Chapter One
Seven long years she had spent in Kirkwall. It was hard to believe that so much time had passed, especially now. Now that everyone was gone, and she was travelling by herself, dodging the Seekers that the Chantry had sent after her. Sticking to the shadows and staying out of cities had kept her safe so far, but she wasn't so sure how much longer that was going to be the case. With every step she took, the Chantry was only a few steps behind, and they got closer with every second that passed. Even with all of her training as a shadow and an assassin, she wouldn't be able to put up a fight if a Seeker found her.
The road was all she knew now. It stretched out endlessly before her, urging her to press on until this whole mess was over. It hadn't taken her very long to learn how to survive in the thick woods that she often traveled through. Although she had gotten sick a few times, she learned what to eat and what not to eat. She learned what herbs made good salves for burns and cuts, and how to follow the migration of the animals that lived there. Her clothes, once fine and expensive, were now torn and dirty, worn from months spent living on the road and traveling through the trees. Her boots barely remained intact, threatening to fall apart at any second, and she couldn't remember the last time she had a long, hot bath.
The change that had been the hardest for her was cutting her hair. She had been so proud of her hair, how it fell past her shoulders and down her back like a golden waterfall. But after fighting tangles and getting assorted debris stuck in it, she had given up and hacked it off just below her chin. She kept it that length, even though she longed to have her old hair back. Being alone was hard to adjust to as well. She had gotten so used to the presence of her companions over the years, and now that they were gone, she realized just how important they had been to her. She missed Isabela's racy jokes, Varric's gossip, and Aveline's friendly lectures. She missed Anders going on and on about the plight of mages, and Fenris throwing veiled insults her way. She even missed Merrill and her absent-minded kindness.
But most of all, she missed her family and she missed her prince. Both had kept her strong in times of great need, and she felt lost without them. Bethany was no longer there to gently remind her of their real purpose, to joke with her about things the others didn't understand. Poor Carver hadn't even made it to Kirkwall, and she missed him despite how much he had resented her. And her mother. Oh, her poor mother. She missed her with all of her heart, and it still hurt to think that along with her siblings, her mother was gone from the world as well. And now Sebastian was prince of Starkhaven, and probably married off to another noble. It had broken her heart when he had returned to his home, but she had let him go, leaving not too long afterwards.
However, despite her promises to herself, she found herself travelling towards Starkhaven, battling the Free Marches and dodging Seekers left and right. It was stupid, suicidal even, but she needed to see him. Perching high in the branches of a tree, she could just barely make out the city, and even the castle. Her breath caught in her throat for her second, but she admonished herself and dropped to the ground, pulling her hood up to cover her face. Getting all lovesick and forlorn wasn't going to do her any good, especially when she was on the run. Pressing a hand against the bag slung over her shoulder, she set out for Starkhaven, determined to see Sebastian.
Getting into the city was harder than she thought it was going to be, however. Templars lined the gates, looking very alert. The easy way just wasn't going to cut it. After an hour and a half of searching, she finally found a hole in the wall and wiggled her way in, making sure her bag and her weapons made it through with her. Adjusting her cloak, she looked around briefly before making her way towards the castle. The streets were crawling with Seekers and other members of the Chantry, so she finally gave in and travelled across the rooftops, lying low when she had to. Before she knew it, she was inside the castle, sticking to the shadows and diving into empty rooms and hallways when she heard footsteps approaching. Where would he be?
Thinking back to her time spent with him, she decided that he would either be in his own room, the library, or in the Chantry that connected to the castle. So, sticking close to the walls and avoiding anyone who roamed the surprisingly empty building, she made her way to the library. He wasn't in there, but she could see signs that he had been there. Sacred texts lay on the floor as well as empty mugs and used resin. Kneeling, she picked up a piece of resin and inhaled, the sharp scent flooding her senses. She remembered his feather-light touch, the way the corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled, and the warmth of his body. Slipping the resin into her pocket, she left the library and headed towards the top of the castle. Surely that's where his room would be, since she remembered reading something about how royals always lived on the top floors of their castles. After going into three empty rooms and having to knock out a maid, she finally found his room.
It was, without a doubt, his. Armor lay carefully hung and folded on dressers and hooks, his beloved longbow propped in a corner with his quiver. Books were scattered on the floor, as well as letters and other pieces of parchment. Curious, she picked up a letter that lay on his bed, unfolding it with great care. She immediately recognized her own handwriting and smiled, sitting on the edge of the bed and relaxing for a second. Not long after they had separated, she had sent a letter explaining her situation to him. It hadn't held even a small amount of her real feelings for him, but she had tried her best. For months she had been afraid that he hadn't gotten it or that he wouldn't read the letter. But it had been so carefully folded and placed that her heart swelled with relief. Maybe he did return her feelings. Sighing, she folded the letter back up again.
That was when the door opened and Sebastian came in. For a second, they stared at each other in shock, neither daring to move. Then she dropped the letter and scrambled for the window, quickly perching there and getting ready to drop into the trees below.
"Hawke! Wait!"
The urgency in Sebastian's voice stopped her and she looked at him over her shoulder, still perched on the window and ready to flee if she needed to. His blue eyes were wide with an emotion she couldn't quite place, but he had purposely fallen into a non-aggressive stance. Hawke reluctantly stepped back down, half-hunched over with her hood still up. While she had fallen apart physically, he had only become more handsome. Before, she would have said it was impossible for him to look any more dashing, but the fine silks he wore accented his figure and his face so well that she almost hated him. Here she was, a feral fugitive, facing down a prince. But he sighed in relief when she came back inside and smiled, those crinkles appearing at the corners of his eyes. And his dimples. Oh, Maker, he still had those dimples.
"It's been a while," he said. "Seven months, I think. I wasn't sure if you were still alive or if the Seekers had finally caught up to you."
Hawke hesitated for a second before she answered, lowering her gaze to the ground and remaining hunched. He was nobility now. No, more than nobility. He was royalty, and she felt more and more out of place with every second that passed.
"Seven months, yes. I haven't really been able to keep in contact with everyone," she replied, leaning against the wall. It was support, even if just physical, and she needed it. "I apologize. It's hard to keep in touch with people when I'm living in the forests and camping out in caves while waiting for patrols to move on."
The smile on Sebastian's face faded and fear bubbled up in her chest. He was devout, and even though he had supported her decision to defend the mages in Kirkwall, she wasn't so sure that he wouldn't turn her into the Chantry. After all, there was quite a considerable bounty on her head. She slipped one hand into her bag and brushed her fingers against the cool steel of her knife, trying to calm herself. Even if he did turn her in, she couldn't kill him. Never would she be able to do that. But instead of grabbing for his bow, Sebastian stepped forward and put his hands on her shoulders, giving them a reassuring squeeze. His smile returned, but it was much sadder this time, not quite reaching those beautiful eyes of his.
"I'm glad you're alive. A Seeker came to Starkhaven a couple of months back to ask me about you, and I had to hide the letter you sent me on a servant." His smile slowly evolved into a smirk and he lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. "They probably didn't think I would be aware of the fact that they'd search my things."
Hawke's eyes narrowed and she pulled away from him, clutching the strap of her bag tightly. What was he trying to say? Obviously he hadn't let them know about his involvement in the rebellion, and maybe he wanted to keep it that way. Suspicion rose up in her and she slowly began to edge away. Months of living on the run and being hunted constantly had made her paranoid, and this was not an exception. Sebastian looked surprised and a bit hurt, holding his hands up.
"I was just going to say that you could take shelter here for a while, Hawke. There's no need to be so suspicious," he added with what was definitely an injured look. "We fought together, and I'm not going to turn you in when you need kindness."
Kindness. For some reason the word sent a stab straight through her chest. But she hid it well, pulling her hood further over her face. It was a silly reaction, stupid in so many ways. Now that she finally had an offer of hot baths and fine clothes, she was hurt because he had used the word kindness. But she nodded and relaxed her grip on the strap of her bag.
"I won't turn down an offer of shelter," she said. "It's been a very long time since I was able to sit and enjoy a meal or have a nice bath."
Relief flooded over Sebastian's features and he clapped his hands together. It was a strange reaction, considering the fact that he had a dirty, ragged woman standing in his room. But she wasn't going to push it, since she really wanted a hot bath. Did he have those scented oils her mother used to put in the bath? Oh Maker, she missed those. Hawke nearly got lost in thought and reigned herself in, clearing her throat as Sebastian motioned for her to follow him.
"We... don't really have a lot of people here at the moment. I'm trying to rebuild Starkhaven piece by piece but the Circle hasn't exactly been cooperative," he explained as he led her down the twisting halls of the castle. "So you can stay in one of the empty rooms here. There are private baths, so you don't have to worry about anyone seeing you." The last part seemed to be added more for his benefit than her own, but she didn't push the subject. "To be honest, it's good you showed up. You may be just what we need to get the Circle to work with us."
And there it was. For seven years, Hawke had lived for other people, making their lives better while her own crumbled to pieces around her. And now she was going to start helping people again, putting them before her own well-being. She had a sudden urge to tell him that such things weren't her problem, to run away, back into the forest. But she couldn't. There was no way. She was finally here, with him, and she would do anything to keep it that way. So she simply nodded and followed along silently behind him.
"The nobility here are a bit cut-throat, but I should be able to convince them that your presence here is a good thing," he said. He suddenly stopped and Hawke nearly ran into him, stopping just a fraction of an inch away from him. Her face heated up and she was relieved that his back was facing her. "They don't like that I'm stepping up to rule, and they're making it obvious. But they haven't tried to kill me yet, so that is probably a good sign." Sebastian started walking again and she heaved a quiet sigh of relief before following. "It'll be nice to have you watching my back."
"As long as you watch mine," Hawke replied, her voice coming out sharper than she had intended. "Well, what I mean is… Uh. Maybe it should be a mutual thing, since I have the Chantry and the Templars chasing after me. I wouldn't doubt that there are some mages who want me dead as well."
Sebastian chuckled and stopped in front of a door, opening it for her and motioning for her to go inside first. She gave him a small nod in thanks and headed inside, overwhelmed by how nice the room looked. It was probably the same size as her room in the estate back in Kirkwall, but it astounded her after months spent in caves and huddled under trees. It seemed so bright and warm and safe, unlike the life she had been living for so long. Pushing her hood back, Hawke took in the room and gently set her bag down in one of the chairs. Finally, she turned back to him and forced a smile on her face.
"Thank you, Sebastian. I appreciate you taking me in. Especially since…" she trailed off and then shrugged. "Since I didn't exactly give you a proper goodbye."
"Don't worry about it," Sebastian responded, waving the thanks away. "It's a bit selfish of me as well, since I'm asking for help. But make yourself at home. I'll be in the library if you need me."
Hawke nodded and turned to start unpacking the things in her bag. However, she looked over her shoulder again when Sebastian cleared his throat.
"Oh, and, uh. It's good to see you again."
He ducked out quickly and she was left in the large, sunny room to ponder what he meant, her face flushed. Well, at least she could take a bath now.