see him for a month..

My belly grew, and I had decided to name my baby Lexie..

I spent that month daydreaming about a bright and colourful pink nursery, where my baby would sleep in the most perfect cot..

I would knit baby clothes and blankets.. And just read about my baby's progress..

Eventually, Adrian returned.

I could smell the whiskey coming off of him in waves..

He drunkly barged into our bedroom, and slapped me across the face before he preceded to yell in my face..

"That kid isn't mine!. You fucked someone else!. I don't make girls!. Your going to pay for it!"

I protectively hugged my baby.. And pleaded with him. But, my pleas were in vain..

"You know where I've been the past month?. Yeah?.. I've been fucking your cousin Roxanne.. She's a damn good fuck. Better than you will ever be!... Your pathetic look at you, crying on the floor, begging me to stop. What kind of a fucken women are you?. Oh, that's right. Your not a women. Your just a pathetic, worthless piece of trash. Your not worth any more that the scum on my shoes!. You lying cheating whore!" He spat at me.

Through my tears, I knew he was right.

I was pathetic and worthless..

I didn't even put up a fight, when he slammed me against the wall.

I was numb.

All I could think about was my worthlessness. And how my own cousin slept with my husband..

My mind didn't even register, when I was tumbling down the stairs..

I had finally reached my point, where I believed his every word…

An instant stabbing of pain, brought me back into reality. And with a blood curling scream, I cried and sobbed for my baby..

I knew she was gone. I was alone..

Someone else had left me…

After loosing my baby. Life didn't matter anymore more..

I became a shell. I had lost everything.. My life had basically ended with Lexie…

I couldn't even find out what he did with her little body.. I didn't even get to hold her..

I became so reserved into my own mind, that Adrian didn't even bother with me..

He had finally broken me..

He had completed his mission. He continued to screw around with other women, mostly my cousin. I had seen her in my own home..

I didnt care anymore..

Until he decided that he had enough of my mopping and forced me into his bedroom..

I lay there emotionless. As he had his way with me..

What used to be a somewhat pleasurable moment between us, was gone. I knew what he was trying to do. But I would have been damned if I let him have his way.

So I took muggle contraceptives, and by the time it was my 24th birthday he had grown so frustrated that we had not a child that he destroyed my room, looking for anything that was keeping me form getting pregnant..

He finally found my pills under my mattress.. And I paid dearly for it..

Sex was no longer safe for me. He was brutal and more than once he forced himself onto me.. I silently cried myself to sleep on those days.. Because even though I pleaded with him to stop he wouldn't. Him raping me, because his new favorite form of abuse. He wanted that baby badly..

I had endured four years of hell.. And I had finally made up my mind that I would try and escape..

Which was hard, because he had my wand, and I was basically a prisoner in my own home..

So I slowly started to gather ingredients to make a potion that I could use to poison him with..

The hard part was getting into his potions room..

He had it under may enchantments.. Only the elves and himself knew the way in..

In the mean time, I went through my potions book from seventh year, trying to find a suitable potion he wouldn't detect..

I settled on a bloodroot Potion. Not much is know about it, but it was poisonous..

It took me a month to gather up the ingredients.. Once I had finally gathered them all, I settled down to making the potion..

A week later, my potion was ready.. Adrian had returned from a weeklong trip overseas. I dutifully appeared at the door, to greet him, and once he was settled me sat down for dinner.

We talked cordially about our weeks and bid each one goodnight.. Which in itself was odd.

A few hours later, I was awoken by a loud bang! And a large amount of swearing..

I was roughly grabbed by my hair, and dragged down the stairs, to his potions room..

He swiftly let go of my hair..

And turned around to face me..

" did you really think I wouldn't notice my ingredients missing?" He hissed at me..

I stuttered a quick . "No.."

Slowly backing towards the open door..

Once I reached the door, I quickly bolted through the corridor, up the stairs. Before I could even reach the top of the stairs.

Adrian had tackled me to the ground..

"You bitch!." He said as he punched me in the stomach..

I was gagging, and kicking at him. That only made him even more angry.. I noticed his wand had fallen out of his pocket. And I tried to reach it, but he quickly stepped on my hand, breaking my wrist.

As I screamed in pain. He grabbed me the hair, and slammed my head against at wall..

I still tried to fight him, but with him being so much stronger and taller than I was, it was hard.

But, I did get in some scratches on his arms and face..

Just as I thought things couldn't get any worse, he wrapped his hands around my neck..

And as he tighten his hold on me, I prayed he would hurry up and just kill me already. That way I could at least be with Lexie..

"I will end you! You bitch..!" He snarled at me..

His eyes held nothing but pure white hot anger..

I started to see black. And I was desperate for air..

I saw life once again flash before my eyes. Happier times. Images of Scorpius started to invade my

Vision..

And I bide farewell to the only boy, I would probably ever love, I let darkness consume me..

I woke up three days later, my wrist was banged, as was my ribs. My body was covered in black and blue, and every other coloured bruises..

My head had been pounding, and I had felt sick.. I saw bright lights, and when I blinked, my bedroom came into focus.

I noticed I was still in that hell hole. I hadnt died after all.

Disappointed I made to get up. And winced in pain..

"Lay back down". Spoke a voice….

I looked around, and saw Adrian sitting next to my bed.. His face was still red form my scratch marks..

"Im sorry. Im sorry Rose. I love you." He said as he walked towards me, he stopped and kissed me slowly. Before exiting my bedroom.

I was so confused.. It's not like he hadn't beat me worse before..

A few days later, and I noticed his off behaviour.

It started to unnerve me..

I grew more and more paranoid by the day…

Until I finally snapped..

I confronted him one day during dinner..

"What's wrong with you?" I asked. Cautiously and as calmly as I could.

He looked at me and told a deep breath.. Before, putting his hand in mine..

I knew better than to flinch away from his touch..

"You lost another one.. It was boy this time.." He simply said, before getting up, and Walking away..

Another one?..

I lost another one..

A boy..

I broke down crying. It wasn't fair. Why did this had to happen to me?..

That night, Adrian slept in my bed. We simply held each other..

After he my allowed grieving period was over. Life went back to normal.. He wasn't as bad as before. But, he wasn't gentle either..

I had officially given up. I no longer cared.

The beatings didn't matter, trying to escape didn't matter..

Living, held nothing for me anymore..

Two babies.

Lexie and Caiden..

Gone.

Sometimes I would think about Scorpius and I raising them both. But, I knew I was crazy, and just needed to move on.

For all I knew, he was probably happy and married.. With his own children.

I started to feel anger. Anger towards him. And his stupid perfect life ..

I truly think it was my anger, that led me to that fateful day..

And maybe just a bit of luck..

It was close to my birthday now.

And Adrian had gone to work that morning.. I made sure to see him off, before I made my way towards the office..

I searched the whole damn room for my wand..

Finally after crying on the floor, and going back and forth, on wether I should do this. I found my wand..

It felt so good to have it in my hand after almost five years..

The first thing I did was make it look like I had never been inside the office..

After being satisfied with the way it looked.. I walked back to my room..

And waited for Adrian to get home.

I didn't make dinner that night. And I knew it would cost me dearly.

But, I didn't care. I had my wand. And I was going to make that bastard pay…

With my new found courage. I made my way to the dinning room.. And ordered the poor house elves to prepare nothing for tonight..

I sat quietly, and waited for the sound of the floo…

Finally, after about an hour of waiting. I heard him come in.

He looked at me, and at the empty dinner table.

"Where's my dinner?" He said..

Challenging me.

"I didn't make any." I replied with a small smirk..

His face changed from one of confused anger. To one of raging uncontrollable anger..

"What are you waiting for?l" he spat at me angrily… as he stalked towards me, hand raised.

Before he could end get anywhere close to me..

I raised my wand at him, trying my best to look intimidating and not scared…

"You don't have the balls. Your just as pathetic with or without a wand.." He sneered at me..

"Im not pathetic!" I yelled.

Trying to control my shaking hands..

"That's right, your not. Your useless, and worthless.. " He was taunting me. And I knew it..

"Crucio!" I yelled.

I watched in satisfaction as his face went into shock and then, as he withered on the ground..

I guess five years of pent up anger, does amazing things to an unforgivable…

"You fucken bitch!.. I will end you.!" He spat in between breaths.. He grimaced in pain, and wiped out his own wand.." Watch and learn whore… Crucio!"

I had never been hit by a curse like this one..

It felt like I was being sliced open and burned at the same time..

But, I was not as painful as anything I hadn't already experience..

Once he lifted the curse, he stood over me and spat in my face, before swiftly kicking me in the stomach..

And I tasted the blood in my mouth, anger rushed through me.

As he walked away. I stood up, and high of adrenaline, I grabbed the vase on the table, and smashed it onto his head, I then followed that with a hard punch, right where I saw the vase hit him.

He roared in anger and pain, before turning around and punching me hard in the face. I held my nose, and rushed at him, using my weight, which wasn't much, I managed to knock him back into the door..

We rolled around for a bit, before I grabbed my wand and yelled the first thing that came to my mind..

As I saw the green light, leave my wand, I looked at him directly in the eyes.

"I'm not worthless."

I instantly felt his grip on my throat disappear and as I Dry heave and gained my breath a bit, I turned to look at the Adrian's shocked expression before, sending a patronus to the only person I knew would help me.

Eventually, the fight, and the fact that I still couldnt breath right, caused me to collapsed onto the floor..

I don't remember much, else.

I know I woke up in a hospital room..

And I refused to speak to anyone..

Or see anyone for that matter..

I think I'm just ashamed and embarrassed..

And also the fact that I still think I'm worthless.

Why would anyone love me?.

I'm not worthy of anyone's love..

Love doesn't exist..

It's just a feeling. A worthless feeling.. And all it does is hurt you…

These bruises will never fade..

No one can ever bring back the past five years I lost.

No one can bring back Lexie and Caiden..

It's funny really. I was already a broken person..

Not wanting to be like everyone else.

Yet, I turned just into everyone I never wanted to be…

But, now I'm free.

Free..

What a funny word.

I always wanted to be free..

Maybe, after I close this book. I can be..

Maybe, I can finally meet my babies.. So I will end here.

Close my eyes, and wait to see what happens to me…

I will let my mind wonder once more into my dreams of a happy family..

But I do have one question..

"where do broken souls go?"..

As she sleeps, little did she know, a blonde man, sat outside her room, crying and holding onto her little black book..

And as he wiped his face, a look of utter heartbroken emotion shone on his handsome face.