Once upon a time there was a small boy named Cornelius. Because his life was so boring, he looked at the clock a lot. Because he had a below-average sense of reality, he always thought of the clock as a sort of friend. One gloomy day, Cornelius was up really late because he was bad. He was looking at the clock as usual, when something highly original happened.
The clock spoke to him.
"Cornelius..." rang the clock, "Cornelius..."
"You're talking to me?" Cornelius gasped.
"Yes, Cornelius..."
Cornelius was startled. Never before had he had so much attention!
"Uh, hello," the boy replied, "Who are you - What are you?"
"I am God (noun: The creator and ruler of the universe and source of all moral authority in Christianity and other religions)" The clock said calmly. Cornelius looked confused.
"But isn't he that fat bearded guy-thing in, like, a cloud?" Cornelius carefully articulated, trying to make sense of the madness.
"No, you see, that's my secret," God continued with a more sentimental tone. "Let's add a subtle nuance."
Some violins started playing in the background.
"As a young clock I was a successful man, but no one respects a clock, do they?"
Cornelius whipped his head back and forth, looking for the violins. He didn't exactly seem to find any but Cornelius was very amazed. "Prove to me you're God."
God looked annoyed and the background music became a bit more sinister.
"Oh, like you know where your parents keep YOUR birth certificate and photo identification."
This created an awkward silence. Cornelius and the clock glared at each other. But soon, the silence was broken by the sound of footsteps.
God gasped, and quickly fell over and played dead. Cornelius, not understanding the direness of the situation, poked at him.
"Hey, we weren't finished! Don't tell me you're already planning to go to bed! If you're God, you shouldn't even have to sleep."
The door opened, and Cornelius's parents walked in with concerned expressions on their faces.
"Were you talking to that clock, Cornelius?" his mom asked. Now, Cornelius may have been an inconsistent and unsympathetic character, but he waswell versed in the art of deception.
"Of course I wasn't talking to God," Cornelius lied smoothly, "Can't you see he's sleeping?
Cornelius's parents were very worried about his story so they thought he was crazy and sent him to the crazy house where he lived there happily ever after. The end.