Homophobia is Gay
Warnings: Angst. Lots and lots of angst. And homophobia. This is written from the perspective of a homophobic character.
Notes: I haven't read past the beginning of the Magician arc in Ultimate X-men, so there might have been something that contradicts this later on. Also, if you don't know, bamf is the word used for when Kurt teleports.

Kurt hated the shower room.

He hated the idea of showering in front of others. Other guys. He didn't know how the others could stand it; it was like they were gay or something. Well, now Peter's decided he is; how the fuck could they stand to be naked around him? It was disguisting.

Fortunately there were private showers as well; whenever he needed to shower, he always used them. But now the private showers had broken down, and he had just finished a mission that had left him covered in sweat, mud and blood (other people's). So now he had no choice.

He looked around furtively before beginning to undress. Fortunately the pervert was away on a mission; he couldn't have standed to do this with him in the mansion. Even with no-one around, he was blushing. He would get this over with quickly, and then leave.

Just as he placed his clothes in a locker, the door clicked open. Fuck.

"Hey, Kurt," Bobby greeted him with a nod. Kurt flushed bright blue as the blond boy instinctively glanced downwards. This was another reason he didn't want to shower with other guys. It wasn't that he was ashamed, but he just didn't want too many questioned asked about the fact that he had two cocks.

"Mhm," Bobby grunted in an appreciatory tone, blushing slightly. Kurt felt his face adopt slightly a slightly horrified expression, but, showing surprising tact for him, Bobby didn't say anything further before he walked over to the lockers and started to undress.

He slipped his shirt over his head. The boy's body was quite muscular, but not to the point where the skin seemed almost stretched over the muscles; it was a good balance. Too much muscle could be quite hideous, but Bobby's were… obvious yet not over the top.

The blonde boy undid his pants, and let them drop to the floor, before he began to slide his boxers…

I am NOT GAY! Kurt internally yelled, jolting at the realisation that he had been staring. I am NOT a pervert! He bagan to hyperventilate. I was only staring because… flesh instinctively draws the eye. Maybe he is beautiful, but in a non-sexual way! It's normal. He began to slow his breathing. He does have good hair. It's NORMAL. HE's the one who stared at my… things.

He froze. Bobby was looking at him in a strange way; Kurt realized that he'd still been staring, even when he was yelling at himself. God! Kurt couldn't move. The blonde boy picked up a towel, and walked across to the showers. Kurt glanced downwards as the boy walked away, and cursed himself for it.

I should stop. Shower later. No! Peter would be back later. And he really needed a shower. He had to… He picked up a towel, and followed Bobby, heart pounding with fear.

He got into the stall next to Bobby's, then questioned why. There were other stalls, and they all only went up the chest height; he could easily look at the boy's body but he WOULDN'T. He looked in the other direction, and turned on the shower. Trying not to think about anything, he grabbed the soap, and began to wash himself. He washed his blue torso without looking in the other stall, but as he moved on to his… stuff he allowed himself a glance.

Bobby's was standing mostly still, his eye's closed, his arm jerking his… oh god he's jacking off. Kurt froze. In front of me.

Kurt moved closer to the small panel seperating them. The blond boy's face was flushed; Kurt let his eyes flow downwards passed the perfect body to his… Yes, definitely jacking off. He was pumping quickly now, his mouth open slightly. His body was tense, his jerking more eratic. He gasped, he arm stopped moving; his blue eyes opened suddenly, and fell on Kurt's.

I AM NOT- "Jesus, Kurt!" Bobby exclaimed quietly. "You know, Pete at least pretends he isn't looking."

Kurt anger suddenly flow through him. "I VASN'T-" he began to yell. "I'm NOT GAY!" I'M NOT GAY I'M NOT GAY I'M NOT GAY

Bobby's face fell. "Dude, no-one minds if you are-"

"I'M NOT!" Kurt shouted angrily. The verdammt bastard thought he was a fucking pervert! Kurt lashed out with anger, shoving his palm into the other boy's face, knocking him to the ground. Bobby looked up, a hurt look in his eyes.

Kurt was shaking. "You vere the one who jacked off in front of ME!" He glared at the blond loathingly, before bamfing into his room.

He started pacing around the room. "I am not-" he told himself, collapsing onto the floor. "I'm not gay." He could feel tears running down his face. "I'm not gay." His searching hand found twin erections that contradicted him. I'm not-

He curled into a fetal position. Fuck.

When Kurt got all homophobic... well, this is what came to mind. They do have group showers at the mansion, and Bobby is really, really hot. Also, when the story was in my head, Bobby came off as much less gay.

The thing about Kurt having two cocks is actually from an interview on the DVD of X-men 2. A guy said that before, he'd been asked what he knew about Nightcrawler that no-one else did, and he'd said something like: "You know how he has two fingers on each hand? Yeah, well he's got two of something else." As far as I'm concerned that is now canon.

Also, I copied the word verdammt from the comic, so if it's wrong, that's Mark Millar's fault. Everything is Mark Millar's fault.