:GAH! THIS STORY TOOK SO LONG TO COME UP WITH CORRECTLY!:

:Me and Maru-sha are doing another collab here, and this time we directly put ourselves in it so put up and shut up!

One day we were talking about what I would do (since I claime Hakudoushi as "my son") if he was, in general, a "good guy".

I said I would BEAT THAT KID until he DIES!

So, we came up with this!

Now you've heard Hakudoushi bash people, now you will see him SAVE people!:

:PLEASE REVIEW WHEN YOU'RE DONE! TASTEFUL FLAMES ARE WELCOME!:

:Hakudoushi is the business!:

:S. Devilin:

While all the little first graders of his Earth school were playing those ridiculous…games…Hakudoushi sat all alone on a swing far across the playground to get away from his stupid, happy peers. He hates everything animate and inanimate; he feels there's no point to anything. Hakudoushi isn't "Emo", or gothic, or a victim of child abuse…it's just his parents way of "raising" their child.

There's his father, Naraku, who can't do a damn thing for himself but is strangely smart. He thinks death is the solution to all problems. "If you got an F on your report card, kill the teacher. After all, she wrote it." Was one of his many homicidal sayings of advice. Usually, Naraku just let's Hakudoushi do whatever he wants: read dirty magazines, don't do his homework, mediocre stuff. But all that disciplinary stuff is where the mother comes in.

The mother, Shirabe (A/N: Remember folks, me and Maru-sha put ourselves in here…'cuz we're cool like dat!), is where he pretty much receives the bulk of his teachings. After all, mother knows best. She isn't one of those mothers who are bound to keep their child from the outside world by telling him all the horrible things that happen only. Shirabe is just passing down what her parents in Hell taught her. Don't do ANYTHING THAT PERTAINS TO HUMANITARIANISM, LOVE, PEACE, OR HAPPINESS.

"Don't get married, marriage is for pussies…"

"Why buy it yourself when you can kill a person who has what you want, take it, and go?"

"Feed the homeless and die, little boy!"

See, no normal parenting here, just "real" parenting, as Naraku and Shirabe call it.

Anyway, back to Hakudoushi. Hakudoushi became fed up with looking at his pathetic classmates and baking in the stupid sun, he went inside the classroom. Miss Maru was in the room grading papers. She saw Hakudoushi go to his desk at the very, very, VERY far corner of the classroom. She waltzed up to him, bent over to meet his eyes, and gave him a big warm smile.

"Hello there, cute little white-haired freak!" Miss Maru greeted cheerfully to her stoic student.

"…" Responded Hakudoushi

"What's the matter?"

"…"

"Awww, c'mon, Haku-chan, you can tell Miss Maru anything!" she stated.

"…I smell cupcakes…"

"Oh! I baked some for my lunch! You can have one…on one condition,"

"…What?"

"You go back outside and have FUN! Be HAPPY! SMILE! And I'll come with you!"

Hakudoushi went outside with Miss Maru behind him, thinking back to when his parents said that it wasn't dictator-like to play, but being a defiant child anyway he made his way towards a group of normal human kids playing kickball. One of kids, little Kiesha, stopped to see Hakudoushi coming their way.

"Don't look now," Kiesha whispered to a boy. "That little Emo boy is coming…"

"What crappy lesson does he have for us today?" the boy, Tomas, replied. Then all of 'em changed when he got there. "Hey, Hakudoushi! What's up, man?"

"…I wanna play."

They kids were shocked to their bones. "WHAT?!?"

"I…want…to…play."

Kiesha looked at Tomas and Tomas looked at the other five children. They though he might be up to no good but they let him join the game. Tomas rolled the ball to some random school boy. He kicked the ball so hard it went over the fence and into the backyard of…

"The Evil Cat-Lady Widow Cutter!" Everyone shrieked. No one was fool enough to go into ominous backyard of the crazy cat lady who lived directly next door to the American school. Just when they abandoned all hope, here comes little Hakudoushi to the rescue! All he did was hop the fence, fought off the killer cats of Widow Cutter's, fought Widow Cutter herself, grabbed the stupid ball and hopped back onto the playground. They kids were quite impressed.

"Wow Hakudoushi! You saved are ball!" Kiesha exclaimed.

"Yeah, and I thought you were just a freak, but you're a nice guy." Tomas added. The other kids gave them their praises. With this, Hakudoushi cracked a small smile in satisfaction.

(An hour and 30 minutes of naptime later)

It was time to go home, but Hakudoushi's dumbass father Naraku put the portal to hell in the park about a mile away from the school. Without Entei, he walked and was already halfway there. At a stop, he met this old hag—I mean—old LADY at the signal. It said "Walk", but she couldn't move fast enough to make it across the street without getting run over. Without thinking to much about it, Hakudoushi gently took the old lady by the arm and walked her across the street.

"Thank you, my little albino child." Said the old lady, she went into her purse and gave him a five-dollar bill. "God bless, you son. Take care!" And she walked off. Now Hakudoushi was really smiling.

Hakudoushi was now about fifteen steps away from the park, until he started to smell smoke.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Screamed a woman across the street. An apartment building was on fire! His classmates and the old woman just so happened to be there with the screaming woman outside with the fire department. "One of you please, please, save my baby!"

"WAHHHHHHH! WAH! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Cried a five month old infant from the fifth floor.

"I'm not going in there. You go in there, Fred" Said Fireman Ted.

"Nuh-uh! I'm not going in, you go in, Greg!" Replied Fireman Fred.

"Nope. You go in, Ted." Retorted Fireman Greg.

While Firemen Ted, Fred, and Greg were fight each other rather than the fire, Hakudoushi stopped in his tracks and ran across the street into the burning building. For a moment, everyone held their breath as they waited for the outcome. In no time at all, Hakudoushi came back with the woman's baby bundled in a burnt blanket.

"My baby!" Thank you, little boy, you're an angel!" Praised the mother of the child.

"Wow, he saved a baby from a burning building!" Said one spectator.

"That's incredible!" Said another.

"What the hell is he, Superman?" Retorted on other spectator…

Hakudoushi started to feel all tingly inside, and with this feeling, he smiled the biggest smile that you would think of seeing on his face. It's not a creepy Cheshire cat smile, but a happy smile that was free of sadism and evil that he has festering in him for so long. Saving lives…helping people…maybe, THIS was his calling! It made him so happy! And at that moment, the news vans came screeching toward his way…

(Down in Hell)

Meanwhile, down in the fiery depths of Hell, the happy sadist parents of Hakudoushi, Naraku and Shirabe, were watching Earth news on Hell cable (hah!) in their room; They were both laying on top of the bed (not like that) watching who died and who's body parts will be in the fridge today.

"Our top story today is about a little hero who has touched many hearts…"

"Oh, geez…GOOD news…" Naraku grumbled, as he stuck his nose into a porn magazine. Shirabe shushed him and kept watching, although she didn't like it either.

"A little albino boy has assisted the young, the old, and the helpless back-to-back!"

"Albino?" The two said in unison.

"He save our ball form the crazy cat-lady!"

"He helped me across the street, Bless his soul."

"He saved my baby from burning in the fire!"

Shirabe was pissed. "WHO THE HELL IS SAVING THESE PEOPLE, WHEN THEY SHOULD BE DOWN HERE, BURNING AND GETTING WHIPPED BY ME?!?"

"That's right! Here we have our hero, Hakudoushi!"

The couple's jaws dropped in horror. Eyes boggling out of their heads. Their son was on the T.V. screen, looking like a deer in the headlights, being praised as a hero?

"Now son, do you have anything to say?" Says the reporter.

"Uhh…Hi?"

Naraku quickly turned off the T.V. to meet his wife's face; red with fury. Quietly, he snuck out of the room, knowing what would become of him if he stayed. Shirabe got up and roared louder than a lion.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

And in Rome, where Pompeii used to be, Vesuvius erupted all of a sudden. And citizens ran as fast as they could to escape the hotness of the lava pouring out.

Hakudoushi came home with his arms full of awards like pie, scholarships and trophies.

Before he could cross any further trough the foyer, Shirabe was standing in the middle of the room, slapping a whip against her hand in disgust. He knew she was peeved at what she saw on the television today.

"Um…Hello mommy…" Hakudoushi said nervously.

"Mommy?" Shirabe repeated in a pissed off tone. "I saw you on the television, as a hero!" She whipped the ground as she took a step forward. "I never thought YOU would upset me this much! This is worse than the time you dated and brought Rin into our home!"

"But, mother…I just realized something today...going around, helping people. I feel so alive making people smile. It makes me…HAPPY."

That set Shirabe on FIRE! She turned redder than her father. "HAPPY?!?!?!?"

"Wait, mother, I'm sorry! I LOVE YOU!"

"I LOVE YOU?!?!? TAKE THAT, BOY! AND THAT AND THAT!" Shirabe began whipping wildly trying to punish her son. Hakudoushi dropped everything and ran away from the range of the whip.

"Foolish boy! No one can escape the awesome miss-free might of the Mysteltain!" She got her whip to wrap around his waist, jumped him, grabbed his neck, and strangled him. Feeling that wasn't enough, she wrestled him. That didn't satisfy her either, so she went back to the basics. She propped him up on her knee, light the whip on fire, and spanked him with a flaming whip. It went on way past his bedtime. Shirabe whipped him about 587, 453 times.

(The next day)

"Haku-chan are you alright?" Miss Maru inquired after school. Hakudoushi's butt was bandaged up, and he got a black eye and some more stuff strewn throughout his body.

"My ass still hurts like hellfire…" Hakudoushi grumbled. "But I don't get why my mother doesn't accept my happiness."

"Maybe she's not happy herself." Miss Maru concluded.

Hakudoushi shook his head no. "She (BLEEPS) dad every hour at home and tortures and cooks and trades slaves when she's not (BLEEP)-ing him. So she's a pretty 'happy' woman."

Miss Maru looked stunned for a second, and then reverted back.

"I want to help people here. But why stop there? Hell, Miss Maru, I want to help everyone EVERYWHERE! I'm going to be… a SUPERHERO!"

"That's the spirit!" Miss Maru exclaimed.

"But I don't want my mom to know, or else she'll beat me! I need an alias…I know!" Hakudoushi got up on one of the desks and shouted,

"I will be ALBINO LAD! SAVING THE WORLD OR UNTIL MY MOM FINDS OUT AND BEATS ME!"

(A/N: Sorry…no imagination here…)

"Ooo! Ooo! Can I be your sidekick?" Miss Maru pleaded.

"I don't know, aren't sidekicks supposed to be younger, and shorter, and not my teacher?" Hakudoushi asked.

"Well, if you make me your sidekick, I won't give you any homework!" She bribed.

"DEAL!"

"YAYYYYYYYY! No longer am I just a first grade teacher! I am MISS GOLD STAR! GIVING EVIL AN 'F' AND JUSTICE AND 'A+'!"

This is their dream…their curse…their poorly written knockoff of whatever was said in "Spiderman"…this is the beginning for a little Emo albino boy known now as the young superhero…

ALBINO LAD!

:Please excuse any corny-ness of this story!: