And so it is
It's been two years since I last saw him. It's been two long, lonely fucking years. We split. We decided that we weren't going to work. We were too different. I'll tell you, the past two years, I'd have done anything for a taste of his different heart. God I loved him. And God but I still do. I've never been a religious man, I probably never will be. Life went too wrong for me to believe there's someone up there watching me. Sorry, it's just my opinion. I know a lot of people don't share it.
Just like you said it would be
And I have known in my heart since I found about this reunion, that he would never consent to be there. Why would he be? He's dropped off the face of our world, never even keeps in contact with his old friends, and I should know, because way back in the day, when we were the hottest, strongest couple there ever was, they became good friends of mine. And sometimes I still call them at home, because they're married now, and I ask them where the hell he is. They are incredible people to talk to, incredible as shoulders to cry on when I remember he's not here anymore.
Life goes easy on me
Don't get me wrong. I've had lovers since he left. And not only a few. Two years is a long time to share a king sized bed with only your own company. Sometimes having somebody else there is the only was I can sleep. He always used to curl around me, and hug me, like a soft skinned hot water bottle, with platitudes in my ear when I was sad, and filthy words when I wasn't. Christ but I miss that man.
Most of the time
We used to have the most wonderful nights.
And so it is
Just thinking about it makes me want to break into a millions pieces and form a new man who was never touched by him and never loved him and never had to lose him. Oh my god why does it still hurt?
The shorter story
It's got me thinking about the times we spent together.
No love, no glory
There was this one time, it was our first of many times, when we had both sneaked out late at night. We had just got together and we were craving each other.
No hero in her sky
I saw him, circling above the goal posts on that expensive broom of his. And I joined him up there, and when he saw me, he circled me instead. He always did, back then. I was the sun, and he was the Earth, and he circled me with an orbit, precise, and regular. And I loved it.
That night. I stand here shaking my head as I remember back. We could have been so easily caught.
I can't take my eyes off of you
He stands before me. His robe falls from his shoulders. His black hair catches the light. His fingers move to the buttons of his shirt, strong and sure. I watch him, transfixed.
I can't take my eyes off you
He slips the shirt from his shoulders and moves towards me. There is no hesitation in his movements, for he has done all this before in the dreams of a thousand lonely nights. Those capable hands move to my own clothes. I can't move. If I move, this will end.I watch him. I can't not.
I can't take my eyes off of you
His shoulders glisten in the moonlight, and within moments, so do mine. My handmade shirt falls to the floor. His trousers fall the floor, and with two practiced kicks, they are strewn aside. His knees are on the floor with our clothes. His hands touch my waist, and begin their work on my belt, my trousers, and my willing body. I watch as his head follows the path of his hands. His hair falls into concentrating eyes. I watch. It's impossible to ignore a show like this one.
I can't take my eyes off you
Suddenly, he stands. His arms wrap around me, his body wraps around mine, his soul entwines with my own and as I hold him I know I can never let him go. He kisses me, showing the first hesitation. I kiss him back, and all hesitation is gone. Our tongues twine like our bodies, like our souls. A shiver goes down my spine. This is so right. I open my eyes for a moment as we kiss, and I see his face. He is concentrating, he is focussed, and he is immersed in the same passion that has me in its thrall. This is our moment. I shouldn't be watching. I feel like a voyeur. But still I watch. He is too beautiful to ignore.
I can't take my eyes off you
And as he lays me down and begins the process of his infinite, gentle lovemaking, I know he is mine. As he knows that I am his. That I always have been.
I can't take my eyes...
But he wont be there today. It would be too much. For him to face me, for him to face them. It's been too long.
And so it is
So I'm not worried. I walk around, conversing with old friends, with old enemies, for as the adults we are, petty schoolboy arguments need not be an issue anymore.
Just like you said it should be
I wish I could see him.
We'll both forget the breeze
I walk out onto the balcony, near the owlery. This used to be my favourite place, back in school, to run away from everything. I used to run up here when we argued, and he never knew where I'd be. I always told him I needed somewhere where I could run and not be found.
Most of the time
And now I'm doing it again. I don't want to be found. I look down at the pitch and I remember that night.
And so it is
He slides inside me, and we are as one, we are complete. I feel complete. I am complete with him.
The colder water
Staring down at the ground, all I can feel is the dead ache in my stomach with longing for him to come up behind me, and wrap those strong arms around me like he used to.
The blower's daughter
Those arms used to be able to meet around my chest and almost round again. He was so much bigger than me, physically. And I loved it. I loved being with him, and knowing he will protect me. People used to say I was his bitch, and I guess in that way, it was true. But I loved it. I loved it, and I loved him, and I miss him.
The pupil in denial
There is a cough behind me.
I dare not turn.
It cannot be.
No way.
No fucking way.
It's him.
I knew it would be him.
He's still beautiful.
Oh.
He's coming towards me.
He's standing in front of me.
His face says "hello."
His mouth says "I'm sorry."
His eyes say "I love you."
I can't take my eyes off of you
And then those arms are around me. And his mouth is on mine. And I don't need an explanation. He has come back to me.
I can't take my eyes off you
He still tastes the same. He still kisses the same. His arms as just like they used to be. And as he pushes me against the hard stone wall, his body pressed flush against mine, I am home.
I can't take my eyes off of you
I always knew it would be like this if we were ever reunited.
I can't take my eyes off you
Neither of us is different. We are one and the same. Two souls entwined, never split, never parted. And here we are, bodies reunited to match the souls. And I know I have just fallen in love with him all over again.
I can't take my eyes off you
Suddenly he is on his knees again, just like all that time ago.
I can't take my eyes...
And I know this isn't for the same reason.
Did I say that I loathe you?
He asks me if I hate him. I say no. He asks me if I still love him. I say yes.
Did I say that I want to
He asks me if I will marry him.
Leave it all behind?
I say yes again.
I take his hand, and he stands next to me. We're staring up, like I was a few minutes ago, looking at the sky. And he's kissing me again, or maybe I'm kissing him.
I don't know how much time passes whilst we're out there.
But when I turn to him, and tell him we're still at a party, he nods, and smiles. We walk back inside, no regrets, and two years forgotten in the blink of an eye.