Hello all of you brats. My name is Levi. No, my name isn't Ravioli, Captain Shorty, or Corporal Ballerina. Anyone who tells you otherwise is probably that $!# &% Eren. I am a member of the Survey Corps, and I kill titans for a living. At least that's what I do when I'm filming. Some say my job would actually be called acting for this show called Shingeki no Kyojin, but I like to really get into my role.

Also, I'm not that short. I'm frickin' taller than Connie.

You probably all came here because you wanted to know if my life is as amazing as it sounds. Well, I can tell you, my life is $!# ¡£ fabulous.

I now present you with a typical day in the life of me.

Every morning I wake up to my scheduled alarm (a fifteen second segment of Born This Way by Lady Gaga) at 5:00. I then get dressed in my cleaning clothes and I clean my whole house. Yes, I do this every day. There is nothing more respectable than a spotless house. First, I clean the windows and other hard surfaces. I usually go through three bottles of Windex every day, but that doesn't matter because my job pays a lot. Second, I vacuum the carpets twice, just to be sure. The next step in having a heichou quality house is sweeping outside, cutting the grass, and watering the plants. Cleaning usually takes me two hours. If I get done early, I get started on the laundry.

After cleaning my house, I eat a well balanced breakfast. A piece of toast washed down with vodka. Whenever I want to treat myself to something extra, I grab a banana. And another shot of vodka.

Next in my morning routine, I get dressed in my set costume for Shingeki no Kyojin and I stand in front of the mirror telling myself how fabulous I am. It usually goes something like this: "Look at you Levi, you 5'3" piece of $!# ¡£ awesomeness. No other piece of crap can compare. Today, you will inspire all who look upon your greatness."

Once I've had enough motivation, I go off to shoot an episode of the show I mentioned earlier. I have a pretty important role on that show, and I'm guessing that's why you are reading this right now. I kill a lot of titans in my role, which is easier than you would expect. Or maybe it's just easy for me. I usually have an okay time shooting. That is, unless Eren can't get his scenes right. In that case, I have to stay on set until 5:00 PM. Way past my scheduled nap. That $!# ¡£ piece of %#¡$.

As I said before, after shooting my scenes, I take a nap for at least an hour. After that, I eat dinner. My dinner is always good because I make it myself with all organic ingredients. Once I eat, I then check throughout my house to make sure everything is clean and in order.

Finally, it is time for me to go to bed. I have nothing particularly special to say about getting ready, but I do have something to say about the dreams I have. My dreams are so amazing, they come in the form of dubstep. Ah dubstep... It's like a computer trying to sing while vomiting the entire contents of the internet. You wish you had my dreams.

And that is what it is like to live in my life. It's normal to be jealous.

Until next time. Heichou out.