Author's note:

Steela is alive because I think it's bullshit she died in the canon. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The first time that Ahsoka met Senator Amidala of Naboo, she was not prepared. Anakin, of course, had been with her, because he was her master, and he had been the one to introduce them.

There had been a hint of pride in his voice, Ahsoka thought, for his young padawan, and she also felt pride in turn, even though that was not really the Jedi way.

The other thing that struck Ahsoka was the Senator herself. The way she held herself, her gracious poise coupled with her warm smile and the mirth in her eyes as she snuck a glance at Anakin.

It wasn't at her expense-Ahsoka knew this because there was no hint of cruelty, but the Senator was very clearly happy for Anakin, and that, in turn, also made Ahsoka very happy.

Not only did Senator Amidala hold herself differently than the way Ahsoka had imagined a stuffy senator would, but she was younger than she was expecting. Her dress was courtly too, robes meant for someone old and wise. The Jedi would have called them extravagant, but Ahsoka thought them lovely. The purple fabric looked so lush, so tempting, and she could only imagine how soft the cloth would feel. Her hair was shaped and held in place by delicate bands of bronze.

Senator Amidala was beautiful.

And she was so quick to laugh as she walked between Ahsoka and Anakin, and Ahsoka was only too glad to escort her to the chambers where a number of senators and Jedi would discuss the war.

As a padawan, Ahsoka would not be able to attend, of course, but she was glad that Anakin had brought her with him because she was so pleased to have met Senator Amidala.

They paused in front of the sliding doors. Senator Amidala turned towards Ahsoka, her voice and smile so gracious that Ahsoka could hardly look away. "It was so lovely to meet you, Padawan Tano."

She held out her hand, and Ahsoka took it, panicking for a moment because now that she had her hand, she was not sure what to do with it. And perhaps it was because Senator Amidala had once been Queen Amidala that it felt only natural to drop a quick, light kiss to her knuckles in the same way she had seen many courtiers from several cultures do for their kings and queens (though, now that she was thinking of it, she could not remember if Naboo had that same tradition or not, and that too, was cause for panic).

"So courteous," Senator Amidala said, as Ahsoka dropped her hand, flush and sick with embarrassment. "Thank you, Padawan Tano. You are lucky to have Master Skywalker as your teacher, and I am so pleased to have met you." She looked at him, and smiled a smile that was different, that was smaller and secret and knowing.

"Thank you," Ahsoka murmured as they disappeared into the chambers to discuss the war efforts with a number of what appeared to be very important people.

She couldn't wait to meet Senator Amidala again.

#

After Ahsoka traveled to Naboo (too late for Padmé's funeral), after she returned in stealth to Coruscant to rescue Barriss from prison, after they had failed to rescue Master Luminara, after she had spent too much time in hyperspace, trying to decide what to do, she turned her mind toward the senators with whom Padmé had been friendly.

Mon Mothma. Riyo Chuchi. Senator Bail Organa.

She sat straighter in the pilot's seat. They were close to Alderaan-very, very close to the system. She dropped their ship out of hyperspace and began to make the necessary calculations, hardly even realizing when Barriss emerged from her quarters where she spent most of her time after they had failed to rescue her old master.

"Where are we going?"

"Alderaan." Ahsoka's voice was short. She did not want to explain herself.

They were fighting. Barriss wanted to keep trying to rescue Master Luminara. Ahsoka had learned when they needed to retreat and fight another day. They needed resources. They needed backup. They needed more than just themselves to save her.

Barriss' mouth tightened and she returned to her quarters.

Ahsoka glared at the closed door, shook herself, and kept making the calculations. She didn't care what Barriss thought of her. They weren't friends, not like they had been before. She had rescued Barriss out of a misplaced sense of nostaliga, an inability to let go. Nothing more.

So she focused on Alderaan, and when she was allowed to land, she went to see Senator Bail Organa, who welcomed her with joy.

"We thought you were dead," he said, and then he hugged her tightly, and it took only a few moments for Ahsoka to hug him back in return. She wondered then, what he had seen. If he had been witness to what had happened at the Temple.

She closed her eyes, breathing in the air of Alderaan, sweet with its blooming white flowers, and remembered when she had last been here with Padmé, when she had saved her from the bounty hunger, when Padmé had believed in her so earnestly and so sincerely.

Ahsoka bowed her head, and grieved for her dead friend.

Ahsoka could have been dead, too, if she had stayed. If she had been at the Temple when it fell. If she had not abandoned it and abandoned Anakin and abandoned Obi-Wan, who were probably dead because they would have been there, at the time of the slaughter, they would have been there in the middle of it (as they always were), and that meant they had been killed along with everyone else during Order 66.

She stepped away then, trying to blink away her tears so that Senator Organa would not see. If he did, he pretended not to notice. "Why have you come?" he asked instead.

"I came because I knew you were close allies with Padmé-Senator Amidala, I mean." The words were thick in her mouth. Coming here, suddenly, did not seem like such a good idea. Allegiances changed, and maybe, after what had happened to the Jedi, Senator Organa would be too afraid to help her.

"I understand," Senator Organa said quickly. "I believe that you, me, and Queen Breha should meet. We have much to discuss."

For the first time, Ahsoka thought she felt something like hope. She followed after him as he led her through his vaulted halls, and there was the conference room where Padmé had once more come under attack, and it hurt that she had failed to save Padmé as she had on Alderaan, that she had not even been there when Padmé would have needed her the most.

Senator Bail Organa introduced him to his wife, Queen Breha, dressed in blue and brown with hints of purple in the thread. They both smiled down at the baby she held in her arms.

Ahsoka remembered the last time she had seen Padmé on the holos, the last image she had seen as they bore her body through the streets of Naboo. She had wondered, and now as she stared down at the baby, the child felt familiar somehow, and she asked, as if from a great distance, "Whose is she?"

Senator Organa looked at her, sadness clouding his eyes, and Ahsoka knew. Pressure rose in her sinuses and she knew that the grief that had laid waste to her heart was about to show itself. This baby was Padmé's, and if it was Padmé's, it was Anakin's, because she had known, even though Anakin had never told, even though Padmé had never spoken of it, this baby was theirs.

"Her name is Leia, Princess Leia," Queen Breha said, her voice soft as she watched Ahsoka's features fracture in grief and sorrow.

"What happened?" Ahsoka asked. "They say that she was a victim of the Jedi betrayal but I don't believe it." It wasn't only Anakin who had loved Padmé. All the Jedi had. She was beloved of everyone, except her enemies.

Breha reached for Ahsoka's hand, and Ahsoka allowed it to be held.

She listened as Senator Organa told her what he knew, which was that the Jedi had been betrayed, that Senator Amidala had been injured in the fight, and that she had died in childbirth.

Which Ahsoka could barely fathom. How could she die in childbirth when that was one of the rarest ways to die, especially with the resources that Padmé had?

"Master Kenobi brought her to us," Senator Organa said.

Ahsoka raised her head. "Obi-Wan's alive?"

Senator Organa nodded, and Ahsoka began to pace in tight corkscrew circles. "Where is he?"

"It's very dangerous-"

Of course it would be dangerous if she knew. The more people who knew, the greater chance of discovery.

But it hurt that Obi-Wan hadn't come for her, hadn't even sent her some sign that he was alive, that he had just left her behind, as she had left them behind.

The baby, Princess Leia, woke then, and for a moment Ahsoka was afraid she would see the distress in the room and cry, but she did not. Breaking free from her tight pacing, Ahsoka went to look at her. And, because she was a baby who did not understand, Ahsoka smiled at her, and wiggled her fingers until Leia smiled back.

In that moment, Ahsoka knew that there was absolutely no way she would do nothing, that she would let Padmé's and Anakin's child grow up under the thumb of Emperor Palpatine, who had betrayed them all.

She bopped Leia gently on the nose with her finger as she said, still smiling, "Then let us discuss matters of rebellion."

#

"You're Fulcrum?"

Senator Riyo Chuchi removed her grey hood, but Ahsoka did not do the same because she had been doing this clandestine thing for a while now, and who knew what kind of eyes could be watching and who they belonged to.

If she had known that Riyo would be the contact person for the medical supplies the rebellion had promised Steela, she would have either suggested that someone else go or that she wear a more definitive disguise than a travel-stained robe. But it was too late-she was recognized, and for a moment, she wished that she could throw back her hood, and that she and Riyo could embrace as they once had, before everything-before the Empire.

The war had not been kind to Riyo. Her pink hair was streaked with white. It was left down without any of the ornamentation she had once worn-without her gold headdress and her curtain of beads. Her eyes were sad. Her mouth looked as if she rarely smiled. Ahsoka remembered the few times chance had thrown them together. She remembered when they had smiled and laughed like girls.

Now they were women and old before their time.

Ahsoka put her finger to lips. "Don't say my name," she whispered.

"I thought you were dead," Riyo said. Her voice shook. "I thought all the Jedi were dead."

Ahsoka folded her arms, and looked away from Riyo. "I'm not a Jedi. I walked away a long time ago."

"I know." Riyo sighed. "That wasn't right-what happened. But I don't know why you're here when you could have gotten out. You weren't a Jedi anymore. You don't have to be fighting any wars or rebellions. You could be at peace, somewhere."

Ahsoka laughed, covering her mouth with her hands so that the noise would not bring attention. "I don't know if I know how not to fight."

Riyo shook her head, then slipped the data pad that Ahsoka had come for from her sleeve. It would have the coordinates of a ship and the codes to operate it. That ship would have the supplies that Steela desperately needed.

Ahsoka took it from her, but their hands lingered together, and finally, Riyo threaded her fingers through Ahsoka's and held on, as if she could keep her from going through strength alone.

"I need to go," Ahsoka said. It would be dangerous for her to stay.

"I know." Riyo loosened her grip a fraction. A cool breeze blew, and her pink hair fluttered with it, catching on her mouth and in her eyes.

Ahsoka stepped forward, and lightly tucked her fine hair behind her ears.

"We will meet again," she said, as she turned to leave, her hand slowly pulling free from Riyo's grasp. "When the war is over and the world is at peace, we will meet again."

Riyo smiled sadly, and nodded her head. "Of course. Goodbye-Fulcrum."

#

Ahsoka woke before Steela. Attachments were forbidden when she had been a Jedi, but she would not give this up as she rolled onto her side to watch Steela sleep. Ahsoka ran her hand lightly down Steela's arm, felt the muscle there, how tight she was, how she was knitted in knots from too much stress, too much responsibility, too much grief.

Steela stirred beneath her, and Ahsoka raised her hand, guilty that she might have woken her.

"Good morning," Steela murmured as she caught Ahsoka's hovering hand, and pressed a kiss into her palm.

"I didn't mean to wake you," Ahsoka said.

Steela laughed a little as she draped her arm over Ahsoka's waist. "You leave today, don't you? Then I don't mind, because now I'll see a little more of you before you're gone."

"I'll miss you too," Ahsoka said as she bent her head and kissed Steela's mouth. Steela returned the kiss, lazily and sweetly, and when they parted they were smiling.

"I won't say you don't have to go. But I wish you could stay."

Ahsoka sat up on her knees in the bed, and gestured for Steela to sit in front of her. She gently pushed the straps of Steela's tank top out of the way so she could massage the stress from the muscles in her neck, shoulders, and back.

Steela breathed in time to Ahsoka's administrations, murmuring when Ahsoka did it just right. "I love it when you come here, have I mentioned that?"

"Maybe once or twice," Ahoska said.

They sat together in silence. Sometimes, Ahsoka would press kisses into the nape of Steela's neck, and sometimes Steela would trap Ahsoka's hands so that she could caress her knuckles. And sometimes, they would not move at all, as they leaned into each other with Steela's back curved into the hollow of Ahsoka's belly, and Ahsoka's head resting lightly on Steela's hair.

"I need to go," Ahsoka said, pulling slowly away.

The air seemed to chill between them, and she shivered.

Steela smiled sadly. "I know."

Ahsoka dressed quickly, and Steela joined her, hand in hand, as she returned to her ship.

They hugged again, and Ahsoka said, "May the Force be with you."

"I don't believe in the Force," Steela said like it was a confession. "I mean, I know it exists because I've seen what you can do." She stopped, and bit her lip as her eyes closed. "But I don't believe in the nature of the Force. Or that it has a plan or a destiny-or that it's with anybody-because sometimes, I feel so alone, and that all of our struggles are meaningless and futile."

Ahsoka bowed her head. That was fair. It would be a lie if she didn't sometimes wonder the same thing, if she didn't sometimes think about it in the nights when she couldn't sleep, the nights that were becoming more and more frequent. "Then I wish you good luck, Steela."

"And same to you."

Ahsoka looked back towards the planet until her ship went into hyperspace, until there was nothing but stars.

#

Ahsoka was in a cantina on Tatooine. She was, technically, supposed to be spying.

Not on an imperial agent, or a troublesome bounty hunter, but on someone who should have been an old friend. Someone who was technically supposed to be dead. Someone who was doing a very good job at hiding as no one seemed to know an Obi-Wan Kenobi.

She was in the cantina because she was tired of her mouth being full of sand and her head aching from the heat.

She knew why Anakin had never liked this place. She also wondered, again, why the Jedi had not come here and gotten rid of the Hutts permanently. It was something she wanted to do now, for Anakin even though he was gone, but she did not know how, and she did not have the resources to rid the system of the Hutts and help a rebellion at the same time. She didn't even have enough strength for one of those things.

But the Jedi could have done it, she thought sourly, as she drank her cheap alcohol.

Someone dropped beside her in her booth, and Ahsoka was already about to waive them elsewhere when a familiar voice said, "Well, well, well if it isn't Ahsoka Tano."

She hadn't heard her name for so long she barely remembered to respond to it. "Ventress?" she said, "what are you doing here?"

Ventress leaned back, put her dirty boots on the table. "Waiting for a bounty. You should see the price on your head, young one."

"I'm not so young anymore," Ahsoka said. Ventress looked much the same as the last time she had seen her when she had been accused of bombing the Temple. Her head was still shaved, there was that cold glint in her eyes. If she still wore her sabers, they were hidden. She still dressed in purple leathers. "Have you come to claim my bounty?"

Ventress shook her head. "I thought we stopped being enemies when the Jedi forsook you."

"I forsook them," Ahsoka said. "They wanted me back. They invited me back as knight." Anakin had tried to return her beads, but she would not have needed them if she had said yes.

Ventress leaned forward. "But they didn't believe in you. They didn't have your back when you needed them."

Ahsoka said, "Anakin did." And she had still walked away.

Ventress scoffed and downed the rest of Ahsoka's drink. "They should have trusted you."

Ahsoka pulled the glass from Ventress's hand and caught the last few drops, then gestured for some more.

"If you're looking for Obi-Wan," Ventress said, her voice sounding casual but her eyes looking calculated, "I can tell you where to find him."

Ahsoka sat up very carefully. "Have you spoken to him?"

"No," Ventress said. "We're-done. I have no interest in rekindling old hatreds."

"What about new friendships?"

Ventress laughed. "Not so young anymore? You sound like a hopeful child who has no idea how the world works."

"Aren't we friends, bog witch?" Ahsoka said, smiling.

"Let me share your drink, and we could be."

"You already took most of the last one."

Still, when the droid came with another glass, Ahsoka let Ventress drink out of it, since the droid hadn't brought a second one. They drank in silence, and Ahsoka did not mind it, and neither did Ventress.

Finally, Ventress said, "So do you want me to tell you where Obi-Wan is or not?"

"How much will it cost me?" Ahsoka's vision was beginning to turn hazy, though she wasn't sure if it was from the drink or something more. Maybe she shouldn't have had so much, not when she was also so sad.

"We're friends, remember," Ventress said drily. "It's free."

So Ahsoka listened and memorized where she could find Obi-Wan. According to Ventress, the old fool hadn't moved in months, like he had made a home on this filthy planet. "Don't cry," Ventress said, as she wiped at Ahsoka's face with a dirty rag that Ahsoka didn't want to ask about. "Or I'll regret telling you anything."

"Don't say that." Ahsoka rose unsteadily to her feet. Ventress stayed seated, toying with the rim of their empty glass. It was smudged with their fingers and the marks their mouths had made. Ahsoka bent down and pressed a kiss to Ventress's forehead. "Thank you. For everything."

And then she disappeared before Ventress could mock her or change or mind.

Maybe they would meet again, she thought, as she made her way towards the coordinates Ventress had given her.

She hoped they would.

#

Barriss was lounging in the co-pilot's seat when Ahsoka returned, caked in sand. "Did you find what you were looking for?" she asked.

Ahsoka sat down next to her. Her hands hovered over the controls, but she made no move to take them out of orbit. Finally, she dropped them in her lap, and leaned back into her seat.

Barriss said nothing as she waited.

"I did," Ahsoka said. Her eyes closed. She thought of Obi-Wan, so much older now. So much sadder now. She thought of what he had told her. She thought of how it had to be a lie, it had to be because it was not possible, it was unthinkable. She thought how she had stormed from his hut, the door slamming in his face as he had tried to go after her, to stop her, and how she had left him behind. What he had said could not happen, not to Anakin, not to her old master. It was impossible that he could change so much or fall so far.

Her eyes opened and she gazed at Barriss.

It had happened with Barriss. Just like it happened with Dooku. Just like it had happened to so many Jedi.

Sometimes they fell.

Sometimes people changed when you weren't looking and you couldn't help but wonder how and when and what you could have done to stop it or what you could have done to help them.

"Why are looking at me like that?" Barriss said. She played with the hem of her sleeves, like she was nervous.

How could Barriss be nervous after everything that had happened between them.

"How did you come back?" Ahsoka said, even though she wondered why she bothered. Even now, she harbored doubts about Barriss. Wondered if she should have rescued her. Wondered if she was still with the Dark Side of the Force. Sometimes it felt cold on the ship, and she didn't know if it was Barriss or her own loneliness or if it was just the cold dark of space seeping through the hull.

Barriss looked at her very patiently. "You came back for me, remember?"

Not the question she had asked, but maybe a good answer.

She never should have left the Temple. She never should have left Anakin and Obi-Wan.

It had been selfish of her to leave.

She leaned forward and began to make the jump. "Let's go," she said.

"Where?"

She didn't know, not yet at least. But she would. Soon, Anakin would make himself known, and she would be ready.

She would do this one last thing, come back for him, because of Padmé, because of the daughter who was growing up too fast because of the war, because of so many other reasons that were heavy in her heart.

She would not give up. She would never give up.