I laid myself oh so slowly on my bed with my covers around me. Edward was humming my lullaby softly in my ear. I knew he could hear my fragile, broken heart beat erraticly and smell my never ending tears. Once I felt my eyes become normal and start to feel puffy, I closed my eyes.
"Bella" Edward stated firmly through his honey like voice.
"Hmmm?" I answered.
"Is this what you really want?" He questioned.
I froze. Every bone in my body suddenly regreted saying goodbye to the one whom I love and miss dearly. Edward seemed to sense my discomfort because he reached over & held my hand and said "Bella, it's okay if you afraid of moving too quickly because I have all the time in the world. If you wish to wait some more, I'm right here, love." He said smoothly. I let out a breath of relief. Okay he didn't know.
"Edward, I know I might sound pushy, but I do want some more before the wedding because this to handle right now. With a reality check that Victoria gone, saying goodbye to Jacob, and my life finally starting without any problems. I feel that I should take a break from all this. I hope you respect my decision." I said looking down.
He was silent for a moment, then breathed in and let out a sigh. I just couldn't take the silence anymore and looked up to see his crooked smile. "I love you."My heart ached for the love he showed for me, I didn't deserve any of it. I felt like dirt. I simply smiled and I kissed him to make him better and make me feel better. Only it didn't work. I pulled away. Wait. Me? Pulling away for the first time. Wow. Edward was always the one pulling away. Always.
"Bella is there something bothering you, you seem conflicted." Damn.
"Edward, I love you and I'm going to be straightforward with this. Edward I need time."
"Bella, if you want to wait and postpone the wedding, I'm fine with that." He said"No, I just feel like everything is coming on too strong for me. I'm only 18 and everything is happening too fast." I rushed out. "I think I should go see Renee in Florida. I have to catch things up with her. I have think this out.
His eyes grew soft. "Okay. When do you plan on leaving?"Hmmmm. I haven't actually thought this through. "Well, I figured the day after tomorrow; the earlier I leave means I can get a better flight."He was surprised by my answer. "Well, If I knew you'd be leaving so soon. I might as well give you a proper goodbye kiss." His eyes grew then kissed me with soooo much passion and love, it almost made me cry with such guilt pouring over my heart.
The next day I ended up doing nothing and felt bored out of my mind. Edward ended up hunting with Emmett and Jasper and told me "Love, you always know I'm just a phone call away." He kissed me and left me doubts. Lots of them.
I decide to drive up to go see Jacob and see how he was feeling. I had butterflies in my stomach the whole time and I smiled the whole way. No need to get nervous around him Bella, it's just Jake. I sighed because I knew it wasn't 'just' Jake. This was Jacob Freaking Black. His smoldering eyes, tall frame enough for any girl to get weak at the knees, dark russett skin to touch, feel, and smell and not to mention he was absolutely Gorgeous with a Captial G. And not to mention his fun loving personality, big heart, and a sick body. I realized I was already at Jacob's Garage when I heard movement. Was Jacob already healed? It couldn't be Billy. I parked my red Chevy Truck with a nostaglic happy feeling. Jacob was for sure my one and only. I loved him with every fiber of my being. And he loved me. But I'm not sure after what I did to him yesterday. My heart ached for his pain. His emotional and physical pain was unbearabe.
"What are you doing here Bella?"
I froze. I felt doleful at the tone I found in his voice. My heart sunk as his own pain. I was walking eagerly to see him and his face but then slowed suddenly. He was sitting in his Rabbit and looking straight into nothing but air. I blinked a few times and cleared my throat and spoke "I wanted to see you." And when I saw him I wanted to run to him and scream "You're all healed!" But his face wasn't his. It was Sams. "Jake, I wanted to tell you that I'm taking a break from all of this."
His beautiful eyes turned to me "What're saying Bella? I sighed and slid into the passenger seat and looked at him. "I'm saying that my life has been pretty hectic so far and that I'm going to go see my mom for a few weeks to clear my head. I'm going alone Jake."
"Aw Bella, I'm so sorry that I jumped to conclusions. I was scared and overreacted. It's hard for me to accept becoming a lee...vampire is what you truly want."
"Jake, don't say that. I just to see my best friend and say goodbye to him. I didn't want to call you because I thought you were still mad at me." "Oh." He replied and just looked on outside the garage.
He didn't notice that I was studying him with every thing I had. I studied his facial features: the way huis brow furrowed when was deep in thought, his big brown beautiful eyes, his toned muscular body, and his body heat making the air more heated along with the Summer air. I felt very brave and pushed my luck. I found my voice and whispered.
"Kiss me, Jacob."
I tested his reaction to see if it was safe to push him. A part of me panicked and instantly regreted what I said. I didn't want to think I was playing games with him. I was so caught up in the moment and didn't realize my actions. Though I knew deep down I have nothing to lose and thought 'you only live once'.
Jacob met my stare and looked at me with a hint of desire in his eyes. He looked at me for a moment to see what would happen and I noticed he seemed to have an internal struggle within himself. He seemed to have resolved it because he brought one hand up to my chin and lifted my face to his. His other hand slid towards my lower back where his burning fingers found the exposed flesh between the bottom of my shirt and the top of my jeans. He was pulling me closer so that our bodies were pressed firmly to each other. He bent towards me arching me backwards to meet him. His mouth was inches from mine and it felt as though my eyes glazed over with desire. Jacob whispered, "I love you Bells."
And then Jacob kissed me. He filled the kiss with all of his love, passion, and dying hope. He filled it with his sadness and despair. The feelings he conveyed through that kiss were overwhelming. He loved me. No, he was in love with me. This kiss made me feel like I truly was his soul mate and that the fact that I was ultimately rejecting him would leave him lonely forever. He needed me. But, did I need him the same way?
I felt his tongue pressing gently against my lips asking for entrance. I welcomed him gladly and brought my hands up to tangle in his silky hair. I was on fire for him and running out of breath at the same time. Jacob seemed to sense that I needed air and broke are kiss only to start kissing down my neck and nibbling on my ear. His tongue explored up and down my neck until he reached my collarbone. He gently nipped me there and the sensation made my blood boil and my eyes drift off a little. He kissed my lips again, but this time the kiss was sweeter, less urgent. He broke away from our embrace and I could see that there were tears in his eyes.
He turned back towards the windsheild and whispered "Good-bye Bella." A moment later he turned and got out of the Rabbit and walked back to his house leaving my alone in his car. I whispered "Good-bye Jake," but he was already gone.